i kinda don’t have a lot of hope na :((( maybe in years later later pa :(((
lately nagshare ako about sa recovery journey ko regarding mental health because i’m so happy and feeling ko di gaano okay mga tao lately so wala lang just to share or give hope or smtn. aba nagparinig ba naman na ayaw daw maging ako dahil bobo at walang self awareness at piece of shit daw ako for treating them the way i do ehh ikaw ba naman inabuso at minaltrato ng jowa nya hay nako. ayun i exposed them again for everything they did to me and to other ppl lalo mga girls na nabiktima nila, mga inagawan nya ng jowa at ginaslight nya at jinajudge at dinadown tapos pinagbloblock ko sila ng mga alipores nya. walang mangaaway sakin sa socmed ko, walang makakasira ng happiness ko. kung ayaw nilang maexpose edi sana naging mabuting tao sila.
i feel uneasy lately. they’re all blocked now so idk what they’re doing but they’re probably attacking my character constantly
sobrang gagaling nila magcompare, makipagkumpetensya, manjudge at magmaliit ng kapwa para lang itaas ang sarili nila tapos unbothered at so much better daw sila hays
i feel so lighthearted today. nagkwentuhan kami kanina ng friend ko na struggling mentally about how bad it was before tapos how it is na ngayon and i feel so good kasi nakalayo layo na rin kami 🥹☺️ it feels so good to finally have more good days than bad days, na noticeable na and anlaki na ng progress albeit hindi pa completely magaling.
i also exposed my abuser. i revisited that part of my life lately where i had to remember some of the details and reached a painful conclusion about a lot of things pero i finally feel free and good about speaking about it. i finally have enough conviction and clarity to stand up and be firm for myself and for what i believe in. hindi talaga ako nagpaapi mga te kahit ginagaslight na naman ako jusko and i recall every bad thing they did so i threw it back straight to their faces like a champ 😎 i think ppl are coming around and realizing that i’m not lying and my actions are very much justified. i also did smtn brave lately lol and i have enough self love, confidence, and worth to handle it well. i blocked a snitch and declined their flying monkey when she tried to add me on ig 😂😂😂 nope, no more access for you ppl. whether i’m happy or sad, they don’t deserve to know na. manigas sila hahahahahahha damn i feel so good ☺️❤️🩹 nawa’y gumaling lahat ng mga may pinagdadaanan lalo na mga narcissistic abuse victims. kaya na’tin ‘to. makakaraos din tayo balang araw. kapit lang ng mahigpit at focus sa pagpapagaling ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
i recently dyed my hair and now i’m lowkey doing just whatever looks fine. i love natural and soft glam. i don’t think heavy makeup suits me. i can’t even do dark femme makeups anymore. what can i change to improve it?
do you have any stories kung saan kinarma mga narcissistic at abusive nyong ex?
parant lang ako onti mga tehhh!!! grabe naloloka ako sa narcissist na jowa ng ex kong abuser sobrang boba. di niya magets na kaya siya inaaway at ayaw ng mga tao kasi masama naman talaga silang tao. inagaw niya yung jowa niya from a minor kasi pedophile yung jowa niya tapos noong jinowa siya may isa pang babae yung jowa na niya ngayon so bale tatlo silang sabay sabay na babae ni guy tapos noong nagcome out ako as inabuse ni guy aba sinisiraan ko lang daw si guy kasi sinisiraan ko raw mga ex ko ehh isa lang naman ex ko, si guy lang nakakalokaaa. anlakas pa ng loob nila manlait ng pamilya ko kasi matapobre raw kaya ayaw kay guy at kaya lang daw kami nagbreak kasi ayaw daw sakanya ng pamilya ko kasi nga matapobre sila pero ang totoo ayaw nila sakanya kasi gago siya. nakikipagdate sya sa friends ko at sa ibang tao habang kami, tapos kung sino sino minemessage nyang babae, nalaman ko lang lahat noong break na kami. sabi rin ng dalawa pa nyang ex nagcheat din daw sakanila tapos sya yung laging nangiiwan. proud na proud pa yung current jowa nya ngayon kasi nagbago raw para sakanya at hindi daw tira tira si guy kasi si guy ang nangiiwan putangina sa ganyan ka kumukuha ng worth mo sis??? tapos ayun na nga nilalait nya pamilya ko ehh samantalang may utang syang 6 digits sa kamaganak ko sobrang kapal ng pagmumukha walang hiya.
