I'm an Indian-American asexual. I haven't grown up in a South Asian country. There is compulsory sexuality, amatonormativity, and heteronormativity in American culture.
What's it like in your country?
On dating apps, it's more difficult for me to feel romantic attraction. I don't feel it by reading women's profiles or looking at pictures. In real life, I'm more likely to feel it. It's because dating apps are not an emotional experience. They are logical. Now, I just use them to make friends.
Do you think it's more difficult for alloromantics to feel romantic attraction on dating apps?
As an asexual, I can relate to people's desire for a relationship, but not their sexual desires. I've heard a lot of people say it's bad that people aren't having enough sex. I'm sure for some people it's a need.
The reason people think it's bad is because of compulsory sexuality. Compulsory sexuality is the societal assumption that all people are sexual, desiring and and should engage in sexual activity. It's a type of societal pressure that people feel quietly.
There is also amatonormativity. Amatonormativity is the societal assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that pursuing such a goal is a universal goal. This can also make people feel lonely. It's a societal pressure.
I never met any woman on a dating app who I felt romantic attraction to. I think dating apps can make people feel aromantic. It's like Dr. K said people need to have a shared emotional experience. A dating app is not a shared emotional experience. I would only feel romantic attraction, after I start to date someone. Reading a profile or looking at pictures makes me feel nothing.
The reason I feel nothing from reading profiles is because I don't need to know about a woman's hobbies or interests before dating them. There has to be a little bit of mystery which can be unveiled while dating.
I have a secure attachment style. I can also recognize flirting. Most of the time, I ignore the flirting because I don't know what women might be feeling when they flirt. I believe in the split attraction model. It means romantic, sexual, aesthetic, and all types of attraction can be felt separately.
Previously, I agreed with the primary vs secondary sexual attraction model. Now, I have a small criticism of it. I don't think secondary sexual desire is an actual sexual desire. The desire to have children or to please your partner is just that. It's not a sexual desire. The primary sexual desire is definitely real for people who feel sexual attraction, including asexuals who feel it. I think sexual desire and sexual attraction go together. Sexual attraction is having an object of sexual desire.
I also talked to an ace woman. She said she preferred a queer platonic relationship. I preferred a romantic relationship with little to no sex. I don't know the difference.
I'm a Hindu. I went to a temple where people wanted to control their lust. I think they thought sexual attraction and lust were the same things. I think sexual attraction and lust are different but they can overlap. Sexual attraction can turn into lust. Lust can be for other stuff besides sex. Hey, if people want to subdue their lust, more power to them! I think lust is bad, but sexual attraction is not.
I don't think sexual attraction is bad, because it doesn't cause people to do bad things.
Most people at the temple I went to believed in only having sex for procreation. Maybe they were trying to be asexual like me.
I am 35M, heteroromantic asexual. I only feel romantic attraction to women. I am sex-indifferent and have a low libido.
I live in Ohio, but I might be open to relocation after a year or two. I prefer someone from the USA.
I am 5'7, 125 lbs, and vegetarian. I like to read, exercise, play chess, paint, and draw. I like to watch movies and tv shows, but I don't consider those to be hobbies. I don't think of spending time with friends and family as a hobby either.
I choose partners based on romantic and aesthetic attraction. I have to know a few things about the woman to feel romantic attraction. I don't think of romantic attraction as love. I would fantasize about dating them.
Who would I most likely feel romantic attraction to?
Someone who is shorter than me, close to my age (late 20s or 30s), vegetarian/vegan, honest, cute, and kind.
I watched a video about Pushti bhakti. Pushti means grace and bhakti means devotion. It was what Vallabhacharya talked about. He said any bhakti arises from Kṛṣṇa's grace is Pushti. Anyone from any sampradaya can practice it.
He also said bhakti is a purushartha. There is five purusharthas: Dharma, Artha, Kama, Moksha, and Bhakti. Bhakti was the most superior purushartha, in Vallabhacharya's opinion.
I agree with some gurus more than others. I don't worship any gurus. I only worship God directly. How about you?
Edit: I think worshiping gurus is also valid in Sanatana Dharma.
One person on Reddit said, "Men get an erection when they have an attractive woman as a doctor."
I never got an erection with my previous doctor (she was a woman). Some people just sexualize everything.
As an asexual, it was a funny comment.
I am a heteroromantic asexual man. I am also a cis male. I think sex is a sensual activity because it involves touching. I think sex is like making love.
I could potentially do it with someone if I was in love. The keyword is potentially because there is no guarantee. I can't decide by looking at women.
One of my heterosexual friends, in high school, said he felt sexually attracted to about 50% of women he saw. That is too many! Lmao
It might be cool to experience sex. If I don't like it, I would stop in the middle or not do it again.
I thought I felt sexual attraction to a woman. She is a YouTuber. I like her personality. I also think she is beautiful. Although I am unsure if I would actually have sex with her.
I guess being unsure means I wasn't feeling sexual attraction. I was probably feeling romantic attraction.
If I felt sexual attraction, I would be greysexual or another orientation on the ace spectrum. Greysexuals feel sexual attraction to a few people, much less than 50% like my friend. Lol
I think their libido does not go anywhere. I mean, I don't think it's directed at the person they have sex with. When I masturbated before, I wasn't thinking about anyone. I wasn't imagining myself having sex either. I think my libido remains inside me.
Do you think sexual and aesthetic attraction have different brain activity?