u/pepperup22

Experiencing some mental lows (despite staying much more fit during this pregnancy than my last) and trying to plan some things to look forward to during winter. When not pregnant, I'm a back of the pack runner and the most mid downhill skier ever haha. Baby will be here last week of January. I will be cozying up at the cabin while my 3.5 yo and husband hit the slopes! If I can do something outdoors, I know it'll be good for my mental health, but that might just be watching the kids sled/going for flat walks outdoors.

Let's assume/hope I'll have a fairly typical birth/recovery. Anything winter activities that would be fun to do if we get a good snow season in April? I haven't been snow-shoeing or cross country skiing — is there a chance those might be an option despite being a newbie?

CW: obviously I'm a sub grad

Thought I'd share another year of toddler expenses as people found my last one useful! Here's what we spent in the first year and here is what we spent in the second year.

These expenses cover everything we spent on our kid during age 1 as a partly thrifty, partly particular family in a VHCOL in the US.

• Childcare — $23,560. Full-time toddler care at a registered in-home center.
• Supplies — $1,488. Includes: regular items like diapers, wipes, soap, and (eczema) lotion, but also a lot of upgrades for outgrown toddler items.
  • Upgrades: A bunch of things he outgrew: pack n play, sleep sacks, hiking carrier, baby camping chair into -> toddler air mattress(es), sleeping bag, kids chair, travel car seat, etc.
  • Also potty training; there were some supplies needed for that too.
  • I mentioned in my last post that I thought we'd have spent much more in this category during age 2 than age 1 ($867 was the number for the previous year).
• Medical care — ~$212. Standard medical appointments and some OTC medicines.
• 3rd birthday party — $438. We host around 50 people with food and drinks so this number is kind of built in.
• Clothing/shoes — $806. This is a little flabbergasting to me as I shop mostly secondhand. 🫣
  • Swimsuits and shoes are particularly expensive because they really need to be bought new and I'm fairly particular in these categories (high-vis colors for swim, wide toe box for shoes, etc.). I estimated those account for $300 of this total.
  • I'm also consoling myself with the fact that does include a decent amount of ski/snow clothes, boots, socks, and mittens for his current size and the next size couple of sizes up.
• Activities/Education — $2,743. Oof... swim lessons are the bulk of this and are clearly expensive. We also didn't start these until he was 2.5. Also includes ski googles and helmet, a weekend ski rental, and the $10 processing fee for his ski season pass.
• Toys — $230. Includes "real" golf clubs paid for partially with a gift card ($50), Disney souvenir Cars ($50), Easter basket fillers ($15), and some wooden toys to replace what he'd outgrown ($113). He did receive gifts for Christmas and his birthday even though we asked for no gifts for his birthday.
• Bedroom/Decor — $0. His room has stayed largely the same since I decorated it while I was pregnant. I guess I thrifted a few baskets for his toys totaling ~$20, but I'm sure I categorized those as household decor because they're in our living room.
• Travel —$250. A flight booked partially with miles.

Grand total: $29,727 of which childcare is basically 80%. Lots of spots to cut back but it was interesting how we were higher in so many categories this year vs the last.

What's not included: We took a trip to Disney but he had free entry since he was under 3. We took a couple of plane trips that were gifted by family; I didn't include "his portion" of hotels as we would've paid it anyways. Also not included is gifted clothes and toys.

Hope this is helpful to someone!

My husband been under the care of a general neurologist since his first nocturnal TC a few years ago. He had a TC after 2 years seizure free, had his meds upped, and promptly had the shortest gap between seizures ever. We made the decision to seek a second opinion and see an epileptologist later this year. MRI and all EEGs have come back normal and this case has been so far deemed idiopathic.

I'm obviously aware that this is a narrow specialization versus a general practice so there will be greater knowledge and experience, but I'm also curious what "practical" differences you saw — did they order different tests, suggest different meds, have better stats of reoccurrence? I'm not expecting a silver bullet but I see it recommended around here a lot and I'm curious what to expect or to hear people's experience.

