u/freckledoodledee

pls

SK8 just started medication for ADHD. It's slow release. Currently, they are only medicating her during the week, but partner wants to increase to every day (and potentially increase dose) because it's been making a big difference.

The issue is: OP has a very documented history of abusing stimulants going back to teenage years (48 now). He was on suboxone when they split four years ago, but his behavior since then has left some questions as to whether or not he's still on it. So my partner was very much concerned about sending over large amounts of this new meds to him and decided to disperse a week at a time, based on how many school days he'd have the kid. My partner is also a pediatric nurse, which I think is relevant.

Anyway, of course, first exchange where there are meds involved, OP fucks it up. Asked for a "top up" because he "ran out" of the alloted amount she gave him. He is literally so dishonest we have no idea if he double-dosed the kid on the first day, or took one to take or sell or whatever. He literally has no moral compass - and he's so enmeshed with the child that she will cover for him no matter what. Either way, it all feels super unsafe going forward.

My partner has asked the school if they can dispense it, but it's one of those montessori situations, and there's no full-time nurse on campus, so they said no. I don't think it's a healthy dynamic for my partner to be in charge of monitoring her abusive, drug addict ex, who already DARVO'd it and said she was the one hoarding meds 🙄 but we can't really think of any other ways to ensure the medication is given to the kid consistently/properly when she's not with us?

She seems like the lightning rod these days and you can see it on her face. Can we send her and edible bouquet or something more meaningful I dunno. Feels like she needs a fucking hug man.

*EDIT I started a fundraiser if anyone is interested. The Org it's going to is here: https://lyric.org/

The link to the fundraiser is here: https://gofund.me/744254fab

SK8 has no idea she doesn't live in her family home anymore because her other parent literally blackmailed my partner, threatened them endlessly, set up secret cameras everywhere. No. She thinks they don't have the house because my partner threatened to call the police unless everyone left. (never happened but doesn't fucking matter for some reason).

Found out today she took a house key from our house and hid it at her other parents house. For some reason she decides to tell me first - so I'm like trying to be chill and like, I mean... If you hid it, please bring it back, everything will be fine. Instead, she tells her other parent on their phone call tonight that it's there, which sends my partner into a panic because this is literally their abuser who literally has moved two blocks away from us the last two moves.

To top it odd we get not one, but TWO pieces of mail from the insurance company that the crazy other parent tried to open a policy using our address and I literally cannot get then to close them, even WITH a police report.

Fucking hate it here.

My partner's ex fraudulently used our address to create car insurance for himself. He has not ever lived here. The policy cancelled because he didn't pay it, but now we are getting mail from GEICO trying to get him to resign up for the policy. I'm really annoyed and tired of this mail, and GEICO is now saying the only way to stop this is to send them a police report # reporting the insurance fraud.

My question is: can I just file to get a number? Or how seriously will the cops take this? I don't really wanna start shit with a crazy ex, I just want the mail to stop.

Despite being a social worker, HCBD began an enmeshment campaign with SK8 as soon as divorce proceedings began a few years ago.

At this point, SK8 is literally obsessed with his safety and entirely convinced that he is not okay if she is not with him, and he actively works to reinforce these beliefs. She seems to truly act like HCBD's new life partner, and "will be the only girl daddy loves for the rest of his life." Unfortunately, she's been caught routinely going through my partner's phone on video calls with him, so until we figure out a fix for this, she has to be supervised, which means having to hear their absolutely unhinged conversations. We thought we had a solution by locking her in the app via guided controls, and she just continued to go into messages on the app itself to read through messages and journal entries my partner tries to keep in documents - and continues to invade privacy whenever we leave her for longer than 2 minutes.

For summer, we switched to week-on/week-off, so the behavior has escalated, especially when she comes back from a week with him. He starts phone calls encouraging her concern for him being alone, saying he only feels safe when she is with him, does not counter her panicked "But I'm not with you now!" with assuring her he will be fine, instead says, "It's okay, baby, when you're older, you get to pick where you live." He basically started feeding the kiddo lies about why they broke up as soon as they separated, so SK8 blames my partner (and me, now - for being there to keep her parents from getting back together now) for them "losing their house" and "daddy being lonely." (Like it certainly wasn't because he cheated on her twice and was siphoning money out of their account to do drugs!) And because of this, the way she treats my partner is horrifying at times, because my partner refuses to tell her things that are not age-appropriate.

