u/sock_hoarder_goblin

This is for all of you introverts who have places they would like to go but think it would be too overwhelming for them. You don't have to stay for the entire event. You don't have to see everything at the places you visit.

Having a day of downtime or introvert time afterwards is also helpful if you can do it.

This weekend, I went to a SF convention. I only went to half of it, but I feel okay only having gone to what I wad comfortable with.

Rather than push myself, I leave when I feel like I might be getting close to my limit.

I treat myself with compassion rather than criticize myself for needing to leave early. It is about recognizing when I am starting to reach my introvert limit and respecting that.

I have noticed that I feel like attending part of events still feels satisfying. My mind registers it as having gone to the event, not as having only gone to part of it.

I often read that one of the key factors to happiness is social connections.

I don't have strong social connections. I have a good relationship with my husband, but beyond that, I just have friends I get together with maybe once a month.

But I feel happy and content.

Since I retired, my social interactions have been way down. I feel like my mental health is the best it has been for a long time. Maybe the best ever. Of course, there were other factors like cutting out work stress and having more time for hobbies.

Still, I feel like the reduced social interaction has helped my mental health a lot.

This makes me question many of the studies on happiness. I wonder if there is an entirely different blueprint of what happiness looks like for an introvert.

I read some things on Seligman and positive psychology. Are there competing psychological theories of what brings happiness? Or do all of the theories tie in with his ideas?

I have always thought of contentment as a positive thing. Yet I have seen people using it in a negative way, saying things like "contentment is the enemy of achievement." It makes me wonder if some people are defining it differently than me.

Do some people think contentment means settling for something you think is just okay? Like something that is maybe not all you hoped for, but good enough.

To me, contentment is a deep appreciation of what you have. It is a very deep feeling of being happy and at peace with your life. That feels so much bigger and more important than having a higher level of achievement.

Am I missing something here? Maybe I am not talking about the same thing as them? Maybe this feeling I call contentment should be called something else.

I have been reading about how venting is healthy. However, I have known people who seem like they are always venting. They seem like people who are always unhappy. I think at some point, it goes from healthy to unhealthy.

For example, the person who complains all the time about how much they hate their job. Maybe the first few times had some emotional benefits, but it seems counterproductive after a while.

I am not sure how to draw the line between healthy and unhealthy though.

Many people show empathy for those who are less fortunate than others but are not happy for people when something good happens to them. Specifically, they are not happy for those who are doing better than them.

If someone is truly empathetic, wouldn't they feel happy for others too?

I am 58. I think I look at least 10 years younger than I am.

But I see so many posts by people over 50 that say they look young for their age. It makes me wonder if everyone (or almost everyone) over 50 thinks they look young for their age.

I think part of it is that in the 60s and 70s, older people looked much older than they do now. I saw a picture of both my grandmothers when they were my age. They were very much the old lady stereotype with deep wrinkles and white hair. So I think that influences what we think a certain age looks like.

I feel like people in their 20s and 30s are probably silently laughing at us when we claim we can pass for a younger age.

I want to talk about introvert joy.

Preferring to spend time alone is often thought of in a negative way, but it has a positive side.

I really enjoy doing things on my own. Reading, crochet, coloring books for adults, jigsaw puzzles, solo boardgames. Just spending quiet time on my own can bring such a sense of calm and happiness.

Today, I did some journal writing. Not about problems or issues I am working through. I was just writing about my current life. And my life right now has a lot of good things in it. It made me feel really good.

The world seems to have a negativity bias. And sometimes I feel like I am fighting against that. But I think I will take a softer approach. I won't argue with pessimists. I will just continue to exist alongside them. Softly. Gently. Happily.

I am just doing this for fun. I might use it for solo roleplay. I am not writing a book or creating a setting for a game.

I sometimes see discussions on whether something is too cliche, not original enough, too many tropes. Or whether something makes sense or is silly. Or is too close to an established franchise.

This can be important if you want to publish things. But if you are just doing it for fun, does it matter? Are other people who are doing things just for fun concerned with this?

Maybe it is like the difference between casual gamers and serious gamers? I think I am a casual world builder. I just make up stuff that sounds cool and interesting to me.

At first, it seems like an obvious yes. But I have known some extroverts who love to talk, but say very little about themselves or their life. For example, I used to eat lunch once and awhile with an extrovert at work. She only ever talked about food and work.

I have been thinking about who I am when I remove social pressures and self imposed expectations about how I should be. I realize I am more comfortable being a more private person.

People tend to post more about things they are against than things they are okay with. People also post more about things they feel very strongly about. The extreme voices are always the loudest.

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It gives a distorted view of what people think.

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Yet when someone has a strong viewpoint, I feel like commenting will just get me pulled into some ugly online drama.

