u/pointderage

I feel terrible 24/7 anyway but for the past couple months, it gets unbearably worse whenever I think of doing anything I love, like playing my favourite video game or going swimming or writing or even just talking to my best friend. The only thing all those things have in common is that I actually want to do them (at least for the split second before the panic kicks in). I don't feel good when I'm doing chores either, but there's no spike of terror and disgust (or whatever that feeling is, it's hard to tell).

Anyone else has experienced that? Found a way to make it easier?

Hi! I'm new to IFS and still working on finding a therapist (long story short, I was doing EMDR and my therapist brought up IFS, we tried it and it really spoke to me, but I'm not seeing her anymore). I know no one here is my therapist, but I don't know where else to ask right now.

There's a part that has been very vocal lately and I can't tell if she's a protector or an exile. She's intensely terrified of loving anything because she's dead certain it will be taken away, and her fear is very overwhelming whenever I try to engage with anything I enjoy, but when I ask her if that's her job, or whether she's a protector or an exile, she only keeps screaming about the fear. The only other thing she has said is that she wants to go home and not be alone anymore. That sort of sounds like an exile to me? But if so I've never met her protector, and I have tried to look. I just followed the fear and she was immediately there.

One thing I have been thinking about is that in EMDR (before my former therapist brought up IFS), we focused on resolving some very intense feelings I had about a place I lost. It felt like the past was always with me, which was insanely comforting but also made it hard to see the present, and was occasionally super painful because the past is the past. So essentially what was lost wasn't fully lost. That's gone now with EMDR, but the fear started appearing when the past started fading. So I'm thinking maybe that unwittingly soothed that terrified part's protector, and now she's out in the open? Is that a possibility? Is there a way to tell?

But she IS doing something: she's always very good at jerking us back when I reach for the things I love. Could she be some unusual (to me; the other protectors I have met were very clear about what their job was) protector? Or maybe she does have a protector and I'm just not seeing it? But then shouldn't it be harder to meet the exile, if that's what the scared part is? (possibly I'm intellectualising again lol)

Either way, what can I do next? Should I just stop everything until I get external help? I don't want to make things worse with my inexperience, but I'm loathe to abandon the parts I've already met until I can find a therapist, and frankly that part feels like it'll do anything to be seen regardless of how prepared I am for her.

Sorry for the long post, and thank you for any insight you can share!

I want to try meditation because I'm struggling so much (I am in therapy but the 2 weeks between sessions are really challenging). Every time I try though, I just feel so much more anxious that I have to stop. Focusing on my thoughts, even just to watch them without judgement (which I don't think I've ever managed lol), feels like torture.

Is there some specific exercise or meditation style that's easier, or more bearable, or idk, particularly suited to anxiety? I've tried breathing exercises, body scan and a few mindfulness exercises my therapist recommended. The breathing exercises were the most tolerable, but I never feel like they're doing anything. Do I just need to stick with them longer? Thanks!

I started EMDR in February and see my therapist every 2 weeks (I know it's not ideal but she's elsewhere the rest of the time and no one else does it here). For a while I felt like it was helping a little, but for the past couple months my anxiety has been worse than ever. It's better for a couple hours after a session, so maybe it's connected? But it's gotten so bad that I feel on edge basically 24/7. It's like all the self-criticism that used to be familiar and mostly manageable background noise has gotten so loud it's impossible to ignore. I can't focus on anything because it's always there at the forefront of my mind, and everything feels overwhelming.

My therapist says that's pretty normal, but it feels so awful that I'd really like to know if anyone else has experienced something like it. And if so did it get better? What helped?

I recently got a s10 lite and it's been great except I really can't stand the pen. I know you can get different nibs, but the main issue I have with it is actually its shape. I liked the slimmer, longer, more angular (?) tip of the Apple pen a lot better. Is there a decent pen shaped like that? Someone recommended the spen creator's edition but I don't want to have to buy a whole new pen just because I'm out of nibs, and it's pretty expensive in my country anyway. Any recommendations?

I'm looking to buy a galaxy tablet specifically for drawing. They're about the same price used here. Is one significantly better than the other?

I played Outer Wilds last year and I wish I hadn't because then I could play it now. I loved the exploration and the knowledge-based progression, but what really made it the best game of all time for me was the story and the message, the way it's presented. That was SO full of grief and full of hope, and so gentle. Outer Wilds is the kindest game I've ever played, and it doesn't even sacrifice honesty. I'm desperately looking for other games like that. Any suggestions (preferably on the Switch)?

