u/jefe0911

Had a huge crush on a woman from my last job, I always felt tension between us and like there was mutual interest. I was to scared to make a move, mostly because I didn’t want to ruin anything.

I left the job 8 months ago but for some reason i still think about her. I know her full name but couldn’t find any social medias. How could I possibly see her again? Returning back to work isn’t an option because security, and i dont know if she even works there still.

Damn idk, hopefully i dont sound like a creep but i cant get her out of my mind.

Im 22 years old, and i’d say I’m at the lowest point in my life.

Got fired from my job earlier this year, been broke and unemployed since. So im financially struggling and currently can’t progress on with my life.

Not only does the financial struggle cause loneliness, but I also cant partake in the things i love. Which is lifting and combat sports (boxing, muay thai, bjj, wrestling) because i am injured.

Working out is my therapy and regulates me emotionally. It’s my passion and i have aspirations with it. But I can’t indulge in it because im injured and im broke.

Im struggling mentally, i also have other struggles in life, i have no friends or family, im on the spectrum, my self esteem is taking a hit etc..

I feel so lonely, i never lived a normal life, it always feels like life is against me and i get the short end of the stick.

It’s funny when i was 18 I thought I’d live a happy successful life by now. Im an ambitious individual but like i said its like god hates me and he takes everything away from me.

I always feel like an underdog and like as if nothing ever goes my way, i live an under average life, my life is a joke.

Im slowly coming to peace with suicide, it feels like the only way out.

The workplace just isn't for me, time after time its the same result. The majority of my coworkers won't like me and will give me a hard time. all of which would've been avoided if I was wired to conventionally socialize. Work ends up being hell for me everytime.

i started a new job a week ago and people are already giving me a hard time, for some reason i attract negative people who think they can walk over me, most of the time i want to confront them but i dont want to exacerbate it and make drama.

People suck so much lmaoo, its so draining.

i want to escape the typical 9-5, i want better. But as of right now i need money bad and need to work, even though i already feel like quitting. But if i quit that means unemployment for who knows how long.

i feel so lost and depressed. my life sucks.

Man overall i tend to be a lonely person. I was never adept socially, so i live an extremely introverted life.

And although im high functioning and can mask pretty good, im still an outcast. I usually cant connect with people, or relate to them. I dont fit in anywhere and im often ostracized i feel. Its hard to find confidence when it feels like you're living in a world that isn't meant for you.

My lack of social skills and let alone social 'confidence' holds me back greatly, and i have a hard time finding contentment in life. I want to love myself fully and be confident.

im high functioning, and i struggle immensely with socializing. although i can mask pretty good and most people wouldn't think im autistic.

so as someone who was heavily addicted to pmo, would abstinence help in any way to become more sociable? im currently 1 week clean and all i notice is that i have more energy and discipline, but im also more anxious.

any autistic people here? whats your experience?

I look awkward and stupid no matter what im doing, whether im just standing there, walking, or doing something, there’s always a tinge of peculiarity to me, i look odd—goofy.

Or when im socializing and my social anxiety makes me say something corny or stupid, and i immediately cringe at myself afterwards. And ruminate over it all day.

I wish i was cool and calm. But i look like a dumbass everywhere i go. Its getting worse the older i get too. (Im 22)

Being neurodivergent, i can say personally that there’s an inevitable trend in my life. Particularly in relationships—platonic or romantic.

I can’t socialize,i simply cant. I consider myself high functioning, and i can mask to an extent, but it doesn’t really change anything. Especially when my masks eventually slips from overstimulation.

The same pattern and trajectory happens when it comes to relationships: it often starts good (well.. people are usually very fond of me, or immediately dont like me, no in between), people are initially interested in me and are extremely friendly with me in the beginning. But there is a steady decline from there, because my social skills can’t sustain the relationship.

I often make good first impressions, for some reason i can mask really good in the beginning of knowing someone, but it eventually loses structure.

