u/bunisasleep

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is it less strong? or is there like a certain mark where it ACTUALLY stops working (example: its ok up to one year but after one year of expiration it has nearly no effect)

thank you

so, my current phone isnt very old, its a s22 galaxy ultra, however the battery is very aged and it drains quickly. im thinking of buying a new phone instead of just changing the battery. and honestly, i have been wondering if i should get an iphone or stick with my android.

thing is, iphone has quite a few features i am interested in, BUT.. i would 100% not commit to the "ecosystem". its what everybody talks about with apple, the apple ecosystem. currently with my samsung phone, i use a garmin watch, lenovo laptop, and wired samsung/AKG earphones. while id be okay with buying a pair of apple earphones, i have absolutely zero interest in apple watches, macbooks, and to go even further than that also no interest in apple TVs, home pods, ipads, etc. basically, i would probably just have an apple phone, apple earphones and the rest of my things would be different brands. so my question is, at that point, is it really worth buying an iphone at all?

i guess i want someone to vent to and hopefully also gst some advice. i want to know how to cope with it, and wether it even is possible to change their minds.

i dont know what to do. i feel completely mentally and emotionally unable. just unable.

every single day, i spend most of the day completely out of my body. fully dissasociated. i cant cry or have flashbacks or anything similar, so must be good enough, right? well, not really. i can barely even form sentences. i dont talk at all, and when i do talk, its like im having a fucking aneurysm. ive literally had people send me to the hospital because the way i talked made them think i was having a stroke. its like i become a robot. and once i come to myself, i barely remember it. barely remember anything that happened throughout the day. once im finally out of whatever place i needed to be "normal" for, everything breaks. every single day, i sob and cry on the tram on the way to my home. i feel so broken, useless, helpless, and hopeless. its one of the only breaks i get, as i still live with family. then, about 10 minutes before i get home, i have to make sure i stop crying. if i cant, and i only stop crying a couple minutes before i get home, my face is all red and my family criticises and scolds me for being such a crybaby and weak. they think i cry all the time and too easily, which is funny, because they only see my cries maybe once out of twenty times. i take very long showers and stay in the bathroom for long times every single day. the shortest of my showers is 30 minutes and thats at the absolute quickest. they usually take anywhere from 1.5 to 3 hours. they think i have a meticulous beauty routine, or i just use my phone in the bathroom, but its because its another place where i can just take a break. most of the time i just sit and i either cry, or very commonly in the shower, im having flashbacks, or outright hallucinating. im not sure if hallucinating is the right word for it in english, im basically seeing things i know arent there but its caused by PTSD. not exactly flashbacks either. either way, its horrifying. another time where these things creep up on me is before going to sleep. i go to bed at around 20:00/8pm, yet i usually only sleep at around 01:00/1am. i stay in my bed and cry and wonder what the fuck im doing with my life and how im supposed to have any meaningful future.

its so horrible, but i cant stay dissasociated the whole day. i feel hopeless, because it feels like im either completely out of it like some zombie or drug addict, and when im not, im going through horrible flashbacks or crying about life and my past.

the rest of my time, when i dont have work or class, i try to fill up my time as much as i can. i wash clothes as quickly as they have even the slightest sign of maybe needing to be washed, i purposefully dirty extra dishes so i can spend more time washing them, i cook new food every day for every meal and our fridge is always overflowing with so much food we can barely eat in time, i try to go shopping when i know we dont even need anything. many times i buy something small that i know will get used up anyway, but i spend hours in the store anyway just so i dont give a chance to my brain to calm down.