Located in the US (obviously)

I'm gearing up to announce my pregnancy to my boss/team at the end of next month, baby will be here end of January (or earlier!). This is my second baby but first with this company. Additional context is that the company's leave policy is basically 12 weeks FMLA and is not HQ'd in a state with public leave, but I live in a state with public leave that guarantees me 20 weeks minimum which I will be taking.

The boss of our small team was fired a few weeks after I found out about this pregnancy, and the replacement is not proving to be a good leader. My teammates are nice but are already stressed (as am I) and have a lot on their plates. My former boss would've been a huge help for actual task coverage; this new boss is not helpful in the slightest.

I find it really hard to believe my (cheap) company isn't going to force the rest of my team to take on my work, but I'm hoping that I'll be able to outsource some advertising management that is part of my job and onboard some sort of freelancer/agency in December.

Anyways, any advice? I'm worried about my job in general so this adds a very unwelcome layer to it.

I struggled with the transition from 0-1. Part of it was simply me not being that disciplined or having that many demands on me before being a parent, but also there was just a lot of really tough stuff that went on, mostly unrelated to baby like husband unexpected traumatic health event, deaths in the family, being alone for over a week with a 5 week, family member in an abusive situation, and truly the list goes on and on (but also including a long labor/nuchal cord/NICU stay, that rendered the transition extra difficult).

I spent a lot of time thinking I would never be able to handle 2, or even think about it. Eventually I adjusted! And started to feel like I had more capacity!

Recently found out that I'm expecting (our very wanted and hoped for) #2. My husband is an amazing, equal parent but has a recurrent health issue and currently can't drive for 6 months. All nights will be on me.

I'm terrified. Like absolutely terrified lol.

I know I can do it. I've had a lot of people express that it's wild how much I've had on my plate and wonder how I do it and I've told them "you do what you have to do because you don't have a choice."

We both have relatively flexible jobs, we have 2 sets of involved and local grandparents, and some disposable income. I know so much about my situation is the dream. I know I am not the same person I was and I know growth is limitless and my capacity will always expand. just need some encouragement cause I’m terrified!

I’ll survive this, right? I expect the first year to be hell again and then I’ll adjust again, right??

Background — husband has epilepsy with nocturnal seizures. He cannot help with nights so I will be on my own!

We plan on getting a Snoo to hopefully increase chances of slightly more sleep (also praying for a unicorn sleeper but I have very low expectations of that lol). I ebf'd my first and hope to do this for my second as well, but am open to combo feeding and pulling in a night doula eventually if we have to. Still...

1. Any tips for him getting better sleep during the hospital stay? My first baby included a 5 day hospital (induced + long labor + NICU).
   1. Any items besides CPAP, eye-mask, noise cancelling headphones/ear-plugs, and home comforts like pillow/blankets/sheets to help him get good sleep?
   2. I plan to tell the nurses he is not to be disturbed without my permission during certain hours.
   3. I am prepared to do most of everything overnight solo (both labor + postpartum) but he'd never forgive himself for missing a birth, so I'm not sure if we should consider him sleeping at home? He may or may not be able to drive at this point so he can't just come at any time.
2. Any tips for making shift sleep work? I experienced pretty strong passive suicidal ideation after 4-6 months from the lack of sleep last time around after taking on nights with a baby who woke up every 2 hours.
   1. I'm hoping that if husband sleep 8:30 pm to 4:30 am, he would be able to take a shift of baby care from 4:30 am to 8:30 am while I attempt to get a good chunk of sleep.
   2. Kicker is that our preschooler will also get up ~7 am, and I'm not sure it's realistic to have him take care of both kids for an hour. Maybe he'd bring baby back next to me when preschooler wakes up and that would hopefully still give me a couple of hours of sleep?
3. Any tips for monitoring husband while he's in a different room?
   1. We live in a 3 bedroom home: ours, preschoolers, and soon-to-be nursery. The plan is to have me and baby in our room, keep preschooler in the same room, and have husband sleep in the nursery. Right now we still have a monitor for our 3 year old, but not sure if we will still have that.
   2. We have a split screen baby monitor with two cameras. I think it would work to have one camera in my husbands room with me so I'm able to see him overnight. Right now we still have a monitor for our 3 year old, but not sure if we will still have that and who would take that if so.

