u/witchyrosemaria

I never supported pseudo science, I've always thought it was a gimmick.

What are your honest thoughts

I'm starting to do weight lifting. It's the only thing that's making me lose weight. I tried cardio, pilates, yoga, running and so on. Nothing has worked. Everyone is saying I'm looking good and I started in April this year. I started off with a 6kg medicine ball (light for me, but not heavy enough to hurt myself) and now I've gone up to a 7kg medicine ball. I'm really proud of my work out so far.

Here's the issue.

I live in a small town in the uk, everyone knows everyone and practically everyone is a Christian. Most people go to church on Sunday's and I swear, I'm the only one who's not a Christian.

My town says "oh wow, you look great" or "you're looking really well" and follow up with "what have you been doing?". EVERY. SINGLE. TIME i mention I'm doing weight lifting, it's always "but you're a woman. You're supposed to be feminine and dainty". Or there's a c class celebratrity in my town and everyone says "are you doing pilates like our [name], she always looks good. She never does that manly weight lifting" (she's skinny and I'm quite a thic girl). Like, WHAT? So weight lifting is throwned upon? REALLY?? Then they say "oh you don't want to do weight lifting, you will turn into a body builder and you're gonna look ugly" implying that I am ugly.

(Also, it doesn't help that I have natural jet black hair and white fair skin with freckles. My town doesn't like me because I'm not blond and not "english enough" 🙄).

Then they say some stupid verse in the bible on how a woman should be. It's just gross to me.

I've always been out of the norm when it comes to "femininity". For one, I'm a trained boxer and mixed marital arts. I can actually train people in the ring. But because I'm a woman, that's a bad thing.

Ugh.

That's my rant lol.

As the title says, I hated being a kid.

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What's the issue with other adults hating being an adult? I don't get it.

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I'm 34f and I love being an adult. To me, it's less responsibility. I can choose what meals I can have, what time I can eat them, I can have lie ins, I can sleep regularly too and I can make friends. I can even choose what clothes to wear. I can even get an education now.

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My family are devoted Christians, so anything that's not is deemed "satanic" or "demonic". So i could wear what they chose me. Even then, it was handy downs that was dirty and gross.

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Everything I did as a kid, I couldn't do. I was thrown out as a child on the streets (in the 90s), i had to steal food to survive. At home, was hell. I was beaten black and blue, sexually assaulted multiple times. I was either sleeping on the floor, in the shed, in the cupboard or thrown out on the streets. My family barley fed me, so again, i had to steal to survive.

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I was forced to go to family gatherings, where the family friends called me fat, stupid, demonic (because I have black hair), retarded, not loved, not worthy and so on. I was bullied and the minute I became an adult, I refused to take part.

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Now, I haven't spoken to my family in 11 years. I can wear what I want, eat healthy food, workout (i don't drink, been sober for 11 years, refused to take drugs. Seen what drugs can do to people) have cats, watch movies, watch tv shows and so on. I love to clean, I love to cook and I found so many things I can do now.

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And there's people out there who hate being an adult?? REALLY?? Mind boggles me.

I hate hate hate hate that saying so much.

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So many Christians say it. Why?

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"But jesus died on the cross for us". So accepting abuse is okay now? REALLY?

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What do you think about this saying? Because I hate it.

I'll go first. Well there's a few for me.

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The biggest thing is, not everyone is evil and working with the devil. Not everyone will hate me because I left Christianity and people will love me, regardless of who I am.

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I've been brought up that, anyone who's in a different religion of me, is working with the devil. When i met kind Muslims and kind Buddhists, that stook with me because I always taught different.

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What about you??

I'm 34f. Someome just had a right big go at me for not asking for help when I decided i didn't need alcohol anymore. They told me i could have died, that I'm "gloating" because I came off without no help and what I did was dangerous. (But I think they're addicts too).

I don't mean to gloat, it's what happened to me.

I think looking back, 11 years ago (23f) I just left my my abusive family, I was living in a refuge. It was basically a homeless shelter, for women escaping domestic violence. Yes, I did lie about being an alcoholic.

In the refuge, we weren't allowed alcohol and substances of any kind (other than prescribed meds and even that was regulated). I was there for a year and the minute I got in, i said to myself "I might as well quit alcohol". I hate crowds, so I never go to the pubs. I would always steal or buy alcohol and drink it in my bedroom. I would also hide the alcohol in my room too. But since the refuge, they would search our rooms on a regular basis, I couldn't have it. So I just went cold turkey.

Being in there, taught me that I didn't need alcohol to help me survive. I found ways to keep me busy, like drawing, playing games and writing music to help me process my emotions.

It was a lot dealing with my own head. I understand why many women would go back to their abusive partners. Fighting my own head was hard and withdrawal symptoms was a nightmare, I think the headaches was the worst part for me. The shakes, not so much, but the headaches was terrible. Then overtime, it got less and less and less. To a point, I started to feel better.

A year later when i left the refuge, I felt like I didn't need the alcohol anymore. I could drink, but I was scared to be an alcoholic again. So I only drank on special occasions like birthdays and new years, even then I only drank 1 or 2 glasses.

Do you think i was stupid??

Ever since I had a memory of my mother sa me, i have a hard time showering.

I legit force myself to shower because I don't want to skink and feel grubby. I really want to be clean. I just find it hard to.

The only 2 things that has helped me, is listening to music while I shower and taking my propranolol meds. But other than that, I get sever panic attacks.

I feel like a can't breathe, I can't eat and I just want to throw up. I have to take a shower a day before I leave my home. Or else, if I take a shower the day of leaving, forget about it.

Don't worry, I haven't spoken to my mother in 11 years. I'm 33f now.

I also don't have an actual bath, just a shower cubicle.

Any help and advice would be fantastic.

I'm so fed up with "but the devil is inside you". Like, how does that make any sense?

Chrisrians are so stupid to believe that. Of course the devil isn't inside me, but they try so hard to make me believe that.

Then they back track when I say "okay, give me a scripture that says the devil controls hell". They can't because there's no scripture in the bible that says that.

I also find it funny when I say "this is why i left Christianity" and their brains explode, they can't comprehend that thought.

I'm not afraid of the devil because he doesn't exist.

Sorry for the bad grammar, I'm kinda pissed off lol