u/germflux2020

I was making dinner last night while my husband was trying to feed our 5 month old son. Now my husband has (what I consider) a phone addiction. He's always on it. When with family, on his phone; while watching Tv, on his phone; while playing video games, on his phone; while trying to feed our child, on his phone.

This results in our baby crying because dad will hold the bottle one way being distracted by his phone, while our son is turned the other way trying to eat, and the bottle is just hanging out his mouth and not eating. I will also say I am on my phone way too much as well and need to tone down the usage, especially around my child.

Last night, it came to a point where I was constantly in and out of the kitchen trying to calm our son down enough so he would eat. Eventually, my husband put our son in his bouncer and was trying to feed him that way. I was done with dinner by this point and came into the living room to say that dinner was done, but my husband was just staring at his phone watching videos while our son was trying to eat at his bottle (with the bottle literally hanging out of our sons mouth).

I just took the bottle out of my husband's hand and just started feeding our baby. Husband said he would feed him and I just looked at him and said "You're more interested in your phone than our son." I did say it in an annoyed tone.

That took a hit on him and he was mopy all evening after that. Didn't eat dinner, put our son to bed later that night and was in the living room after just sitting in the dark drinking, just staring. I went to tell him that I didn't mean to say my comment in that way and that it's just something I've noticed since our son was born. He said he's fine and then we go to bed.

But he will be mopy the entire time if I hit his feelings where it hurts. Even if it's the truth. I'm trying to say my comments in a better way but when it gets out of hand I get so annoyed and angry. I'm a SAHM and so how I do things with our son is so different from my husband. My son is just more use to how I do things with him. And it's not like my husband skirts his responsibilities with our baby, he does his fair share and I know he loves our son and me.

But I truly think he needs to lessen his phone usage. I see posts on here where the kids see their parents on their phones and when the kids point it out, the parents feel guilty. I guess I don't want that for my kid.

Anyway, I have apologized to my husband last night about my tone and my comment but I still feel terrible for saying it how I did. And idk how to get over this feeling.

edit: WOW I didn't expect this post to blow up like it has. I was just trying to let some steam off lol

So firstly, there's a lot of people assuming he's being manipulative. I'm not making light of the situation or trying to divert the blame off of him but he's not manipulative guys, I truly think he has a phone addiction (like years in the making) and he just feels shame from what he did when I pointed it out (which still doesn't excuse the behavior).

Second, some ppl asked if he has ADHD. I have a high hunch he does but has never gotten diagnosed. I have ADHD and am on Wellbutrin (not for ADHD but for my PPD, which apparently can also help with ADHD and has helped me a TON with my ADHD...anyway) and was diagnosed as a child but never medicated. I had help from a retired teacher long ago to help me with my attention deficit part and that helped a ton. My husband on the other hand never had that and just has always been good at school because he genuinely likes learning but I see a lot of ADHD symptoms in him and have mentioned it to him. He just won't go to a doctor to get diagnosed. 🤷‍♀️

Thirdly, we've been together for 11 years now, married for 6 years. I've put up with this for a long time and with our child here I'm definitely going to be calling out this behavior more often when I see it. I want to talk to him about our phone usage around the baby. Our son notices us looking at the phone and I feel bad about it. I don't want him thinking a phone is more important than him.

Hello everyone!

Just wanted some feedback on something before I post a listing (or two) on an item I want to sell.

I haven't made them yet, but I have these glass pumpkin jars for candles I bought 2 years ago from Candlescience. I bought 3 (6 jars each) packs, and I had made the first 6 jars 2 years ago and gave them to family and friends for feedback on the hot/cold throw of the candles. Overall, great!

So, I was working a main job for the last 1.5 years, and the pumpkin candles have been put on the back burner until this year. So I opened up the last 2 packs, and out of 12, only 3 are chipped, and it's ONLY on the lids. There's a stem, so you'd open the candle at the stem and not the base of the lid where the chipped part is.

I still plan on selling at least the other 9 that are fine but since I bought these 2 years ago the store definitely won't reimburse me or send me new jars bc its been so long ago (which is understandable and I should've looked before waiting so long to look at ALL the jars).

So now this is where I need advice/feedback. I can either just not sell the chipped ones and have those as just personal candles for myself at home OR I could make a separate listing on Etsy explicitly explaining (and showing photos) of the chipped part on the lids as full transparency of what the buyer would be paying for.

Just not sure if I should do the former even though I know on Etsy there are vintage sellers that sell items are are "used" and have wear and tear on them and are shown either in the description and/or photos for full transparency.

edit to add: These would also be sold at a 15% discount from the original price!

