u/rachael_jpeg

does anyone have a favorite pawn shop? i’m looking for one with a good variety of jewelry however i haven’t been to any of the shops in town. looking for nice chains, good quality, fair pricing. thanks in advance :)

i (f27) been single for 3 years, not for lack of trying. i just can’t seem to find anyone who is kind, emotionally available, and single all at once. i had been talking to someone for a few months but recently found out i’ve been the other girl the whole time and it really broke my heart. i haven’t been on a date in equally as long, do people even do dates anymore? i’ve had a few flings hoping maybe it could lead to something, but no luck.

i went to the mechanic yesterday to get an oil change and tire rotation. after i paid, the man who had been helping me at the front desk walked me out to my car, opened my door for me and closed it after i got in. it made me realize how much i miss having someone do thoughtful things for me. i live alone, work 50 hour weeks, have barely any social life. all my friends have partners so i often see what others are willing to do for their girlfriends, but i’m starting to feel like i’m unworthy of that myself. the mechanic opening the door for me is the nicest thing anyone has done for me in like a year at least. i am so down bad. i miss being shown kindness by a man

my best friend and i have a complicated friendship wherein she will get extremely angry at me over one word or sentence and then will spend multiple days either ignoring me, or only contacting me to continue the argument.

for example recently she was venting about her life and how hard it’s been for her to deal with. this is a common complaint and i am always here to listen, offer advice, or give a pep talk. i was doing a combination of those things, sending multiple uplifting texts, and i mentioned i was worried about her sitting at home in her negativity because she does that a lot, and suggested maybe takin her dogs for a walk or going for a swim to get her mind off things. because of that one thing it turned into a multiple days long conflict. i spent about 6 hours the first day validating her perspective and feelings, apologizing for my wording, and expressing my intentions. i dont explain myself as an excuse for my behavior, i limit it and my only goal is to help alleviate some fear or stress that she thinks i am being rude or passive aggressive to her on purpose. no amount of understanding, validation or apologizing is ever accepted from her. this is an ongoing issue. she will take offense to something, which usually takes me by complete surprise because it’s usually something i would consider VERY small, then send multiple paragraphs of texts about how i shouldn’t “speak to her like that,” or that i should “only care about her feelings and stop defending myself.” nothing i do or don’t do works. this happens with her partner and other friends all the time too.

i have noticed several things from my perspective. it seems like she cannot take accountability for her own feelings or actions when she’s heated. she expects others to fix her emotions for her. she will get offended over something and never accept an apology. she won’t make any attempt to fix any of her situation (ie will not go to therapy, won’t do anything for herself when she’s in a depressive episode, etc). she will give the cold shoulder. she often says things passive aggressively and when i say i don’t like it, she will say “well i wasn’t being rude, i’m sorry you took it that way.” if the tables were reversed and i responded in the exact way that she does to me when i express concern, she would have another meltdown. when she’s upset, she will tell you to your face that nothing you’re feeling matters, your intentions don’t matter, and all your focus should be on her and making her feel better. i am never heard. i am never given a bit of grace. i’ll be at work and she’s blowing up my phone because i said a word she didn’t like. she will often try to guilt me by saying things like “any normal person would be upset at this,” telling me to go to therapy (she refuses to go herself, she’s also made her bf go and he is a well adjusted rational person), she will compare me to my mom who i have a very strained relationship with and try VERY hard not to be like. i don’t know how to explain this without sounding biased but hand to god i am always understanding with her and she doesn’t offer the same. i struggle with insomnia and she told me i control my own sleep schedule and if i just went to bed earlier i could spend more time with her… she often expresses that her life experience and traumas are worse than mine, of which she knows about maybe 25% because she changes the conversation to being about herself when i try to bring up my past. she will say “she can’t control herself” because she’s autistic, this includes physically laying hands on her partner. i am also neurodivergent and struggled with major depressive disorder since i was 12 (i’m 27 now), but i don’t treat my friends like this. i am at my wits end and i don’t know if i’m the problem and this is on me, or if she is treating me unfairly. she refused to come see me on my birthday because my mom was there, and she doesn’t like her because my mom said one negative thing about her, in private to me. i shared with her (it was part of a larger discussion not relating to my best friend at all, i was venting about my mother being frustrating) and she used this as an excuse to never come see me, i always have to drive 30 minutes to see her. in fact she was so offended i asked her to come for my bday that it caused another days long argument.

this is the tip of the iceberg and it’s already a long post. i appreciate anyone who read all of it, and would love some outside perspective. if i can clarify anything or left out relevant information, i can explain further in the comments. thanks in advance

for background my (F27) car was just in the shop for 2 weeks because a raccoon ran out in front of me and i hit it, damaging the bumper and front grill. i JUST got my car back 5 days ago. i’m also moving out of country in august and therefore won’t be able to drive for the next few years. i’m also big into car modding and have done a lot of work to my car, so for me this is a more sensitive subject than most.

my mom asked me to move my car to a different spot in the driveway so she could pull her hellcat (which my parents are about to sell btw) into the garage. i moved my car where she wanted, she watched me do it. then she proceeded to get in the hellcat and back up straight into my bumper. i’m already out $500 from the last repair and now i have to pay that deductible again, twice in one month.

she laughed when it happened, and said “it’ll buff out,” she only cared and got upset when she realized she damaged her car too. i went inside to cool down. after a few minutes i went back out to take a picture of the damage for insurance purposes, and my dad came out reassuring me that we’ll take it to the shop tomorrow and “you’ll have it back by next week.”

then my mom came back out to where we were standing, crying. she said she was sorry, i said “it’s fine” (even though i was extremely frustrated at that point, i just wanted to leave the situation and didn’t want to talk). i tried to walk away, when my dad physically put out his arm to stop me and wouldn’t let me leave, saying that i needed to “acknowledge your mother’s apology.”

i responded and said that “i’m very irritated and i don’t want to have this conversation right now.” then my dad, still blocking me from leaving btw says i need to THANK HER for apologizing.

all she said was “i’m sorry,” nothing else. which felt half assed and i could tell she was only upset because she fucked up her car too and that will be more expensive to fix, especially given they were just about to sell it. i thought saying “it’s fine” was an equal effort response. my intentions were the leave the situation before it escalated, i didn’t want to talk to her when i was still heated.

this is a recurring issue with my mother and i, where something happens and we get into an argument and no matter her role in instigation i *always* have to apologize first, and forgive no matter what.

now my dad is pissed at me because i’m “disrespectful.”

edit to add: damage will not in fact buff out

AITAH?