u/immrw24

tw/ csa

about a year ago i took a macro dose (5g) and connected with a young part that holds the trauma of my csa.

during this connection, in between sobs, i remember thinking “i just need to cry for months before i can even think about if ill ever be okay” i remember it word for word because it still haunts me to this day.

i started microdosing (0.5g) for my PMDD symptoms last week, and quickly realized i was tapping into that csa part. the OG plan was to microdose monday-friday with weekends off.

but friday was a rough day at work. i was crying on my lunch break, on the bus, sobbing uncontrollably once i was able to get to my spot in the forest near my home.

and it felt so good. it hurt, of course. it was so uncomfortable. but i can feel in my entire system that we need to release this. it’s making my anxiety worse, my depression, my OCD, my chronic illnesses.

this trauma is slowly killing me. and my firefighters and managers and protectors all agree we need to david and goliath this shit and get it out. let it go. so we can start living the life we deserve.

saturday i took 2g because i wanted to keep the grieving going. i realized this experience was doing more for me than microdosing during the week.

so now i want to switch. monday-thursday stay sober. friday microdose to prime myself, then saturday take like 2g and just let myself fall apart. 5g feels like too much. 2g was the sweet spot because i want to feel but i don’t want visuals.

my only concern is the frequency and the potential of developing HPPD.

i know it’s important to integrate. but, as my part told me, she needs to just cry and cry and cry. so there isn’t that much to integrate right now? it feels like she just needs to use my body to grieve.

i’ve spent almost ten years in therapy. i feel like i can handle months of wading in the grief pool. from calm waters on my sober days to tsunamis over the weekend. i have friends who can come over and be with me to help cheer me up with shows and video games when i do need some outer love in my life. my job is low stress and a steady routine. my therapist is dependable and ive made insanely good progress with her. i just feel in my soul that its time. it’s finally time.

i just cannot grieve the way this csa part needs without shrooms. i can’t tap into that neural pathway or whatever is going on biologically without them.

any insight is welcome

tw/ csa

about a year ago i took a macro dose (5g) and connected with a young part that holds the trauma of my csa. (i do ifs with a therapist).

during this connection, in between sobs, i remember thinking “i just need to cry for months before i can even think about if ill ever be okay” i remember it word for word because it still haunts me to this day.

i started microdosing (0.5g) for my PMDD symptoms last week, and quickly realized i was tapping into that csa part. the OG plan was to microdose monday-friday with weekends off.

but friday was a rough day at work. i was crying on my lunch break, on the bus, sobbing uncontrollably once i was able to get to my spot in the forest near my home.

and it felt so good. it hurt, of course. it was so uncomfortable. but i can feel in my entire system that we need to release this. it’s making my anxiety worse, my depression, my OCD, my chronic illnesses.

this trauma is slowly killing me. and my firefighters and managers and protectors all agree we need to david and goliath this shit and get it out. let it go. so we can start living the life we deserve.

saturday i took 2g because i wanted to keep the grieving going. i realized this experience was doing more for me than microdosing during the week.

so now i want to switch. monday-thursday stay sober. friday microdose to prime myself, then saturday take like 2g and just let myself fall apart. 5g feels like too much. 2g was the sweet spot because i want to feel but i don’t want visuals.

my only concern is the frequency and the potential of developing HPPD.

i know it’s important to integrate. but, as my part told me, she needs to just cry and cry and cry. so there isn’t that much to integrate right now? it feels like she just needs to use my body to grieve.

i’ve spent almost ten years in therapy. i feel like i can handle months of wading in the grief pool. from calm waters on my sober days to tsunamis over the weekend. i have friends who can come over and be with me to help cheer me up with shows and video games when i do need some outer love in my life. my job is low stress and a steady routine. my therapist is dependable and ive made insanely good progress with her. i just feel in my soul that its time. it’s finally time.

