u/of_kilter

not diagnosed ocd but i think that’s just because i have been unable to get the words out to describe my state. ill be back in therapy soon

i believe i have pure O and am very high functioning so i don’t think anyone realized just how awful it was in my brain and just how much i was hiding it. every time i would think of saying it to anyone my internal monologue would threaten me and say it was going to kill me so id stop. i justified not telling anyone because it was all just mental and i believed i had to handle the strain it put on me

ive been in therapy more for adhd and depression recently, the wellbutrin is amazing and has had significant cognitive benefits i can just use my mind better and pluck thoughts out easier. im cubing numbers in my brain when i could barely do mental math before, i knew ive always been smart but always felt so stupid. the clonidine is pretty recent and is maybe the greatest thing ever invented, it lowered my anxiety and made me drowsy slowing my brain down. i started to realize i could think thoughts without my internal monologue and practiced turning it off and just thinking through concepts and emotions rather than pure words. eventually i just said how much i despised my internal monologue and had a breakdown as i realized i just said that out loud, that the world wasn’t ending, and i could actually get my thoughts out without that cruel bitch yelling in my ear. the next day i got very drunk and high and had a breakdown where i dumped way too much on my friends, i said so many thought that i had twisted into a knot in my brain and it was so cathartic to get them out and realize just how nonsensical it all was.

when i imagined myself medicated (i was a lil obsessed with it at the time as i thought i was a bit of a monster) it was as someone with completely empty thoughts but i never once imagined that my internal monologue could just be nice to me. i was getting anxious expecting intrusive thoughts but they didn’t come for days and ive been able to recognize them and stop my compulsions from playing out (though i may be too obsessed with stopping them, why everything needs to be a catch 22 in my brain). rn im trying not to think about flowers for algernon and the idea of losing all my medications and my progress

hey, 20nb in downtown portland. im a psu student (neuroscience major) and been wanting to find some irl friends that could meet together consistently for a game (probably monthly or twice a month). So im wanting to run some oneshots first to see if i click with people and if we can get a fun game running.

im very used to dnd but also looking to branch out into VtM (new d20 season got me lol). if you’re interested in joining my first time playing/running the system please let me know. but dnd oneshots will also be run if that is your preference.

requirements for my players:

be invested in the game, the world, and the story we are telling collaboratively. if you don’t care find a different group or communicate with me on what would get you invested. this includes not ghosting, if you aren’t interested anymore a simple text is greatly appreciated.

tell me what you are looking to get out of the game. a fun time with friends, a good story, a chance to play a specific character, etc. if you tell me i can better incorporate it.

no strong age or demographic requirements we’re here to play a game together. but def inform me first if you’re under 18

be kind. im not going to let a bad actor ruin a fun game

understand that im audhd and be accepting of that. if you are neurodivergent or get along with neurodivergent people then we will probably vibe. Also looking for nerdy friends in general my boardgames are not touched often enough for my liking

you don’t buy that sick knife and bring it out in the coolest way possible without having some kind of a plan to sway people’s minds. at what point would it have gotten past what he could’ve hoped/planned for?

i keep remembering days with my ex that i just remembered as a normal day but it’s only now that i realize just how upsetting they were acting and how much i was pushing down those feelings to placate them. ive noticed this happening but i don’t think i realized it could be this bad until now and before i knew it i had let things get so bad that i couldn’t just ignore them anymore.

i feel overly naive and quick to be trusting. even if i disagree something intellectually, morally, socially ect it’s hard for me to disagree with someone when im in the same room as them. i feel like im just setting myself up to be taken advantage of by stamping out my own feelings (i literally mentally enacted one half of my brain being stomped on by the other half, it can get bad when im desperate and dedicated enough to not think about or feel what im going through)

idk if it will be good but im predicting an ai psychosis horror film

it can be something big or small, im able to work pretty much any mythical/supernatural/fantasy concept into my world so don’t hold back i like making weird ideas work they just have to fit within the masquerade so it wouldn’t be obvious to mortals

