u/grateful_2balive

It's been more than 6 months since I went NC with my Nex, I finally got on dating apps after months of completely staying away from him. He tried getting in touch with me through different means, but I blocked him each time. I really lost it when he found me ON the dating apps! He had the audacity to reach out to me on the damn dating app!

I connected with a few potentially compatible guys on the app, but most of them triggered some or the other part of me which was played with by this damn narc-ex. It kinda made me realise there's actually a lot of narcissists out there, I met one of the worst and learned a lot and now can spot one from a mile away.

I went on a date and this one guy manipulated me into thinking we want the same things and ghosted me when I insisted that I don't want to get physical so soon! My body is literally scared of being touched until I feel emotionally safe.

Then I started talking to a nice guy, he's a little younger, sweet and giving, and a part of me just feels so strange receiving that attention and affection.

It's so strange. How does one even go back to dating or just trusting, my system is feeling very thrown off by these experiences.

It's been more than 6 months since I went NC with my Nex, I finally got on dating apps after months of completely staying away from him. He tried getting in touch with me through different means, but I blocked him each time. I really lost it when he found me ON the dating apps! He had the audacity to reach out to me on the damn dating app!

I connected with a few potentially compatible guys on the app, but most of them triggered some or the other part of me which was played with by this damn narc-ex. It kinda made me realise there's actually a lot of narcissists out there, I met one of the worst and learned a lot and now can spot one from a mile away.

I went on a date and this one guy manipulated me into thinking we want the same things and ghosted me when I insisted that I don't want to get physical so soon! My body is literally scared of being touched until I feel emotionally safe.

Then I started talking to a nice guy, he's a little younger, sweet and giving, and a part of me just feels so strange receiving that attention and affection.

It's so strange. How does one even go back to dating or just trusting, my system is feeling very thrown off by these experiences.

It's been more than 6 months since I went NC with my Nex, I finally got on dating apps after months of completely staying away from him. He tried getting in touch with me through different means, but I blocked him each time. I really lost it when he found me ON the dating apps! He had the audacity to reach out to me on the damn dating app!

I connected with a few potentially compatible guys on the app, but most of them triggered some or the other part of me which was played with by this damn narc-ex. It kinda made me realise there's actually a lot of narcissists out there, I met one of the worst and learned a lot and now can spot one from a mile away.

I went on a date and this one guy manipulated me into thinking we want the same things and ghosted me when I insisted that I don't want to get physical so soon! My body is literally scared of being touched until I feel emotionally safe.

Then I started talking to a nice guy, he's a little younger, sweet and giving, and a part of me just feels so strange receiving that attention and affection.

It's so strange. How does one even go back to dating or just trusting, my system is feeling very thrown off by these experiences.

Is this even possible? I was in a deeply meditative state and I felt a crack and heard it, in molars on the left side, but it wasn't painful and my jaw was not clenched, my mouth was actually partially open.

I do feel very relaxed, has anyone else experienced teeth related releases?

I've felt the protection of Archangel Azrael over me for a few months, especially around the time I was in an abusive narcissistic relationship. His protection intensified after I managed to escape that person. It's been exactly 6 months since, the past month I didn't feel him as much but yesterday I made a direct contact and he showed me the exact reality of my Ex, all the lies, everything, the illusions he entrapped me in. At the same time he showed me where my heart really lies, my person who I can't be with because we're very far apart.

Today I was feeling immense weight in my chest, very overwhelmed by grief and heartache. I couldn't stop crying but it honestly just felt like a cleanse and renewal.

Has anyone else had any experience with him?

Edit: I've been very drawn to wearing white and surrounding myself with white things since his presence became stronger.

Before I started actively meditating and started my journey inwards, I used to act impulsively when I'd be overwhelmed with feelings, especially heartbreak or rejection, I'd find a way to make me feel better either through another person or through friends but this time, I was comfortable enough to be uncomfortable with my heartache and not expect any external balming.

It's painful in the worst way possible but I can also feel this is the right way, my big feelings aren't anyone else's problem. It feels lonely but I still feel present, I don't feel the need to talk to my friends about it or anyone else, or even reach out to the person I'm feeling this heartbreak for. It's a strange feeling but feels strangely right.

The expectation that people around me need to show up for me in a certain way to soothe me or be there for me has dissolved.

I finally feel love flowing through me, even towards people I never thought I could be empathetic towards. I used to be a people pleaser and love used to feel like this responsibility and a role that I had to play but now, I can finally feel it. Fully. Without any expectations, without the need to express it, without needing to get it in return. It's so freeing.

