u/efiterme

Hi! I’m 26F, I have MDD and tried every treatment method other than ECT. Unfortunately, nothing had any positive effect. I have a college degree and job experience but I have no clue what job I could work full time for the next 30-40 years that would make being alive worth it. I don’t want kids and I don’t have specific career ambitions, so I am basically just trying to figure out how to want something or make a goal that I actually care about to make being alive feel even minorly worth it or bearable. I have a partner and friends that I love but I need to find something to do for 40 hours a week for money that doesn’t give me suicidal ideation, I can’t imagine having to feel this dread and frustration for the next 40 years

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When a person commits suicide or attempts everyone around them seems chalks it down to a single event.

They did it because of XYZ. They did it because of an argument or because of a bad day or whatever else.

In my experience I feel like people just don't understand that its an myriad of things that slowly breaks down a person until they reach their final straw.

My own mental health has never been worse these past few years. These last few months have been especially hard. One of my own coping method is to retreat into myself, I've always been a quiet person anyways. I don't ignore people, I speak when I'm spoken too, all that. I just minimize my existence until I'm called upon.

That being said, there's this "issue" of people(me) not saying hello to each other in the house. Nobody's being ignored, just not saying a hello in passing. I don't understand it all, if someone reads this please understand wth I'm missing) And when I got reprimanded for it months ago when I was already internally struggling I had a full on breakdown. And I know everyone thought it was because of that one talk and didn't even consider the fact that haven't been well in months, that was just a trigger.

Mind you, I don't get a hello when I walk by either. It's just seems like it's just expected for me to do it. I keep hearing about how bad my communication is but it's a two way street.

I know it shouldn't be hard for me either but as I said I retreat into myself. My anxiety gets so bad that I have to prep myself for hours just to go downstairs. I try to minimize interactions because I don't want to be a bother. I'm not going to open up about my issues when I see when your already stressed with your own, or if I feel animosity from everyone. Which I know could just be in my head but still I am trying but I feel like one way or another everything I do is wrong. Everyone is miserable. Life is miserable. That dumb, juvenile issue that's being blown out of proportion is miserable.

I just feel alienated because I can't magically rework my brain to make everyone happy, and alone because in the end, I'm probably going to forever be misunderstood.

I remember how I felt the first time I attempted and these days I feel it again in full force. And I know if I ever enact on it it'll be reduced to one dumbass thing.

When you're in a mental state of positivity, you feel lighter, healthier & more energetic. Equally fun, you'll also position yourself to see the positives in other things, people & circumstances. Even more fun to some is that, you'll also attract lots of opportunities--especially money--into your life.

It can feel tricky to remain positive with so much negativity going on in this world, but know that it's just a matter of Yin & Yang . In other words, the negatives are just a perceived reality that has to exist to balance the positives (& vice versa). So rather than thinking that's a circumstance to be stuck in from time to time, you can also think of it as a conditioned choice of attitude and with there being as much positive as there are negatives (everything can be equally negative or positive, depending on how you frame it), again..Yin/Yang, you can start to choose to interpret them positively to step into a positive reality.

It's also tough to think positively when you're trained with a negative attitude but if you genuinely try it for a little, you'll noticed the difference right away in your day. AND if you try it consistently, the momentum will create an entirely new you in a matter of minutes/hours, as well as a completely new LIFE that you'll be so proud of and excited to wake up for.

MY NEW IDENTITY: I'm a positive spiritual being and I see equal negatives and positives in every thing, person and circumstances. I choose to define all of them positive so I can steer away from judging, a negative energy of fear, and use that positive energy instead to help influence positive into the perceived negative things, persons and circumstances. I'm know that this response will attract more positivity (more love, adventure, money, etc) in my life to promote more positivity in this world.

P.S. I suspect that most of you will love and appreciate this message and I suspect that a lot of you will hate it, depending on where you're coming from. That's perfectly fine and you're perfectly fine to judge and hate because I choose to love and trust that you know what's best for you in any circumstance. I've just been in a relative low for a while and I no longer care to choose that anymore. Thank you so much for your positive, or negative support. I sincerely love you all. ❤️

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Im a 40 year old man who lives with his mother. No friends and never been on my own or had an apartment because I dont make enough money. Only had 1 relationship that lasted 2 years. Other than that I've been single and celibate, not by choice but because im a coward who never takes action.

I work a full-time job, pay rent and pay all my own bills, help around the house (fix things, cut grass, etc) but is that something to be proud of? I don't think so, more like the bare minimum.

The odd thing is that I'm generally ok with my situation until I think about my lack of friends/love life. When I think about my wasted life and how and lack of experience in the dating world I become incredibly depressed and its been that way for the past 15 or so years.

Even though I think about this all the time I never take action, heck, im not even sure how to go about fixing this train wreck of a life. Move out? I live paycheck to paycheck, that would be financially stupid. Online dating? I seriously doubt a woman my age would date a failure like me. The only relationship I've been in was very unique and I cant replicate that. Get a better job? Impossible. My lack of intelligence and crippling anxiety make the job I currently have the only one that works for me.

Im tired of hating myself but I really dont know or have the ambition to change myself. I feel unique and not in the good way. Something is really wrong with me.

Me (18F) and my sister (30F) are both diagnosed with depression. We live together, but technically I live in her apartment since I don’t chip in for rent (every other expense is covered though). She’s been in a heavy crisis for about 10 years now and I feel like I’m old enough now for her to start relying on me for help from time to time.
She doesn’t believe in herself and doesn’t listen to anyone who tries to encourage her. She has no definite goals, no motivations and keeps pushing people away, even me. She has suicidal thoughts but doesn’t plan on acting on them, her words: “I won’t kill myself, but I’m not gonna save myself either”.
I know I can’t completely fix her problems and/or force her to seek help, but she’s been my absolute rock my whole life and I wanna try and give her some love she deserves. How can I best approach this?

everyone hates me and finds me weird. they try to avoid me. i didnt ask to be born and suffer my whole life while i see others be lucky and have fun. not being in this life sounds so fun

Welcome to this space.

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This space was created to be a refuge. A place where you can lay down your dark thoughts, express your exhaustion or melancholy, and find a little comfort among people who feel the same way. No one here will tell you to "snap out of it" or that "it’ll pass." We are here to listen to and support one another.

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Take a deep breath and get comfortable. Whether you want to post your story, vent, or just read others' messages in silence: you are in the right place, and you matter.

Take care of yourself. 🌙

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