and through all of this, the most horrible part is that everybody in my life expects me to just get over it. and i mean everybody who knows the full intensity of what ive gone through. everybody thinks i need to grow up, forget, just be normal. the first time i started going to therapy was when i was 11 years old. the last major traumatic thing i had went through had already happened by then, only a couple months prior. and im very lucky i was able to go to therapy so early, but i was only placed there because after the last thing that happened, i was ruined. i couldnt speak to anyone. i didnt shower. i didnt eat. i didnt get out of bed. i didnt let anybody touch me. i cried all day, everyday. i rarely even drank water. and i remember my family members crying and screaming and saying they wished they just had a normal child. when i was placed in therapy, i knew it was only because they wanted me to be "normal again". truth is, i had been going through abuse nearly all my life. the same family didnt believe me and shut me up. i never was "normal". i just hid it, just like i do now. but after witnessing two extremely traumatic events in the span of less than a month, i was in complete mental ruin. i couldnt hide it. and i was placed in therapy for it.. but it wasnt therapy so i could heal. it was therapy so i could "function" again. so i could go back to hiding everything. so i did. after a couple years, i realised the only way people around me would be happy would be if i hid everything, and i became good enough at it to do it daily. i have been this way since i was 13 years old.

i switched therapists. i opened up to therapists. didnt go into too much detail about trauma, or explained every last little detail. it became appearant to me that no psychotherapist was trying to get me to heal. they only wanted me to learn how to hide everything everyday, and the wanted me to have my "breaks" in the therapy office. even ones that were "trauma trained", or supposedly had experience treating patients with PTSD. i should mention every one of them were actual trained psychologist.

hell, i even tried speaking to my family. i tried to tell them that i would probably never be normal in the way they wanted. that i was too broken to just be like everyone else. but when i tried this, they would be the ones crying. they would cry, scream, tell me im ruining their life and ruining their honor. that by having a broken child, they had failed at life. of course, i dont want my family to think their life is ruined, so after a couple tried of communicating, i shut up.

and i feel like it makes it impossible for me to have friends as well. most people avoid me in life. majority of people assume i have some kind of mental disablity because i am practically nonverbal or at a point of breaking. i only have acquintances, and those are only people who saw me crying when i thought noone was looking, and felt bad so tried to be by my side to show me im not alone. which honestly, i really appriciate, as in the past i havent even had these people, and i still try my best to show these people i appriciate them.

i do have someone in my life where i am truely happy when we are together and talking to eachother. i know they are too. they are honestly the only thing i have. theyre the only thing that truely makes me happy. but of course, i still cry all the time. im still really sensitive. i still am "different". and it makes our relationship very difficult. i also feel like i cant truely open up to them about how sad and broken i truely feel everyday, because then they think they can try to fix me (which ive found is impossible) or that i will function better and better as time passes (possibly, but i doubt i will ever be functioning in the way theyre thinking). when i say these things, they assume i mean happiness is impossible for me or that i only pretend to not be sad, including when i am with them. even if they dont say any of these things, its clear it ruins their mood for a couple days.

i dont know why im even saying all of this here. i just need to vent somewhere. i dont really feel like anyone i actually know can take it when i vent to them. so i end up bottling everything up. but i need to let everything out.

please dont judge lmao, im really really broke

i see most places and people saying its way too harsh, specially if youre just starting out using the ingredient, but for some reason its the cheapest option where i live and both 5% and 3% are MUCH more expensive.

i should say while i have no experience using benzoyl peroxide, ive been using a quite strong salicylic acid wash on my body for over a month now with minimal result, hence why i wanna try out benzoyl peroxide. i also dont wanna use a leave on product, but rather wash it off, which makes me hopeful that maybe it will be okay still?

so, is it okay? or should i just pay a few euros more for a lower concentration? feels so wrong to pay noticeably more for a lower concentration, specially when the ingredient is hard to find where i live and overpriced in general! 🥹

so, recently found the song "think..." by kumicho, and i swear, the beat reminds me so so much of a song that sounds almost identical in my head, but im sure the lyrics/vocals were different. its appearantly not a cover/translated version which is what i assumed at first, thats how similar this song im thinking of is to it (at least in my head). i cant remember the lyrics at all but im sure it was different. anybody know what this song is?