Thank you all in advance!

Why do I think my sister might be a "bad" mom? I don't really think my

sister is a bad mom, but maybe she doesn't care as much as I thought she did about her own child? 0r I could just being very judgmental about this

Ever since we were kids, she always was adamant that she didn't want children. All the way up until she met her husband and married

him, she was still saying she never wanted kids. Until one day she announced she was pregnant. That was a big shock.

Now my niece is 2 years old and a VERY rambunctious, hyper child. I'm pretty sure she has ADHD (sister isn't officially diagnosed, but I am and so is our mom, so it definitely is a possibility). Anyway, I never noticed until I had my own child 4 months ago that my sister, at any given point had the opportunity, would push her child to be with our parents. "Do you want her?" "When can I drop her off?" "Yall still taking her this weekend?"

It's gotten to the point that she'll send her child to daycare and to our elderly parents with a fever and sickness just to get her out of the house. Now our mom is sick, and she was supposed to babysit my child today, but oh well. My baby will stay home with me. I don't mind that at all.

I still think my sister never wanted kids but gave her husband one. He's not abusive or mean to her at all, quite the opposite. He's very loving towards her and gives her anything she wants. She's a SAHM like I am.

They just put my niece into daycare like a month or so ago and yes she'll get sick from the other kids but my sister will still send her there when she has an active fever. They only carry her to the doctor if they really need to. One time, it took them a full week to get her to her pediatrician, and that's when they found out she had a double ear infection. And only was it later that I found out they never gave my niece the full dose, just a couple of days' worth and stopped

Now, I understand wanting alone time now that I'm a mom (only 4 months in, but I understand), but not shoving your child to anyone willing to take them, even when said child is actively sick.

My sister is starting to act like our cousin who has 3 children and also does the same thing with her kids. Even though my sister used to actively criticize her for her parenting (before she also had a kid).

I don't know, my sister can do what she wants and if I try to bring it up I'm sure my sister will tell me that I don't understand until my baby is grown and gets on my nerves.

I have asked my sister before if she thinks I'm ready for a child (before I got pregnant) and she told me no that I needed to wait longer. I was 29 when I got pregnant, my husband and I own our own home, are financially stable (on one or two incomes) and have great support systems in place.

I don't know, l used to look up to my sister, and now I don't know what to think. I guess I think she's more selfish than I thought she was.

There's other stuff she's done, and it would be like a whole book if I went into everything but, ultimately I don't think she's a bad mom, just maybe she wasn't exactly *meant* to be a mom? I know deep down she loves her child and would never abandon her.

Ugh, now I don't know how to end this post, but there's nuance to every situation, and I'm just looking from the outside

This is definitely a problem, but I need helping how I can help my husband understand what I'm trying to say when I'm trying to help him with our son.

This all comes down to when our son goes down for a nap/sleep.

(Almost) Every time I put our son down for a nap and he squirms and wiggles, my husband will come in and ask, "Are you sure he's tired?" Leading to me being irritated and (I do snap at him a little) that yes he's tired and I'm trying to put him to sleep.

Then that leads to my husband getting hurt feelings (not trying to sound like an asshole, I genuinely feel bad that I made him feel bad) and then he goes quieter and more reserved. We've had conversations about talking to one another about how he feel and that we should lead by example for our son to show that people can talk about their feelings with one another.

Well, I tend to share how I feel when my husband hurts my feelings but when I do it to him he acts like above and acts like nothing happened and doesn't want to talk about it. That then leads me to getting sad and (I shouldn't do it) pestering him what's wrong. It's literally like pulling teeth with him.

Again, we've had MULTIPLE conversations about sharing our feelings and how one of us hurt the other (in a gentle manner). But he doesn't reciprocate that at all!

I'm at a loss what to do. I don't know how I can get him to tell me things, especially if I hurt his feelings. I WANT to do better. I WANT feedback and criticism. Our son is only 4 months old. I'm a SAHM and my husband works all week. I know how our son is a little more than my husband does and I've told him it hurts my feelings when he asks me that stupid question over and over again bc it makes me feel like I don't know what I'm doing when I know I am!

Maybe I feel like I'm trying to take more control in the relationship regarding our son but I'm also trying to help my husband understand our son's cues.

Hello! My son is about to be 4 months old this week, and we've already hit the 4 month sleep regression last week.

30 min naps (unless contact napping), struggling to fall asleep and sometimes fights the nap even if he is showing sleepy cues and rubbing his eyes and yawning.

How did yall survive this time? Are you surviving now?