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One issue I have been thinking about is ageism. Younger generations hating on older generations. Older generations hating on younger generations. I am over 50 and I think the younger generations are okay.

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Would it accomplish anything at all if I responded to these negative posts saying not all old people think this way? Maybe the younger generations understand it is only a group of bitter old people complaining. Maybe they know this doesn't represent what all old people think. But maybe they don't.

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People often label pessimistic or negative views as deep thoughts, while positive people are often described as superficial or ignorant. The deep thoughts reddit skews very pessimistic.

In fairness there seems to be a pattern on reddit. People with negative world views will have lengthy posts detailing multiple problems with the world. Positive viewpoints are often one or two sentences with a pretty background. Of course, there are exceptions.

Some of the short affirmations can be powerful, but I feel like longer posts and in depth discussions have more potential for positive change. Not as a replacement for short affirmations, but as something along side of them.

That in itself is an idea worth discussing. For example: I could repeat the affirmation "life is good" 100 times a day. Or I could write in detail about all the ways in which life is good. Or I could do both.

Which option has a better chance of making me shift my worldview to be more positive?

I am a fairly cheerful, optimistic person despite having some pretty bad stuff happen to me. I find that focusing on the good things is much better for my mental health than "working through my issues."

I much prefer sharing good things in my life. When I do, it seems to bring out a people who act like I was lucky or had an easy life.

It doesn't feel worth the emotional effort to tell them otherwise. Maybe I will just claim to be lucky.

Part of me wants to give advice and encouragement to people who went through similar struggles to me. But these are the people who give me the most negative reactions when I share good things in my life.

Some details:

Unlucky: emotional and psychological abuse, emotional neglect, grew up in a hoarder home, bullied in school, financial issues for a good chunk of my life, and my husband has serious health issues.

Really bad commute for work, often did the work of two or three employees due to hiring issues at work

Lucky: good marriage, found the love of my life early, had good bosses for the last almost 20 years of my career, worked near an art museum, worked near a public garden, doing good financially currently, was able to retire a few years early

Both lucky and unlucky ?!? One of the things my dad hoarded was comic books, so I grew up next to a litteral room of comic books. Pretty cool if you gloss over all the other random junk that was hoarded and the absolute horror of growing up in a hoarder home.

Does anyone else use random chance to determine things about their world?

I don't feel drawn to coming up with a whole world just from my imagination.

What I do like is doing random card pulls to determine things about the world. I will also use dice for yes/no and "how many" questions.

Then I look at all the information and try to write something about them.

Does this fall under world building? Or is it more like a journal game or solo rpg?

My current world is a new creation, so it doesn't have much depth or detail compared to many people posting.

I am making another attempt at a solo rpg.

I rolled randomly for some things about the world. I wrote a brief description of the world. The short version is that it is independent city states with dangerous wilderness in between.

The loose plan is for my character to take a trip across the world.

Session one, my character makes it safely to a city. Complication: I need to resupply and I am broke. I will need to get a job or do something to get money.

Pause to do some random rolls and card pulls for some details about the city. I get corrupt government, economy in shambles, seven competing factions.

I have fallen down the rabbit hole of world building. The original plan was just enough world building to have a world to play in. I find I enjoy world building quite a bit, maybe more than solo rpgs.

More accurately, I enjoy world building driven by random rolls and card pulls. Which seems different than what people on the world building reddit are doing.

No wrong way to play as long as you are having fun. And I am enjoying it.

I have been to a number of healing spaces and support groups online. Some of their advice sounds good when I read it. But lately, I realize that much of it is not aligned with who I am.

So many quiet solitary activities feel healing to me. Crafting, reading, coloring, journal writing, sipping tea while watching the clouds.

Wring things out in journals I keep private seems to help much more than talking it out with others.

I have tried to share this on other spaces and seem to get a polite "yes, but.. " They don't put down my ideas but always say it is no substitute for therapy. No substitute for support groups and healing communities.

It is like they were telling me I was healing wrong. Unspoken, probably unintended, was the idea I need to shift my personality so I could do what I needed to heal.

I am now feeling more confident in healing in a way that validates my personality.

Sometimes, it feels like every time I say something about how well I am doing, it triggers something negative in other people.

Sometimes, it seems like pretty transparent jealousy. Other times, there is this idea that I should feel guilty about doing well when income equality exists.

I have gotten negative reactions for being lucky in relationships as well.

On the one hand, I get not bragging to people who have less fortunate circumstances than me.

On the other hand, it feels like I am hiding my light under a bushel.

People will say "must be nice" in a very negative tone. I feel like say "yes, it is." I think that would probably just make them mad.

Sometimes, it feels like I need to add a disclaimer that I had a really crappy childhood and struggled for much of my life. But I also feel like I shouldn't have to.