u/cozycapybara2

he never has accidents at daycare, only at home or on the go. but at home and on the go it’s like 4-6 times per week!!

it has been literally TWO YEARS of this. tonight we were at a brewery and I took him to the potty two times(at his request) to pee! then he pooped his pants 10 min later. this often turns into a battle with whichever parent has to clean him… he ran away and struggled to avoid being wiped, then melted down.

we have tried everything: bribes, charts, timed sits, a fiber supplement, staying zen, letting him see us get frustrated, making him clean himself, a potty watch and NOTHING WORKS. he says “I didn’t want to stop playing.”

pediatrician said it’s normal and just ignore it/wait it out. He has no signs of neurodiversity, just wild and stubborn boy

we have not tried negative reinforcement, I guess that’s the only thing left to try… maybe no chocolate chips (his favorite treat) until he is reliable.

i don’t think it’s encopresis or constipation or withholding. because he is 100% potty trained at daycare! And has no problem pooping there.

has anyone been here? Please send hope lol.

Someone should open one. Lots of tourists + bustling downtown = prime indie bookstore territory.

Last time I had dental work done, I took Valium and it helped. Now I'm at a different dentist and he says he prefers Halcion, so I agreed to that. But it sounds like it's more intense and will cause me to forget the procedure? I realize it is silly to be anxious about taking an anti-anxiety med (lol) but I had a bad reaction to Nitrous Oxide once and that was supposed to be relaxing too.

Also, I take 25mg of sertraline, does that interfere with Halcion at all?

I'm hoping it'll be somewhat similar to Valium since they're the same class of drug? Thanks for reassuring me!

A few months ago, I posted here about how my in-laws were soon to move in indefinitely, and the general consensus—especially after I noted some of their annoying behaviors, like MIL's constant chatter—was "Good luck, I could never do that."

I'm pleased to report back after 3 months that to my surprise, it's been the best thing we ever did! True, the first few weeks were a challenging adjustment period. It's just hard to get used to sharing your space, and yeah, my MIL never stops talking, but I learned to tune it out and/or simply walk away. They help with childcare, but the really life-changing thing is they cook most dinners, then do the dishes and clean up while we are putting the kids to bed. It is SO wonderful to not have to do that final shift after the kids are asleep, and that one thing has made an enormous difference in my mood. There are also many sweet little moments. Like walking into the room and finding my son and his grandpa watching the World Cup together :)

There are definitely minor housemate annoyances (their commitment to freezing every morsel of leftover food pushes the boundaries of sanity). It's not perfect. But I honestly would be fine with them staying forever as long as they keep cooking and cleaning this much! I finally have time and energy to focus on the kids and enjoy my hobbies bc I'm not exhausted from domestic drudgery. Husband and I are also bickering less because we have a common enemy lol.

So you never know how things will go. I was really dreading their moving in, but I was 100% wrong.

She was my husband’s high school friend and then when I got together with him (16 years ago) my close friend as well. We were in each other’s weddings, traveled together, hung out weekly, etc.

I am fairly sure the reason she ghosted was our cross-country move. We’d been talking about a possible move for years, but when we told her it was happening, her demeanor changed suddenly and that was 1.5 years ago. it’s like maybe she saw it as a betrayal or something? very strange. we have tried to stay friends with her husband, but it’s painful. also we have mutual friends who are staying out of it / hoping she comes around in time. she has at least one other long distance friend , so it’s not like she isn’t capable of maintaining any friendships across distance.

i have made new friends in my new city and am busy and happy overall. But damn it hurts when I think of her, which is often.

i wrote her two heartfelt emails, a year apart, and got no reply. also no reply when congratulating her on the birth of her child. That one really hurt because my kid is around the same age and I had hoped to share parenthood with her.

she never talked about it, but I suspect she may have attachment issues because her parents died suddenly when she was a child, and she was adopted. I just find myself wanting so badly to know what caused this inexplicable behavior. we were so close for so long…and all I did was move!

I wish I could feel angry at her, but it’s more just this yearning to understand why.

That is all. Some of the other frozen entrees haven't done it for me (I'm looking at you, pad thai) but damn it's good. Great flavor.

This isn't really working-mom related, but I really like this sub so I hope it's OK to share here.

Everyone in this story is in their late 30s.

For about 15 years, my husband and I were in a closeknit friend group with 2 other couples. We traveled together, were in each other's weddings, and were in touch almost weekly. One of the couples always struggled a bit more (not as successful in their careers, shy and didn't have many other friends) but we were still so close.

