u/misfitmpls

It took two years, but my 6YO with ADHD finally has some reciprocal friendships in our neighborhood. The only problem is...now all she wants to do is play with her friends.

I kept the rules simple: tell Mom where you're going and wear shoes. She doesn't do either.

She has no concept of safety. She runs off when I have my back turned, just for a minute. She is so fast, and I can't catch her or keep track of who she is with or where she is. If her pack of friends is out, she roams with them. If they are not out, she goes house to house until someone lets her inside. She stalks her friends; she chased one home when they got off the bus.

I have some of the parents' phone numbers, but not all; I don't even know where they all live. The kids never want to play at our house because we have the smallest house in the neighborhood, and all her friends have wealthy parents and big houses with tons of toys.

She wants to play over EVERYTHING else. She skips meals. She won't even pause to go to the bathroom. She comes home with soiled underwear. She comes home without shoes.

When I go to get her from a friend's house, she won't leave. She runs through people's houses like she owns the place. She climbs on their furniture. It takes forever to get her to come home.

I was so happy for her when she made friends, but this has made our everyday chaos even more chaotic.

I feel helpless and out of control. She has outsmarted all the lock systems I have in the house. I can't afford a fence (and I'm pretty sure she would climb over it anyway). I thought about an AirTag, but again, she doesn't consistently keep her shoes on.

HELP.

I've always had thick, blonde (now starting to gray) hair and have never been a "shedder," but lately, I leave a trail of hair wherever I go. After I dry my hair in the morning, the sink and the floor look like someone got a haircut. Is this "normal"? Could it be indicative of something beyond perimenopause?

ETA: Welp. I'm disappointed but not surprised.​

Police testified they arrived on the scene, saw Patrick "standing over" Lindsay...then allowed him to escape into the house? In what world is it OK to see a severly injured person on the ground next to an unharmed spouse and not isolate them until you can question them? Patrick was allowed complete freedom of movement in an active crime scene.

Also, "She killed the [expletive] kids"? Interesting placement of the "F" word.

I don't know if this is a perimenopause thing or just a symptom of being a burnt-out single parent (and, yes, I also have depression), but I've recently gotten the blahs around food. Pre-kids, I loved to cook and bake. I had a rotation of my favorite recipes. But the last few months I just...don't...care. I still like fruit, vegetables, and the occasional rotisserie chicken. And, OK, if I could, I would just eat peanut butter and chocolate all day. But beyond that...feeding myself feels like another chore on my list. (My kids have sensory issues and are both picky eaters in different ways, so none of us eat the same thing.) I just don't enjoy what I eat, which is sad because food used to be one of the few pleasures I still had left. Meals now are just a collection of random items, not anything cohesive or created with forethought. Has this happened to anyone else? What did you do to feel excited about food again?

I read the New Yorker piece on Patrick Clancy a while back, and while it was effective in making me sympathetic toward him (which I suspect was the intent), one part (repeated during the trial) didn't sit right with me. Patrick claims Lindsay was having "one of her best days"...yet her text to him said, "It's been a long day." In what world does "It's been a long day" mean it's been a good day? To me, that sounds like an exhausted mom and a husband who's so checked out he can't pick up on her cues.

On my second go-round with Trintellix. It worked well back in 2023...for about a year...and then abruptly seemed to stop working. Giving it another try, but this time, in addition to sweating and nausea, I have this near-constant desire to eat. I'm not HUNGRY. I just WANT TO EAT. Even with the nausea! Has anyone else experienced this?

One of my goals for 2026 was to sell my 2-year-old, one-level home (purchase price 409K) and downsize to a more affordable townhome. Because my current home would be competing with new construction (in other developments; mine has been done for a while), the plan was to buy first, move, prep and stage, then list. But the buying side hasn't worked out as I'd hoped. New construction options I can afford come with major location drawbacks (near a data center or near a freight train; pick your poison), and rates are too high for resale (I currently have a 5.375% rate).

Given that it's mid-August now, and even if I found something today that I wanted to buy and could close quickly, I'd be listing in Minnesota in late September/early October, which is not ideal. There's also an unfortunate recent comp in my neighborhood that sat for six months and sold for 415K (though that was a 2-car garage, and mine is a 3-car garage). Earlier this year, previous comps in my neighborhood went for 460-485K, and when I started thinking about selling, realtors were estimating 440-450K sale price. Now I think the best-case scenario is closer to 425K.