For the past week, I was feeling physically exhausted and had a lower back ache, so I avoided going for my Martial arts practice, it's a mix of yoga and martial arts, today, I went anyway because I promised myself to get physically stronger and I wanted to keep that word.

The class started at 6:30AM, at 7:40AM I started getting cold sweats and feeling dizzy with black spots, I almost fainted but didn't, I took a moment and sat down, the energy around me felt insane.

I rushed back home, got into a fight with my cab driver because he refused to drop me at my location. I managed to make my way to my room, fell asleep, had the strangest, most vivid dreams and it was very dark, realistic and dark, it really spooked me out. When I woke up, I looked up at my clock and it was stuck at that exact time at 7:40AM. It was working before I left for the class and I had changed the battery a little while back, no way it could've just died exactly at that moment.

I've felt very unsettled since. I'm not sure what's going on. My vitals are fine, I'm not deficient in anything. I'm otherwise in a really good physical shape.

Please help me make sense of this, nothing like this has ever happened before, I've been looking into lores, entity chasing stories etc to see what could've been the cause, but it's all very confusing.

For the past week, I was feeling physically exhausted and had a lower back ache, so I avoided going for my Martial arts practice, it's a mix of yoga and martial arts, today, I went anyway because I promised myself to get physically stronger and I wanted to keep that word.

The class started at 6:30AM, at 7:40AM I started getting cold sweats and feeling dizzy with black spots, I almost fainted but didn't, I took a moment and sat down, the energy around me felt insane.

I rushed back home, got into a fight with my cab driver because he refused to drop me at my location. I managed to make my way to my room, fell asleep, had the strangest, most vivid dreams and it was very dark, realistic and dark, it really spooked me out. When I woke up, I looked up at my clock and it was stuck at that exact time at 7:40AM. It was working before I left for the class and I had changed the battery a little while back, no way it could've just died exactly at that moment.

I've felt very unsettled since. I'm not sure what's going on. My vitals are fine, I'm not deficient in anything. I'm otherwise in a really good physical shape.

Please help me make sense of this, nothing like this has ever happened before, I've been looking into lores, entity chasing stories etc to see what could've been the cause, but it's all very confusing.

For the past week, I was feeling physically exhausted and had a lower back ache, so I avoided going for my Martial arts practice, it's a mix of yoga and martial arts, today, I went anyway because I promised myself to get physically stronger and I wanted to keep that word.

The class started at 6:30AM, at 7:40AM I started getting cold sweats and feeling dizzy with black spots, I almost fainted but didn't, I took a moment and sat down, the energy around me felt insane.

I rushed back home, got into a fight with my cab driver because he refused to drop me at my location. I managed to make my way to my room, fell asleep, had the strangest, most vivid dreams and it was very dark, realistic and dark, it really spooked me out. When I woke up, I looked up at my clock and it was stuck at that exact time at 7:40AM. It was working before I left for the class and I had changed the battery a little while back, no way it could've just died exactly at that moment.

I've felt very unsettled since. I'm not sure what's going on. My vitals are fine, I'm not deficient in anything. I'm otherwise in a really good physical shape.

Please help me make sense of this, nothing like this has ever happened before, I've been looking into lores, entity chasing stories etc to see what could've been the cause, but it's all very confusing.

I recently got diagnosed with a unicornuate uterus (a small uterus with only one fallopian tube) and it's not something that's very common, definitely did not expect that, it broke me.

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I was born very deficient and sick, I've had chronic sinusitis because of a deviated septum, and astigmatism (misshapen eye). All of these things can't really be fixed by natural means, I would have to get surgeries to get them fixed.

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I'm the only one in my family to have any of these physical issues, I've been trying to think of all possible reasons why one would have certain deficiencies and deformities.

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I have not been able to find any text, any teaching which talks about this

All my life most of my relationships have been long distance or extremely testing, even though they'd start out with us being in the same space and gradually we'd be placed in different cities/countries. My last long term relationship which was close to turning into a marriage was 5 years, out of which 4 years of long distance, the relationship right after that was extremely abusive.

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Astrologically also, I've been told my husband would be somebody across the ocean. In some of my visions and whispers around my SP, I got some details about this person, their sign and placements, what they would feel like, sound like, dress like, lifestyle, their height, hair and eyes. I kept getting the feeling that it's someone I know, it felt very familiar.

