u/miss_antisocial

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I got one in 2002. It ran Windows XP. Forgot what type of model it was. Great memories.

It can be console or PC. I just know there’s some amusing mods for any of the games.

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Mine was killing the chicken in Riverwood 😅

So I’ve come across this subreddit and have been researching this feeling I’ve been having for the past few months and it sounds like I have anhedonia. Not gonna try to self diagnose and I don’t even know if this is the right place for this but I just need to get this out!

I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, MDD, agoraphobia, social anxiety, I also have autism. The list goes on. It’s been going on since I was 11. I’ve been prescribed all types of medications. I’ve seen a psychiatrist since then as well.

Recently I’ve lost interest and pleasure and excitement in anything. Books, video games, things I’ve loved my whole life, being around people I love. I just sit in my room and stare at the wall or pace around aimlessly. Even scrolling on my phone doesn’t give me any amusement. There’s nothing there.

I can barely hold it together and feel like this will never end. Maybe it won’t but now I don’t feel so alone.

I’m not a smoker. More of an edible gummy type of girl. My thoughts are very jumbled right now so bear with me.

This all started about 1-2 years ago when my boyfriend bought me a gummy from the gas station (yes it’s a no no I know). Already sounds sketchy right?

Enjoyed how it made me feel and how it gave me the munchies because I had serious stomach issues at the time. I kept getting them almost every day (yes that’s bad I know) EXCEPT for about 1 1/2 to 2 weeks ago when something happened.

I got extreme upper abdomen pain and began vomiting and couldn’t keep food or liquids down. Had diarrhea too. Was running a fever and had a swollen stomach. Things were not good. I went to urgent care and they told me I had a stomach ulcer as well as a light trace of blood in my stool. (Sorry about that) Prescribed me some medicine and told me to follow up with my primary care doctor.

I started to research how edibles could mask symptoms of stomach ulcers and such. Make more stomach acid, make things worse for me. I decided then and there I wouldn’t do it anymore. And I haven’t. You see, I was a hardcore alcoholic for almost 7 years, I’m 3 years sober (but have liver disease now.) I thought I could handle this.

Until now.

I was cleaning my room and opened a drawer and found an unopened pack of gummies. Boy is the temptation high! I started crying and sweating. I want to eat it but at the same time I want to destroy it. I haven’t eaten it and won’t but it sure does suck a little.

I can’t believe I let myself fall down the hole again.

(Edit- the dosage of the gummy was supposedly 1200 mg of delta 8 and 9)

For context I’m in my late 20s, my mom is in her early 50s. We live in the southern United States.

This morning was just like any other morning, good so far until we got onto the topic of religion and God. And if my boyfriend and I believe in God. I always try to avoid this topic because my mom was raised in a VERY religious household even though she doesn’t go to church often she still shares those views.

I have no problem with that. But I’m at a point in life where religion just isn’t comforting to me. I’ve had a hard life and was told every time by someone to just “Pray about it” or “put your faith in God”. I don’t mean to come across as negative but none of that has helped me. I find comfort in other things. Religion is confusing, especially Christianity and I don’t understand it. It’s cruel to me that a loving God would send someone to Hell if he loved them so much, etc.

Anyways I expressed my confusion for Christianity and she blew up. She started getting red in the face and telling me basically I’d be >!raped and tortured!< forever if I went to hell for not believing in God. And that she worries she won’t see me in heaven and that makes her want to >!kill herself.!<

Therefore now I feel forced into a religion I don’t know if I can believe…

I’m sorry but this is just insane how anyone can believe this. I love my mom but I had to get this off my chest because I have NO ONE to tell.

Once again sorry everyone.

I’m looking for something similar to Between Two Fires by Christopher Buehlman. Preferably taking place before the 19th century please and thank you!!