u/port-girl

This has helped me solve the "what if I need to wear this somewhere" question that makes me prone to hanging onto things.

From the posting:

Sadly this man has jumped our community garden in Bowmanville fence now 5 times in 5 weeks. Each time stealing from gardeners whom grow food for their families, seniors come to grow food so to eat healthy on limited incomes and many gardeners help our local food bank. He has taken over 150 heads of garlic $5 a head to replace and 100 onions $3 each to replace.

PLEASE if you know who is please message us. Police reports has been filed. People who garden here work hard to grow and maintain their gardens. Yet to have him feel it's OK to just come and steal our food is complete disregard for this community. If he returns will be charged with trespassing and theft let this be his warning. We are great full to the person who has come and installed several more cameras so to catch he or anyone who chooses to steal. If anyone is in need of produce you can message us we will help where we can.

Your role involves fund development, as well as some finance oversight, communications and partnership development. Mid-sized org.

You're considering what best for Org and your career.

I have an interview at a small/midsized (healthcare based) organization this week for a Program Manager position. Their website staff listing has all staff, and it looks like almost all staff are Manager or above, with a few coordinators. A lot of Directors and even a number of "Chief of _____" employees.

Is this a red flag?

My org has a program that offers multiple courses/initiatives that people can register for free to take part in.

These initiatives are funded by multiple funders, all who require impact and metric reporting by location and initiative.

We have been using Excel to manually track registrants, but as we've grown, this is getting very tedious for tracking, as we have sometimes hundreds of people a month registering for our virtual courses.

We are looking for a software that has (hopefully) the ability to:

- track the source of the registration (i.e. Ad paid by donor A, Ad paid by donor B,etc)

- run reports on numbers of registrants (total and per program) breaking down by location, age etc.

I think this must be a common need. What software do other NP's use for this?

I want to first state that I know I can set high expectations of other people sometimes, and that I have a low tolerance for inefficiency, time wasting and people who don't don't evolve/grow over time. (Partly) because of these traits, I often "just do it myself", and also other people have come to rely on me to take care of things, especially my family. I do acknowledge that I have developed these traits over time, and over time, these traits have gotten stronger as a result of being let down or disappointed, at times when I've tried to rely on other people.

TL:DR at bottom.

The situation: I was a young single mother when I met my husband. He was super loving, and made me feel good, and after dating for 2 years, we got married, and had a baby 2 years later.

In addition to his good qualities, my husband has always been 2 things - passive about making decisions/taking charge, and also quick to anger when things didn't go the way he wanted them to. This has been a bone of contention in our relationship.

When our kids were little, all household and childrearing duties were mine. We both worked, him in a regular 9-5, and me in a sales job with flexible hours. I flexed my hours to make sure I was able to accommodate my kids and their needs, leaning into work when I could and leaning back when I needed to. All household chores, finances etc were my (by default) responsibilities - and if, say, the grass needed to be cut, I would have to ask him to do it - there was never initiative.

The first 10 years of our marriage there were ups and downs. He was very well loved in his friend group, lots of friends who loved this laid back guy who loved to party and make a fool of himself drinking....all good fun for them. For me it was like babysitting another kid (who got super handsy when he was drinking) and over time I started to withdraw from social situations for that exact reason. We also had some other issues that really rocked my trust in him and made me feel like he was unreliable.

Over the next 10 years he gradually moved away from the drinking, but he didn't become more motivated. I still had to ask for him to do things around the house and he was still quick to anger if he thought I was being naggy, and he was also quick to anger with the kids, sometimes putting me in the middle where I had a hard time backing him up during disagreements with them because he would often react knee-jerk and unreasonable - making mountains out of Mike hills.

I should mention that there were ups as well. We loved travelling and cooking together, and we liked watching movies and working on projects (painting a room, planting a garden) together. The downs were really cyclical...good for months then a cycle of miserable, followed by an argument, back to a good cycle again, rinse, repeat. I should also note that he refuses to go to any type of therapist or counselling.

So, anyways. A couple years ago he got sick and I quit my sales job and got a regular 9-5 with good income and benefits....to make sure that we had a good cushion in case he became very sick. My income is about 2/3 what his income is (I make 40% of our household income). He ended up having surgery and was given the all clear, and for the last 2 years things have been great.

Cut to 4 months ago. He was laid off after 25 years with the same company. Although it was definitely a lay off, I suspect that it was easier for his employer because he had started showing some anger at a few of his co-workers when they did things that caused him issues at work. One of them got into the ear of the big boss, and when a lay off had to happen, he was the easiest choice.

Since then he has been on severance, but he has not been applying for very many jobs...like hardly at all. He is looking for something so specific that he says he can't find things to apply to, but he also refuses to have a backup plan (i.e. says "I will not apply for this type of job or that type of job", but also will not make a plan in case his "perfect" job doesn't come up). So, in the meantime, I have asked him to tackle some projects that need to be done around the house (i.e. work on them during the week while he's not working so we can enjoy our weekends and I don't have to work all week then ALSO do these projects)...he stalls, or takes forever to complete small tasks, or in some cases doesn't do them at all.

I'm afraid that his lack of movement on the job front (i.e. no job) is going to force us to sell our house and move to a lower COL area. We still have 1 child at home (in college). I'm also concerned that if that happens, our lower expenses will give him an excuse to get a lower paying job that he can just coast in, ultimately impacting our retirement plans.

He feels like as the primary income for the last 20 years he is entitled to this. I feel like there was a trade off, as I took on the bulk of household burden and childrearing burden while still working - so that is not something owed to him.

