u/drowsyUnderground

My cousin I never talked to in years sent me this like a year ago but I’m still wanting to ask questions

i saw a psychic today and your mom is worried about you she said there may be a man in your life, maybe a boyfriend who did you wrong. she said that you are mad at the world. she wondered if you struggled with addiction. she said that you are waiting till you hit rock bottom and that when you did it's not enough and that you keep going. she's really worried about you and she also wants you to know that she loves you so much like so so so much. she said that she's trying really really hard to help you and guide you and she's afraid that she's not getting through to you. try and open up to her communicating to you.

Lately I’ve been noticing how much my attention, thoughts, and emotions affect my daily life. I listen to music almost constantly, and when songs transition into each other in a way I like, it creates a really strong feeling that is hard to explain. I get very attached to music and often spend a lot of time daydreaming or creating scenarios in my head, which is something I’ve done since around elementary school.

I also notice that I can become deeply focused on certain thoughts, memories, feelings, or ideas. Sometimes I replay old memories and think about my life, the future, or bigger questions. Occasionally it gives me a strange feeling that feels almost spiritual or like I’m connected to something but I have a hard time explaining exactly what I mean. It’s not necessarily a belief or a specific religion, just a feeling that can be hard to put into words. Sometimes when I get into these thoughts, I feel detached from what’s going on around me or very absorbed in my own mind. I spend a lot of time imagining things, reflecting on the past, listening to music, and trying to understand why I feel certain ways. I also get overwhelmed by things that seem small to other people. For example, if someone asks me to do something unexpectedly, even something simple, I (like when my dad asks if I wanna go to the store or on a boat ride)can immediately feel anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed before I’ve even decided whether I want to do it. I often worry about disappointing people, and I have a hard time figuring out whether I genuinely don’t want to do something or if I’m just overwhelmed by the decision.
I’ve been wondering how much of this could be related to ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression, bipolar?, ptsd,my medications, or something else entirely? because these experiences affect me pretty often.
I just wanted to talk about something that’s been on my mind. Ever since I was little I’ve always felt really drawn to anything about spirits, the afterlife, and things like that. I don’t know why, but whenever I talk about it or even think about it, my eyes start watering. I’m not even sad when it happens it just feels really emotional in a way I can’t explain. When I was around 7 or 8, we lived in that really old house that everyone thought might be haunted. I remember waking up one night and seeing what looked like an old man. He grabbed my hand and told me everything was going to be okay. I remember running downstairs terrified, but my parents got scared n said it’s a nightmare n go back to sleep. There were so many other things that happened there too. a deer head somehow flew across the dining room, my babysitter said shampoo bottle caps would get thrown at her, she even recorded footsteps going up to the attic and the attic door shaking. It always felt like weird things happened around me and my babysitter the most. Ever since then I’ve never really been able to stop thinking about this kind of stuff. The older I’ve gotten, the more curious I’ve become. Lately I’ve been feeling really pulled toward spirituality again and I don’t really know why. I also want to be honest about something because I don’t really talk about it much. Sometimes especially at night, I get really paranoid. I’ll look at an object, and it almost seems like other things around it move a little, even though I can’t really explain what I’m seeing. It doesn’t feel like it’s just out of the corner of my eye I’m actually looking at something, and it just seems off. Sometimes I also feel like someone is behind me or hear really faint whispers. I don’t know what it is, I know that could be related to my mental health, my medications, or something completely unrelated to spirits, so I’m not saying I think it’s definitely paranormal. It’s just really confusing, and I don’t always know what to make of it. Ever since Mom died, I’ve wondered if there’s more to life than what we can see. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just missing her and looking for answers, and other times I wonder if I’m more spiritually connected than I realize. I honestly don’t know what I believe anymore. I just know that I’ve been thinking about all of this a lot lately

Lately I’ve been noticing how much my attention, thoughts, and emotions affect my daily life. I listen to music almost constantly, and when songs transition into each other in a way I like, it creates a really strong feeling that is hard to explain. I get very attached to music and often spend a lot of time daydreaming or creating scenarios in my head, which is something I’ve done since around elementary school.

