u/shiteater360

I've been talking to a guy for like a few months now and it's genuinely the most draining fucking thing I could ever imagine. He's sweet, considerate, we have the same interests, i just physically can stop myself from resenting him purely because of the expectation to talk. I guess I'm just selfish but I text when I think about you then we can have a conversation. Or vice versa, you can text when you think of me and I'll engage equally. But like I don't wanna text everyday, honestly I don't want to text every week. Idk how ppl do this shit it's exhausting. I feel like I'm impeding on this person? I previously warned him of how I get sometimes and he said it was perfectly okay and would be patient. But now he's telling me it hurts his feelings as if he didn't agree to it beforehand. I just don't understand? He's still being so patient with communicating and it honestly pisses me off. I told him before! He's better off not talking to me when I'm in those moods because I get rude and I set that boundary because I don't want to hurt him.

Idk if this is relatable but I hate whenever I get so attached to media that it starts destroying my mental health😭. Cus why am I bedridden and depressed over anime, gotta be the biggest chud around

Something about myself that I've noticed within the past two years is my tendency to relate everything to a game/movie that I enjoyed. I know it's common to constantly think of your special interest but I don't think I'm particularly fixated on those things, I just really enjoy watching gameplay and playing games.

I always catch myself saying: "this reminds me of" "this feels like" "I wanna do this because".
It's also the only way I can effectively describe my feelings. It always sounds like I'm making a silly reference when in reality, it's just the only way my brain can manage to communicate. The other day I said I felt like "Clark in the backrooms" while having the worst mental breakdown I had in years.

I don't even know if this is an autism thing but no one I know seems to relate and it actively makes me seem less serious when I'm truly emotional. People tend to think I'm a little strange because of it. Just wanted to see if anyone here relates

It's like everyone can tell the second i slightly stop masking. Even if I'm saying the exact same words and sound exactly the same in my head, the immediate response is a bitchy "why are you in a bad mood?". Bonus points if they double down after I deny being a bad mood because...why would I lie? Hearing "Well I'm just gonna stop talking if you're annoyed", "we don't have to hang out anymore", "did you not want to come?" When I'm genuinely having such a good time has to be top 2 worst experiences. It makes me want to cry every time because it basically lands as: unmasking around people bums them out.

I learned how to put emotion in my voice from YouTube? I guess it's really noticeable when I stop masking and the YouTube accent is replaced by a far more monotonous tone, but it all sounds exactly the same in my head? So much so that I don't even realize it fell until I accidentally pick a fight

This was kind of a vent because I just got into a fight with someone I love over this but I hope people relate

This is honestly a small thing but I wanted to share because no one around me realizes how big of a deal this is for me. I'm diagnosed with anxiety but within the past two years I've developed obsessive compulsions. The most upsetting one was being completely unable to pet or touch my 3 dogs without scrubbing my hands raw and changing clothes.

I help out with the dogs while my mom's works, mostly just letting them outside, but even that makes me sick. The other day someone let the dogs outside and left the house without telling anyone and it started raining. My dogs are pretty old could get sick easily, so I let them inside and actually pat them dry with a towel without feeling the insatiable need to get clean. It was a big deal for me because I really do love those guys and have always felt guilty for not showing them affection.

Anyway, that's it! I know this is a small win but I'm young and don't have much support in this area so I really wanted to be encouraged and maybe encourage other people like me.