At this point, should I just wait until spring? I know you can't time the market, but if I want to maximize sale price, it seems like that would be better? Does your advice change knowing that my likely buyer will be a retired person/couple and this is Minnesota, where snow doesn't melt until April?

Been house-hunting, mostly new construction, for seven months. Waiting for the right unit/financing/incentive structure/timing to align, and they just haven't yet. At this point, rather than bother my realtor every time I want to see a home, I request a showing directly from the builder rep instead of trying to coordinate with my realtor, whose schedule doesn't always work with mine.

The most recent showing, the builder told me no one would be on site at my preferred time, but that the back door would be open and I could let myself in. When I showed up, there were still a lot of workers on site, and I felt uncomfortable sneaking in the back door; I left and texted the rep shortly thereafter explaining this. She insisted I could go back and it would be fine.

So I went back, kids in tow. We walked to the back of the row of townhomes, which obviously aren't numbered in the back. I tried what I thought was the right door, but it was locked. I tried the one next to it, and it was open, so I assumed I'd just tried the wrong door the first time.

We spent 30 minutes in the home. I really wanted to get a feel for it and see how my kids interacted with the space. When we were ready to leave, I noticed the front door was unlocked, so we went out that way...and I realized we'd been in the wrong unit the whole time! The unit that I'd come to see was indeed the first (locked) door I'd tried. The front door on that one was locked, too.

Now with two tired/hungry kids who wanted to go home, I decided to try again the next day on my lunch hour. Rep said someone would either be there doing another showing or leave the door open for me. Neither turned out to be true. When I got there, there was also a worker waiting to get in, and he didn't have a code or key, either. Cue 15 minutes of standing in the rain waiting to see if either of us could track someone down to open the door. Nope!

Call me superstitious, but I think this might be a sign. The door is literally closed.

But if there is a next time, I guess I will call my realtor first! The least she can do is open doors, right? :)

House-poor single parent looking to downsize to townhome. Have been searching for 7 months and ready to be done. Which would you choose? (Payments are with 20% down.)

New construction:
Purchase price: $335K (with fridge and washer/dryer)
Rate: 5.5% fixed OR 4.25% ARM
Monthly payment: $2211 fixed (PITI + HOA) or $2007 ARM (PITI+ HOA)
Pros: walking distance to children's current school, in current neighborhood, beautiful view, backyard, low-traffic street, minimal disruption for kids
Cons: interior unit, close-ish to train line (but cannot hear train with windows closed), would have to purchase water softener and filtration system, blinds, and gutters.

Resale:
Purchase price: $275K
Rate: 6.5% fixed (and that's with some points)
Monthly payment: $2027 (PITI + HOA)
Pros: end unit, yard, good assigned school (same district as new construction, but not children's current school), current owner has made some updates (roof, AC, water heater, appliances)
Cons: built 2004, only one full bathroom, North-facing, farther out from many of the places we frequent, would require school change (kind of a pain with IEPs), interest rate

Income: $5K take-home monthly from full-time job. Variable additional income of $1-6K, which is what's making me nervous about staying in current home ($2650 monthly, PITI + HOA). Without the variable income, I would be living paycheck to paycheck in the current home. I have 1 year's emergency savings plus down payment for either home and no debt other than the current mortgage.

I am not interested in a roommate and cannot leave my current job because I need the health care benefits and pension. I have no option/interest/time in changing/adding jobs to increase income at this time.

Overbought in 2024. New construction $409K purchase price at 5.375%. Payment has increased to $2600/month (PITI and HOA) and will increase at least $50/month by this time next year (property taxes). I like the home but not the payment.

Considering downsizing (buying first, selling second). Would list mid-August at $425K, which would net $80K after realtor fees, which is my original down payment.

Looking at purchase of new construction townhome. Purchase price $330K, 20% down, funded from savings.

Options:

- 4.25% 7/6 ARM (payment around $2K/month PITI and HOA when full taxes assessed)

- 5.5% fixed (around $2150 PITI and HOA when full taxes assessed)

- Stay put in current home and accept that housing is expensive and only sell when I absolutely have to.