I also notice that I can become deeply focused on certain thoughts, memories, feelings, or ideas. Sometimes I replay old memories and think about my life, the future, or bigger questions. Occasionally it gives me a strange feeling that feels almost spiritual or like I’m connected to something but I have a hard time explaining exactly what I mean. It’s not necessarily a belief or a specific religion, just a feeling that can be hard to put into words. Sometimes when I get into these thoughts, I feel detached from what’s going on around me or very absorbed in my own mind. I spend a lot of time imagining things, reflecting on the past, listening to music, and trying to understand why I feel certain ways. I also get overwhelmed by things that seem small to other people. For example, if someone asks me to do something unexpectedly, even something simple, I (like when my dad asks if I wanna go to the store or on a boat ride)can immediately feel anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed before I’ve even decided whether I want to do it. I often worry about disappointing people, and I have a hard time figuring out whether I genuinely don’t want to do something or if I’m just overwhelmed by the decision.
I’ve been wondering how much of this could be related to ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression, bipolar?, ptsd,my medications, or something else entirely? because these experiences affect me pretty often.
I just wanted to talk about something that’s been on my mind. Ever since I was little I’ve always felt really drawn to anything about spirits, the afterlife, and things like that. I don’t know why, but whenever I talk about it or even think about it, my eyes start watering. I’m not even sad when it happens it just feels really emotional in a way I can’t explain. When I was around 7 or 8, we lived in that really old house that everyone thought might be haunted. I remember waking up one night and seeing what looked like an old man. He grabbed my hand and told me everything was going to be okay. I remember running downstairs terrified, but my parents got scared n said it’s a nightmare n go back to sleep. There were so many other things that happened there too. a deer head somehow flew across the dining room, my babysitter said shampoo bottle caps would get thrown at her, she even recorded footsteps going up to the attic and the attic door shaking. It always felt like weird things happened around me and my babysitter the most. Ever since then I’ve never really been able to stop thinking about this kind of stuff. The older I’ve gotten, the more curious I’ve become. Lately I’ve been feeling really pulled toward spirituality again and I don’t really know why. I also want to be honest about something because I don’t really talk about it much. Sometimes especially at night, I get really paranoid. I’ll look at an object, and it almost seems like other things around it move a little, even though I can’t really explain what I’m seeing. It doesn’t feel like it’s just out of the corner of my eye I’m actually looking at something, and it just seems off. Sometimes I also feel like someone is behind me or hear really faint whispers. I don’t know what it is, I know that could be related to my mental health, my medications, or something completely unrelated to spirits, so I’m not saying I think it’s definitely paranormal. It’s just really confusing, and I don’t always know what to make of it. Ever since Mom died, I’ve wondered if there’s more to life than what we can see. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just missing her and looking for answers, and other times I wonder if I’m more spiritually connected than I realize. I honestly don’t know what I believe anymore. I just know that I’ve been thinking about all of this a lot lately

Lately I’ve been noticing how much my attention, thoughts, and emotions affect my daily life. I listen to music almost constantly, and when songs transition into each other in a way I like, it creates a really strong feeling that is hard to explain. I get very attached to music and often spend a lot of time daydreaming or creating scenarios in my head, which is something I’ve done since around elementary school.

I also notice that I can become deeply focused on certain thoughts, memories, feelings, or ideas. Sometimes I replay old memories and think about my life, the future, or bigger questions. Occasionally it gives me a strange feeling that feels almost spiritual or like I’m connected to something but I have a hard time explaining exactly what I mean. It’s not necessarily a belief or a specific religion, just a feeling that can be hard to put into words. Sometimes when I get into these thoughts, I feel detached from what’s going on around me or very absorbed in my own mind. I spend a lot of time imagining things, reflecting on the past, listening to music, and trying to understand why I feel certain ways. I also get overwhelmed by things that seem small to other people. For example, if someone asks me to do something unexpectedly, even something simple, I (like when my dad asks if I wanna go to the store or on a boat ride)can immediately feel anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed before I’ve even decided whether I want to do it. I often worry about disappointing people, and I have a hard time figuring out whether I genuinely don’t want to do something or if I’m just overwhelmed by the decision.
I’ve been wondering how much of this could be related to ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression, bipolar?, ptsd,my medications, or something else entirely? because these experiences affect me pretty often.
I just wanted to talk about something that’s been on my mind. Ever since I was little I’ve always felt really drawn to anything about spirits, the afterlife, and things like that. I don’t know why, but whenever I talk about it or even think about it, my eyes start watering. I’m not even sad when it happens it just feels really emotional in a way I can’t explain. When I was around 7 or 8, we lived in that really old house that everyone thought might be haunted. I remember waking up one night and seeing what looked like an old man. He grabbed my hand and told me everything was going to be okay. I remember running downstairs terrified, but my parents got scared n said it’s a nightmare n go back to sleep. There were so many other things that happened there too. a deer head somehow flew across the dining room, my babysitter said shampoo bottle caps would get thrown at her, she even recorded footsteps going up to the attic and the attic door shaking. It always felt like weird things happened around me and my babysitter the most. Ever since then I’ve never really been able to stop thinking about this kind of stuff. The older I’ve gotten, the more curious I’ve become. Lately I’ve been feeling really pulled toward spirituality again and I don’t really know why. I also want to be honest about something because I don’t really talk about it much. Sometimes especially at night, I get really paranoid. I’ll look at an object, and it almost seems like other things around it move a little, even though I can’t really explain what I’m seeing. It doesn’t feel like it’s just out of the corner of my eye I’m actually looking at something, and it just seems off. Sometimes I also feel like someone is behind me or hear really faint whispers. I don’t know what it is, I know that could be related to my mental health, my medications, or something completely unrelated to spirits, so I’m not saying I think it’s definitely paranormal. It’s just really confusing, and I don’t always know what to make of it. Ever since Mom died, I’ve wondered if there’s more to life than what we can see. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just missing her and looking for answers, and other times I wonder if I’m more spiritually connected than I realize. I honestly don’t know what I believe anymore. I just know that I’ve been thinking about all of this a lot lately