To top it all off, I get grossed out pretty easily by SK8 picking and eating her boogers, and she consistently does it to annoy me and laughs when I nearly throw-up like it's a joke... Now her and her HCBD throw nose picking contests into conversations, encouraging her to do this in very disgusting terms if I'm in the room—just laughing and talking about digging deep for daddy? I truly do my best to stay out of the room they are in at all times, but sometimes it is unavoidable and it just feels like catching disgusting strays.

I'm just so grossed out by this behavior on so many levels. I feel really bad for the kid, obviously she didn't ask to have her parents split, then have this psychological campaign played out on her, but I feel mostly for my partner, who's the only one doing the heavy lifting when it comes to parenting, and this deadbeat just doing his best to make her hate our home and cling to him in the most unhealthy ways.

SK8 is in therapy, but I'm starting to worry that the therapist isn't getting the full picture of what is going on because my partner doesn't want to appear to badmouth the HCBD (even though she's the only one paying for therapy??). Trying to encourage her to find a therapist who specializes in alienation because, before the divorce, HCBD was not involved in raising the child at all other than sitting her in front of a TV with him on the odd weekends mom was at work, and the child was my partner's little sidekick. Additionally, the situation checks 7 out of 8 of the parental alienation behavioral manifestations.

If anyone has any tips on anything more we can do to lock the phone so the kid can't get into other tabs/messages while on video calls (OFW), and we can get these phone calls out of our shared space, that would be amazing. Additionally, if anyone's successfully dealt with combatting enmeshment when it's deliberate like this, I'd love to hear any pointers.

My partners ex who: 1.) bought gift cards while grocery shopping on the regularly to hide stealing funds, 2.) did not have a job their 14 years together so didn’t a retirement fund at time of divorce at the level my partner did 3.) literally STOLE MONEY to do drugs 4.) leeched off my partner and finally got a degree (which is in CPS which is also fucking off the rails) 5.) cheated on my partner at least twice - JUST messaged asking my partner for tips on how to gain access to the 100k plus funds. I have not been so angry. It feels so insulting and infuriating and intentional.

Gotta get this lil'b*tch buster posey situation off my wall

I'm so sick of these friggin' calls. They are so disruptive. SD8 is in a phase where she thinks she is OP's life partner so it's CRUCIAL we let her know exactly when she will be able to talk to him before literally anything else happens during the day. If we have an activity planned in the evening, she absolutely freaks out worrying about when she will be able to talk to him. Uses the entire allotted time when she calls him and is completely enveloped and invested in the phone calls.

On the flip side... my partner called her finally at like 10pm last night and it really sounded like there was no intention for the OP to even bother to make the call. Why was it missed? Because they were "laying down chatting." I guarantee you if we waited until 10pm for any reason literal welfare checks would be happening. Spends a disinterested 2-3 minutes not engaged... OP's, hovering, interjecting at every turn. The discrepancies are so frustrating.

I feel so bad for my partner. She's the only active parent and is getting the short end of the stick for a Disney dad who could not care less about actual parenting.

Genuinley baffled by the pushback I'm getting from my partner here. She has a very, VERY high conflict ex who recently followed us into a new neighborhood (like blocks away - this is the 2nd time in 2 years he's followed us this closely when he has no reason to), used our address (somewhere he's never lived) to set up his new car insurance, just generally weird behavior that I find very encroaching and unsafe.

Since they broke up, my partner has taken their child afterschool on his time. He uses this time to manipulate and punish her, depending completely on his mood and whether or not he's getting his way about this, that or the other thing. This is coming up on the 4th time now he is 'gifting' her this time again, and given his recent behavior, I told my partner I was really uncomfortable with this agreement coming back into place - because inevitably, I have to hold it together for her when she will be sad when he rips this time away again, not to mention, this agreement means more interaction and more drop-offs/pick-ups at our house by him. She did it one day kiddo was sick, we talked about that, and she said she understood my position but really wanted to take her this day because she was sick.

