u/maple-spill

I have been looking for advice for a while on how to cope with being unable to transition, since I am disabled and reliant on transphobic family.. I wouldn't be safe transitioning, so for the past seven years I've simply tried to cope. It's never been healthy.

And I feel like I am not a member of the community in any meaningful way. I always figured there are many stories like mine, but I have never received any advice or word from people who have been through similar and it has left me feeling disconnected from the community.

I already deal with dissociation, as well as being jealous when seeing others who are able to transition, which makes it worse because being exposed to the community takes on a depressing note.

Am I wrong to think this is a common issue, to be unable to transition?

I have been looking for advice for a while on how to cope with being unable to transition, since I am disabled and reliant on transphobic family.. I wouldn't be safe transitioning, so for the past seven years I've simply tried to cope. It's never been healthy.

And I feel like I am not a member of the community in any meaningful way. I always figured there are many stories like mine, but I have never received any advice or word from people who have been through similar and it has left me feeling disconnected from the community.

I already deal with dissociation, as well as being jealous when seeing others who are able to transition, which makes it worse because being exposed to the community takes on a depressing note.

Am I wrong to think this is a common issue, to be unable to transition?

I am disabled and my life and survival is planned out for me, because my family provide housing for me. Without that I'd be homeless. The issue with this is, they are also very transphobic..

I've been told transition can't be hidden for long, so I've given up hope of ever transitioning. It's been eight years since I realized I was transgender.. and it doesn't feel real. It's happening to someone else who isn't me. I feel numb to it now.

How do I cope? The situation won't change.

I am disabled and my life and survival is planned out for me, because my family provide housing for me. Without that I'd be homeless. The issue with this is, they are also very transphobic..

I've been told transition can't be hidden for long, so I've given up hope of ever transitioning. It's been eight years since I realized I was transgender.. and it doesn't feel real. It's happening to someone else who isn't me. I feel numb to it now.

How do I cope? The situation won't change.

I am disabled, and I struggle to work and function. The rest of my life has been planned for me, I have stability and assurance of a home which I can afford to stay in. These things are handled, but with that comes a reliance on transphobic family. It's either that or become homeless.

But since they aren't safe to transition around, as well that I've been told transition cannot be hidden past a certain point, I feel stuck. I've wanted to transition for the past eight years and this problem has held me back.

I have no belief that this will ever change, but it makes me an outsider, since I'm not looking to transition and I don't involve myself in the community because I never felt I belonged. All I want is to cope with it, since I can't change it.

What should I do?

Anyone else noticed that the excuse of the impersonal they is used a lot for trans women? I have seen in the past few months a handful of times where people call a trans woman creator of a particular show "they", and calling it out is sure to get you downvoted. Always in the same community. They always use the excuse that it's a regular usage, but I see it more in this one community than anywhere else. And never in the way that the impersonal they is typically used.

It's conflicting, because the community openly accepts people who use the right pronouns for this person, but it seems they overuse the they pronoun for her and accept absolutely zero criticisms on the matter.

I can't help but feel that these people are either accepting of trans people on paper but still see us as "other" and sometimes overuse neutrality because they don't feel comfortable gendering trans people properly, or they just don't want to get caught misgendering her but are still trying to get away with it.

It really annoys me, especially when people call it out and get downvoted, and in come the excuses about how it's normal. Nevermind the higher than normal frequency compared how it is applied to cis people.

In my childhood my parents didn't put much effort into raising me, assuming my anxiety and autism related issues would like themselves out.

Now as an adult I'm a mess - depression, anxiety, learned helplessness. I eventually realized I am transgender, and that my symptoms are similar to those with ADHD, making two new issues for me to resolve.

But because of my issues, I feel incapable. The way I was raised made a deeply dysfunctional adult and I have no idea how to help myself when every roadblock feels like a permanent stop.

I do blame my parents, to a significant degree, because I look at others and see functioning adults with happy childhoods and the ability to function. Whereas I grew up feeling alone.

I'm a high school drop out in poverty with issues I can't fix on my own. I feel I am permanently ruined.

I have autism and I have always suspected I may have ADHD, but I have no access to resources to look into the matter or to help me work on my problems..I need to solve these things myself because no professional help is available to me.

I struggle to learn and remember things, as well I struggle to start and continue tasks. Much of what I do is centered less around achieving my goals, and more around getting as much cheap, accessible entertainment as possible because my brain will not accept anything else. I want to commit to bigger things but it feels impossible.