Lately I’ve been noticing how much my attention, thoughts, and emotions affect my daily life. I listen to music almost constantly, and when songs transition into each other in a way I like, it creates a really strong feeling that is hard to explain. I get very attached to music and often spend a lot of time daydreaming or creating scenarios in my head, which is something I’ve done since around elementary school.

I also notice that I can become deeply focused on certain thoughts, memories, feelings, or ideas. Sometimes I replay old memories and think about my life, the future, or bigger questions. Occasionally it gives me a strange feeling that feels almost spiritual or like I’m connected to something but I have a hard time explaining exactly what I mean. It’s not necessarily a belief or a specific religion, just a feeling that can be hard to put into words. Sometimes when I get into these thoughts, I feel detached from what’s going on around me or very absorbed in my own mind. I spend a lot of time imagining things, reflecting on the past, listening to music, and trying to understand why I feel certain ways. I also get overwhelmed by things that seem small to other people. For example, if someone asks me to do something unexpectedly, even something simple, I (like when my dad asks if I wanna go to the store or on a boat ride)can immediately feel anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed before I’ve even decided whether I want to do it. I often worry about disappointing people, and I have a hard time figuring out whether I genuinely don’t want to do something or if I’m just overwhelmed by the decision.
I’ve been wondering how much of this could be related to ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression, bipolar?, ptsd,my medications, or something else entirely? because these experiences affect me pretty often.
I just wanted to talk about something that’s been on my mind. Ever since I was little I’ve always felt really drawn to anything about spirits, the afterlife, and things like that. I don’t know why, but whenever I talk about it or even think about it, my eyes start watering. I’m not even sad when it happens it just feels really emotional in a way I can’t explain. When I was around 7 or 8, we lived in that really old house that everyone thought might be haunted. I remember waking up one night and seeing what looked like an old man. He grabbed my hand and told me everything was going to be okay. I remember running downstairs terrified, but my parents got scared n said it’s a nightmare n go back to sleep. There were so many other things that happened there too. a deer head somehow flew across the dining room, my babysitter said shampoo bottle caps would get thrown at her, she even recorded footsteps going up to the attic and the attic door shaking. It always felt like weird things happened around me and my babysitter the most. Ever since then I’ve never really been able to stop thinking about this kind of stuff. The older I’ve gotten, the more curious I’ve become. Lately I’ve been feeling really pulled toward spirituality again and I don’t really know why. I also want to be honest about something because I don’t really talk about it much. Sometimes especially at night, I get really paranoid. I’ll look at an object, and it almost seems like other things around it move a little, even though I can’t really explain what I’m seeing. It doesn’t feel like it’s just out of the corner of my eye I’m actually looking at something, and it just seems off. Sometimes I also feel like someone is behind me or hear really faint whispers. I don’t know what it is, I know that could be related to my mental health, my medications, or something completely unrelated to spirits, so I’m not saying I think it’s definitely paranormal. It’s just really confusing, and I don’t always know what to make of it. Ever since Mom died, I’ve wondered if there’s more to life than what we can see. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just missing her and looking for answers, and other times I wonder if I’m more spiritually connected than I realize. I honestly don’t know what I believe anymore. I just know that I’ve been thinking about all of this a lot lately

Lately I’ve been noticing how much my attention, thoughts, and emotions affect my daily life. I listen to music almost constantly, and when songs transition into each other in a way I like, it creates a really strong feeling that is hard to explain. I get very attached to music and often spend a lot of time daydreaming or creating scenarios in my head, which is something I’ve done since around elementary school.

