u/fawn_pup

I was sociable until the age of around 5. I moved schools and I became shy. Then around 11 I started puberty and was just overly loud and said a lot of dumb things and embarrassed myself a lot, but I had friends, I would talk. I am currently 22 and I feel like I am back at my childhood self but even more quieter. I hate talking and I’m constantly fearing judgement and conflict. I’m the quietest in my university class and it’s humiliating, It feels like being the weird kid in school but as an adult (people avoid sitting next to me, all that stuff). I’m going into a career where I will have to talk a lot to clients and it’s making me rethink everything even though I’m passionate about it.. I feel like I have some sort of mental disability where even if I want to talk I just end up making no sense and people assume I’m stupid which fuels my fear of judgement even more. I wish i could communicate with people, have intellectually stimulating conversations as i’m extremely lonely and isolated but I just feel a barrier whenever i do.

Side note- A strange thing I’ve noticed, that I’m realising now is that due to the lack of conversations I have, my dreams are mainly silent and contain no talking.. it’s like I’ve forgotten how to converse all together.

rant warning

This happens with pretty much any spiritual topic but a major trigger has been astrology.

At first when I got into astrology a few years ago, I found it fascinating. However, now it has been fuelling my OCD and triggering my intrusive thoughts. I become obsessed with checking my chart (even though I’ve checked it hundreds of times) or checking someone else’s chart and synastry compatibility. I feel so dissatisfied with my chart. I also fixate on synastry (compatibility) aspects.

For example I have an aspect with someone close, mercury square Venus, which basically means my idea of love and beauty is at odds with their thinking and communication style. I internalised this and assumed it was true, but when I step back I see that it might just be in my mind because I actually don’t dislike how they think and communicate. However, despite this I rarely remain objective and have developed a state of mind which assumes everything which I read in these charts is true. If I find a good aspect I will use that as motivation to keep checking.

My mind especially latches onto ‘dark aspects’ involving Pluto etc. I became very delusional about it. At one point i was just finding meanings in random aspects and charts which were completely far fetched and were no longer just from my birth chart. Also, the thing which triggers me the most is the destiny aspect or north node. Mine is in the house of self sacrifice, spirituality and also mental illness. It makes me anxious that it’s in this house as I’ve been sectioned for mental illness before and I don’t want this to be my destiny. I personally believe my destiny would be in a house of stability and improving my mental and physical wellbeing.

I stepped back from astrology for a year but it was still at the back of my mind causing anxiety. I recently picked it up again and I’m starting to check repeatedly for reassurance. Transits bring me a lot of anxiety and I will assume they are true and my day will be as they described. I’ve done hours of research on scientific studies disproving astrology but I still somehow end up believing it again. It’s been a nightmare for my OCD but for some reason I keep falling back into researching it. I just wish I could stop but if I don’t engage with it I have a feeling like I’m missing out on something, or I’m anxious I will engage with it again and end up where I am right now

What do you think of persona charts? Do you take them into consideration when looking at your’s or someone else’s chart or in synastry? Eg moon persona chart, Venus persona etc

I have a leo moon in 4th house but my sun is Capricorn and ascendant is Taurus. So I’m naturally more introverted and grounded (my Taurus rising loves stability and I spend a lot of time at home) but when people get to know me they describe me as fun, kind and warm and sometimes loud even though I don’t appear that way at all at first. I seem to attract a lot of Libra moons for some reason I really connect with them, air moons in general😅 I’m wondering what your experience is with Leo moons, good/bad ?

My canon ixus 95 / sd1200 mainly works fine but occasionally when turning on, it give me an error saying to change the battery pack. I take out the battery and insert it again and it usually it works fine after. Sometimes it doesn’t give me the error at all and sometimes it happens multiple times in a row. Would changing the batteries help? I think it currently has the old original battery

My canon ixus 95 / sd1200 mainly works fine but occasionally when turning on, it give me an error saying to change the battery pack. I take out the battery and insert it again and it usually it works fine after. Sometimes it doesn’t give me the error at all and sometimes it happens multiple times in a row. Would changing the batteries help? I think it currently has the old original battery

I don’t like being a Leo moon.. I’m not the life of the party, I have crippling social anxiety and because my moon is in Leo I struggle with my emotions. It’s opposing my Neptune as well which makes things 10x worse. I wish I had a calm earth moon or an intuitive water moon but my emotions control me more than I control them and I just bottle them away. I also feel like I have no privacy, because it’s hard to hide how I’m feeling and it feels very exposed. I’m also constantly being shamed for being dramatic or wanting attention when I show the smallest amount of emotion. My Capricorn sun and Taurus rising want privacy and my moon is like a child who never grew up. Idk how to accept my Leo moon.

What influence do the planets’ ruler’s have? For example if someone has sun in Libra, and Venus which rules Libra is in Virgo what would that mean? Does it influence how your sun is expressed in anyway? Similarly if someone has moon in Leo and sun in cancer does that mean that the moon in Leo is expressed with cancer traits? I’m a bit confused on how it works, if anyone could help

Idk why but I’ve been repeatedly attracted to Aquarius but it never goes anywhere. They are very distant and never want anything deep but there is just something about their vibe which I’m attracted to. Could be my Leo moon or my sag placements. However I feel like they’re only attracted to me physically and not on a deeper level. I’m also attracted to Scorpio with their calmness and mystery but sometimes they can be too intense. I also really like Taurus, emotionally and spiritually. Occasionally though, they can be quite sensitive which is endearing at times but other times i feel like i need to walk on eggshells.

On the other hand I’ve found Virgo and Leo are attracted to me.. I click with Virgo on a deeper level and we get along well, but there seems to be this underlying possessiveness tension coming from them (thinking it’s a clash with my sag placements). Leo’s seem to be attracted to me too and they can be fun but I’ve found them to be a bit unstable which is sometimes overwhelming. I seem to occasionally attract libras too. I’ve fallen for them a few times but they have been two faced so I’ve kept a distance.

A sign I have not had much good experiences with was Gemini. We are just not on the same wave length and the conversation with them is just empty.

Idk why but I’ve been afraid to do anything but scroll on my phone. I think it’s to do with my OCD. I want so badly to have hobbies but I’m afraid to. I’m afraid of losing control of my mind from an overload of sensory information. For example, I’m afraid to read incase it’s very intense or there are things which can make me feel overwhelmed and lose control. It’s so hard to describe. I haven’t listened to music for years because I’m afraid of the energy it might transmit and it generally makes me anxious. Before I would read, listen to music, write, draw, play video games etc. I can’t do any of those, in particular artistic or creative hobbies which I once loved, as I feel that sense of loss of control. Even watching a movie feels too much. Anyone know why this is and what to do?

First time buying from Wallapop. Just wondering which name appears on the parcel as my name on the home address is different from my profile name. I chose for it to arrive to Correos post office which requires ID so I want to know if it will be under my correct name which was on the shipping address or will it use the name on my Wallapop profile? Thank you.