Current feeling
Context - an Mbbs graduate +UPSC aspirant here
I'm going to attempt this year , exam is on Sunday. 1 year ah idhuku coaching class la join panni prepare paniruken, but full ah cover panna madhri enaku thonala. Portions was completed only by last month. Ovvoru class aprom I used to read once whatever taken that time avlodhan. Perusa revision panna time kedaikala. Plus daily news vera padikanum. Ipo last 20 days ah I'm just practicing last year questions, model questions from an app. And I'm learning from whatever explanation it gives after the tests. Ipo enaku clear panna mudiuma nu therila. Ivlo naala I was thinking namma mudinjadha pannuvom, let result be anything nu. But ipo 3 days ah enaku orey confusion. My mind feels so exhausted. Indha attempt clear panla na thirumbi try panna mudiuma nu therila. Pesama idhoda UPSC ah forget panni medical field la edhachum pannanum nu thonudhu. But on the other hand, Indha 1 yr preparation ku spend panna fees, time elam yosicha bayama iruku. Most people knows I'm trying for this. Avanga lam enna solluvanga nu .
I had given NEET exam , mbbs semester exams, etc. Apo lam enaku indha bayam illa, I was very casual. But ipo ennanu therila I'm not able to be free and just do what I can. Orey dilemma va iruku. Ipo prelims clear pannalum mains exam iruku, adhuku proper ah answer writing practice pannave illa, 3 months gap la panradhu kashtam. Adhu clear panla na again from first poganum. Avlo patience enaku illa. Veetla parents hopefully ah irukanga, but enaku adhu kaapatha mudiyuma nu guilty ah iruku. Enna panradhu ne therila. I always try to think positive, but ipo indha thoughts repeatedly comes in my mind and not letting me to revise too.
TN MRB exam la provisional select ayiten, for phc medical officer post. Innum appointment process halted. I just considered it as a backup and thought upsc as main goal. But indha main goal ipo kaiya vittu poidumo nu I'm afraid😔