u/hellogaurav_

i've trying to resolve my relationship with my mom. and it just never works out.
i was too broken for my dad demise, he had chronic depression and took his own life. i couldn't eat 3 days before my dad death. i was shook from all the way. i was feeling something was wrong and i can't think good.
i don't have my dad, he passed away few years ago. after few weeks of his passing away, i found out my mom was calling someone. i tracked her phone. after i recorded her calls, turns out she was sexting on call.
i think this is a worse situation for early 20 kid to witness. his dad death and his mom calls. man, the amount of fuckery my head went through was so messed up. i tried so many times sharing this to my girlfriend (here's a thing i wrote for her in her birthday: https://www.reddit.com/r/NepalWrites/comments/1bk6r52/so_its_your_birthday_unsent_letter/) but i couldn't. and i decided to break up with her because i lost the meaning of the world. i genuinely didn't know what is right and wrong. and i was putting blame to myself for all this and that gives a thinking which wire you to be more messed up.
i confessed that to my mom and shared her recording to her. she cried and i was raging. i gave her option to live with that guy or if she wants to stay with me, don't do it. she decided to not do it and stay with me. i thought this will work but hell no.
my mind was so messed up. graduated right after college. kicked out of internships. and confidence completely shattered. life/career was all messed up. like whats right and wrong wasn't clear.
i lived with my mom and whenever i sat to eat the food she made, i used to get intrinsic thought that the food has poison or something bad in it. i used to be so shaken at night to sleep if someone will come and k''l me. i used to be scared of everyone, i lost trust completely. man, i had worst of nights in my life. a year passed away, i thought life is supposed to be this only. i lost meaning completely. one thing was back in my head, bro, "this guy ain't giving up". but still, the things were so worst. i still remember, "tyo public bus chadney bela, nisasinthey, kuani river dekhesi ma darauthey and haamfal dim jasto hunthyo." and in the gym, i used to get panic attack, when i used to push my limits. i was so inconsistent in everything i tried. i always was in fear. the fear that i couldn't share to anyone. i thought this is how i end up in, i just had no aspiration to grow. i simply let low of myself.
here's the post around that time: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nepal/comments/18l9g80/i_should_be_applyingworking_now_but_i_have_zero/
until, my niece was born. there i remember in the hospital, i decided not to be this guy anymore. i worked on myself. i credit few people i met in my life thereafter. she made me realize i was blaming myself and i forgave myself. this required a lot of work, months and months of journaling, walks. the hardest part was to forgive myself. also, this another person, made me realize that i need to celebrate my small wins. that was also very tough thing to do for me.
with this, i can say i've been way better than what i was before.
https://www.reddit.com/r/NepalWrites/comments/16cglyo/new_me/
but as i come to today. i still couldn't forgive my mom. i just can't vibe with her. her energy doesn't makes me feel strong, safe or anything. she makes me feel worry and sad about life. i still feel if i share her anything, things won't workout. i've track-record of things that hasn't worked out. when i am home, i simply can't work. her presence just doesn't make me feel good. i feel bothered. i still try to stay with her as being the guy of family but its too much for me. i find myself to be very stuck. whatever i try to do, i await that resistance to stop me from my growth. i know the solution, moving abroad. but, i've always refrain from that knowing still she's my mom and i have to be with her. now, i don't know. i've just trying and trying and trying. and sometimes it just bothers me so much. its not like she deliberately does it but man, this happens a ton. i've been going to therapy by the way, again.

also, the relationship with women has shaped me this way.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Nepali_Millennials/comments/1umlphz/ive_been_lately_thinking_about_not_to_get_married/

I M/27 have been thinking a lot about marriage lately, and I feel like I’ve slowly lost interest in it.

For context, my father M/58, who has already passed away, and my mother F/47 had a failed marriage. They never divorced, but their marriage was not healthy. Growing up, I often felt like I was parenting my own parents when I was still a child. I don’t think this is the only reason I feel this way about marriage, but I also can’t deny that it shaped how I see relationships, responsibility, and family.

I’ve talked to people around me about this. My brothers and brother-in-law, who are older than me and already married, have all suggested that I should get married too. I understand where they are coming from, and honestly, I was not always against the idea. A few months ago, I had accepted the idea of marriage and was even excited about it.

But now, the more I think about it, the more I genuinely feel like I don’t want to get married.

I used to think I didn’t need many friends, and that having one person as my partner would be enough. But now, when I’m alone, I feel like I don’t really need anyone in that way. I have childhood friends, but they have their own circles and lives. I don’t really have a proper friend group or group chat, and somehow I’m okay with that. I don’t crave friendship or social connection the way I used to.