Take-home pay is $5K/month. I also have $1-4K/monthly variable income (a combination of part-time jobs and child support), but am hesitant to "count" on that money. I can afford my current house as long as that continues, but am worried daily about what happens if it drops. I do have 1-year emergency fund and and no debt other than current mortgage.

Renting in my area starts at $2500/month, so that doesn't feel like a good option. No room or desire for a roommate. I'm a single parent with two special needs kids. Both stability and affordability are important, but the market is making it very difficult to keep my kids in the same school district.

Which option would you go with and why?

Title, basically. I'm fascinated by all the ways pregnancy, birth, and parenthood can go wrong, similar to:

- The Birth Keepers

- The Retrievals

- Kaitlin's Baby

- Sick (Season 1, NPR)

- The Preventionist

- Love Trapped

Suggestions?

44F with FH (familial hypercholesterolemia, aka the genetic kind).

High cholesterol started showing up in my late 20s, when I was a marathon runner, so I thought it was just a blip. I didn't get a proper diagnosis until age 39, and started 40mg Crestor, which, up until recently, was going fine. (Last fasting cholesterol test was total cholesterol 185, LDL 81, HDL 94, Triglyceride 52.)

Then my AST and CK came back elevated. (AST 52, 49; CK 288, 195, 205) Doc reduced Crestor to 20mg, and AST came down (37), but CK remained elevated. Was told to stop Crestor and am currently waiting for late July appointment with a lipid specialist. Obviously, I will take whatever medication they recommend. In the meantime, I had a calcium score test, and it came back 2 (it was 0 five years ago).

I've always been an active person, cardio daily since I was 15. Currently, I wake up at 4 a.m. to work out (I'm a single parent, and this is my only quiet time). I do 60 minutes of cardio (running and Elliptical on alternate days) plus 10 minutes of kettlebell or yoga. Then I walk 45 minutes at lunch. AI suggested that my routine might actually be hurting, rather than helping, my heart. Any truth to this?

I also have a very high-stress life working a FT and PT job to support my kids, who have special needs. I'm lucky if I get 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night.

Diet is mostly healthy, fresh food, but I have been leaning too much on processed foods like pizza or chicken nuggets one meal a day because I don't have time to cook. I also have a sweet tooth and have been self-soothing with chocolate (a bad habit that is stopping NOW).

I need to get through the next 15 years so I can launch my kids. Where do I go from here? What reasonable changes can I make?

They say everyone wants to get to closing, and I thought I did, too. I've been house-hunting for six months. The "plan" was to buy a less expensive townhome, move, then sell my two-year-old single-family home, the payment for which has gotten so high that I don't know how long I can sustain it (a year? maybe two?). I made my first offer, and it was accepted just before the Iran war started. I didn't lock in time, and I (over?)reacted when the numbers went up and canceled.

Time passed. The war became background noise. I kept looking but couldn't find anything that fit my budget and kept my special-needs kid at their same school. So I went back to the builder and made another offer. They accepted. But they want (non-refundable) earnest money and a signed purchase agreement, obviously. And every time I think about moving forward, I have a literal panic response, shut down, and retreat.

Part of it (I think) is that I don't really WANT to move, but I also know my current payment is only sustainable if everything in my financial house of cards stays *exactly* the same. I try to talk myself into this move by telling myself I'm being proactive and reducing expenses (we're talking $400/month less than the current mortgage), but I still haven't signed and the builder is growing increasingly (and understandably) frustrated.

I wish I could either sign and grow a pair and move -- or stop trying to force a move and trust that everything will work out fine. But my brain won't let it rest. How do I know if my fear about signing is valid and I should listen to it or if I should override it? (And, yes, I am in therapy and my therapist thinks I should stop all house-hunting/searching, but she has no lived experience as a single parent at my income level and does not understand the financial pressure I feel on a daily basis.)

ETA: Already working two jobs (one full-time, one side hustle) and cannot take on any more work or care for other people's children (I have two). I am somewhat stuck in my current job because of a pension and the ability to work from home, both of which are rare in my field. So my income isn't going to increase dramatically -- hence why I am trying to cut whatever expenses I can, including housing, while trying to keep one thing stable for my kiddos (but especially the school-age one).

