u/slutfor8hrsofsleep

Hello, I apologize that this type of post is my first one here but I need to let it out somewhere. I'm a yumedanshi and I've been in love with a certain character for 13 years now and he means the whole world to me (I don't wanna name drop this character because I wanna keep myself as anonymous as possible).

I love him very much and I've been meaning to do a persona to yumeship for years now but I just couldn't get myself to do it. I would always tear up with so much shame and guilt because someone ugly like me doesn't deserve to yumeship and I feel like I do not deserve him at all because other people are so much better. My body dysmorphia and the fact I got bullied for how I look since elementary school basically rules over my brain and I know it's silly to think like this but whenever I decide to finally draw a persona, I just get insanely nervous and guilty because if the character I love was real, I don't think he'd even give me a minute of his time. I love it when my yume friends and mutuals do it of course, I support them and encourage them as much as I can but there's just something about me in particular doing it makes me a bad person.

I was browsing through nsfw animations and just overall looking for nsfw artists to follow and some nsfw stuff like accessories, positions etc as references to draw. I was scrolling but a video of a child showed up that I won't get into detail because it will actually make me throw up. I only saw a split second of it and freaked out and closed the app. I wish I reported it but just from that split second made me feel absolutely horrible and it's burned into my mind now, I teared up since this morning and I cannot focus on anything. I feel like a disgusting predator now even though I know I didn't search for this stuff, I looked up on here to see if anyone has stumbled across this type of content on Twitter too and the way I've seen posts being made about this so recently genuinely disturbed me and made me feel worse that such content is public like this. This is the first time I was exposed to something like this despite many years of unsupervised internet access and it's on Twitter...a place where I connect with artist friends and mutuals way before Elon bought it. I don't know, I'm not sure if I'm able to sleep tonight because of this, it's so awful and disgusting...

I'm not sure if there is a proper term for this type of feeling or if it even correlates to depression, but I've had this feeling for years and I just can't seem to step out of it. Some examples would be like, if my friends can't nail something first try, then that is perfectly okay because not everyone can nail something first try. But when I can't nail something first try, I feel like I'm insanely stupid and incompetent. Another example would be my friends or just generally anyone can wear whatever they want, as long as they love what they wear and they feel comfortable in those clothes, but if I wear something just slightly fashionable+accessories, I would be too much of a showoff and my body is too ugly for those clothes.

Just that feeling of "it's okay for other people to do or feel this except me" and I'm just struggling to step out of that because I'm afraid my friends would hate me or judge me if I do those things.

I'm male in my late 20s and I just don't know how to break away from my family who needs to have a say in everything I do. I have younger cousins who live under the same roof and it's just one house of multiple people and it's seriously suffocating. My cousins can go anywhere they want, no curfew whatsoever and with whoever they want. For me, I always have to let them know who I'm going with, where my location is and I have to answer every call. My cousins can go on vacation with their partners outside the city with a little "okay have fun!" but god forbid I'm telling them I'm going to a district that's a little too far away, it's why my friends don't invite me anywhere anymore and I feel really lonely. I'm glad I have a job at least but it's through family connections for them to keep an eye on me. I tried to get a job independently and sent applications but I would get insanely anxious and shaky during interviews because their words kept bouncing in my head "You can't work this job", "You're not fit for this", "What makes you think you can work that job?", "Are you sure you can last even a week there?" and when I didn't get the job, I just end up shutting down, thinking they might be right.

I also have dogs at home that I love with my entire being, they mean the world to me and all the money I make from my job and selling my art goes to them. It's difficult to move out because I can't take them with me because I don't think there would be a place that would allow me to have multiple dogs where I live but if I leave them behind they will be neglected, which is another thing because they would get fed if I'm going out but medically, they would brush off symptoms, almost having them suffer and be in a lot of pain. When I step in for them, they would stop me from calling the vet AND drawing for extra money because "Why can't you care for me like that instead of slaving away for some dogs? Why are you so disrespectful and ungrateful?"

I know they've spent so much money and care to keep me alive and have a roof over my head but I'm genuinely scared of going against them because they might do something to my dogs and being seen as the "evil child" in the family, potentially embarrassing them and causing them stress.

Hi it's my first time here (M late 20s, Iive in Asia) and I recently met up with an old friend back from middle school to catch up. He asked how I've been and I ended up telling him about my strict family who rarely lets me go outside by myself (I don't know if it counts as borderline abusive but I won't mention much of it in detail) and telling him how it's suffocating to constantly be in fear of them to satisfy them all the time. He told me to "just go outside bro, it's not that hard" and telling me his experiences of doing it. I also have dogs who I love with my entire being and I'm very happy raising them since they were puppies, he told me that my dogs are holding me back from "living a free life" and joked I should "sell them away", I got a little annoyed with that comment but he also got annoyed that "I can't take a joke". I will admit that my venting got a little out of hand so I apologized to him for being inconsiderate about it and that I'm trying to fix that.

I also told him that I'm aromantic and asexual, zero romantic or sexual interest in anyone, I'm also very repulsed by sex (not towards other people doing it of course, just myself). I would've just let it slide if he stopped at "well you're gonna meet the right person eventually" because I heard it so many times now but hearing him say I should just "try sex anyway" kinda ticked me off because how am I supposed to "try it" when I literally don't feel anything? I confronted about it with him later and he retorted by saying "If you're like this, no one wants to have sex with you anyway" GOOD because I never wanted it.

I don't know if this is embarrassing to say but I go to anime cons with my current friends and we have a blast everytime, I also help them carry their stuff when they're cosplaying and I also cosplayed myself so I'm very familiar with how cosplayers get bodyshamed or straight up bullied when something doesn't look right. He's that type of person, I tell him that people who cosplay casually are just doing it for the love of the character and they just wanna have fun, they don't need to deal with such unsolicited "criticism" and shaming just because they're having fun. But he tells me I'm being fake and faking being nice because if someone is "ugly" then he has to say they are because it's more authentic and honest. I do get where he's coming from of being honest but being honest doesn't mean you gotta be an asshole about it.

But I feel like I'm biting away this long friendship due to me overanalyzing everything. AITAH?

Hello, it's my first time posting here as an aroace person (I need to also clarify that I'm a sex repulse aroace).

I met up with some old friends a few weeks ago and they told me the same thing that I've never stopped hearing for YEARS now "You will meet the right person eventually".

At some point I should be getting used to it but as someone who is also sex repulsed, I also told these friends that I have zero romantic AND sexual interest in anyone, they somehow can't grasp that and told me that I'm "limiting" myself with my own thoughts and fears when I made it clear that I know I have no form of attraction. They asked me "On what basis that made you confirm that?" and "How do you know you're sex repulsed if you never tried sex?" UHM??? MY OWN FEELINGS??? AND HOW I LEGITIMATELY DON'T FEEL ANYTHING???

I'm just so tired of hearing this over and over and being so invalidated by what I feel with my own self and having to "confirm" these feelings by "trying" it out.

Even when I type the site name in the search bar, I can only press and hold to select, there's no "delete all" option (I'm on Android)