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I recently reconnected with an old friend, we've never met but we've virtually been connected for years, we connected during COVID and have been each other's cheer leaders throughout despite not bein actively connected, and by the time we could've met, he had left for another country, I was very upset because his flight was literally from my city and we still couldn't meet. So I never really knew how tall he was or what the colour of his eyes was.

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Apparently he's had feelings for me from the day we first interacted, he felt a spark the moment we started talking, but I was in a long term relationship, so he chose to say nothing. I realised I had feelings for him a year ago after a long conversation, but we had never explicitly showed romantic interest in each other, so we kept it platonic.

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However, this week, we started talking almost everyday and he told me all about his feelings and told me how much he hates how I've been treated, wants to treat me right, and how it feels like we were meant to go through extremely challenging relationships to finally find our way to each other.

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Just hearing his voice calms my nervous system down, I feel like I'm held, even if he's not here. The moment we exchanged how we felt, I knew this is it. But, the big old BUT is the distance. We probably won't be able to meet for another 2-3 years, he's very practical in life and would've loved for us to work out but he told me that if I find someone who's suited for me and would want to get married I should, he'll be happy for me because he might not be able to be the one, given he's in another country and wants to settle there. And my life is mainly rooted in our home country.

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But, my intuition tells me he is the person I would literally cross oceans for or wait for eternity without any expectations. That kind of love, which transcends the physical, even though there's yearning, there's no desperation. And I'm so driven to make my life better which leads us to each other even though it seems impossible.

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He knows it too, that we're meant to be, he was the one to figure it out first but the absolute realist in him doesn't know how it will pan out so we're basically in a space where we know of each other's feelings and have to trust the universe to make it happen. I finally understand what it means when they say if you love them, let them go. It's more about the conditioned ownership we feel over people in relationships that we need to let go of.

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The more I learn about love and partnership from the lens of spirituality, the more I realise it's supposed to make us better people, it's supposed to raise us, make us face our mirrors head on and succeed, my biggest lesson I know for this life is patience, trust and finishing what I start. Until we meet, I need to learn all of this, because that love fuels me to be better.

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I know it sounds paradoxical when I say there's no expectation or an ownership-like tag yet I know he's my future husband, that's just the legal term for the connection in the material world.

I see a lot of spiritual people have exited the day-2-day, general bot lives and moved away to more remote locations, more nature rich areas, less frequency disruption and distractions/maya, if you're here, how did you guys do it? How did you find your exit to live comfortably?

If it's a dating app, let us know your experience with it, I'm not hearing great things about dating apps lately.

How do I change things? People talk about how easy it is to change the reality, trust me I've tried.

I've been meditating, praying, talking to god but I'm feeling extremely lost. I don't feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to, I'm really struggling with finding a purpose, a part of me wants to live closer to the beach or water, or in the mountains. I feel so detached from people here and things here, I feel like a total hermit.

I live in the city, work with my family and a friend of mine said I'm probably just burned out. I don't understand how I get burned out when I haven't even acted on my full potential yet barely scratched the surface.

The feeling of wanting to do something big, something great, something insane that moves things keeps knocking at me, and I fail at seeing it through.

I had a chance to be one of the youngest and potentially the most coveted lawyers in the crypto space, I was going to have an EDITOR title for a book in my name at 22, I fucked that up, then I was given a law firm to run, I fucked that up, then I was working in the biggest marketing agency s

Making insane money, again, fucked that up, now with the family business, the stakes are too damn high and I'm making 10% of what I used to. I feel like I've shrunk to a point where I've made my existence irrelevant, and some days, it does feel that way.

And the worst part, I feel like I've got a heart of a 12 year old, so easily broken. I haven't dated since January, after my ex cheated on me and tried to kill me, I feel so free yet so fucking single. it was the most confusing feeling, ever. I love love love my independence now and being by myself, but also it would be lovely to have a travel partner who is spiritual, takes care of his health, loves the same music and food that I do and we go on these mini-adventures and what not. I don't think I've ever had a true partner, just karmic lessons.

People around me have no substance all they want to talk about is my narc ex and how I was an idiot to let myself suffer that torture. Yet, simultaneously, it felt like it would be nice to have a partner who doesn't try to kill me.

I sometimes feel money could fix the problem but I don't know how to make that amount of money that is freeing of this material realm or if I should just give everything up and move to some place secluded, I'm struggling so much with myself...