u/ricottacat

I currently and unfortunately live in GA, US. This is the worst state rated to work in, healthcare, so many things. Its horrible. I'm not in Atlanta.

I've gone to 5+ doctors, multiple specialists, mental health referrals..I gave them my genesight, I've begged for help for hairless, weight gain, pcos/pmos symptoms, ocd, and panic disorder.

I've been gaslighted, infantized, ridiculed, stereotyped, judged, ignored, dismissed, and of course labeled as drug seeking. Why? Oh, because Lexapro, Sertraline, Buspirone, Effexor, and Prozac don't work for me? Wow!

I have zofran and fenegran, my pcp refused to give me beta blockers or any emergency use anti anxiety. She threatened to put me on an antipsychotic before an anti anxiety. I hate the stigma against anti anxiety medications and I want to lose my mind.

I owe thousands in medical appointment fees and co-pays, but no medication, no help. I can barely think or function, I wake up nauseous, I have cyclic vomiting and panic attacks constantly. I literally wake up with panic attacks. I have been saying for years I have CONSTANT anxiety that doesnt go away.

If they allowed assisted goodnight in the US, I would at this point. Since they refuse to give me even a few pills to just feel normal after suffering constantly. I just want to be able to sleep. Its 4am and I'm wide awake, melatonin, benadryl, and magnesium do not help me. I begged for sleep medicine also, she wouldnt do that.

Idk why they love SSRI/SNRI and Hydroxyzine so much, but I hope karma gets all these pigs back one day.

Ive been on 37.5mg for 2-3 months and have two weeks left, I have the little orange tablets not the XR with beads. Thank you..I'm sorry to ask. I dont know if a pharmacist could give me an emergency supply, I cannot go to a self pay urgent care or anything right now because thats $100+ for just self-pay alone and I dont have a job at the moment.

This is my experience and I've been begging for years for my anxiety and panic to be taken seriously. I have OCD and every morning since like age 12 I've woken up with intense nausea, cyclic vomiting, dry heaving, hot and cold flashes, a thudding heartbeat, chest pressure, stomach pain, and god if I have to have diarrhea I literally feel like I'm dying.

I've been tested for GI issues and have acid reflux and stomach ulcers when stressed. Obviously, lol! Its quite literally constant panic. I can have multiple panic attacks a day, no reason, crying episodes, I have BEGGED doctors in GA to PLEASE let me have a few beta blockers or anti anxiety meds for emergency use. I don't ask for specifics, I dont ask for benzos even though I know they would be helpful. I just want 1mg, like 5 pills for emergency use..please. ALL THEY DO HERE IS SSRI OR SNRI. Yes, I take Effexor. Yeah, its helpful. But it doesn't solve even half my symptoms. I even threw up so much the past three days that I went through Effexor withdrawals.

They wont give benzos, they wont give beta blockers, they will give Hydroxyzine but that doesnt help me much honestly. If I told them that multiple years where its effecting my quality of life and sanity, I am brushed off as anxious, crazy, and drug seeking. Like honestly I'm at the point where I'm going to work and fly home to Turkiye and see if at least I wont have this fucking problem, but that will take months in this economy.

I hate doctors. I hate medical professionals. I hate psychiatrists. At least in GA, USA THEY DONT LISTEN OR GIVE A FLIP. I'm sorry, its 11am for me and I woke up at 9:30 on the dot, took an 8mg fennegran when I got the nausea waves, still vomited, still palpitations and misery for literally almost two hours now. And its like this EVERY DAY for me, I am so TIRED of it.

I drink water, I drink electrolyte drinks, I live on applesauce and soup. I have soft blankets, I take hot baths, I try to exercise, I try to do artwork or listen to music, I try breathing exercises, I try looking around the room for grounding techniques, I pray to God, I cry, I calm myself down or try to. Like I am so tired of just begging for help and I am so sick of being gaslighted.

I have nocturnal panic attacks that bleed into waking up and sometimes last for 4-6 hours. I can't live like this.

I've been sick since last summer on and off with vomiting, nausea, inability to keep down fluids. No answers. Back to back to PCP to specialists to ER because no answers, no one cares I guess, and its my fault if I'm chronically ill. I lost my job before an ovarian torsion surgery in February, and he's paid major bills for us for most of the relationship. I cook, clean, do errands, buy groceries when employed, bought half the apartment furniture and supplies, and try to contribute what I can.

Hes blamed me for everything, for him enduring and suffering alone, for being the breadwinner, he feels like hes forced to drown financially to fix my life problems or lack of my family support. Idk what to do anymore, he wont text me back, I'm at the hospital and hes so focused on his emotions, how he cant live like this, and how depleted he is. Its always my mistakes, my apologies are denied, I dont know what to do anymore.

Idk if I get admitted or not, or if we're going to work out or not. I've forgiven so many insults, threats, comparisons, character attacks, life attacks, been called an abuser, a leech, all I do is take..like it is so hurtful.

Edit: BPSO is not medicated and has promised multiple times to start medicine. He has not gone to therapy yet but agreed to both things ages ago. As he is the one working, he is the one who dictates his life (:

Like this man genuinely does not care that being mean to me for hours, days, silent treatment, explosive rage, insults, threats of infidelity or wanting someone else, he says I emasculate him..like he also can be mad at me for not putting out all the time because I'm sick SO THEN THAT JUSTIFIES his logic of, "well I dont get what I want from her, I dont get anything from her..I just suffer."

You know, he texted back that I'm SELFISH for "prioritizing myself" by texting him that I loved him and asking him if he still did since he ignored it..lol.

I'm still not back in an ER bed yet, I'm puking in the guest bathroom at the ER and waiting with an IV in my arm. He's pissed at me for using the bathroom this morning when he wanted to get ready for work. I've never done that before..ever..in 2+ years.

No, are you okay? How are you? No call. Nothing.

Its worse for HIM. And IM the selfish one. Okay.

And is there anything not cannon that you would imagine would be, especially with different districts?

I always imagined District 1 as maybe having apartments because being so close to the Captiol, that they would emulate a nice city with wealth differences of the city boroughs. I like to think like a NYC sky rise would be a victors apartment building.

As much as I love the series and Collin's work, its fun to ponder hypotheticals! I thought about how the Capitol has so much innovation, evolution of techniques and games severity, genetic mutations, control, and a briefly delayed live stream to Panem, etc)

It led me to think they of course got comfortable with control and order, and didn't foresee an actual noncontainable threat to the system or fall or Panem under Snow's lineage. Snow criticized Seneca Crane for his errors in the 74th Hunger Games and how he failed to prevent such a sign of strength, unity, and cleverness of Katniss and Peeta with their berries plan.

Which brings me to wondering what would have been the likely fix that the Capitol might have done to ensure just one winner of the games during this time? Honestly, if both had taken the berries maybe even having no victor would have been better to ensure the system continues on the same and perhaps even a promise of further harsher punishment in the next games for the 3rd Quarter Quell.

If not the BEST or ideal measure taken then in either ensuring a death of Katniss or Peeta, what do you think would have been a likely but ineffective or suspicious choice that even the Capitol couldn't explain? Would ANY other choice have prevented the Mockingjay and uprising?

Do you think that District 13 would strike during the 75th Games still? Let's pretend that Katniss was actually the last victim during the games, Peeta won and went home, became a Capitol mouthpiece, how do you think the 75th Games (Quarter Quell) would have gone? I think the surviving victors wouldn't have been reaped, but I've ALWAYS wondered this.