u/bmary95

My husband and I have been watching through Ken Burns Civil War (like all cool 31 year old adults) and just finished episode 8. I pitched the discussion to my husband: if the confederacy did still exist and we lived as two separate countries, in a timeline where no war was fought at all, when did he think that the confederacy would have actually abolished slavery?

My answer ultimately came down to

-It being very much how gay marriage was in the United States, where it would be a slow trickle of laws that made incremental changes to the lives of enslaved people, with some more progressive states like Virginia abolishing it outright at least before the 1900s

This weekend, I took my almost 3 year old nephew to Build-A-Bear for the first time! I had a coupon, and I don't get to spend much time with him, so his mom (my sister) and I were really excited.

However, I never considered that this is actually a terrifying place.

First, he points to the stuffy he wanted (a dinosaur) and he hugs the little unstuffed carcass all happy and cute, all seems well. Then comes the step where he needs to approach the massive, loud, churning machine filled with stuffing, hand over his new bestie, and talk to a stranger. He literally covered his ears and ran away, looking despondent that he had to hand over his new favorite limp piece of fabric to the monster.

See, when you're 5'6, the stuffing machine doesn't look that scary. But when it's twice your size, and you're looking up, I see how it looks like any moment now, you're going to be turned into stuffing. Little guy doesn't like loud noises. Or strangers. And his Aunt brought him to an activity where he is expected to stand next to a loud noise and talk to a stranger. Whoops.

He did not want to put his foot on the pedal to work the machine, but, he did put the heart inside the dino. And when he was all stuffed, he was all smiles. Trauma over.

No it wasn't. He was scared of the big bath tub. He also said "I don't like baths" and pulled the Dino away from it. Ok...ya know what...that's very empathetic.

"Do you want to give him some clothes?" "No." Can't complain, he's a cheap date.

He also said "No, we don't have to pay for him" and unfortunately, he did learn a lesson that day about capitalism.

Sis and I had a good laugh, and nephew had fun walking the mall with his new stuffy...however, he got most excited at the Hot Wheels vending machine outside the store. So I think next time I'll spare him the trauma and take him there.

And to give the little guy credit, he didn’t cry!

Hey guys!

With our venue layout; we have the option to have a tight dance floor, or, open up that space by having 2 tables in a side room at the wedding venue.

The side room is nice, kind of a lounge area close to the fireplace, and right next to the bar, and we do have two groups of friends that we think actually wouldn't mind having their own little space for various reasons.

HOWEVER, side room also means they'll have to come in the main room to watch the dances and speeches. And we also worry that even if we think they won't be offended, it still would be disappointing.

Venue is a historic farmhouse, all rooms are connected, but there is a wall between them.

What do we think?

132 guests total

I'm worried tight dance floor could be unpleasant, BUT: we're also at a venue with a bunch of little lounges, a great yard where we'll have games and patio as well, so there a chance people will naturally spread out and not everyone will decide to dance the night away anyway

And you know what I’m doing about it? Nothin.

Let me explain. Me and both my older sisters are in our 30s.

My older sister has always been eccentric. Kindest, warmest person you’ll ever meet in. Always liked to dress in eye catching, sexy outfits with lots of skin in the summer, and bright colors at least in winter. I’ve defended her many, many, many times throughout our teen hood and adulthood. Why would I stop now?

Our oldest sister threw an absolute fit over the dress she picked out for her wedding a few years ago ( I didn’t think it was that bad, but it did have big cutouts and I understood where oldest sister was coming from) and went out and physically bought her a new dress, but not before causing a fight so big it had my mother in tears.

Now it’s my (youngest sister) turn to be married. I tell her she can wear what she wants, but that it’s cocktail attire…well…part of me wishes I gave her a little more guidance. She picked out a dress that she looks FANTASTIC in…but it’s not a cocktail dress. It’s a club dress. It’s got a sheer bodice with exposed boning, is kinda short, and is just not really a wedding guest dress unless this is a particularly sexy wedding. Certainly not a “the bride is my sister and we’re taking family photos” dress.

My mom told me about it and showed me the picture with the vibe of “I just want to give you a heads up” and I kicked around for a while if I should ask her to get something new. My in-laws think I should, my mom thinks she can talk her into a shawl.

