u/miss-asks-alot

I feel guilty about this because my mom doesn’t understand why. She believes I’m just moody. I hate how I act around her because I’m normally a very soft person. I think I’m kind and calm. But whenever I’m around her, I’m always on edge.

Since I was young, my mom has always done this hot and cold thing. She’ll be super sweet and nice for a long time, and then one day she’ll just snap at you. She’ll say very hurtful, mean things. Especially if she’s been drinking (she used to have an alcohol problem). And then she’d “apologize” but it really felt like she just couldn’t stand the thought of anyone being angry with her. It always felt more for her comfort. She’ll ask for a hug. And if I were mad at her for more than she wanted me to be, she’d basically tell me to get over it. If she did something that made me uncomfortable or angry and I brought it up, she’d immediately shut me down and say “well sometimes you do this and I don’t like it. I’m just one person. You have to give me grace”. I can’t remember the last time she’s ever taken accountability. I love her but I have hatred for her.

I also stopped telling her personal things because she’d always go to my sisters and talk bad about me. But then she’d come to me and talk badly about them. But she’s so nice and friendly to everyone. She’s such a people pleaser, it’s disgusting to watch how fake she is in public. Whenever she does something nice for someone, like give a homeless person money, she’ll tell everyone about it.

I know my mom is kind but all I can see are the times when she wasn’t. I’m not good with confrontation because of her. The second someone raises their voice or confronts me about something, I go mute. I don’t talk at all because I always hated trying to argue with her. Because she gets loud and she gets mean. So when she’s nice to me, it makes me hate her. But that’s all she sees of me, as an angry daughter. And I know if I tried to tell her why I’m always angry around her, she’d blame it on me again. She’d say, “well all this time has passed, it’s not fair to me.” And maybe she’s right but how can I comfortably tell her all these feelings I’ve had built up when she’s always shut them down?

My mom got married to her now husband about 3 years ago, and since then, he’s been nothing but useless. She has to argue with him every other week about the same thing over and over and he still doesn’t get it. He doesn’t talk, he lays in bed on his phone all day when he’s not at work. She does everything. And of course I help when I can but she cleans the house when I don’t, we do the dishes, she gets the groceries and I put them away. She had to beg him to do simple things like wipe the toilet after he pees. Or take the trash out.

She always checks up on him when he’s not feeling well, she calls him at work to make sure he’s alright. He doesn’t do that. When she’s having a bag day and sleeps in later than usual, he doesn’t care. He wakes up and goes to get himself breakfast. He doesn’t ask if she’s hungry, but after she’s run around all day doing everything, he sits on his phone and asks when dinner will be ready. I’m so sick of him. I’m so sick of her stressing out over him, and I’m so sick of hearing them argue about the same things over and over again.

Today, she finally admitted that she regrets being married. This is her second divorce. My biological dad cheated on her the first time and I’m honestly heartbroken for my mom. She just wants love. These men pretend like they’re amazing and then the second they get married, they stop trying. She’s so burnt out and stressed and it’s mostly because of him. But I know the only reason she’s with him is because we can’t survive on our own.

I’m in school, I’m trying to make money myself so I can save up and move out eventually. My mom’s job doesn’t pay her enough for us to live on our own. So we, unfortunately, have to rely on his job to help us pay rent. Besides that, he doesn’t do anything else. I’m so lost, I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to help her find a new job but she’s so exhausted and burnt out, she said it would be really hard to transition into a new job. I don’t know what to do.

I kind of need some moral support. I’ve had steady income since I was 17, I’m 21 now. I’ve opened a few loans for school and other things and I always paid them back on time. Never a missed payment in years. I lost my job a while back, I haven’t been able to keep making payments towards these two loans I still have. It’s been about 6 months of not paying them back because I have yet to find a job, I feel like I’m drowning. They were nice enough to put a 3 month hold on my account but my credit is suffering from those 3 months I didn’t pay. I feel screwed for if I need to move or do anything that would require a credit check. I have no idea how long it’ll take me to get my score back up. I’m so anxious, stressed and honestly embarrassed.

I’ve always struggled with my self esteem since middle school. I can’t remember a time since I was a child where I liked how I looked. I used to spend hours in the bathroom, doing my makeup and fixing my hair. As of late, I cannot even look at myself. I avoid the mirror always. I want to crawl out of my skin, I feel trapped I hate being in this body. I don’t have anything else in my life that I look forward to. I hate my job, I never make enough money, I’m not doing well in school, I’m so burnt out and stressed. I’m so jealous of girls who look pretty when they wake up. Girls who just look feminine. I’ve never felt or looked feminine. All I want is to be loved but I feel so alone and I’m sure I’ll never find someone. No one has ever approached me. I don’t want to go out in public, I don’t want people to look at me.