Almost always, people eventually stop liking me.

This makes the workplace incompatible with my personality, it makes it an exhausting place to exist in, its just me suffering from my social skills. Because most of my coworkers end up disliking me.

I left various jobs for this exhausting reason, thinking it would change. But i am the source, and the pattern will continue to fulfill itself as long as im alive.

Three days in and I already feel the decline, it’s inevitable, the same shit happens no matter where i go. What makes it worse is that this is probably the most extroverted coworkers I’ve had yet, and theres too much discrepancy in that..

I feel depressed and hopeless. Aspergers is truly a curse. I dont know what to do.

Visited a primary physician about two weeks ago, because for the past 2 months I’ve been dealing with persistent twitching, primarily in my lower body but occasionally in my upper body. Widespread with no clinical weakness.

The doctor told me its most likely nothing, he ran a blood test on me and told me he’ll call me to reschedule for a revisit if anything, and if he needs to address something in person.

I’m thinking if it wasn’t serious the clinic would tell me over the phone, but they called and said the doctor wants to see me again, im scheduled for next monday.

Im worried.

Visited a primary physician about two weeks ago, because for the past 2 months I’ve been dealing with persistent twitching, primarily in my lower body but occasionally in my upper body. Widespread with no clinical weakness.

The doctor told me its most likely nothing, he ran a blood test on me and told me he’ll call me to reschedule for a revisit if anything, and if he needs to address something in person.

I’m thinking if it wasn’t serious the clinic would tell me over the phone, but they called and said the doctor wants to see me again, im scheduled for next monday.

Im worried.

The older i get, the more i want to be away and alone—free from the world.

I’ve reached a point where I’ve essentially resigned; I don’t want to interact or partake in society anymore. I’ve recognized the silly hierarchy, the social gymnastics etc.. i just want to blend in the background or ideally be invisible. I don’t care to be anything to anyone, i don’t care to prove a point, i don’t even want to be perceived anymore.

I’ve seen the ugliness, I’ve seen the ignorance of people plenty of times. All throughout my life, to a kid til now, I’ve been exposed to being ostracized, ridiculed, or even deliberately disrespected. And a lot of drama.

I believe, as long as you’re perceivable, you’re enabling yourself to be subject to people’s ignorance. That’s why being alone is beautiful, you cant be perceived—at all.

I kid you not, there have been many times where im being quiet and minding my own business, and people still find a way to implicate me with drama and bullshit. I can apply this particularly to the last job I’ve worked at; I would mind my own business and just focus on work, but somehow i would still get involved in drama, somehow i would still have coworkers who don’t like me and give me a hard time.

And I hardly initiate any interaction with people at all unless it’s necessary, so all of the bad interactions I’ve ever had was initiated by ANOTHER person. It’s ridiculous.

The thing with people is, a good amount of them have ugliness and ignorance to them, they’re a ‘mirror’ and will project said ugliness and ignorance onto you. People inadvertently function within a social hierarchy, to the point where they act with pride and arrogance to navigate their way through it. Its all just ego.

Negative people are inevitable. Being alone is beautiful.

I like directness and practicality; I hate small talk, in fact it makes me cringe inside whenever I’m partaking in it. I also hate being expressive most of the time, i only become expressive when i deem it necessary.

I honestly wish i was different, i wish i was wired to actually enjoy most conversations. But the reality is I am not.

Even then, i still assert politeness and respect. But I’m self aware that sometimes i could be ‘rude’ or even ‘boring’. And it’s not my intention to be that way per se, inversely it’s hard to go against my nature, and put simply the average conversation doesn’t stimulate me enough to comply with most social customs.

I do have personality, but it’s difficult to employ it when I’m genuinely not interested.

I’m just void of expression and i hardly ever have drive to advance a conversation, or even a relationship. I find it all trivial and not worthwhile.

Again, i wish i was equipped to actually enjoy the fruit of socializing.