I also notice that I can become deeply focused on certain thoughts, memories, feelings, or ideas. Sometimes I replay old memories and think about my life, the future, or bigger questions. Occasionally it gives me a strange feeling that feels almost spiritual or like I’m connected to something but I have a hard time explaining exactly what I mean. It’s not necessarily a belief or a specific religion, just a feeling that can be hard to put into words. Sometimes when I get into these thoughts, I feel detached from what’s going on around me or very absorbed in my own mind. I spend a lot of time imagining things, reflecting on the past, listening to music, and trying to understand why I feel certain ways. I also get overwhelmed by things that seem small to other people. For example, if someone asks me to do something unexpectedly, even something simple, I (like when my dad asks if I wanna go to the store or on a boat ride)can immediately feel anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed before I’ve even decided whether I want to do it. I often worry about disappointing people, and I have a hard time figuring out whether I genuinely don’t want to do something or if I’m just overwhelmed by the decision.
I’ve been wondering how much of this could be related to ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression, bipolar?, ptsd,my medications, or something else entirely? because these experiences affect me pretty often.
I just wanted to talk about something that’s been on my mind. Ever since I was little I’ve always felt really drawn to anything about spirits, the afterlife, and things like that. I don’t know why, but whenever I talk about it or even think about it, my eyes start watering. I’m not even sad when it happens it just feels really emotional in a way I can’t explain. When I was around 7 or 8, we lived in that really old house that everyone thought might be haunted. I remember waking up one night and seeing what looked like an old man. He grabbed my hand and told me everything was going to be okay. I remember running downstairs terrified, but my parents got scared n said it’s a nightmare n go back to sleep. There were so many other things that happened there too. a deer head somehow flew across the dining room, my babysitter said shampoo bottle caps would get thrown at her, she even recorded footsteps going up to the attic and the attic door shaking. It always felt like weird things happened around me and my babysitter the most. Ever since then I’ve never really been able to stop thinking about this kind of stuff. The older I’ve gotten, the more curious I’ve become. Lately I’ve been feeling really pulled toward spirituality again and I don’t really know why. I also want to be honest about something because I don’t really talk about it much. Sometimes especially at night, I get really paranoid. I’ll look at an object, and it almost seems like other things around it move a little, even though I can’t really explain what I’m seeing. It doesn’t feel like it’s just out of the corner of my eye I’m actually looking at something, and it just seems off. Sometimes I also feel like someone is behind me or hear really faint whispers. I don’t know what it is, I know that could be related to my mental health, my medications, or something completely unrelated to spirits, so I’m not saying I think it’s definitely paranormal. It’s just really confusing, and I don’t always know what to make of it. Ever since Mom died, I’ve wondered if there’s more to life than what we can see. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just missing her and looking for answers, and other times I wonder if I’m more spiritually connected than I realize. I honestly don’t know what I believe anymore. I just know that I’ve been thinking about all of this a lot lately

this is the hardest thing for me to say out loud. I’ve been fighting battles in my own head every single day, and some days I genuinely don’t know how I’m still standing. It feels like my mind keeps dragging me into these dark places where I start thinking my whole future is already ruined before I even get the chance to live it. Like no matter what I do, I’m going to end up messed up or broken. And it doesnt even bother me. Living with these diagnoses. I feel like people know me more for my mental illness then my real self it’s like my brain is constantly at war with itself. And the worst part is knowing I have to live with this for the rest of my life. It makes me feel screwed like there’s no break, no pause button. exhausting it is to wake up every day and fight a brain that’s trying to drag you down. I feel like I’m running a marathon every day just to feel normal. I think about my mom a lot. I think about how she’s not here to watch me grow up, to see the person I’m trying so hard to become. I want a future so bad I want to grow up, have kids, have a life that actually feels worth something. But it hurt so much knowing she won’t be there. And sometimes that pain feels like it’s swallowing me whole. I get so overwhelmed and on edge. I feel like I’m constantly about to get hurt, jumped or blindsided. My emotions switch so fast, and I hate it. One second I’m okay, and the next I’m exploding inside. It feels like I’m losing control, and that scares me more than I ever admit. I try thinking maybe my future doesn’t have to be as fucked as my brain tells me it is. I don’t want to end up like my mom. I don’t want to give up. I’m trying so hard to stay alive, to stay present, to not let the darkness win. Even when it looks like I’m shutting down or acting weird, it’s not because I don’t care it’s because I’m fighting battles in my head I want the moments where everything feels quiet and I can actually breathe. I want you to know the truth because hiding it is getting impossible. X_x