My son is awake by 7am and naps after being awake for 1.25 hrs. Then naps for 30 minutes until he gets fussy then I go in and save the nap and he will sleep up to 2 hrs on me. His bedtime is normally around 7:30-8pm and he'll wake up between 12-4am, feed, go back to sleep and wakes again around 5-6am to fed, sleep and finally awake for the day at 7 am again.

I dont want to sleep train and I understand this is something all babies go through, just wanting to know what others have done during this period of time with their LO's?

As I sit here, on the couch, looking at my 4 month old son through the monitor, taking a nap. I can't help but reminiscence about the past 4 months since he was born.

All the sleepless nights, the gas pains in the early days, trying to figure out how to keep him alive while also trying to heal from the same birth process that got him here. The many conversations I had with my husband about our life now and how baby is hard and this is hard, but we can get through this together with our son.

I also remember his first smile, first laugh, how he started slowly waking up to the world around him and he's such a curious little dude. Seeing him grow and learn makes my heart so full and somehow fulfills me like nothing else in this world.

I never knew how much I could love someone so small and would throw myself into danger to keep him safe if it came down to it. How I can stand up for him since he can't.

It's so rough those first months. I had/have PPD and since month 1, I have been medicated. I cried EVERY DAY, even while holding my son and had to call my mom to come and help me because I was so stressed. My mom, husband, and MIL got me to go to the doctor.

Not to make this super long, but I hope this post helps someone in the newborn trenches. It gets better, I promise. Seek help if/when you need it. Don't suffer. Your child deserves a happy and healthy parent.

(the flare I chose seemed to be the only one that fit the most!)

Hello everyone!

​

I was wondering if people started a schedule for their 12 week old to wake up (for the day) and have more or less "scheduled" naps.

​

I had to wake my sleeping 12 wo at 7:30 because I have to meet his grandmother (husband's mom) for lunch today at 10:30 and it would be nice for my little one to get a couple of good naps before we leave. He usually stays awake for around an hour so his next nap should be 8:30, then would wake up around 9:30 (which I'm just now realizing that he'd be sleepy by the time I go for lunch so 😮‍💨).

​

Now, I'm contemplating whether I need to start him on a more structured schedule instead of letting him sleep as long as he wants? He is usually ready for bedtime at 7:30 to 8 but his naps are around 45 mins to 1.5 hours (sometimes longer than that but that's only been recently).

​

How did yall know when to start your LO on a schedule or not?

My LO will be 12 weeks next week, and I was just wondering if anyone else is having the same experience as me.

45 minutes into his wake window, he'll start doing sleepy cues; rubbing eyes, yawning, then crying if I'm not fast enough. Then, once he's "asleep," he'll wake up 5-10 minutes later and be ready to keep playing for another hour until he actually goes to sleep.

Is this normal? Am I supposed to keep him awake even if he gives sleepy cues?

He used to go to sleep around 45 minutes into his wake windows before this week and actually nap.

My LO will be 12 weeks next week, and I was just wondering if anyone else is having the same experience as me.

45 minutes into his wake window, he'll start doing sleepy cues; rubbing eyes, yawning, then crying if I'm not fast enough. Then, once he's "asleep," he'll wake up 5-10 minutes later and be ready to keep playing for another hour until he actually goes to sleep.

Is this normal? Am I supposed to keep him awake even if he gives sleepy cues?

He used to go to sleep around 45 minutes into his wake windows before this week and actually nap.

My LO will be 12 weeks next week, and I was just wondering if anyone else is having the same experience as me.

45 minutes into his wake window, he'll start doing sleepy cues; rubbing eyes, yawning, then crying if I'm not fast enough. Then, once he's "asleep," he'll wake up 5-10 minutes later and be ready to keep playing for another hour until he actually goes to sleep.

Is this normal? Am I supposed to keep him awake even if he gives sleepy cues?

He used to go to sleep around 45 minutes into his wake windows before this week and actually nap.

Sorry this is probably gonna be a very long post but I need to vent.

The last two days I've (30f) brought my son (2 month male) out of the house.

Yesterday, it was a Mother's Day treat to get pedicures done with MIL, while SIL took my son for the hour then afterwards lunch. Well the pedicure was nice but SIL had to come back to pay and when she came back my son was crying. Found out he was hungry so I had to walk outside with him to feed him while SIL and MIL figured out a payment issue at the desk.

Then we went to get lunch, son was fighting a nap the entire time in the restaurant and I could barely look at the menu right before we ordered (order at the front and sit down to wait for food). Then SIL was trying to feed my son while MIL and I were eating and that went as well as I expected (not well at all). I stepped in to feed him again and burp him.