We're looking for baby names for a little sibling for Robbie (Robert). We're located in the US with no strong cultural ties. I like names with a literary, midcentury, or vague historical feeling while my husband tends to prefer more cute/modern. I'm into sort of unisex for boys and not into unisex names for girls.

Our current boys short list is Spencer, Frederick (Freddie), Charles (Charlie), and Thomas (Tommy). I prefer Spencer and Frederick. Our current girls short list is Veronica. Husband also likes Natalie while I prefer Natalia and he likes Jaqueline with the nickname Jackie, which I like fine but don't love/it's not clicking. I like Edmund and Arthur but none of the nicknames.

Husband veto'd: Heath, Leon, Jesse, Turner, Sidney, Aaron, Wilder, Connor, Quentin, Rhodes, Griffin, Shepherd, Harrison (can't use -son ending due to last name), and Percy for boys and Antonia, Bridget, Caroline, Martha, Annalise, and Celine for girls. Husband was eh on: Reid, Casey, Patrick, Anthony, Jeremy, Landon, Brian, John and Claudia, Guinevere, Moriah, Juliette.

Some other names he doesn't think fit our family like Antonia, Victor, and Oscar; his associations with the names are heavily Mexican which is absolutely not a bad thing but we are not Mexican so there's an understandable block there lol.

Any other names that we might not be thinking of?

I've admittedly sort of been skating by at work since becoming a mom a few years ago, but one of my big goals this year is to get more locked in and establish myself. Previous boss had me very tied down to junior-level minutia and it felt pretty difficult to get through the muck and make measurable progress. Some of that is definitely also that I didn't push hard enough. There also was zero focus on career development or trajectory.

Anyways, now I'm getting a new boss in the same role and am looking for tips/tricks/frameworks/whatever guidance anyone has to offer about how to hit the ground running, make a good impression, or establish myself as an invaluable part of the team.

I'm thinking something like coming into our early 1:1s with a list of what I think is working, what isn't working, ideas I have, and what my goals are for my career, which are namely more ownership, increasing subject-matter-expertise in my field, that sort of thing.

Selfishly, I'm also very early pregnant and live in a state that offers a lot more leave than our company policy and would like my reputation to allow me some light leeway when coming back from a longer-than-normal maternity leave with probably less than ideal mental capacity. (I also need a some amount of flexibility/understanding as my husband can't drive for the next 6 months due to a medical condition so I will be primary pick-up and drop-off parent.)

Anyone have anything that they felt worked super well in the past or had stand out transition plan as a manager or direct report?

Located in US, 38" and ~34 lbs, cars: Kia Carnival, Ford Explorer, rental SUV.

We've brought our Graco Extend2Fit on the plane the last few times we've traveled. It's inconvenient to carry around and install (forward facing) on the plane but not the end of the world when we use one car the whole trip. We do prefer him to rear face him in the car as long as possible.

We have another plane-to-rented-car trip coming up in about a month and unless I'm missing something, there just doesn't seem to be a good travel-ish seat that supports rear facing.

We're guessing that he'll outgrow his Extend2Fit and move to either a combination seat (or forward facing convertible, but baby #2 will be ready for a convertible seat around that time) around 4.5 years old. This seat would eventually go into my husband's SUV or be a backup for grandparents.

TL;DR: Technically, is he big enough for a harness booster/combination seat for a weekend trip (that he'll transition to eventually)? Something like the Evenflo Maestro Sport? I'm pretty lax about everything except for car seat/sleep safety, so obviously I want to make the best decision safety-wise. If that's to continue to bring the Extend2Fit, that's fine by me, but figured I'd check.

Had been off my game for most of April due to a lot of work, family, and personal travel. I decided I was going to get back into it this week with exercise, meal prepping, getting the house tidy-ish... so of course, I come down with the stomach flu late Mother's Day.

I'm feeling much better today and luckily my husband is the best and held down the fort while taking care of me and without complaint but of course, we still have a bunch of stuff to prep for this coming weekend.

Sigh lol. I'm sure I'm not the only one!!