u/sovLegend

i started hrt a few days ago, 2mg estrofem once daily and 100mg spiro once daily. doctors in my area usually give you this dose to shut you up or to see what effects it does and i wonder if it will actually do anything. this is not my prescription however, its from someone else i know who got it for me and they are doing diy, i am working on getting my own prescription so that should hopefully help with the dose.

edit: additional question, once i get my own prescription it will likely be the same so should i just take the 2mg estrogen twice daily or also the spiro? because i heard 200mg spiro is maybe a lot

I want to feel something.

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I want to come back home after concluding another rough entry in the most difficult year of my life, and I want to get into bed with her.

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I want to wrap my hands around her body and bury my face in her chest. I want to feel her hands on my head and on my back, slowly moving back and fourth in a soothing motion as I listen to her heartbeat and all of my worries slowly settle down.

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I want to hear her soft voice reassuring me and telling me to calm down, telling me that it's going to be okay, and then I want to break free.

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I want to let all of my emotions out and burst into tears as I break open the final barrier of vulnerability. I want to feel loved and safe and protected in her warm embrace as years of pent up aggression and sadness leave my soul and fade into nothingness.

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I want it so bad it hurts. I need it. I can't go on like this for long.

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This shit will kill me, and I will deserve it. An unceremonious death, a preventable death. A death that is already years overdue.

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(Personal context: I have not cried for around a year at this point, don't know why, probably some mental shit. Hopefully HRT will help with that.)

this may seem like a satire post and i know i will get ragebait accusations or hate comments so i will just ignore them, this post is sincere.

i have been a fan of stp since i was 16, now im 18, trying to be a better person, and i cant ignore all the controversy. sexual assault allegations, transphobia, nazi tattoos, and online reputation of fans of this band. even though metal is kinda about ignoring the band members problems and enjoying the music i just cant seem to do that.

i know there is more good music out there, i found bands like Lorna Shore and Breakdown of Sanity that kinda hit the same spot for me so i figured i would ask people who are more experienced with metal.

their good songs are still a guilty pleasure for me but i really just want to find something that hits the same and move on, any help is appreciated.

does anyone have a good support group or subreddit for depressed trans people? i just need someone to talk to honestly, i dont know what to do and my one friend is asleep.

this is my solution to a problem of reddit making reporters anonymous which allows trolls false reporting and things of the like. this may be reverted if it goes badly. non modmail reports will not be handled.