u/n0t_a_b0t_yes_a_thot

Hi all! I think I am moving towards estrangement. I didn’t know the word for what I feel for my dad until today. I am 30 with two kids. My father abused me and my 3 siblings by controlling many aspects of our life – clothing, food, prayers, who we could touch, what we could read. This was all done in the name of religion, so no one dared criticise lest they seem bigoted or intolerant.
 
He drove away all our extended family for not being religious enough and then blamed it on my mother.
 
He disparaged our mother for their 30-year relationship. He was so condescending and implied I specifically was stupid and erratic and flighty because I didn’t have his autistic genius savant personality.
 
He drove me to a mental breakdown and then ‘supported’ me through my reputational damage, as his crazy daughter. I was never crazy, I was just the weakest element in that toxic family, and I snapped five years before my mother eventually kicked him out.
 
He weaponizes therapy. He is impossible to do group therapy with. He emotionally and religiously abused his family for decades but forced us to go to 2 or more sessions of therapy a week to make it all OK. This did nothing but waste money.
 
He remarried within 18 months of my mother kicking him out, and 6 months of his legal divorce. He is now 50, and expecting a fifth child with his 45-year-old wife. The new wife is very religious.
 
I thought I was over the religious abuse, until he went and spent tons of money on IVF to make a new baby to bring up with new religious abuse. He has no idea how much his fundamentalism hurt me the first time. How much it hurt me to raise my siblings, using religion as a cover for emotional abuse and control. And now that his youngest child is 18, he’s gone and made another one.
 
 
When he told me the news of this half sibling, I first took to my bed for a week. Then my heart went cold to him. I’ve had a couple of spells not talking to him for months at a time, text only.
 
I don’t want to talk to the man. I’m happy to call him when my children – his grandkids – want to talk to him.
 
He’s blowing up my phone telling me how hurt he is, how he wants me to listen to what I’ve put him through, how I should show up to family therapy with him.
 
The more he latches on to me, the more I don’t care.
 
Is this the road to estrangement?

I hope so. I love him, but I can’t stick around for his roller coaster anymore. I’m done. I’ve got my own kids and my own career and I can’t keep being his narc-supply.  

Hey all. I’ve done 3 years of therapy including EMDR to heal from a traumatic incident.

My range of triggers has gotten smaller but i still get triggered from things specific to the trauma. It lasts for hours. The disassociation, racing heart, etc.

Maybe once a month? But I avoid a lot.

I don’t even meet the threshold for PTSD anymore, I’m just below.

I want to go to work in the field where my trauma happened.

I sleep well, do a lot of exercise, eat well, journal, and meditate a little.

What can I do to get over the line and overcome the last of my PTSD?

Hey lovely community,

I’ve just found you guys I hope it’s ok with me posting.

I’m 5 years out from my traumatic event. I’ve had 4 years of therapy. I did EMDR.

I eat well, meditate, journal, lift weight, and sleep well.

I’m not on meds (by choice).

I get triggered only by things directly related to the trauma.

And I don’t want to. I want to be able to think about the trauma and be OK. Read things about similar situations to my trauma and be ok.

In fact, I want to work directly in sub field where the trauma happened.

How do I heal that last little bit?

Husband of 5 years.

Pros:
- Gives me most of his paycheck after rent
- speaks to me respectfully and kindly
- works Long hours in a hard trade

Cons:
- does zero housework
- refuses to wake up for kids on his days off (even when I wake him he goes back to sleep )
- zero cooking, shopping, admin , bills , leaves it all for me

Husband ALSO has:
- severe PTSD
- insomnia
- nightmares which I wake him from screaming about said PTSD

He’s tried meds which don’t help. He’s in therapy and it’s helping but it’s a slow process

I’m in school full time doing premed, I have chronic pain. We don’t have the money for regular takeout or cleaning ladies. That’s why I don’t work and we rely on his income and manual labour job.

He’s all for the idea of me becoming a Dr. so he can retire. It’s my dream career

BUT. All the house work and child care falls to me.

Kids are in daycare 5 days a week but the mornings 6 am to 9 am KILL me and the motherfvker is home today ??? Rostered day off. And he HASNT WOKEN UP TO HELP I have shaken him awake so many times.

I am fucking DROWNING.

he has a RDO and he DID NOT GET UP WITH ME AND THE KIDS LIKE HE SAID HE WOULD . So I’m Doing the morning alone.

Should I demand more from him? Or have more compassion for where he is at.

I’m 29, married for 6 years, 2 kids.

My dad separated from my mum 5 years ago and immediately remarried. My mum and dad have 4 kids together.

Him and his new wife have been doing IVF for YEARS and she’s finally 12 weeks pregnant.

Girls… I’m devastated.

I’m theoretically happy for the wife and I love my half sibling already.

I’m fucking furious at my dad. He was/ is a fundamentalist religious man. He emotionally abused all 4 of his current kids, financially abused my mother. We all have strained relationships with him.

I feel like he’s put his current 4 adult children in the too hard basket 🧺 to start again fresh.

I’m worried that 4 adult children clouds his wife’s idea of a fresh new family and we will all be iced out of his life even more.

I’m worried that because she hates me (it’s mutual), I won’t be allowed to come see baby or babysit or help.

Let’s not even start on her and my dad being religious anxious control freaks who will screw up this baby way worse than me and my siblings we’re screwed up. At least our mother is warm and kind.

My emotions are like a roller coaster. I don’t even know what I’m looking for here.

He has never not once respected my little family (husband is wrong religion, we are blue collar, my dad is corporate). I feel like this is his power move to say I’m an overgrown teenage mother and he’s a legitimate parent.

Also - a THIRTY year age gap between siblings ???

Hi ladies,

I wear a 65F in Simone Perele. I don’t wear other brands but if I did that’s a UK 30E.

I measure 76 cm underbust and 92 over bust. Or 30 inches underbust 36 cm over bust.

The comexim calculator gave me a 75E size.

I know they recommend to go up 1-2 cup sizes for comexim but surely not 1-2 band sizes?

I was thinking of getting a 70E or 70F in the comexim in a plunge style but I’m not sure if those are the correct sizes either!

Can anyone help?

I’ve breastfed and have very very empty breasts if that makes a difference.

Thank you !!