I've been playing the same brilliant but incredibly depressing RPG for months now and my mental health is begging for a break, so I'm looking for something a little less maddening.

Any recs for compelling but not depressing story games, or maybe really good puzzle games? Maybe something like Journey? Disco Elysium sounds really good, but I can't tell how heavy it is. I don't particularly want something cosy unless it's super engaging (I got really bored playing Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley), and ideally I'd like to be able to get a physical copy.

Life is genuinely bleak rn, to the point where I often feel like I might as well already be dead. The only thing that helps at all is the physical pain, but all I've done is scratch. I know that's still not good, but I'm having a hard time coming up with reasons why. It doesn't leave traces long-term (and if it did I could just blame it on my cat and even I would believe it because she's so bad with retracting her claws lol), and it snaps me out of it like literally nothing else can. I genuinely don't know what else to do if I stop doing that. (I have tried medication and I am in therapy, I assume it's either not working or not working yet. Either way I need to deal with this in the meantime.)

I'm probably looking to be told that scratching is fine in this context, if I'm being honest lol. It's just really hard to think why I shouldn't (or what I should be doing instead). Any thoughts?

I'm aware that no one owes me feedback and that the issue is largely a personal one that goes far beyond fandom.

But it really makes me feel like shit when I've worked hard on a fic and it gets almost no interaction. I write gen for a smaller fandom, so I've always expected and received few kudos/comments, but lately it's been a real drought. I'll get a kudo here and there, and not much more. I keep wondering if maybe my writing just sucks now. If it doesn't, it's not much better: it still feels super lonely.

I write for myself, yeah, but I don't go to the trouble of editing and posting for myself. If no one's enjoying it (either because it's genuinely bad or for another reason, that hardly matters - though it IS driving me crazy that I can't know for sure if my writing's just bad) then what am I doing? I might as well just keep it in my notebook and spare myself the disappointment.

I probably just need a break and another hobby that doesn't involve hoping for feedback from strangers. Whatever, I'll get over it eventually. In the meantime, though, it's genuinely depressing.

I've had really bad brain fog and dizziness almost constantly for 4 years now, but I only have neck pain/headaches a few times a week; it's more often just pressure and a weird tingling. The only thing that helps at all is ice packs (but then I haven't tried a lot of things). My GP now thinks it could all be occipital neuralgia, but she basically ignored me when I asked if it could really be causing symptoms even without pain, and my appointment with a neurologist isn't until the end of the year.

I know no one on here can diagnose anyone, but in your experience/as far as you know, can occipital neuralgia cause brain fog and dizziness even without pain? More frequently than pain?

Is there a specific word for it, or is it just "floor"? Regardless of materials?

I usually settle down pretty quickly after EMDR sessions, though I'm always extra tired, but this time everything's just too much - every sensation, every thought, every breath. Writing usually helps when I'm struggling, but this time it's not making a dent. If anything it just makes things worse.

Is this normal? In your experience, should it just go away on its own eventually? Waiting it out seems like hell but I have no idea what else I could do, and my therapist is in the hospital so I couldn't contact her even if I wanted to.

Hey! I've recently started writing fic again after a very, very long perfectionism-induced break. Doing writing exercises every day has really helped me to deal with the aforementioned perfectionism because I put very little pressure on myself when I'm doing them, it's just for me, to have fun and get some practice in.

One of those exercises turned out a lot better than I expected. I like it a lot, even though it's really quite short and mostly just character analysis (not even of the particularly unique sort). I've edited it as much as I ever edit any fic I post, and now I kinda want to post it because I like it so much, but at the same time I can't help feeling like, well, why would anyone care. Maybe I just like it because I wrote it, and it's actually a waste of time to read?

So my question is, how do you decide what's worth sharing and what isn't? I know there's always a measure of taking a risk and I'm almost definitely overthinking this, but I'm curious how other people do it/think about it.

Lately I feel like I'm going way too easy on my favourite characters when I write them. It's not that I don't know what their flaws are, but I tend to write those flaws with all the affection that I feel for those characters, and that feels both dishonest and unsatisfying. I know fanfiction is always self-indulgent, but I don't like it quite this self-indulgent lol.

This might be too vague a description of the issue, but does anyone have any tips? How do you make sure you aren't playing down characters' flaws?