Am I Emotionally detached
we never dated. I was head over heals for him and he would even think of dateing me. We were friends with benefits. Then got pregnant. I was ready to leave everything and be a single mom. After he knew i was pregnant he proposed. We've been married for 20 years now. We have 2 other kids. somewhere along the line. I started to pull away and not find pleasure in having sex is the years we been married when we had sex. He would tap me on the butt and say that was great and go downstairs and sleep on the couch. A few year into our marriage he cheated on me. I found out cause i Suspected something happened. Found AOL(yes I'm old in my 40s) message between the 2. I did confront him about it.said that the only made out. I didnt believe him but i chose to forgive him. Told him if he ever cheated again the kids and I are gone. And the only reason I'm forgiving him was cause he didn't sleep with her.
Our sex life has never been passionate. Most of the time he sleeps on the couch. In our younger year after sex he would tap on on the butt say that was good and go back to the couch. It was like that for years. Now When we do have sex I feel nothing and I do it to keep the peace.
I have Started think that a marriage shouldn't be like this. I dont dislike him. How can I get the passion back. How can I get pleasure back. Did I make a mistake by staying. I