u/peachprincess98

So my family (me 28F, niece 21F, mom 65F, dad 68M) bought & moved to the Southwest suburbs back in February. The houses are close, but we have tall 6ftish concrete block privacy walls. We have a pool and our neighbor doesn't. He’s an elderly guy in his 70s or 80s who lives next door with his wife, his granddaughter, 2 dogs and another couple who rents the other half of the house. He comes and goes all day and we always give him a polite wave out front, at first I thought he was just lonely and being neighborly but now it's just getting annoying, rude and borderline weird.

He has made a habit of dragging a Home Depot bucket or overturned flower pot to the wall to peek directly over into our yard. It’s gotten ridiculously uncomfortable. Twice now when my niece, my mom and I were swimming in our pool, his head popped over the wall asking questions about who we were and where my dad was, does he like to swim etc. and my mom unfortunately and stupidly blurted out my name, that my dad swims, and even where my dad works and that he was working that exact day. Other times, I’ll just be laying on our outdoor couch trying to close my eyes and relax, and suddenly a head pops up staring at me. Once when I was outside on an important phone call, I accidentally made eye contact with him hovering over the wall and looked away to keep talking, and he actually went to my mom later to COMPLAIN that "he SAW that your daughter saw me," like I'm obligated to entertain him. Most recently, my mom and I were sitting on the patio decompressing, and his head popped up to interrupt us and ask her, "who is this fine little lady 😏" about me, even though I've been introduced to him multiple times and my mom just said oh that's " my name " and I didn't even turn around because I didn't feel like talking to him and do not want to, I was literally in the middle of a conversation. I've never spoken to him before and literally just ignore him, if someone else is outside with me they'll speak to him but I don't.

Now I find myself tip toeing around my own patio so he doesn't hear me outside, opening and closing the door very quietly so he doesn't hear it and come running outside, and it makes me sick and second guess if I want to go out, that I can't even close my eyes by my own pool without waiting for his head to pop up over the wall and someone start asking me questions or even looking at everything in my yard!

Unsure if there's any privacy things/shades that can be done?

Edited to add, I don't own the house, it's my parents, I just live here, I'm physically disabled, as a very petite female, NO I'm not keen on confrontation, yes I'm 28 but I'm more vulnerable, being only 4 feet tall and 75 lbs ( rare form of dwarfism ) means yeah I don't want to piss off a neighbor?! If I was 40, would that still be okay for him to do that? If I was 6 ft tall, would it still be okay? If I was a man would it still be okay? Weather he has dementia or not, when is it okay for a man or ANYBODY of any gender to stand on something to look into their neighbors yard? This post isn't weather or not he's a creep, it's just " what would you do "

hey ya'll

I’m 28 with SED dwarfism (4’0, 75 lbs, double hip replacements) and I’m currently trying to get tf out of my parents house and into my own apartment, I have 15% of the ABLE limit saved up, 1,760 DAC income every month, I’m literally looking at local ground floor places right now but the emotional insanity at home is driving me nuts?!

My mom keeps trying to scare me out of leaving and pulling all these dramatic meltdowns. She literally yells stuff like:

• " you're gonna be all by yourself!! It's dangerous! "

• " how are you going to shower ( all I need is a low profile non tub shower and a stick on hand held like I already have at home and a stool for my sink which again I already have?! ) "

• " who's going to come get you/I'm not going to drive over there whenever you need me " ( who says I would want her to in the first place? and I barely go anywhere as is and if I really needed to, I know accessible Ubers exist and I have a sister and niece ) • " why do you have to leave to be happy " ( she screams about something everyday weather it's me, my " needs ", her headache, other people, she dictates all the emotions and you're not allowed to be happy or else she'll bring you down and make sure you feel like a problem )

• " YOU NEED ME " ( I literally do not and the most peace I've ever had was when I was away from her )

This is so frustrating because like wheelchair Ubers exist, delivery exists, adaptive safety equipment exists, for whatever reason if in the future I need care, that exists!!... why act like all these things don't exist for ME?! Especially because I see people who have even less mobility and freedom than me and they somehow live by themselves and manage so why can't I?!

All I need is a ground floor layout with low profile walk in shower and I obviously would get an air fryer and things where I need them to be accessible such as on a table etc, but she acts like because I have challenges and am more " vulnerable " because I'm small, the entire world is impossible and I’m completely helpless and the world is so scary so I should just give up.

And my dad is no better. He just sits there and defends the fact that they never got me proper specialized care or accessibility setups growing up, making excuses for why they didn't adapt things or teach me literally how to do ANYTHING, I had to teach myself things I thought I couldn't do mind you, because I was tired of being treated like a burden, we moved as a family to a non accessible place 7 months ago, across the country, and I applied, myself, to a bathroom renovation program for people with disabilities and it was granted and done within a month, it was THAT easy and they just never did it for me in the past/growing up/the other state because " they didn't know it existed " aka they just never cared and didn't care to try.