i just cannot grieve the way this csa part needs without shrooms. i can’t tap into that neural pathway or whatever is going on biologically without them.

any insight is welcome

i know zones have been shifting northward. i’m new to gardening and would like to figure out what produce best fits my region :) i’m assuming the current USDA map out there hasn’t factored in the climate change shift?

also with the super el niño reaching its peak intensity in november.. im guessing a warmer than usual winter. anyone doing anything specific with their garden in anticipation?

i wanted to try growing lettuce/spinach/arugula in the fall, but if it gets too hot they can bolt and then it’s a waste.

i know zones have been shifting northward. i’m new to gardening and would like to figure out what produce best fits my region :) i’m assuming the current USDA map out there hasn’t factored in the climate change shift?

also with the super el niño reaching its peak intensity in november.. im guessing a warmer than usual winter. anyone doing anything specific with their garden in anticipation?

i wanted to try growing lettuce/spinach/arugula in the fall, but if it gets too hot they can bolt and then it’s a waste.

i’ve been slowly developing my sense of higher self and communication with those around me (my animals, nature, etc).

something i struggle with is the concept of high vs low vibration and how that relates to the world around us.

i genuinely cannot tune out of human rights violations. i feel a moral duty to know how people are being mistreated.

it really irritates me that some people are able to live in their bubble and have the privilege to tune out world events. but this stuff impacts people i love. my community. this earth, our home.

so if i have to sacrifice my “high” vibrations i guess ill do that. but i also don’t really respect people who turn a blind eye to suffering because it ruins the vibes or whatever.

sure its not good to become engulfed in doomscrolling, but should we not be able to articulate what our politicians are doing that affect day-to-day life?

edit; it’s also amusing to see the people i’m mentioning downvoting me 😂 ironic

https://www.reddit.com/r/Psychic/s/D0PvDbeHsH

in this post i made 6 months ago i detailed an experience i had with a tree.

well, some crazy stuff has happened since then. at the time of the post it felt like we both reached a point of acceptance about her fate. However, a short while after, she started dropping branches. i felt this immense panic from her (i mean she’s losing limbs, so yea) and how she didnt realize how excruciating this transition was going to be. and i felt from her the want to stay alive.

i emailed management. no response. they kept blowing me off.

on my nature walks on the path by my apartment, i would tell the trees that they have a sister in need. she is in pain in a way i wont ever understand and needs her brothers and sisters. please find her, please help her.

at the same time, i would occasionally burn white sage when the feelings got too heavy (whoopsie on my part, i didnt know it was a closed practice and im looking for alternatives).

so the sage is burning and a lot of my thoughts are about how powerless i feel that i just have to sit here and watch this absolute massacre. how sad i feel that this land, so beautiful, is now being ruined because capitalism thought kudzu vines would be a shortcut for keeping highways (ugh) clean. and how i wished for a miracle that could save her. whatever that may look like. that if there’s anything the spirits of the land that protect this area can do, please help her.

well, one day, the tree next to her that was supplying the vines fell down! it covered the sidewalk and forced management to clean up the area— removing the dead tree and the kudzu vines !!

she was on the brink of death and was saved at the last minute. she grew her leaves and is thriving now. i still sense her being shook from the whole experience, but i also feel gratitude and a renewed sense of joy and peace from her as well. she’s so strong!

i genuinely do feel like i connected with native ancestors of the land and they helped after hearing my plea. a tree that had been dead for over a year suddenly falling and saving a tree that was a week (max) away from dying too? honestly incredible timing.

also if anyone has any other herb alternatives specifically for connecting to mother nature / the protectors of the land please share! (like i don’t need to focus on the cleansing/purification aspect, just connecting to whatever energy i was in touch with previously)

i have had a very.. stunning.. experience using white sage to connect with the trees around me.

when i first moved in, i greeted a tree right outside my balcony. i instantly felt despair, panic, and the feeling of something pressing against my back. like something was in my personal space. i sort of dismissed it thinking i was crazy / overly imaginative. trees are supposed to be all loving and happy and peaceful right?