Well then she did it again. Child wasn't sick this time. Kind of turned into a thing because I was like, you know I thought at least we would have had a convo before you just signed us up for this again? This turned into a huge fight where she basically was trying to say I was trying to dictate time with her child? Which I wasn't, I was very simply asking for a heads up when you're going to have to interact/have more drop-offs at our home with someone who is unsafe.

We have been trying to talk this through with a counselor but it just seems like the conversation keeps getting massively derailed because it feels like it keeps spinning off about something else. After like a full day of fighting she finally sent me a message saying that "she understands now" what I'm asking for and what I need in this situation - but now I feel like I'm crazy for even needing to ask.

I was in a queer relationship with someone who transitioned (FTM) 6 years ago after presenting his entire adult life as a queer cis-woman. He now seemingly hates trans people and has no involvement in the queer community whatsoever. I really did not care about any of this anymore, because we are divorced - the issue is we share custody of a child - and now that the child knows, he is trying to get her to lie for him/keep it secret and the messaging he's giving our child feels really transphobic.

Child was intentionally raised to be accepting and open because intially we were both queer. He started transitioning and decided at the time he did not want her to know, which I didn't think was right, but went along with it. She has recently found out, and has all this knowledge and understanding poured into her about how it's okay - and his reponse to the child is to keep it secret from everyone because "it's weird."

Everyone in his family and social circle are well aware of his transitioning, so I don't understand why he's putting this burden on the kiddo, especially given the fact that now information she's getting is confusing - from "it's okay and totally normal for people to do this" to "it's weird, keep my secret."

Any ideas for how to combat this messaging? What is the movitation here?

Hello,

As the title says, my ex has started a car insurance policy at my and my partner's address. He is very high conflict and has always been quite shady, so while this isn't super surprising - I'm not really confident with how the insurance company is handling it, so I'm looking for ways to escalate/report it so the policy is cancelled immediately.

I have called the insurance company twice and they said their underwriter would "look into it" but we just received more mail with "important insurance documents".

Any help is much appreciated.

*ETA - He never lived at this address. I have moved twice since we broke up years ago and he has followed me both times into new neighborhoods. Our zip codes at this point are only one number off, so I am just confused as to his reasoning doing this.

I've been with my partner 3 years now and have an 8yo SD. I'm with the parent that was shocked that the OP went for split custody at all given limited-to-no help in parenting for the years they were still together. OP was only responsible for SD 16 hrs, every-other-weekend, and only watched TV with the kid during this time - so when the split finally happened, my partner genuinely thought majority custody would be assumed. OP found out about child support I guess so suddenly became adamant and manipulative with the kiddo.

They've been doing 50/50 since the split, however, OP from the start has been relying on my partner for afterschool care on OP's time. My partner readily accepts this because they want to be with kid and generally find that hygeine, schoolwork and other interventions are needed during the longer bouts at OPs - so it helps the kid not show up to school with foul smelling BO/dirty clothes/schoolwork incomplete/general unkemptness.

The issue is over two years, OP has yanked this time back when they don't get their way in something. This has happened four times now, and every time it's rescinded, my partner goes through a spell of intense sadness at losing the time with the kiddo. This last happened about 3 months ago, and sure enough, now OP is inferring to the kid that it is my partners fault if she has to go to afterschool care because I guess my partner is being offered time on OP's schedule again (we found this out because the child asked my partner before OP even requested after a nightly FT call).

This whole thing triggers me for a few reasons, mainly, my partner continuing to 1.) get emotionally scorched in this scenario where OP is weaponizing time they know my partner will eat up just to be with the kiddo 2.) my partner taking on an extra load so OP doesn't have to parent or be responsible for their own kid on their own time. Aside from these main issues it's just annoying that OP has created a situation in the child's head where any after-school is intolerable and she shouldn't have to do it - so the whole school end - work end time period is always dramatic.

I am generally able to re-frame and have lots of understanding for my partner wanting to soak up all the time possible - but it really gets frustrating when I end up having to be the soft landing spot when I can see it, and warn of it, over and over again. Any advice or words of wisdom welcome -