They love to smirk at my accomplishments, call me lazy for my physical limits, and belittle my crafts, but the second I try to leave, suddenly I'm "too disabled" to survive without them.

It’s just so draining and painful having them try to make me feel terrified and like I'm ridiculous for wanting more, obviously being at a disadvantage and being brought up being terrified of everything makes it that much harder especially doing it by myself with NOBODY in my corner.

So yeah, has anyone been able to successfully move out/do you live by yourself?

I feel like no matter what I do, no matter how much I try to interact, participate, or show up in a communitv, I never actuallv fit in. It never feels right. I look around and watch other people naturally form bonds, click instantly, find their groups, and build these effortless friendships? l'm wondering what the secret code is and what I can do to change and "fix " mvself because I automaticallv think I'm doing something wrong. I feel really tired of constantly trying so I basically gave up making connections or trying to be social for awhile, but of course I get sad and yearn for human connection so always end up trying again like an idiot. I yearn for community.

I'm disabled and struggle with chronic pain due to it so sometimes I feel okay and will leave my house everyday and other times I can go all week staying in. I have a lot of hobbies. I'm 28, F, I like trying EVERYTHING. All kinds of crafts, games, skills, recipes etc. I do these things because I genuinely enjoy them, and i put the work in to get semi " good " and put 100% into everything I do (I still feel like I'm never actuallv good) but my brain won't let me just have it and get full enjoyment from it. Even when Im creating something cool or practicing a new makeup look, I feel like an imposter. I look in the mirror and feel like a silly stupid clown playing a part and everyone's laughing at me. It feels like no matter how hard I try, I'm always just a hair off, almost right but not quite? and if I try harder, be better, be smarter, be prettier, become the best, I'll be accepted somewhere finally and have community

I’m reaching out because I’m struggling and wondering how you all handle the social side of life. I recently moved to the southwest, and while I’d love to make some actual IRL friends ( online too but even that's impossible it feels like ) it feels like there’s a massive wall in the way.

For context, I’m 28, F, 4’0”, and 75 lbs. I have SED dwarfism (one of the rarer types). I’ve had double hip replacements and my neck and spine are in the process of auto fusing ( ouch ), but honestly, the medical stuff has been a nightmare lately. I went into procedures thinking they would make me better, but they actually made me worse. My leg and my range of motion (ROM) are messed up, and now I’m stuck fighting a healthcare system that is incredibly stressful and slow to fix what went wrong. It’s emotional and sad, and honestly, it makes me feel like I’m running out of time to actually live my life.

Because of this, my mobility is not how it used to be.i used to be able to sit on the ground, and move more freely, I can’t drive, and I can’t even get into a car by myself, I need someone to help position me and set up specific cushions just to sit and it's still not comfortable. Leaving the house is a huge logistical production and takes a lot out of me because I'm in pain the entire time and also filled with anxiety because of people looking at me and me being embarrassed/worried about things happening. I feel like most people my age just want to go out, take aesthetic Instagram pictures, and be "models." Even though I love a cute unique aesthetic, I feel like I "ruin" the look just by being in the frame despite meeting some beauty standards ( thin, feminine )

I’ll get attention online from other girls or have guys tell me I’m cute, but it actually makes me more scared to meet people IRL. I’m constantly worried that my mobility is "embarrassing" and that once they see the reality of the cushions and the help I need, it’ll ruin everything. I feel like a burden before I even get a chance to show my personality.

Does anyone else deal with this social fatigue or the fear that your physical reality and medical trauma will drive people away? How do you find people who are okay with a low energy kind of friendship?

I’m super crafty and love trying all kinds of projects and different things but doing that from my lil corner at home hasn't helped me meet anyone or feel less lonely. Any advice or just some kind words would be appreciated 😅😅

TL;DR: 28F, 4’0”, SED Dwarfism. Dealing with medical trauma from hip surgeries that made my mobility worse instead of better. I can’t drive or get in cars alone, and I’m struggling to make friends because I feel like a "burden" or like I ruin the "aesthetic" of people my age. Looking for advice on finding low energy, IRL or online friendships.

I've been a huge oatmeal connoisseur for like 15 years, overnight oats was my favorite, but in the last few years I've been slowly stopping eating oats because literally every time I make overnight oats, hard almost plastic like pieces are in my oats even after soaking overnight, I thought okay maybe these aren't great for that, cook em, nope, still unpleasant hard pieces in them. Like something with the texture is just different and not the same anymore, they're literally just plain quick oats, I try the old fashioned rolled oats and they're more chewy and just not the right texture? Idk but it's really turning me off to oatmeal ):

The last overnight oats recipe I made ( last post ) I had to grind the oats into a powder to be able to eat them.