siya yung tipo ng tao na maraming may gusto kasi mabait, respectful, charming, friendly daw, etc etc lalo na among older ppl, colleagues, classmates pero napakaemotionally, mentally, and sexually abusive niya and manipulative omg suicidal ako since 15 years old dahil sakanya at kaya ako kay severe depression at ptsd at suicidal ideation omg until now. kelan lang ako sobrang naginhawaan kasi ilang taon na rin ako diagnosed and medicated tapos 2024 nagstart ako ng therapy specifically for trauma dahil sa putanginang yan tsaka sa jowa nyang kasing narcissist nya. sobrang tanga kasi omg alam na nga nyang may jowa at pedophile, jinowa pa rin nya. sabi nya tinaboy nya daw yung guy, yung guy lang ang ayaw sya tantanan. ano yun wala kang free will te??? hindi ka marunong huminde??? tapos noong lumabas na abusive si guy etc etc iiyak iyak sya na too late na raw kasi buntis na sya at 20 yrs old around 2 yrs palang ata sila ni guy that time kasi pedo nga so jinowa nya at 18/19 si ate girl tapos 5 yrs older si guy grrr sobrang predator omg. like i get it power imbalance, manipulative si guy, predatory, etc etc pero sa start palang alam mo nang cheater at pedophile like kaya nya magtake advantage ng minor tapos maraming nagsasabi na cheater sya at kung ano ano pa, ilang ex na pero kami pa rin ang sinungaling omg. kausapin niyo ako pls gusto ko magkwento. hahahahhahaha magtanong kayo, sobrang nafrufrustrate ako sa kabobohan nya.
parant lang ako onti mga tehhh!!! grabe naloloka ako sa narcissist na jowa ng ex kong abuser sobrang boba. di niya magets na kaya siya inaaway at ayaw ng mga tao kasi masama naman talaga silang tao. inagaw niya yung jowa niya from a minor kasi pedophile yung jowa niya tapos noong jinowa siya may isa pang babae yung jowa na niya ngayon so bale tatlo silang sabay sabay na babae ni guy tapos noong nagcome out ako as inabuse ni guy aba sinisiraan ko lang daw si guy kasi sinisiraan ko raw mga ex ko ehh isa lang naman ex ko, si guy lang nakakalokaaa. anlakas pa ng loob nila manlait ng pamilya ko kasi matapobre raw kaya ayaw kay guy at kaya lang daw kami nagbreak kasi ayaw daw sakanya ng pamilya ko kasi nga matapobre sila pero ang totoo ayaw nila sakanya kasi gago siya. nakikipagdate sya sa friends ko at sa ibang tao habang kami, tapos kung sino sino minemessage nyang babae, nalaman ko lang lahat noong break na kami. sabi rin ng dalawa pa nyang ex nagcheat din daw sakanila tapos sya yung laging nangiiwan. proud na proud pa yung current jowa nya ngayon kasi nagbago raw para sakanya at hindi daw tira tira si guy kasi si guy ang nangiiwan putangina sa ganyan ka kumukuha ng worth mo sis??? tapos ayun na nga nilalait nya pamilya ko ehh samantalang may utang syang 6 digits sa kamaganak ko sobrang kapal ng pagmumukha walang hiya.
siya yung tipo ng tao na maraming may gusto kasi mabait, respectful, charming, friendly daw, etc etc lalo na among older ppl, colleagues, classmates pero napakaemotionally, mentally, and sexually abusive niya and manipulative omg suicidal ako since 15 years old dahil sakanya at kaya ako kay severe depression at ptsd at suicidal ideation omg until now. kelan lang ako sobrang naginhawaan kasi ilang taon na rin ako diagnosed and medicated tapos 2024 nagstart ako ng therapy specifically for trauma dahil sa putanginang yan tsaka sa jowa nyang kasing narcissist nya. sobrang tanga kasi omg alam na nga nyang may jowa at pedophile, jinowa pa rin nya. sabi nya tinaboy nya daw yung guy, yung guy lang ang ayaw sya tantanan. ano yun wala kang free will te??? hindi ka marunong huminde??? tapos noong lumabas na abusive si guy etc etc iiyak iyak sya na too late na raw kasi buntis na sya at 20 yrs old around 2 yrs palang ata sila ni guy that time kasi pedo nga so jinowa nya at 18/19 si ate girl tapos 5 yrs older si guy grrr sobrang predator omg. like i get it power imbalance, manipulative si guy, predatory, etc etc pero sa start palang alam mo nang cheater at pedophile like kaya nya magtake advantage ng minor tapos maraming nagsasabi na cheater sya at kung ano ano pa, ilang ex na pero kami pa rin ang sinungaling omg. kausapin niyo ako pls gusto ko magkwento. hahahahhahaha magtanong kayo, sobrang nafrufrustrate ako sa kabobohan nya.