as we entered autumn, i realized that this tree, and the surrounding trees, were being killed by kudzu vines. there was an entire row of trees already dead, and the tree i connected with was the last one of the line. she saw her friends slowly die and she knew she was next. she had vines growing up her back! i couldn’t see in the summer with her leaves, but was very apparent in the autumn as they fell off.

i dealt with immense grief seeing this tree be slowly choked out by vines. i tried emailing the management company, they didn’t care and ignored my email. the vines were too thick for me to personally cut them down- the tree next to her would just keep supplying new growth anyway in an endless cycle anyway. it would require a full team with proper equipment.

i thought for a while maybe im just here to be a loving soul while she passes on. to make the transition more comfortable for her. i can’t save her, but i can supply love until her end. i could tell my company helped her loneliness. it felt like we reached a point of acceptance?

then one day her branches started falling off. i felt panic from her, she was watching her limbs fall off. and i felt suddenly from her that she did want to live. that this process had gotten excruciating over night.

while this is occuring, im occasionally burning white sage when the feelings get too heavy. (i was unaware of the closed nature of using white sage). the sage is burning and a lot of my thoughts are about how powerless i feel that i just have to sit here and watch this absolute massacre. how sad i feel that this land, so beautiful, is now being ruined because capitalism thought kudzu vines would be a shortcut for keeping highways (ugh) clean. and how i wished something, anything, would happen to save my tree.

when i went for walks along the nature path behind my apartment, i’d connect with those trees. i’d tell them i know of a soul who needs her brothers and sisters right now. she is hurting in a way i cannot and will not understand. please reach out to her. please help her find peace during this tragedy.

well. one night. completely out of the blue, the tree that was next to her suddenly fell. bringing with it the kudzu vines. the line of kudzu trees had been severed in the perfect spot. this forced management to remove the tree—and consequently, the vines— since it was covering the sidewalk.

the tree i connected with was now physically isolated from the sequential kudzu-vine-tree path. she was on the brink of death, and now, she’s thriving. i can still feel from her how shaken she is to have had such a close experience. but i feel her strength. a renewed joy and love.

maybe the old tree fell on complete coincidence. but it’s hard to believe that that tree had been dead for years and it happened to fall down right as this tree i’ve been praying for was like.. a week max from dying?

im still really confused by this entire experience, but it does feel like the native ancestors/spirits that protect this land heard my plea? i don’t want to continue using white sage as its a closed practice and super disrespectful.

what is a good alternative herb to burn to keep whatever connection i have? there’s other trees i’d like to help. i’m currently going through a deep grief learning about climate change, and this connection to nature feels very important! i don’t really need to burn herbs for any type of cleansing or protection, i’m strictly looking to burn herbs to be in connection with mother nature

i have had a very.. stunning.. experience using white sage to connect with the trees around me.

when i first moved in, i greeted a tree right outside my balcony. i instantly felt despair, panic, and the feeling of something pressing against my back. like something was in my personal space. i sort of dismissed it thinking i was crazy / overly imaginative. trees are supposed to be all loving and happy and peaceful right?

as we entered autumn, i realized that this tree, and the surrounding trees, were being killed by kudzu vines. there was an entire row of trees already dead, and the tree i connected with was the last one of the line. she saw her friends slowly die and she knew she was next. she had vines growing up her back! i couldn’t see in the summer with her leaves, but was very apparent in the autumn as they fell off.

i dealt with immense grief seeing this tree be slowly choked out by vines. i tried emailing the management company, they didn’t care and ignored my email. the vines were too thick for me to personally cut them down- the tree next to her would just keep supplying new growth anyway in an endless cycle anyway. it would require a full team with proper equipment.

