u/dpsrush

Been poisoning myself for fun.

I've always suspected that the psychedelic state is a near death experience. Terrence said it is like a bungee jump into the Bardo, but I feel like it is dipping your leg into the abyss with no safety.

When it comes to death, we are all virgins. Many people think it's a cut to black. But I've seen better.

I'm not suicidal, I don't think it would actually do anything meaningful, because as long as you are, I am.

To think, the end of me. I've always been.

一直不知道这个名号，生活的很自我，直到有一天发现“他人”的存在。

在这方面我是晚熟的代表，自嘲一句大器晚成，其实心里满惭愧的。

“他人”突然出现在我面前，让我不知如何自处。如果我是我，那你又是什么？从什么地方来？要来对我做什么？

陡然发现山不是山，水不是水，一方面徒增烦恼，一方面悔恨交加。从此蚊叮铁牛，乐此不疲。

其实也是一种逃避，想方设法把“他人”也变成我，这样就好了不是吗？恢复如初？

但直到如今，“他人”还是“他人”，我也还是我。

一次次精彩的旅程，一回回安静的反思，总是少不了“他人”的存在，已经成了生命的一部分。习惯总是让人遗忘，但“他人”有的是方法让我记着。

又爱又恨。

Stepping down that economic ladder in order to meet Jesus. Everyone keeps talking about him, though less and less.

Where are the witnesses?

Probably people who can't afford smartphones. Or anything, for that matter.

It only make sense that the lover of the poor and miserable is among them.

I keep asking myself, whether this is truly what I want, or am I just spiritually bypassing for not making an effort to live "properly"?

How I pacified my question is, "who cares what stupid reason you did it for, what matters is now you get to meet him. For those who seeks, finds."

I don't know why, but recently I picked up smoking. Also, I need to slow down on fast food.

I've now heard many koans that end like this.

A quick exchange between the questioner and answerer, then followed by this phrase:"He stood there for quite a while."

Why?

Is he thinking about what he just said?

Is he waiting for the next question?

Does he have nowhere else to go but to hang around?

If I had a sword I'd cut him down where he stood, for blocking my way. I guess that's why I don't have a sword. It would be cool asf I'm just saying.

Instead we get a skill transparency slider, so we could literally play without the beautiful looking skill animation.

I cucked myself.

But I ask, why the hide and seek? why the long march? Why so many questions and why so few? Why am I trying to stretch this life for as long as possible?

Simple, so my shit doesn't get deleted for low effort.

Why am I trying to please you? I mean, dafuq.

我跟一个老留子在他家聊天，问他：“隔壁老白是不是真的对不同人都比较平等，就算没什么出息也不在意？”

他回，“如果是他们自己的子女，还是在意的。”

我问：“是种族原因吗？”

“有些吧，主要并非我们是外国人，而因为我们是外邦人。”

“不是在去犹太化么？”

“基督教育的一部分而已。”

“有共存的可能吗？”

“要么都是他的，要么都不是他的，你得选一个。”

Like with all the solo content, but an offline game.

No one to compare progress to, just you and numbers going up.

Sort of a cookie clicker bullet hell gamba simulator.

"如来说世界，非世界，是名世界” "The Tathagata says a world is not a world, so it is called a world." -Diamond Sutra

Truth is self originating, non-describable because it does not depend on any descriptors. It is what is, and it is not what it is, both of these descriptors does not touch it.

Facts are provisional, meaning it is dependent on another fact. For example, it is a fact you are reading this right now, but it is dependent on the fact that there is a you, and there is this, and that fact is dependent on the structure of the English language, and so on.

If The Word is a fact, what is the truth?

When the truth is being talked about, it is not actually truth we are referring to. And this fact, we call truth.

Recently, I chose the "I'm not 18 yet" option when verifying into a porn site.

It used to lead me to the Google home page, but this time it led me to an old clip of Tom and Jerry cartoon.

My judges are laughing in my face.

I felt so humiliated, so I wanked one out while I cried.

Just sit.

Nike should use this slogan after they produce a line of Soto sneakers, branding enlightenment.

That's when you know Bodhidharma had came to the west. I still don't know why the great patriarch came, but I do know whose shoes he was wearing.

People who are so wealthy, they could finally afford to buy nothing.

Because I still couldn't let go.

The tendency to clench is the tendency to flinch.

All the activity of the mind is delusion, but still, this is all too real.

So in it I go, and on it I hold.

It's disturbing how I change when I intake different substances.

If that was me, then who is this? And who is that?

It could be that personality, or the story we hold in our head, are fluid and changing moment by moment, but imperceivable like the movement of a clock's hourly hand. The rapid change in brain chemistry makes the transformation noticeable to the perceiver.

It could be that there is no such thing as a persistent perceiver, living and dying every moment anew. The self is a myth retold at every turn of the river.

Or it could be because I am Legion. A crowd crammed into one meat-suit like a clown car. A house party with the strong man tied against the bed post with hot-pink fuzzy plastic handcuffs, apparently powerless to do anything.

In that case, send us to the pigs, for tradition's sake.

为了逃避念佛，我拒绝了每一位善男子、善女人。

轮回如是，一闡提也不遑多让。

一直来，却带不走什么。

每天都眯着他人财宝。

跟师傅抱怨，修的都是来世，谁知道来世有没有。

这一世却是甩不掉了。

因果不爽，我也不爽。

曾经有一位朋友走到我面前。

他对我说,“我要创业，跟我干。只要你还愿意与我同行，那就有福同享，有难同当。”

我对他说，“薪水多少？”

他盯着我看了许久，吐了口气，然后走开了。

那是我最后一次见到他。

有时候会想，如果世界真的是他想象的那样，会多美好。

但是泡泡总有一天会消失殆尽。

所以何必介意有人捅破？

人天乐，不思佛也。

一个追寻快乐的人，必定是痛苦的。

如前方无人，则天下无事。

但你还在面前，所以心里很有多计较。

曾有一个光头对我说，

“年轻人，你吃错药了。”

心中难免有小计较。

也有时会想现代的瑜伽，升天可全靠它了。

既入了佛门，升天从此成了小利。

但终究还是舍不得。