As of July 1, I will be making six figures for the first time in my life (I'm 44) from my primary job. I also have several other income streams, which vary year to year. I have 12 months' emergency savings. I max out my Roth IRA every year ($7,500), I am currently setting aside $250 per paycheck into deferred comp, and my primary job has a pension plan that I contribute to (because it's mandatory). I have no debt except my mortgage (balance $319K, value at least $415K). I track all my expenses, and I have an average of $2,000 leftover each month (from my additional income streams). I live frugally, but single parenthood is expensive. And with the cost of everything else rising, it still doesn't feel like "enough." I'm planning to cut back on before/after school care for my kids and potentially downsize to a less expensive townhome. But it still doesn't feel like "enough." I don't feel financially "safe." Am I? Or is this daily anxiety about money justified?

Irritability off the charts. Single-parenting two small children with special needs isn't helping. But I do all the things: estrogen patches and progesterone; anxiety and sleep meds; intense cardio and kettlebell every morning; outdoor walk at lunchtime; gentle yoga and meditation daily; weekly talk therapy; monthly massage. Still, one little trigger will SEND me. I hate this version of myself; she's a monster! Does ANYTHING else work?

Hi, it's me again, the downsizing single parent. I know y'all dislike new construction, but these are the options. Which would you choose?

#1 M/I

• $349k, $8k closing cost credits, 4.875%
• 3BR, 2BA, small loft
• Small strip of "yard" in the back, then hill sloping toward the house (making me nervous with the heavy rains we've been having...)
• 1 block from 5YO's current elementary school (but still have to drive/bus due to busy roads)
• South-facing main bedroom and driveway, north-facing all other windows/rooms
• Surrounded on three sides by farm land (1 private owner, 1 "buffer" land owned by Flint Hills, 1 owned by National Guard, city said no plans for development on any of these lands right now)
• Vibe is quieter but also isolated
• Closing date: early June, would list current home mid- to late June

#2 Lennar

• $351k, $6.5k closing cost credits, 4.875%
• 3BR, 2BA, no loft (but bigger bedrooms)
• Flat yard backing up to other set of townhomes' backyards (not built yet so unsure how close that will feel)
• Not currently close to any school; would require driving to child's current school, where they can stay for 1 year, then would have to transfer to different school
• North-facing main bedroom and driveway; south-facing all other windows/rooms
• Surrounded on three sides by single-family homes; other side is currently being mined (?!) but will eventually be commercial; also 1 mile from data center under construction
• Family-friendly vibe
• Closing date: mid-July, which would mean I can't list current home until early August (not ideal, right?)

I'm leaning towards Lennar because it feels more family-friendly, but I'm also wary of listing so late in the summer. Thoughts?

Title, basically. I've been house-hunting for about six months. I'm downsizing from a single-family home to a townhome because I don't want to be house-poor anymore. This isn't my first real estate rodeo, but this time around, nothing feels quite right. I'm just not compelled. I've made some offers, but when the counters come back higher than I'm comfortable with, I walk. Nothing feels worth the cost of moving and selling.

Does anyone else feel this way? And if not, how DID you feel when you found your home? It seems like I should feel something...at least relief (to be saving money) or a little excitement (at a fresh start)...not just "meh"... (And, yes, I am depressed, but that's been my default for decades.)

Was planning to downsize from an SFH to a townhome because too much of my budget is going to housing (thanks to home insurance and property tax hikes), plus everything else is getting more expensive. The original plan was to close on the new place by the end of March, then put the current home on the market in early April. (I'm in a financial position now that would allow me to buy first, sell second, which would be a sanity-saver as a single parent.)

The war started just after I signed the purchase agreement but before I locked, interest rates rose, and I canceled my purchase agreement. I thought I would wait it out until Spring 2027 and try again. But the housing payment anxiety plagues me. (For the record, I have no other debt besides my current mortgage and live frugally.) There are some builders offering 4.87% in my area, which makes a purchase still feel feasible, but even if I bought today, my current home wouldn't hit the market until early/mid-June. Is this terrible timing? Should I wait it out?