so far the big plot relevant groups ive made are: An enormous werewolf polycule, anarchic vampires, and libertarian vampires

ideas id like to implement: cryptids and unexplainable phenomena of some kind, wizards and powerful magic users in portland and some form of powerful ghoul or ghost. but please suggest any ideas you may have

it can be something big or small, im able to work pretty much any mythical/supernatural/fantasy concept into my world so don’t hold back i like making weird ideas work they just have to fit within the masquerade so it wouldn’t be obvious to mortals

so far the big plot relevant groups ive made are: An enormous werewolf polycule, anarchic vampires, and libertarian vampires

ideas id like to implement: cryptids and unexplainable phenomena of some kind, wizards and powerful magic users in portland and some form of powerful ghoul or ghost. but please suggest any ideas you may have

im a lifeguard so i have a really well defined schedule switching every 30 minutes between up and down guard. i have a lot of down time and a good work environment/coworkers/patrons and a few other neurodivergent coworkers so i am pretty much in an ideal environment for myself right now.

ive needed to pick up longer shifts now that my finals are over and it’s shocking how little of a difference it is between 4.5 and 9 hr shifts. i think i get into a flow state physically as i sit or do chores while i constantly mull over random shit in my mind (sometimes giving me a minor panic attack on the guard chair lol). but physically, emotionally, mentally i always feel the exact same at the end and like the same amount of time has passed, the only noticeable difference is that i have more memories that just feel more compressed

im discovering lamb and loving the beautiful voice paired with lyrics that make me really think about what’s being conveyed over multiple watches (dear arkansaw daughter, heretic, billions of eyes). there have been multiple instances where it clicked what a line meant and made me tear up a bit

in my opinion the bronze age collapse appears to be the roots of much of the conflict in the middle east and europe. people had felt like the gods left them, they could not trust their neighbors, and that god had promised various things to various people. how would history progress if we never had this cultural mindset of a great fall of the gods and the idea that there used to be a golden age of humanity that was now lost. especially considering abrahamic religions would likely not nearly be as prominent. would the collapse never happening allow for earlier discoveries of technology and preservation of knowledge and written language?

20 y/o college student going through the diagnosis process here. im on Wellbutrin (my goat) and its having incredible effects on my cognitive abilities ive never been able to pluck thoughts out of my head so easily. recently its felt like im a new person taking over the controls of a poorly piloted vehicle.

a friend of mine has recently helped me see a lot of things about myself ive been struggling to grapple with and describe effectively. he described me in the way that my family talks about me growing up, like im lost in my own mental world away from everyone else constantly thinking or playing in my head. it wasn’t until he described me in this way where it clicked for me that im still the way i was when i was 6 it’s just a lot more intelligent and depressed now.

he also said there is an assumed wall in every interaction that i have and i am forced to pass through it before making some kind of connection or interaction. I’ve absolutely found that i just need to confidently go forward knowing ill fail at expressing something before I eventually get to some level of understanding with people. looking back it’s so clear that this is atleast one of the answers ive been searching for my whole life it feels like

recently ive been feeling like i need to relearn the entire english language. it feels like ive been so stuck in my own world and in my head thinking of abstract concepts and random intrusive thoughts that i am just incapable of communicating anything effectively and it just seems like don’t use certain words in the same way as other people which has led to misunderstanding after misunderstanding. I don’t even feel like i understand my own thoughts most of the time, that’s been decreasing with the wellbutrin but still present

imagine a fire, water, or air nation toph that has to use a different element to achieve sight and perform well in combat. What would be the best way for each bending style to be able to adapt to being blind and gain increased perception from their bending?

like obviously he could do with more combat training but if he were putting in the training regimen of someone like Mark Grayson or Mr Incredible would it have any kind of significant improvement to his power or is he mostly capped out already

We now know that the viltrumites only have 40 members but if Allen and the Coalition of Planets (excluding thaedus) was under the impression that there was a planet full of them how did it remotely make sense to him that talescria and other Coalition planets were still free from Viltrumite rule