This feeling is taking over my life, most days I want to die because I’m so unhappy in my own skin. It’s unfair. I want to be someone else. It’s far beyond accepting who I am.

I’ve always struggled with my self esteem since middle school. I can’t remember a time since I was a child where I liked how I looked. I used to spend hours in the bathroom, doing my makeup and fixing my hair. As of late, I cannot even look at myself. I avoid the mirror always. I want to crawl out of my skin, I feel trapped I hate being in this body. I don’t have anything else in my life that I look forward to. I hate my job, I never make enough money, I’m not doing well in school, I’m so burnt out and stressed. I’m so jealous of girls who look pretty when they wake up. Girls who just look feminine. I’ve never felt or looked feminine. All I want is to be loved but I feel so alone and I’m sure I’ll never find someone. No one has ever approached me. I don’t want to go out in public, I don’t want people to look at me.

This feeling is taking over my life, most days I want to die because I’m so unhappy in my own skin. It’s unfair. I want to be someone else. It’s far beyond accepting who I am.

This is the first class I’ve ever failed in my life. Back in High School, while I did struggle with depression and anxiety, I still found a way to push through. But I’ve been going through it recently. I’m having a hard time finding reasons to get out of bed. All of my classes are online so it’s not like I skip class or anything. But we have in person exams, and while I used to do good on them, this semester I’ve failed 2/3 exams. I have the last exam tomorrow and I know I’m going to fail it because I haven’t had the energy to study at all. I sleep all day, I’m so exhausted and stressed. It’s never been this bad before but I’ve gotten this far so I can’t drop out.

I know I just need to retake this exam. I’m just feeling like a failure at the moment and I need to know is it worth it to even explain it to my professor? Or should I just silently retake it next time and try to work around this rut I’m in?

For the last few months, l've (F21) gone through a lot of unfortunate changes. I've gotten evicted from my childhood home because I was no longer able to afford rent. My credit score dropped significantly because I wasn't being paid enough to pay off any of my loans. I'm not doing so well in school right now, I'm failing a class for the first time since I started college. Which I am disappointed in myself about.. but I also can't find bring myself to care anymore.

I can't stop eating and gaining weight, I feel disgusting and I hate being in my skin. I'm starting to really dislike myself.

I feel so apathetic about everything. I don't care what happens to me anymore. I feel like nothing ever goes my way, there's always an obstacle. I'm so physically and mentally exhausted. There's always bills to pay and I have to shower and eat and talk to people. Getting up to do my makeup and hair every single day to feel disgusting and not want to be seen. Dragging my feet all day, waiting to go home and lay in bed.

I'm so easily irritated lately, even my closest friends annoy me for no reason. I don't take teasing jokes lightly anymore, everything gets under my skin- I feel like a hot kettle. I spend all day sleeping, I have absolutely no energy to study for classes anymore. I see my friends getting internships left and right, but I'm struggling to just find a job. I really just want to go away for a long time and not talk to anyone.

For the last few months, I’ve gone through a lot of unfortunate changes. I’ve gotten evicted from my childhood home because I was no longer able to afford rent. My credit score dropped significantly because I wasn’t being paid enough to pay off any of my loans. I’m not doing so well in school right now, I’m failing a class for the first time since I started college. Which I am disappointed in myself about.. but I also can’t find bring myself to care anymore.

I can’t stop eating and gaining weight, I feel disgusting and I hate being in my skin. I’m starting to really dislike myself.

I feel so apathetic about everything. I don’t care what happens to me anymore. I feel like nothing ever goes my way, there’s always an obstacle. I’m so physically and mentally exhausted. There’s always bills to pay and I have to shower and eat and talk to people. Getting up to do my makeup and hair every single day to feel disgusting and not want to be seen. Dragging my feet all day, waiting to go home and lay in bed.

I’m so easily irritated lately, even my closest friends annoy me for no reason. I don’t take teasing jokes lightly anymore, everything gets under my skin- I feel like a hot kettle. I spend all day sleeping, I have absolutely no energy to study for classes anymore. I see my friends getting internships left and right, but I’m struggling to just find a job. I really just want to go away for a long time and not talk to anyone.