I also feel like most of the things people say marriage gives you can exist outside marriage. Socializing can come from community, work, friends, or family. Physical needs can exist outside marriage too. Emotional support can come from therapy, which I’m already doing.

So I keep asking myself: what is the actual point of marriage for me?

My recent experiences with women have also made me feel tired. The woman I loved F/22 married someone else. Since then, I feel like something in me shut down. I don’t feel like I can fall in love again, and I don’t feel like I have the energy to deal with emotional drama anymore. It just doesn’t feel worth it.

At the same time, I have so many business plans and things I want to build. I feel like I can help people in many ways. I sometimes think I may be better at giving to the world through work, business, and social impact than through becoming a husband or father.

The idea of having children also scares me now. I can only control myself. I can’t control another person’s behavior, and I can’t control the world my child would grow up in. I might be a good father, but I don’t know if I would ever feel like I’m enough. The same goes for being a husband. Maybe I could be good, but I don’t know if I could be enough.

I know loneliness may come if I stay unmarried, but I feel like I can handle loneliness. I’ve already gone through some of the darkest parts of my life alone. What scares me more is being responsible for someone else’s heart and life, then watching things turn painful.

So I’m at a point where marriage feels meaningless for someone like me.

I’m not saying I hate marriage. I’m not saying I never wanted it. I’m saying I’ve lost the desire, and I don’t know if that desire can come back.

For people who have gone through something similar, how did you deal with this? Is this a phase, fear, trauma, emotional exhaustion, or just clarity? How can I understand whether I genuinely don’t want marriage, or whether I’m just protecting myself from getting hurt again?

I M/27 have been thinking a lot about marriage lately, and I feel like I’ve slowly lost interest in it.

For context, my father M/58, who has already passed away, and my mother F/47 had a failed marriage. They never divorced, but their marriage was not healthy. Growing up, I often felt like I was parenting my own parents when I was still a child. I don’t think this is the only reason I feel this way about marriage, but I also can’t deny that it shaped how I see relationships, responsibility, and family.

I’ve talked to people around me about this. My brothers and brother-in-law, who are older than me and already married, have all suggested that I should get married too. I understand where they are coming from, and honestly, I was not always against the idea. A few months ago, I had accepted the idea of marriage and was even excited about it.

But now, the more I think about it, the more I genuinely feel like I don’t want to get married.

I used to think I didn’t need many friends, and that having one person as my partner would be enough. But now, when I’m alone, I feel like I don’t really need anyone in that way. I have childhood friends, but they have their own circles and lives. I don’t really have a proper friend group or group chat, and somehow I’m okay with that. I don’t crave friendship or social connection the way I used to.

I also feel like most of the things people say marriage gives you can exist outside marriage. Socializing can come from community, work, friends, or family. Physical needs can exist outside marriage too. Emotional support can come from therapy, which I’m already doing.

So I keep asking myself: what is the actual point of marriage for me?

My recent experiences with women have also made me feel tired. The woman I loved F/22 married someone else. Since then, I feel like something in me shut down. I don’t feel like I can fall in love again, and I don’t feel like I have the energy to deal with emotional drama anymore. It just doesn’t feel worth it.

At the same time, I have so many business plans and things I want to build. I feel like I can help people in many ways. I sometimes think I may be better at giving to the world through work, business, and social impact than through becoming a husband or father.

The idea of having children also scares me now. I can only control myself. I can’t control another person’s behavior, and I can’t control the world my child would grow up in. I might be a good father, but I don’t know if I would ever feel like I’m enough. The same goes for being a husband. Maybe I could be good, but I don’t know if I could be enough.

I know loneliness may come if I stay unmarried, but I feel like I can handle loneliness. I’ve already gone through some of the darkest parts of my life alone. What scares me more is being responsible for someone else’s heart and life, then watching things turn painful.

So I’m at a point where marriage feels meaningless for someone like me.

I’m not saying I hate marriage. I’m not saying I never wanted it. I’m saying I’ve lost the desire, and I don’t know if that desire can come back.

For people who have gone through something similar, how did you deal with this? Is this a phase, fear, trauma, emotional exhaustion, or just clarity? How can I understand whether I genuinely don’t want marriage, or whether I’m just protecting myself from getting hurt again?

I've been throwing hands(reaching out) and knowing it all from people around me.
I've talked to my brothers, brother-in-law, who are more senior than me and married. They all suggest me to get marry.

I've always accepted the idea of marriage and was excited few months ago to get married too.

And now, as I look into it, I genuinely don't want to get married.

My parents had a failed marriage. Mero parents lai maile parenting garirathye jaba ma bachha thiye. They never divorced but I've seen my life fall apart. Tyo kura le khasai ma bihey gardina bhanney mentality ako haina.