I opted not to for the following reasons:

1. ….I DID tell her she could wear what she wanted. And probably shouldn’t have assumed she knew what cocktail attire meant.
2. She’s been shamed for how she likes to dress her entire life
3. Do I think that the sister in question has a strained relationship with “Attention?” Yes. Being the middle child and having a personality disorder will do that to ya. Do I think it’s notable that she’s done this for BOTH of her sister’s weddings? Yeah. Do I think it’s conscious? No.
4. Idk. Society likes to try and dictate how I dress as a curvy woman. Why would I do that to her?

(Me and the sister in question have much different body types. Girl is tall and thin like a model. I’m built like a beautiful Irish peasant who is strong enough to plow the fields and birth the young)

5. At a certain point, as brides, we gotta just control the things that we can control, that actually impact our guests. We can’t get in the weeds about every little thing, and our family members and guests are not our props. We really only have the right to tell bridesmaids how to dress.

She looked happy in the picture of her trying it on, and that’s what matters. We’re gonna boogie on the dance floor. One day I’ll look back at family pictures and go….”Yup. That’s her. She looks like herself 😂”

Now listen; I understand if this is not going to be everyone’s reaction when in a similar situation! Every family has different dynamics, and a different story! But, I just wanted to vent, and share the perspective from a bride who is choosing to protect her peace. I think it’s good to share positive stories on the community as well!

I've seen this term bumping around instagram reels lately. Particularly people saying "Normalize postpartum dog rage", including even a video of a woman (and this was disturbing) jokingly dropping her dog's leash while out on a walk NEXT TO A BUSY ROAD with the caption "The postpartum urge to just...." with the comment "unfortunately he didn't run away." It was beyond upsetting. People talk about screaming at their pets. Neglecting their pets. Pushing them. Not wanting anything to do with them. Being angry at them for shaking their ears.

I think what is freaking me out when I see these videos is that most of the comments are people agreeing, and just saying "you'll understand when you're a mom"

I wish we were instead saying "Let's Talk About..." instead of "Let's Normalize..." because frankly, abusing and neglecting your pets, and especially endangering them, is not something that should be normalized. But I don't want this to turn into a finger pointing judgement fest. I'm also very aware that no one, during their pregnancies, thinks that they are going to be THAT person who abandons or neglects their fur babies! This must be stemming from a lack of support or PPD or intense anxiety, or even just the pets being an easy target.

Friends who have been through it: What strategies did you use to manage a new baby and your fur babies? What were some things that worked for your family?

Sincerely- A STBM who knows that, inevitably, her King Charles Spaniel will get on her nerves.

Well, it depends on your definition. But, I picked and booked the venue, bought the table games and decorations, made and sent the digital invitations, picked the menu, and generally acted as hostess day of. In the words of my mom: "I'm not good at planning parties and hostess stuff. I'll give you the money if you do the rest."

Still, I paid for the alcohol on my own insistence, because I was the one who wanted a specific brewery in my home city. Husband and I are already married, legally, but are having our reception this summer!

I didn't put my bridesmaids to work, other than coming a bit early to help me set up. They had enough to do with my bachelorette!

I also opted out of opening gifts at the shower and instead opened them at home with my husband, but, most people had had them delivered to my house or donated to the honeymoon fun, or brought a card. No big group games. Our local NBA team had a playoff game at the exact time as the shower, so I sent all the ladies a message and told them to wear gear or colors if they wanted to, and that we'd have the game on at the shower (there was a TV in our private room!) I had some gear on because I'm a huge basketball fan!

36/45 invitees came. Everyone sat with their friends or family and ate, had some beer or wine, had fun with crossword puzzles (if they wanted to!) and just hung out. A lot of guests hadn't seen one another in a while, and everyone talked and talked until suddenly 3 hours was over and even then we dilly dallied so much they were practically kicking us out.

It was the same weekend as my mom's birthday, so I surprised her with a cake and everyone sang happy birthday!

Everyone told me what a nice time they had, a couple even saying it was the most they'd enjoyed a bridal shower! The vibe was great all afternoon.

For my fellow untraditional girlies, I promise, no one clutches their pearls as much as people on wedding planning forums do. No one cared that I threw it, no one cared that I'm legally married. But, it's also a case of "know your village" though I do hope that none of you are out here dealing with an uptight village!