guys penge nga ng business ideas pls pls pls pls pls. mga around 100k-1M yung possible capital. nasa area ako kung saan may malapit na state university, public hospital, tsaka maraming gov’t offices pero wala kaming lupa and bldg sa may highway. ano kaya ang feasible w/ that capital huhuhu gusto ko sana magfranchise ng 24chicken kaya lang around 3M-7M ata ang kakailanganin. alanganin pa ang budget.
guys penge nga ng business ideas pls pls pls pls pls. mga around 100k-1M yung possible capital. nasa area ako kung saan may malapit na state university, public hospital, tsaka maraming gov’t offices pero wala kaming lupa and bldg sa may highway. ano kaya ang feasible w/ that capital huhuhu gusto ko sana magfranchise ng 24chicken kaya lang around 3M-7M ata ang kakailanganin. alanganin pa ang budget.
last last month, i did smtn big that shifted my brain a hundred and eighty degrees. no, it’s not a catastrophic life event like what everyone else is doing. to me, it’s still big tho, big enough to reduce my panic attacks to 1-3 times in the last 2 months. that was because i believed a friend who advised me to do something i’m incredibly terrified to do and it worked.
few days later, i dyed my hair blonde. since then, i also only had like 1 insecure day but that was because of my weight. before that, i never rly monitored my insecure days bc i was too busy w my higher priorities and if you’re that busy or depressed, how you look would be the least of your problems. since then tho, my confidence and ego got booster rly high up lol bc i believed that if u can pull of a lighter hair, u can do anything else. nvm the fact that i get a lot of compliments for my hair, the amount of stares i get from strangers when i’m passing by got tripled (no joke, wala pa akong ligo, hilamos, bihis, at suklay minsan kasi kukuha lang naman ako ng food delivery or lalabas ng nakabun at walang makeup), and pwera pagmamayabang, i can pull of dark hair but i objectively look better in a lighter hair color bc of my skin tone and features. at the end of the day tho, i did this for myself for wtvr reason and i’m enjoying every bit of it.
few days later, smtn happened again, smtn so unexpected and idk if it’s undeserved but it was such a huge thing for me (i tear up whenever i remember it even now), that it healed a rly rly big wound in my heart. it feels almost as if it stitched the very reason for my anxiety. it was like the biggest confirmation and assurance for my biggest insecurity ever. since then i also only had 2 depressed days in like 2 mos. imagine the very thing that u wanted the most in the past but u couldn’t get bc of things that isn’t your fault like you’re sick? like if only you don’t have severe depression and anxiety and ptsd, you could’ve at least had the chance to do your best and go for it. that day, it felt like the universe told me that should i still want the things that i wanted then, i could still have it, that i still have other chances in this lifetime, like it’s never too late even for someone like me.
for a decade, i suffered from a severe depression. many times it got so bad to the point where i couldn’t get up for half a day to half a year. i would drown myself in darkness and sleep for days a lot of the times just to tune out the pain and the sorrow that’s enveloping my whole being. i wish i’m exaggerating or i’m just being poetic because that’s how i sometimes write when i was younger but no. i’m as serious as i can get. a decade year long of that… not to mention the physical chest pains, the fatigue, the panic attacks, the indigestion, the headaches, etc etc… all the physical symptoms that manifest when u have my condition and a recurring want for the pain and your life to be taken away forever. anw, 10 yrs of that, and it’s almost as if it is gone in one night. it sounds impossible, i know. i mean i still have almost all the physical symptoms of severe depression bc let’s face it, it’s not just gonna go away, but to only have two depressed days bc u feel drained from socializing and bc of a very normal mid to late 20’s grievance within a span of 2 mos… maybe the universe look at my decade long suffering and said that’s enough, it’s time lol.
a week later, i went on a staycation for more than a week and went to see my friends. i cannot tell u exactly what unfolded in my brain but i’ll tell u that while talking to my friends, the screws in my brain started turning and i began to plan again, i began to dream once more. several times over the years i cried a lot whenever i remember na i don’t have any specific dreams na, i don’t have any laid out plans. i have some abstract idea of what i want and how to get there but idk everything just felt so disorganized and impossible. dati nga inggit na inggit ako doon sa isang kaklase ko kasi caption nya, ‘dreams do come true’ and she’s honestly living most of my dreams lmao (accountant sya na di kilala ng karamihan sa inyo for more info) pero more importantly, i felt like i don’t have a dream na na i was so passionate about unlike most of my peers. i was too busy struggling to survive that i barely even know myself, much less what i want in life. for years, i didn’t have the luxury to dream. all those years all i was consumed by was a mixture of many negative sensations in my mind and my body.