Tara malai bihey garera kei positive hola bhanne kura nai dimag bata niskisakyo

I used to think, malai sathi haru chaidena, tehi ekjana bhaye huncha bhanera. Tara ahileyy ma eklai huda, malai koi ni chaidaina jasto lagna laisakyo.

Mero bachhai dekhi ko sathi chan tara, tiniharu ko aafnai circle cha, mero group chat nai chaina. I've no friends and its fine. Malai sathi bhanera hurukkai ni hunna.

Aba bihey nagarey, sabbai sathi bhai yeta uta community hyan tyaan le nai socialize bhayera, mental health regulate huncha.

Physical needs haru ta bihey nagarera ni girlfriends ta bhaihalcha. And mann ko kura garna lai therapist chadai chan. Tehi nai garira ho.

Bihey garnu ko aauchitwo nai chaina, last few women sanga ko interaction bata ta I don't even find myself getting in love again. The women I was in love with married someone else and I can't handle any drama from women anymore. Like its not worth it k.

Baru I've so many business plans and I can help so many people in so many ways. Like maile kaile ni kasaile malai bujla ra mero khyal rakhla bhanera sochya thiyena, ekchoti tyo feelingg ako thyo, blinded by that shit and I thought I can love. But ma bata ta hudaina. I can't.

Aba malai bihey garera mero bachha hola bhanney aas ni chaina, malai lastai darr lairacha. Maile aafulai bahek aarulai control garna sakdaina tesaile. I can't dictate someone else behaviour and I can't have a kid whom I can let be whatever they want to be. The world is so scary. Ani, I think I can't be a good father. i might be a good one but never enough. Same goes to being a husband. Baru ma social work ma best huna sakchu.

So, ma jasto manche le bihey garnu ko kunai aartha nai chaina, ma eklai ramauna sakchu,eklai bachna sakchu. Life ko kasto dark phases ta eklai cross garey, aaba auney nai hola ra. Tei bela bela ma lonelyness aaula tara tesko lagi ta baal ho. Testa kura le bother gardaina malai, baru tyo aafno budi lai naramro bata lageko ya aaru ke garerko dekhna sakdina.

Let's use this sub for great use.

Anyone who have queries about sex/intimacy ask away and anyone who have the answers through experience, please help fellow redditors out.

https://preview.redd.it/lfus50w0x4ah1.png?width=1264&format=png&auto=webp&s=435b33a05ce10d1143ce74b4ce8e13ebad05037c

I'm absolutely loving it so, please I wanna listen to yours fav too.

Been using Claude Code recently and feel like I wasted a lot of tokens on something that could've been done more efficiently.

A portfolio website was already built in plain HTML/CSS/JS with separate pages. Instead of setting up a React/Vite project myself and migrating things gradually, I asked Claude Code to convert the whole thing to React. It worked, but burned through a ton of tokens.

For those who use Claude Code regularly, how do you decide what to do manually vs what to let the AI handle? Any tips or workflows for using tokens more efficiently and avoiding mistakes like this?

someone who can give me perspective and understand relationships and grief very well

I(27M) want your honest opinion on something because I've been stuck on it for a while.

A bit of context first.

A few years ago, I deliberately chose a life where I could be on my own. I wanted independence. I wanted to build something by myself, in a place where I didn't know many people and where I wasn't relying on anyone. In many ways, I got exactly what I wanted.

The problem is that now I'm trying to move to the next stage of my life, and I feel stuck.

I'm trying to improve my skills, create content, find better opportunities, build projects, earn more money, and generally move faster toward the life I want. I have ambitions. I want financial freedom, a better setup, the ability to do what I want without worrying too much about money, and to build something meaningful.

But I've noticed a pattern that is bothering me.

Whenever an opportunity appears that could genuinely help me grow, I often pull away from it. Sometimes I don't reply to people. Sometimes I avoid conversations that could lead to opportunities. Sometimes I delay things for no clear reason. It's almost like I step back when I should be stepping forward.

For a long time, I blamed my environment. I thought maybe the people around me weren't ambitious enough, or maybe I wasn't surrounded by the kind of people who push each other to grow.

But recently I've started wondering if the problem is actually me.

There's another piece to this.

A few years ago, I visited an astrologer. I don't really consider myself someone who strongly believes in astrology, but he said something that has stayed in my mind ever since.

He told me that if I get married, opportunities and wealth will flow into my life much more easily. But if I don't get married, I'll always have enough to survive, not necessarily enough to thrive. He basically suggested that marriage would unlock success for me. His statements has hold strong from past few years. I am barely just surving and not having the fun in life.

But, at the time, I dismissed it.

The strange thing is that I don't actually want to get married right now. I'm not against marriage, but I don't feel a strong desire for it. The only reason I even think about it is because of this idea that maybe it would somehow change my life or unlock something that I'm currently missing.