i thought for a while maybe im just here to be a loving soul while she passes on. to make the transition more comfortable for her. i can’t save her, but i can supply love until her end. i could tell my company helped her loneliness. it felt like we reached a point of acceptance?

then one day her branches started falling off. i felt panic from her, she was watching her limbs fall off. and i felt suddenly from her that she did want to live. that this process had gotten excruciating over night.

while this is occuring, im occasionally burning white sage when the feelings get too heavy. (i was unaware of the closed practice of using white sage). the sage is burning and a lot of my thoughts are about how powerless i feel that i just have to sit here and watch this absolute massacre. how sad i feel that this land, so beautiful, is now being ruined because capitalism thought kudzu vines would be a shortcut for keeping highways (ugh) clean. and how i wished something, anything, would happen to save my tree.

when i went for walks along the nature path behind my apartment, i’d connect with those trees. i’d tell them i know of a soul who needs her brothers and sisters right now. she is hurting in a way i cannot and will not understand. please reach out to her. please help her find peace during this tragedy.

well. one night. completely out of the blue, the tree that was next to her suddenly fell. bringing with it the kudzu vines. the line of kudzu trees had been severed in the perfect spot. this forced management to remove the tree—and consequently, the vines— since it was covering the sidewalk.

the tree i connected with was now physically isolated from the sequential kudzu-vine tree path. she was in the brink of death, and now, she’s thriving. i can still feel from her how shaken she is to have had such a close experience. but i feel her strength. a renewed joy and love.

maybe the old tree fell on complete coincidence. but it’s hard to believe that that tree had been dead for years and it happened to fall down right as this tree i’ve been praying for was like.. a week max from dying?

im still really confused by this entire experience, but it does feel like the native ancestors/spirits that protect this land heard my plea? i don’t want to continue using white sage as its a closed practice and super disrespectful.

what is a good alternative herb to burn to keep whatever connection i have? there’s other trees i’d like to help. i’m currently going through a deep grief learning about climate change, and this connection to nature feels very important! i don’t really need to burn herbs for any type of cleansing or protection, i’m strictly looking to burn herbs to be in connection with mother nature

i have had a very.. stunning.. experience using white sage to connect with the trees around me.

when i first moved in, i greeted a tree right outside my balcony. i instantly felt despair, panic, and the feeling of something pressing against my back. like something was in my personal space. i sort of dismissed it thinking i was crazy / overly imaginative. trees are supposed to be all loving and happy and peaceful right?

as we entered autumn, i realized that this tree, and the surrounding trees, were being killed by kudzu vines. there was an entire row of trees already dead, and the tree i connected with was the last one of the line. she saw her friends slowly die and she knew she was next. she had vines growing up her back! i couldn’t see in the summer with her leaves, but was very apparent in the autumn as they fell off.

i dealt with immense grief seeing this tree be slowly choked out by vines. i tried emailing the management company, they didn’t care and ignored my email. the vines were too thick for me to personally cut them down- the tree next to her would just keep supplying new growth anyway in an endless cycle anyway. it would require a full team with proper equipment.

i thought for a while maybe im just here to be a loving soul while she passes on. to make the transition more comfortable for her. i can’t save her, but i can supply love until her end. i could tell my company helped her loneliness. it felt like we reached a point of acceptance?

then one day her branches started falling off. i felt panic from her, she was watching her limbs fall off. and i felt suddenly from her that she did want to live. that this process had gotten excruciating over night.

while this is occuring, im occasionally burning white sage when the feelings get too heavy. (i was unaware of the closed practice of using white sage). the sage is burning and a lot of my thoughts are about how powerless i feel that i just have to sit here and watch this absolute massacre. how sad i feel that this land, so beautiful, is now being ruined because capitalism thought kudzu vines would be a shortcut for keeping highways (ugh) clean. and how i wished something, anything, would happen to save my tree.

when i went for walks along the nature path behind my apartment, i’d connect with those trees. i’d tell them i know of a soul who needs her brothers and sisters right now. she is hurting in a way i cannot and will not understand. please reach out to her. please help her find peace during this tragedy.