2 years ago, my husband and I told them we were moving cross-country. The woman in the lower-social-skills couple immediately became cold and distant. Other friends at least pretended to be happy for us, but she did not say any of the things you're supposed to say, and was clearly not receiving the news well. She then ghosted us completely after the move, ignoring texts and emails. I wondered if she was depressed or struggling for other reasons, and the mutual friends tell me that doesn't seem to be the case. She just very clearly doesn't want to be our friend anymore. I sent two heartfelt emails, one per year, expressing my hurt over this / trying to reconnect and she (and her husband) ignored them both. No reply at all.

The husband has been in touch a little, and when we tried to ask him about her feelings, he just said "yeah, she's pretty upset that you moved."

Last year, we went back to visit and had a party to introduce everyone to our new baby. Maybe this would clear the air with her, I hoped. She was there, but was very cold and gruff, could barely make eye contact, let alone show any interest in my new baby or ask how I've been. It was so painful and confusing. How could someone act this way?

3 months ago, she had her first baby and did not reply to our brief "Congrats!" text. I've done my best to move on, but I guess her becoming a parent brought up all my feelings again and made the ghosting more painful. I wish I could text with her about motherhood, or at least exchange pictures, even if it's just a distant friendship. I know I did nothing wrong and that her actions were extremely immature, maybe even meant to inflict pain, but I still find myself wishing she could at least explain why she feels this way.

I've done my best to move on. Made wonderful new friends here and have a rich, happy social life in my new city. But damn, it still hurts SO much when I think of her or hear about her from the mutual friends. (Who I don't think have ever attempted to talk to her about it. I know they're stuck in the middle, but it still seems shitty of them to just pretend she didn't ghost us. One of our mutual friends, by the way, moved away long before we did and she still stays in touch with him / travels together.)

I also wonder, perhaps grasping at straws, if this could be a cultural difference. Everyone else is white and she's Mexican American, with all her family nearby. I remember once her husband had a job offer in another state and she said they couldn't consider it, because she could never move away from her family—almost like moving would be a betrayal. I think maybe she thinks I betrayed her, whereas to me moving cross-country is a very normal life event.

UGH I just wish I could understand this behavior. I've talked about it with my therapist and she was just as puzzled as me.

Really struggling with this decision. Thought I'd be done with two, but am surprised to feel a deep longing for one more. Would like to hear from others who were in a similar spot, how you decided, and what life is like on the other side. Our sons are 4yo and 9mo.

Reasons yes

• All 4 grandparents live within a 10 min drive and are hands-on/supportive
• We both have fairly low-to-medium stress, mostly WFH jobs
• Husband is an amazing hands-on partner and equal coparent
• We could afford it (on track to retire in 10 yrs, maybe a little more if I took time off)
• Had easy pregnancies, though it took a lot of IVF to get there, and parenting has been my greatest joy (and greatest exhaustion lol)
• Chance to experience having a daughter (our sons are amazing, *and* we both feel some grief about not having a girl - I'll probably be downvoted for admitting this, but it's just how I feel, in part because I lost a sister). Because IVF is our only route to pregnancy, we could choose a female embryo (planning to use a donated embryo)
• Just feel strongly in my heart it's what I want, especially when thinking long term (yes, life would be harder short term, but when I picture myself as a retiree, 3 adult kid relationships sounds great). 
• I read this psychology book "Regret" and the takeaway from the research was that at life's end, people more often regret not taking a scary risk than going for it

Reasons no

• Our age (I'm 37 and he's 39) and grandparents' ages (mid 70s)
• Existential anxiety (trifecta of climate change, Trump, AI feels so heavy). I also struggled w/ PPA after both kids, but managed it well. My therapist says I shouldn't let my fear hold me back lol.
• All the obvious, rational reasons, like lack of sleep, less time for ourselves, harder to travel, etc
• Cost (IVF and childcare are $$$, but again, we can afford it)
• I enjoy my work, and the idea of being a FT working mom with 3 seems so daunting
• It just feels crazy. All our friends and neighbors have stopped at 2. So 3 is extreme in our particular bubble

He hardly ever has accidents at daycare (not anymore—he certainly did for months), so I know he is capable. but at home or with us on the go, unless he is already naked on the bottom, he will just go in his pants every day. he turns 4 next month.

the fun always stops when he has an accident—yesterday we were at the bookstore and had to carry him out as he had a meltdown after it happened. we don’t shame him or lecture him because he clearly already feels bad. he doesn’t tell us when it happens, instead he either says nothing or lies: “did you poop?” ”no, I didn’t” (runs away smelling of poop)

we’ve tried sticker charts, rewards, a potty watch/timer, praise, no praise, all the things except hiring a potty consultant (but I considered it lol)… it’s so exhausting. my theory is just that in the moment, he doesn’t care—he’d rather keep playing—but then he feels bad after. But then why does being naked work? like he doesn’t mind the feeling of poop in his pants but pooping directly on the couch bothers him?!

he is developmentally normal—no signs of autism or adhd or anything like that. he has never seemed to care about hygiene or cleanliness at all though. handwashing is another big struggle

this is gonna get better soon right?!