So now I'm confused.

I don't know if I'm dealing with self-sabotage, fear of growth, fear of responsibility, loneliness, a limiting belief that I've internalized, or something else entirely.
I geniunely started to think, yesko upaye chai bihey garesi nai hola jasto. What I need help understanding is this:

Why do I seem to pull away from opportunities that could help me grow?

Do you think I'm looking at marriage as a solution to a problem that actually has nothing to do with marriage?

If you were in my position, what would you focus on next?

I want your honest perspective because I feel like I've been thinking about this alone for too long.

Tough to begin with but lets do this.
This is the right time for someone to be in my life. Like I've just done being worst. I don't force positivity. And I mostly don't care about what other think.

You and I, we be a child wherever we go. We pretend and have cook stories for strangers to tell. Like we got married when we were 7 and we got together again at 16. Its very weird but lets mess with people. Or if you have any other ideas, lets do that. I am open for all the thrill in life.

Lets drink tea and coffee or whatever the hell we want that day together.

The world just overpromise and underdeliver. We promise nothing but the company of each other. And let the life unfolds. We move, ponder, wonder and go see what this world actually about.

We create memories in a most random place. We buy stuff together. You do whatever you're doing and I do what I wanna do. We might end up doing same thing.

I am not the version I aspire to be right now. But I wake up everyday to try to be it.
And I ain't talking with anyone at the moment.

What I want in a person I'll date now? I don't know. I want someone to whom I can just love without thinking too much.

I am very flexible towards life as I am not settled yet. But I know what I wanna do. So, it'll be easy for both to navigate if we start now.

I keep ditching arrange marriages from my family and I genuinely don't want to jump into it. So, here for that last hope.

Lets see.

Deliverables will be in Figma and if you can't code, I'll code it for you.

Only picking something I find worth doing.

If you're a startup, working towards a cool project. I'm cool.

For credibility, I've done paid website and product design projects.

web design snippet

product design snippet

kei pokhnu cha bhaney pokhda huncha yei post ma.. ma sunchu timra kura haru

i used to speed read and that's all. and whenever i came to something that i wanna keep, i use onenote to note the text. and whenever i read a physical book, i usually don't have any notes. so, i loose all the ideas from the book and i have like half bake ideas or knowledge without re-inforcement.

since, i am willing to take reading more seriously now, i want to make a note or book notes habit.

and for that, i just watched a video. this reader, underlined the physical book. i can't do that. i don't want the next reader of the book, go through all the annoying underlines.

can you suggest me a better way or your way of reading non fiction book or just tell me about your way of reading books

https://preview.redd.it/p1uwsqqtso0h1.png?width=899&format=png&auto=webp&s=d44b983baa5106e49fe8a9064bb1b4959c9b7f93

Laptop[Apple M4 Air]: 145k
Phone [Samsung S23]: 65k
Earphones [Zero 2 IEM]: 4k
Keyboard [Keychron K2v2]: 12k
Total: 226k

I genuinely don’t understand why we have to pay 30 to 40% more for almost every decent gadget here. A laptop, GPU, SSD, camera gear, even basic accessories end up ridiculously overpriced once they reach Nepal. And it’s not just consumer electronics anymore. Storage, servers, cloud infra, subscriptions, everything feels expensive when you’re building anything tech related from Nepal.

People always talk about “digital Nepal”, startups, innovation, AI, remote work, IT exports and all that. But how are young people supposed to build, learn, or compete globally when the entry cost itself is so high?

In software and SaaS, companies already do purchasing power parity pricing. Netflix, Spotify, Adobe student plans, Figma, YouTube Premium, many services adjust prices based on local economies. Why can’t hardware and tech infrastructure work similarly in South Asia, especially for countries like Nepal?

And if neighboring countries or bigger economies genuinely want to “support” Nepal through grants, loans, partnerships, etc., wouldn’t one of the most impactful things be helping Nepal become technologically accessible?

Things like:

• Better import policies for tech products
• Reduced tariffs on laptops, servers, GPUs, networking gear
• Easier enterprise hardware access
• Regional pricing agreements
• Startup-friendly infra costs
• Better logistics and authorized distribution

India gets massive scale advantages plus local assembly/manufacturing benefits. But from a Nepali consumer perspective, it feels brutal watching the exact same product cost dramatically more here.

If someone in India can build a powerful setup for X amount, why does a Nepali student, designer, developer, or creator need to spend 30 to 40% extra for the same dream setup?

At some point, expensive tech directly slows down innovation.

Curious what others here think

https://preview.redd.it/u0ii9tj6q10h1.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=8ac869d8ef58bbbbf9b75f7a426cbbc34f314796