so anw, imagine my surprise when my brain started to want smtn and i was rly willing to make it happen, to make it work that i started to mentally listen all my opportunities, my options, and when i got home i immediately started to work on it. long story short, i found someone who promised to help me big time on one condition amongst other blessings that i was promised alongside it. another dream of mine was also dug up from the grave and suddenly, everything feels possible again.
since april, i had 2 therapy sessions. once in june to tell my therapist everything and every good thing that happened to me. i didn’t book an appointment bc i was having a bad time. i only went to therapy to give her all my good news, to ask if i’m rly doing okay or am i just having a manic phase bc to tell u the truth, it seemed like i was manic for a month, and to ask for tips on how could i prepare myself for my next plans. the next one was in june when i was having one of my 2 depressed days where i was having a very normal quarterlife crisis lol. that’s when she told me that i basically don’t even need therapy anymore. i’m already doing well with how i cope and i just felt like i needed her validation on how i cope.
2 yrs ago, i started therapy to function better alongside my psychiatric check ups and meditations bc it still felt like it wasn’t enough and lo and behold it wasn’t. last year i switched to trauma therapy specifically for my ptsd bc apparently it’s still not resolved and i would give anything just to get rid of that decade long trauma at this point. that was 1-2 yrs ago. if u have told me then that i would reach the point where i barely even need therapy after 1-2 years, i would’ve laughed at you. but then again, here i am typing, still in disbelief that i can finally and healthily cope on my own… my triggers are no longer triggering, my ptsd is no longer ptsd-ing a lot, the flashbacks aren’t frequent anymore, there are no more chest pains, etc etc…
since 2018 i have fought so hard to be where i am now. the amount of work and money and tears i put in and still, it didn’t feel like i could be completely healthy and happy again. it didn’t feel possible. i’ve had glimpses of happiness and glimmers of hope here and there but at the end of the day, living with this condition just isn’t worth enduring for the windows of peace and happiness that i get from time to time… until i did reach a very far point in my mental health journey where i’m already somewhat healthy. i still couldn’t wrap my head around it ngl… amongst the many things that i have fixed in my life, my relationship w my family, my friends, my love life, myself, that one i didn’t had hope to ‘fix’ in the nearer future. it just felt like a very very distant dream that i was, and still am lifelessly working towards and suddenly i’m at like 75% or smtn (idk how long i need to work on it still lol. i still have physical symptoms of severe depression and anxiety ofc but my mind, my heart, and my body already feels at peace and happy.) no, i’m not there yet. yes, a few other aspects of my life still needs tons and tons of work like i’m still essentially building from scratch regarding other important facets of my life… but in this one. idk it doesn’t seem so far along. it suddenly doesn’t seem so hard to work towards. it suddenly doesn’t seem like it’s all for nothing.
all of that to say… from a very very pessimistic person, that everything can get better if u just hold on a little longer. wdk how long, how hard, or if it will rly get better. i sometimes talk to strangers or ppl i know that i’m not close to, who self harm, or who seem hopeless, or who seem in need of anyone to hear them out, and tbh, syempre idk most of their lives, but i do tell them that it might rly get better someday and i believe in it. like if it’s possible na lalala pa ang sitwasyon, sobrang posible rin na ookay din balang araw and for the ppl that i’ve talked to… obv idk how each of them are doing na rn but they did stay just like me, they are still living until now, hopefully they are also in a better state than when we talked. it does get better. the work does lead to smtn. holding on is rly worth it. ppl do love u. someone is always willing to help if ever youre in need and if ever u think na u have no one, u have urself. u r much stronger than u think and anything can be possible if u r willing to try.
no, i wouldn’t have done it w/o my very supportive family na kaaway ko rin several times in the last decade like malala lol like source din sila ng napakalalang trauma na kinailangan ko rin ipatherapy hahahhahhaahhahhaha. i wouldn’t have done it w/o my current bf whom i only met in 2023 and made me push myself so i don’t fck up a then potential healthy relationship w a wonderful guy. i wouldn’t have done it w/o my friends. i love them so much. they know all of my struggles omg sspoil ko talaga mga to kapag nakaluwag luwag ako hahahahhaha. they made my life so much more bearable and for everything they did, i can never repay them. but most of all, i wouldn’t have gotten this far if i gave up, if i didn’t hold on just for another day, if i didnt desperately want to change, if i didn’t ask and accepted help, if i didnt took the initiative myself and took all the necessary steps, no matter how painstaking and hopeless it felt. nope, the only way u can pass through survival and start living is if u become intentional w/ ur decisions and actions and u never give up on yourself.