Then they wanted to go to TJ Max and I was fine with that. MIL was pushing him around in the stroller after son finally went to sleep! Only slept for 20 minutes before he started crying. I forgot the diaper bag in the car and I just took him back to the car to change. Brought some diapers and wipes with me back in the store. We looked around a bit then basically son peed twice and pooped once, each time I went to change him (this is in a 30 minute span of time). Then once everyone was ready to pay for their stuff there was a long line for the registers and I didn't have anything to buy so I just went back to the car with my son bc he was crying again bc he was hungry.

After that MIL and I went back to the house, I stayed there for another hour bc son got hungry again and I fed him. Then his grandfather came home from work and wanted to see him. I didn't get home til 6pm (was out since 9 am).

Then today husband and I had to go to the store to get son formula bc he's almost out and we won't have time to do it tomorrow since it's Mother's Day. I honestly just wanted to stay home with son but husband said we could get lunch while out so I just got dressed, got the diaper bag ready and son in the car seat.

Once we got to the store son was fussing, so I stayed in the car to feed him while husband ran inside. Son pooped twice in the car, so i changed him twice. Husband came back, we left to get food through a drive through. Ordered and waited at the window. Son started fussing again bc he was tired, so I got in the back seat and gave him a paci to fall asleep with (he still fought his nap). Husband wanted to pull over and eat before we went home and I said no bc we just needed to take son home for a proper nap.

Got home, son got hungry again. Ate and now it's been almost 2 hours since we got home and son still is fighting sleep and we have to leave the house again bc we're going to my sister's for a Mother's day dinner at her house with our Mom and Dad. And tomorrow we're suppose to go have a picnic at the park for me bc that's what I wanted for me, husband and son to do before we went to MIL's for dinner tomorrow night.

I'm already tired of trying to keep everything up bc I'm the only one who knows what my son needs to sleep (even if he fights it) and everything is pissing me off. Earlier, husband was trying to give son a paci when son was actually hungry and son was just getting madder. Son hasn't gotten more than 20 minutes each nap today or yesterday and I'm sure the same will happen tomorrow.

I haven't taken a shower yet and I'm tired. I just want to stay home by this point.

edit to add: I've also been very snappy at my husband the last two days and today right before we're suppose to leave for my sister's he tells me to just go and he'll stay home with our son. Said that I was in a mood and needed a break.

I know this has been probably asked so many times, but i need reassuring. I have a 7 week old, and I think today is the first day (with his first wake window) that I just left him in his glider to chill. He's just looking around, making some cooing noises and moving his arms and legs around.

I still can't get it out of my head that every wake window I need to be doing *something* with him. Tummy time, flash cards, talking to him, entertaining him in some kind of way. How do I get over trying to get in as much stimulus as possible without thinking I'm being a "bad" parent? If he doesn't hit milestones, I will blame myself bc im a SAHM, and I'm supposed to be working on helping him meet those.

Before becoming a parent I understood that I shouldn't make a happy baby happier (there's no way!) but now since becoming one I can't get over this feeling :(

I will say right now, ik reddit is probably not the place to ask this but I truly have no one to ask (his mom would just call him and bombard him with questions/worry and my family would probably just judge him).

We have an almost 6 week old, I have noticed that my husband has started having a short fuse with our son. Last night, it came to a head when I heard him cussing at our child (it was night and husband was trying to get son to go to sleep-we're also FTP's so we're VERY new to this and husband had been at it for an hour mostly unsuccessful, making small "mistakes" and accidentally waking son up to then start all over again) and I ran in and my husband was trying to change son's diaper (baby is VERY wiggly). I told him to leave, and I'd finish changing him.

After 30 minutes of rocking and feeding, son finally went to sleep. I found my husband in the garage putting things away. I told him that he needed to get a hold of his anger bc it was unacceptable, our child is just a baby and when he gets older he's modeling behavior that would be unwanted. Husband broke down crying (yall, he's not a crier. This man is usually *my* rock, he is a very sweet, loving man and has held me up in my most darkest of times), saying that he just gets so frustrated with our son (again, we've never taken care of children before, especially not my husband. I've been around children more than he has).

He won't go to therapy, take medication or really talk to anyone. It took me 30 mins to just get that he's frustrated out of him. I'm not scared that he'll hurt our son or me. I'm just worried about him. I told him that when he starts to get overwhelmed to tag me in (even if I'm sleeping) so he can go cool down. I've had to do the same thing with tagging him in when I get frustrated.

I just don't know how to help him. I guess, I'm just asking for advice on how other people have handled a similar situation? And how to support my husband in these trenches?