I am getting frustrated and feeling like, once again I'm going to be holding the bag. I've tried to be patient but I'm really feeling like I can't depend on him and it's making me start to feel resentful.

Anyways, tonight I asked him to hold on to our 8Lb (reactive) dog, while another large dog was walking past us. I was holding our other dog. It took a minute for the dog to get past us, and in the meantime, he lost focus and let go of the dog who, of course, ran after this other dog, and I ended up having to run and grab our dog before it got to the large dog. I was so angry, that I yelled "You are really useless sometimes!!"

Now I am feeling like what I said is kind of abusive. Insulting your spouse is never ok and I know that.....but still....AITJ?

TL:DR: my husband has been really slacking lately and endangered our dog, and another dog tonight by being careless. I yelled "You are really useless sometimes!" When he did this. AITJ

FWIW, this is a national event focusing on supporting local community service organizations.

I consider myself pretty low maintenance. My husband can do pretty much whatever he wants - I'm not his keeper. He often goes out with friends or to gatherings without me, and I'm ok with that - he's more social than I am.

My husband has a motorcycle. He loves it. In the spring, its all he talks about - a lot. I am not a huge fan of motorcycles but he likes them, so whatev...that's his thing.

The problem of late is that he goes out "for a bit" but then ends up being hours or sometimes the whole day. Its not uncommon that he texts me at the time he's supposed to be home to let me know he's on his way home (from an hour away).

This has become an issue a few times because I plan on his planning. For example, today we had yard work to do and I expected him home around 2. He text me at 2 that he was just leaving (an hour away). Then an hour and a half later texts me that he stopped at his buddies to pee, but is on his way. His friend (who he bikes with) lives about 15 minutes away. An hour and 10 minutes later he texts me to let me know he is just leaving now. So - now, although I was expecting him at 2 - it will now be after 5:00 and the afternoon is gone - which I spent piddling around waiting for him.

To compound this, my husband is currently laid off (he is enjoying his time off with severance), but I work 5 days a week - and the weekends are my only free time to get things done.

WIBTA if I asked him to restrict his bike rides to (let's say), max 4 hours at a time - even though there are times we don't have other plans? He has an all or nothing mentality and doesn't pivot to change well - so it would probably have to be a hard rule, not so flexible, otherwise he would probably "make plans" then be unable to compromise if weekend things come up.

Edit re: his employment. He was laid off due to outsourcing overseas after 25+ years. His job was high stress and lots of hours, part of why I always let him do what he wanted in his off time. He has a healthy severance and is looking for new work, and I think a bit of time off will be good for his mental health in the long run. We are not having financial issues.

For people who were laid off from resorts when they closed - how are they making income? How are they paying for essentials like food, charcoal and toilet paper?

Looking for a good cart for a living room dance party, or concert etc. Fun and energetic.

We just had our fiberglass attic insulation completely removed and replaced with cellulose. Now our house has a bunch of mice in it. I assume they came from the attic, because we've never had this before. Aside from going on a killing spree, what else can I do to get rid of them and make sure they are not able to get back into the house.

1950's renovated bungalow. Ontario, Canada.

My husband is new to AI and especially AI interviewing. He recently paused an interview partly through, thinking he could pick it up later. I know this is a huge no-no. He was excited about getting an interview and just dove right in, then realized he needed more time and a quieter environment than he started in. I don't want to discourage him, or make him feel nervous about the "new" interview process, but I also want him to succeed. What resources could I give him to help him learn more about this and give him better footing to move forward with in the future?

Last year we were granted $25,000 for a program which is service based, so it mostly consisted of salary.

1 week after the funding concluded, and 3 weeks before our final report was due, we were informed that our organization has been chosen for random invoice and expense testing, and we had 1 week to submit the required report and documents.

After submitting the report and expense invoices, the staff person from the grantor came back to us again and asked if the expenses were for the program they funded (they were social media advertising, and the report indicates they were for the program and when we gave them the copies of the invoices we also told them that the invoices were for the program). We confirmed again that they were spent on the portion of the program that this grant funded (this grant was 5% of the overall program budget). We track this diligently.

During this process, the staff person also asked other questions such as where I am located (we are a remote based service org) and I told her I work from home. This was already discussed with the staff person who initially worked with us on establishing the grant when she asked if she could do a site tour - when she understood that we are remote, she said a site tour is a nice thing to be able to do, but not a necessity, and in this case clearly not possible. Additionally, during the back and forth, I let her know that we were at fiscal and program year end and up to our eyeballs in reporting and new year launch - including the report for their grant.

Anyhow, now this new staff person is requesting a face to face meeting to go over the audit and also to provide "coaching and guidance". I let her know that I am not local to her. She insisted.

I now have to drive 1.5 hours (approx 160km/100 miles) to go meet her for "coaching" on a $25,000 grant - which has already been funded/ended, and the next round of funding has already been submitted back in January.

I don't know if I'm being too sensitive, or perhaps feeling burnout that I'm not aware of - but I feel like this is too much to ask for a small (relative to the funder) grant to a small, overworked organization.

Thoughts? What do you take into consideration for impact reporting and time on admin when deciding whether to apply to a funder? I feel like I could build the expense of this into future applications, but for a max grant of $25k, several days of audit work (cumulative) and a day of travel and associated expenses really starts eating into that $25k.

Fwiw: the "audit" was stated as a possibility in the contract of the grant, but not the time required, i.e. an in person component, multiple confirmations of expenses. We keep good records so we weren't concerned about a paper audit in the event we were chosen.