1. The surgeon I made an apt with for 4 months from now (Aaron Liddell in Denver, seems highly recommended on this subreddit) is out of network for my insurance. The scheduler said I'd likely be looking at a $30-$40k cost. Is this typical? Should I be considering other surgeons as well who take insurance?
2. Is it possible to have jaw surgery with Invisalign instead of traditional braces?

I am 37 and part of why I've never done this surgery is because I just really don't want to have braces at my age. I had them for my entire adolescence (as well as other orthodontia like bite blockers, a palate expander, etc) and they left me with perfectly straight teeth (not sure if that matters lol) but did not fix the severe open bite.

3. With open bite jaw surgery, do the braces before surgery make the bite worse? And it's like, 1-2 years of braces both before and after surgery, right?

If you had a severe open bite, how long was your process from start to finish?

Thanks 😄

my in-laws are moving in next week until whenever they buy a home in our area. so it could potentially be months.

they are wonderful with most boundaries and so helpful with childcare and cooking meals/doing dishes, however my MIL is a chatterbox who never stops talking. MIL and FIL also bicker a lot between each other. they stayed for 2 weeks at the holidays and by the end, I was losing it a bit. little things like - cannot watch my TV show in peace (they talk while watching TV), cannot have enough quiet time to myself at home, and sometimes this confusing feeling of “who is in charge here?” when I’m trying to parent and their opinions differ from mine.

we have a 3yo and 6mo and my husband returns to work from paternity leave shortly after they arrive. We are both conflict averse and people please-y. I struggle to speak up about stuff that bothers me and instead seethe in silence

i will be WFH full time but maybe I should go to coffee shops more? maybe i could somehow find the courage to tell my MIL to stop talking when I’ve had enough? I don’t know how to communicate that. She doesn’t seem to notice when I put my AirPods in, just keeps talking at me.

on the flip side all the free babysitting and date nights will be great.

Shoes piled at the door annoy me, so I bought a cute and functional shoe organizer and set it up (a year ago). it’s very easy to use, yet my husband (and 4yo son) forget or don’t care to use it probably 60% of the time. today they both left their sneakers directly in front of the organizer, instead of taking 2 seconds to pop them inside. While putting them away, again, I lost control for a moment, flashing forward to a future of cleaning up constantly after our two sons and my spouse, and said “I’m tired of being the maid,” or something like that, and then he felt attacked and we bickered.

same thing with the laundry basket. why do the clothes go on the floor when it’s so incredibly easy to put them in the hamper, and I’ve explained many times why keeping clutter off the floor is so important to me. for my brain, outer order = inner calm, but his brain doesn’t even register clutter.

the thing is, he isn’t lazy like a lot of husbands you read about on this forum. He cooks, he cleans, he is an amazing dad…he just doesn’t see or care about clutter. but clutter drives me nuts, as he knows well! He says I’m too critical and my standards are too high...there is some truth there. We have a 3yo and 6mo, and clutter is just very low on his priority list.

anyone been here? How did you move forward? The best solution would probably be for me to lower my standards, but how do I actually do that in the moment?

once I bought the Fair Play cards and tried to talk about Minimum Standard of Care with him, but he hated the whole idea. I think he felt patronized that I tried to do this card game with him to “Fix” him or something.

It might sound obvious, but we weren't doing it. Preschooler, new baby, two jobs, and marriage has been suffering. Lots of bickering.

Last night, instead of watching TV again which is our usual rote-but-not-very-enjoyable habit because we are so exhausted, we sat together at the dinner table for one hour. He gamed on his laptop while I did my paint by numbers kit and listened to a podcast. We barely spoke, but the vibe was good, and we each got to do our thing and just have fun together. The good vibe carried into the mad dash out of the door this morning.

Sometimes we sit side by side and read our books, or I knit while he scrolls on his phone. It doesn't matter what the activity is, just that we do it peacefully together. And the rule is not a lot of talking!! Full disclosure, I found this HARD to do at first because I have a need to vent and talk about my day and he...just doesn't? So now I am trying to go to my female friends / colleagues / therapist / journaling as that outlet instead.

On the rare occasions when we hire a babysitter and go on an actual date, instead of sit-down dinners and deep conversations at nice restaurants which we are simply TOO TIRED for, we're going to more concerts (something we liked doing before kids). No talking required.

Someday we'll be able to do more ambitious things together again (we used to run marathons and go on epic trips), but for now, this is enough and it's feeling very healing.