well. one night. completely out of the blue, the tree that was next to her suddenly fell. bringing with it the kudzu vines. the line of kudzu trees had been severed in the perfect spot. this forced management to remove the tree—and consequently, the vines— since it was covering the sidewalk.

the tree i connected with was now physically isolated from the sequential kudzu-vine tree path. she was in the brink of death, and now, she’s thriving. i can still feel from her how shaken she is to have had such a close experience. but i feel her strength. a renewed joy and love.

maybe the old tree fell on complete coincidence. but it’s hard to believe that that tree had been dead for years and it happened to fall down right as this tree i’ve been praying for was like.. a week max from dying?

im still really confused by this entire experience, but it does feel like the native ancestors/spirits that protect this land heard my plea? i don’t want to continue using white sage as its a closed practice and super disrespectful.

what is a good alternative herb to burn to keep whatever connection i have? there’s other trees i’d like to help. i’m currently going through a deep grief learning about climate change, and this connection to nature feels very important! i don’t really need to burn herbs for any type of cleansing or protection, i’m strictly looking to burn herbs to be in connection with mother nature.

i’m extremely new to LOO stuff, but I’ve sorta been practicing it unknowingly for a few years.

I’m very in tune with the energies around me. As a result, when interacting with people, I feel hyper aware about the compassion i’m giving and when my ego wants to jump in. When I disagree with people, I’m very careful to phrase words and sentences in ways that minimize distress and push progress forward. I don’t call people names. I don’t make unnecessary rude comments. I stay rooted in love and don’t focus on who is “right” or who “wins” the argument. I care about objective truth.

I do not judge people for their mistakes, and I am happily willing to befriend people who are working on bettering themselves. That’s all I care about. Do you wish to learn and grow? Are you serious about your personal journey? That’s what I care about.

As a result of this hyper awareness, I feel the judgement and negativity from those around me. Comments from my friends that judge people physically hurt. Even if the comment is minor (ugh she’s so annoying I hate her voice. so screechy). This energy affects me heavily and I myself deal with negative thoughts more frequently when around this. It’s like I need to “cleanse” myself to return to this state i’ve worked so hard to embody.

I don’t know how to move forward. Currently there are only 2 people in my life who i feel match where I am at.

I feel very lonely and isolated. It feels like 99% of people are living in these negative emotions- their first instinct is judgment and criticism instead of empathy and curiosity. How do you live amongst the rest of humans? How do you fulfill social needs?

i’ve suddenly found myself shut out from the spirit world. i can usually exchange energy with trees, but recently it’s felt like their backs are turned to me. my tarot readings are just not making sense and inaccurate. my guides who are usually really quiet and hands off anyway feel completely gone. my intuition is off, im not getting insights the way i used to. my dreams don’t have that feeling, i know these dreams are all just my unconscious mind and no longer connection with entities.

everything spiritual just feels like radio static. like i’m being ignored. i’m trying to journal through it and meditate. feel my feelings and embrace them. accept hard truths that feel uncomfortable. choose myself and what’s best for me over flashy things.

i don’t know why this is happening. i’m not asking for a reading or anything, i just don’t understand what i could have done wrong.

it’s been years since I dated. I kinda gave up because every person i’ve been with left me because I couldn’t have sex.

started seeing someone new, and they brought up being exclusive and dating officially. I sat them down and explained how physical intimacy is very difficult for me. Yes I’m in therapy, but I’m not sure when I’ll ever be able to have sex without flashing back and crying. they said they needed some time to think.

i hate that sex was ruined for me before i ever got to experience it with someone i love. i hate that im stuck in this perpetual limbo and years of therapy hasn’t done shit. EMDR just causes me to dissociate. IFS sorta helps with self regulation.

kinda kicking myself for even getting my hopes up ngl.