How can I solve this on my own?

I have autism and suspect I have ADHD as well, as autism had always felt like either false, or not the whole picture. There was always a tension between me and my diagnosis, and as I learned about ADHD symptoms, I realized it may be because I experience those symptoms.

However I can't act on it. If I could benefit from a diagnosis / treatment, I have no way to pursue that because I feel like I don't have access to such care.

So my question is, what can a person with ADHD-like symptoms do to resolve them on their own?

For me I seem incapable of learning, remembering, or developing new skills. I struggle to begin and continue tasks, and I can only commit to something if it interests me, which is rarely for long. I can't get anything done so I spend most of my time consuming cheap entertainment instead. If I get enjoyment out of a thing like a newly discovered album, I tend to bleed it dry and repeatedly engage with it. As a result my interests remain quite limited and shallow, which I hate. I have so much more interest in the world.. but I cannot be motivated by it. It doesn't work.

My mental health is ruining my life and I feel like I'm not capable of solving it. My parents raised me to be reliant on them, never letting me grow into my own person. As an adult, I have this immense anxiety, depression and sense of helplessness. I feel like I am not allowed to help myself - that if I do, something will fail, because I did get permission.

Add in ADHD-like symptoms and I feel like nothing I do matters. I search for solutions but I can't handle them, they feel impossible, like I already know I'll fail so I should just give up.

At the same time, I want to resolve my symptoms. I want autonomy. I want to feel better.

My entire life, I've struggled with things not explained by my autism, which my parents ignored or assumed were autism. As an adult, I don't even relate to having autism at all, I feel so seperated from my friends who have it in the sense of their experiences.

I've begun to realize it's because it may effect me differently than I expected it should, and that I actually have a lot of ADHD like symptoms that are the main driver of my bad experiences. I struggle to achieve the the most basic goals in life, and I have a lot of upset at the fact that no one noticed these symptoms in me, in order to help me.

I figure I could possibly benefit from looking into that and resolving that with professional help, but I have no ability to do so. I have no access to such things. I will never be able to get help with this, but I need to do something to figure out why I am this way and what I can do. It's really ruining my life..

I saw a post of what six years of skill development in a particular art form looks like. An art form that I gave up on because my ADHD-like symptoms made it too difficult to pursue. This was just one more upset on top of a significant lack of stability and a whole host of other negative feelings.

It's miserable. I cannot stand this life.

Then, the creator of a series I like, which uses very simple art, was shown to be very capable at art. Yet another thing that made me jealous and made me feel that the comfort I get from that series is now complicated further.

Holy shit I'm pathetic.

I saw a post of what six years of skill development in a particular art form looks like. An art form that I gave up on because my ADHD-like symptoms made it too difficult to pursue. This was just one more upset on top of a significant lack of stability and a whole host of other negative feelings.

It's miserable. I cannot stand this life.

Then, the creator of a series I like, which uses very simple art, was shown to be very capable at art. Yet another thing that made me jealous and made me feel that the comfort I get from that series is now complicated further.

Holy shit I'm pathetic.

I saw a post of what six years of skill development in a particular art form looks like. An art form that I gave up on because my ADHD-like symptoms made it too difficult to pursue. This was just one more upset on top of a significant lack of stability and a whole host of other negative feelings.

It's miserable. I cannot stand this life.

Then, the creator of a series I like, which uses very simple art, was shown to be very capable at art. Yet another thing that made me jealous and made me feel that the comfort I get from that series is now complicated further.

Holy shit I'm pathetic.

TL;DR at bottom.

I've recently been trying to take my goals in life seriously. Got into music, got into drawing, things like that. There's a huge difference between the two - music stuff is very easy to remember, the physical interaction and the sense of beginner level progress makes it accessible, for me. As well, social elements of that, as my musicial engagement has been related to the learning of other people who are also doing the same thing.

However, with most other things, like learning to draw, it's different. Music is the one thing I've had any luck in learning, I would say, across my entire life..I'm actually surprised.

Nothing else in my life is like that - I can't focus, can't recall things, everything just slips off of my brain and I can't retain it. I've been like this as long as I can remember.

What can I do? I have no help, no ability to pursue treatment, but I've already wasted ten years of my life wanting to pursue goals but being unable to.. I don't want to be this way anymore. It's unbearable.

TL;DR I can't focus on learning new things but I have no access to treatment, so I have to solve it myself. I've been like this for as long as I can remember, of course, so I have no idea how to solve it. How can I possibly fix myself?