How I get through the TWW
I suffer from pretty extreme anxiety and OCD, so of course my brain went totally off the rails when we started TTC. I realized pretty immediately that it wasn't sustainable or helpful for my physical and mental health, especially if this process takes us longer than we want. So I built a plan of sorts for when I'm in the TWW. Posting incase it helps anyone. I've gotten SO much better since my first cycle, where I was symptom spotting, obsessively googling, certain I was pregnant, then sobbing and miserable when AF arrived. I realized it cannot be like this every cycle so I decided to make a change. Here is what I do:
-Plan fun things during the TWW. This is key for me, because in my luteal phase my OCD flairs up and wants to sit home all the time online and googling things that do not help. This cycle I planned fun things constantly- with DH, friends, family, and even myself. It got me out of the house, kept me distracted, and left little time for obsessing. I went to the movies, the beach, did pottery painting, an outdoor movie and just sat with friends talking about other things. It also elevated my mood which can only help my physical health. If I really don't want see people, I do feel good things with myself like watch a good movie, read a book, do an exercise class, take a lukewarm bath, go on a walk, listen to an audiobook, etc.
-Really stop obsessing on what each symptom means. This one is hard because its like... but my body is doing this thing, what does it mean? But there is literally no way to know if I'm pregnant unless I take a test. Absolutely. No. Way. And PMS symptoms can be identical to early pregnancy symptoms. So I try everything I possibly can not to ask the internet what it means if I have a weird side cramp. It's really hard but what's helped is to practice mindfulness and check in with myself before I ask AI or Reddit or whatever. Sometimes I fail, and still ask, but sometimes I do something else- grab an Apple, text a friend, go for a walk. Symptom spotting left me obsessed for no reason.
-Confide in a few people close to me. I really don't want to blab to everyone that I'm struggling with this process, but I also know that in difficult times, my friends have really helped me. So I've told a few friends what's going on, and I know they're there for me if I need. I tell them when I get my period, they offer support and hugs, and we move on. I find that the best friends for this situation are the childless ones or the ones who also have had fertility struggles, so I don't feel jealous or something. A friend even asked me how he can support me and if he should ask about it or not, and I shared with him what would best help.
-Have a really good therapist. I've been in therapy for 8 years, having just switched to a focused OCD therapist, but I can't imagine going through this without a professional whose trained to know how to deal with my emotions. I began having period cramps during my last session, and we processed that together and I felt really held.
-Telling DH how to support me. My husband is amazing, but of course, this is new territory for him, too. He literally asked AI how best to support me in this situation. Since then he's been great, lol. But not all partners know what to do, so if you have a partner and they're lost, I really recommend telling them how to support you. Do you need hugs? Advice? Zero advice and just listening? Tell them. For me it's listening to me rant and give me hugs and make me food and rub my feet. That's all I need.
-Don't test early. I know. There are tests that claim to know you're pregnant from the moment you had sex, but it's really not guaranteed. I did both the testing when I felt for sure I was pregnant, and I just let AF come. And I have to say, personally, letting AF come was just better. Because either way, if I test early and get a BFN, I still have in the back of my mind that I just tested too early... so what's the point? When I let AF come, I felt like my body was just doing what it's meant to, vs an ugly white stick telling me I'm a failure. I kind of vowed to wait until my period is late to test. Plus, the whole testing early thing is a ploy from the pregnancy test companies to get you to use more tests!
-Start new projects and initiatives. This was key for me because I have my own businesses and work from home, so I can easily spend a day doing, well, nothing. But I started a few new projects for my business and personally, and its taken so much of my focus and distracted me. If your work if your thing- amazing! But if not, I really recommend starting something new. For my its art that brings me joy, but there's also sports, lectures, classes, and more that can bring you happiness and take your focus from TTC.
-Control what you can. Sadly, with TTC, there's not much we can control. But I made a list of things that I can: tracking my cycles with OPKS, doing BD when I'm fertile to maximize my chances (for us its been every other day during fertile time), drinking pomegranate juice and eating brazilian nuts (a small thing totally unproven to help but it makes me feel like I'm doing something good for my body), getting all the relevant fertility tests I can, seeing the correct doctors and doing what they say, and taking supplements. Some people check their BBT, so that's also another thing we can control. But, other than that, there isn't much to control aside from myself, and how much I let this process affect me negatively. So I do my rituals, and due my due diligence with BD and supplements, but other than that, there isn't much I can do.
-Stopping myself from spiraling. This is the hardest one. I haven't mastered it, yet... not even close. I'll spiral and go from "this cycle didn't work" to "I might never get pregnant", and half my day is lost to anxiety and sadness. My therapist really focuses on mindfulness, and how a thought is just a thought. I try to notice when my thoughts go bananas and let the thought sort of drift away, rather than take it as a fact or something I need to solve and focus on. Mindfulness is really hard for me, but I know that it's something that can really help me during this difficult time.
-Remembering that this is objectively hard. This process is objectively is hard. For every single person trying to get pregnant. Even for women who don't have anxiety like I do, this is a difficult situation. To wait 2 weeks for the most important news of my life, while my body is sending me mixed signals, is simply not an easy thing. Letting myself feel the pain in that, without trying to solve it or google symptoms, or whatever, is my goal during this time.
I hope this helps! I'm by no means a mental health expert, but I've suffered with mental health stuff my whole life and have spent the past 10 years working on it, so thought I'd share some of the things that help me.
Would really love to hear what gets you through the TWW!