Feel free to give me some ideas to make this better but I think I like it so far, some of the lines arent fully worked out yet. I’m thinking of the next line being something like
“Im hopped up on amphetamines
Is this real life or a dream” and then maybe something else I’m not sure yet I’m pretty stuck on it.
Ive been working on my singing a lot the recently since getting a car because im terrified of someone hearing me but now i can drive out into the middle of nowhere and sing inside my car with music playing so no one can and like i never used to be able to sing high notes like EVER like i would always struggle a lot because ive always wanted to. So I just wanted to show off the progress I’ve made, im definitely not good but its so much better than not being able to do it at all :)
I need to stop cutting.
I’m sick of getting stitches being routine. I’m sick of caring for the cuts after I’ve done it. Im sick of destroying my body whenever I feel too much. Im sick of it all. This is not the life I want to live.
There’s so much more to life that I’m not experiencing because I’m so caught up in my own head. I don’t want to be sad and miserable anymore.
I have the choice to be better and live a better life. Shitty things happen all the time.
I currently have every reason to cut, my life is in shambles and so many things keep going wrong constantly. As soon as shit gets better for even a moment, the universe punches me in the face.
My best friend said something that stuck with me though and at first it hurt to hear because I didn’t want to hear it but I actually listened and now I’m ready to live a life finally.
I’m a month clean at the moment and I don’t think I’m going to relapse again. My whole mentally has shifted I can’t fully explain it but I know that this time it’s different.
If yall have any tips on coping strategies that have worked for you I’d love to hear them, I know some days are going to be harder than others but I’m willing to try now so anything is helpful :)
Sorry for the way it’s split I’m terrified of people hearing me so i don’t get many chances to work on my music or record it. I just want some advice in general about whether this even sounds good or sounds kinda dumb
Lyrics I have so far:
First verse
I hear the people laughing
Yeah they’re all around
But when I try to laugh
I cannot make a sound
And I hear the people whisper
When I try to speak
I’m scared that if I talk too loud
They’ll all make me leave
Chorus
And I’m sick of being useless but I’m sick of being used
I’m sick of all this hurting
But I still love the abuse
And I’m sick of being useless but I’m sick of being used
I’m sick of all the bullshit
But I still crawl back to you
Don’t know if this song is worth continuing to work on
So I used to be 150kgs (330lbs), I did not take any photos during this time as I was really depressed and hated my body. I got down to about 130-120 (280-220) and started going to the gym. That’s around when I took the first pic. I haven’t weighed myself super recently but last I checked I was about 80kgs (176) and I took this pic the other day after seeing the old one again.
Seeing these side by side was kinda the first time I’d realised how all the hard work actually did something.
I just wanted to share this with someone at least.
Just a vent.
Fucking sick of this. I make almost 1100 a fortnight, I had to get an advance in order to pay to fix my car so I’m not getting less than I’m technically entitled to. I can’t afford to live. No rental agency will approve me because I just don’t make enough.
How can they say “yeah she can’t work to make money” and then proceed to not give me enough money to not work?
How fucking stupid and ridiculous is that ? Average rental is 400 a week at the CHEAPEST. that’s nearly my entire pay. They only accept someone who’s 30% is 400 a week. For a rental agency to accept me I need to be at least making twice what I have, MINIMUM.
I am homeless and disabled and I don’t have a choice but to work to live. There is no choice. I don’t have anyone else. I have nothing.
Even a share house costs minimum 350 a week.
That’s a SHARE HOUSE.
Rental market is disgusting but what’s even more disgusting is knowing the government won’t support people on dsp to be able to afford the rental market. Even jobseeker, people will tell me they’re on jobseeker and I’m absolutely baffled by how little the payment is. It’s only half of what I get. HOW CAN ANYONE LIVE ON THIS.
This is the dystopian future they wrote books and movies about. The people in the books and movies don’t realise how fucked their system is until it gets so bad it’s impossible for everyone and even then, the government has all the control. We have nothing.
Like genuinely confused here. I have had at least 4-5 holter monitors done that have shown my heart rate hitting really close to 200, most of the time around 185 walking and resting being in the 50’s however when I see any doctor about this they hit me with the “there’s no arrhythmia” and that’s it. I have literally cried to doctors begging them to refer me and they just won’t. I don’t know how much more proof they need? Is that not high enough of a heart rate to be concerned?
It’s getting worse and worse every holter monitor I’ve done and they still don’t fucking care. I feel like I’m making it up but then I see my test results and I’m like ok well I’m not but then doctors treat it like it’s nothing. One doctor told me maybe it’s anxiety bc I have some pretty obvious self harm scars and they tend to focus on mental health a lot but surely that’s not even normal for “anxiety”