u/wicked_clownb0i

I love you. I love you so much, and it's making me crazy how two-sided our love is, I mean you've literally told me you loved me, too? It's not like I don't feel loved, and I know it's not one-sided. But I want to be official. Now I know you said you needed time to figure things out, and I get that, I really do, but why have we grown even closer since then? Why do you tell me every five minutes how much you miss me? Why do you tell me "I love you"? How is this not clear to you? I'm so confused. I love you so much and I want to give you all the time you need, I really do, but I also wish for clarity.

So I just started therapy, and did the usual diagnostic tests. When I got the result back, I scored a GSI of 80. My therapist did say that that was more than usual but didn't really say much more about it (we had a lot to talk abt, so I get that). Now I was wondering, there have to be different stages of GSI to assess whether something is much or not - and the only thing I can find online is AI answers, which I do not want.

Could anyone here provide the grading/the different stages of GSI? By that I mean like from number x to number y it's a severity of ... if you get what I mean.

I will discuss this with my therapist, but before that I wanted to know what Reddit thinks, I guess.

That being said: I'm 18M, and it's suspected I have C-PTSD and Borderline, just so you know. I wanted to ask about an issue I'm having and find out whether some people might relate.

I feel like genuinely everything I do and say is performative. Whenever I do something, I'll tell other people about it, I can't ever really do anything for myself. I feel like even my thoughts aren't actually real and just performative, I feel even this post is exactly that. I don't feel like my thoughts are mine, I also don't really know how feelings are supposed to feel and I think I'm just making everything up for others to react to it. I don't know who I am. I don't know whether my toughts are really my toughts. Everything feels so fake.