u/wrathofotters

I had this friend...let's call them X. We would often talk and support each other emotionally through things. Then it got to the point in which X would vent to me a lot.....a lot of the time very dark stuff. I would be present with them as best as I could, often losing sleep worrying about them. I would send them money, refer them to mental health and other resources. I tried to offer advice that they would reject so then I would just say "I'm sorry you are going through that. I hope it gets better" They would reply "It won't get better because_____(cue long text) I worried about them a lot. They would joke about not wanting to be here anymore which hurt me and scare me. (we had a mutual friend who left this earth in that manner) Then it made me angry that they found it funny. It started to corrode the deep love and care I felt for X. I started to pull away from them or change the subject whenever they vented. Sometimes I would just not respond (which I hated doing) and they would still send more vent texts. I decided to be honest about how I felt and well....this is the below conversation:

Me: I'm really sorry that happened. You mean a lot to me so I feel like it's important that I say this before it builds up. Lately in our friendship I'm starting to feel less like a friend and more like a venting station or a diary. It feels particularly hurtful that yesterday was my birthday and I have shared with you that I have been dealing with medical stuff and feeling overwhelmed. I appreciated that you acknowledged it and my birthday but then went right back into venting at me. You have acknowledged in the past "Girl I'm sorry that i keep texting you when you clearly don't have the time or energy" and I appreciate that. I know that we have both vented at each other in the past and I'm glad that we can be there for each other: I just ask that when I share with you that I am overwhelmed or dealing with something heavy I'd like you to show more discretion and use other support systems. And I'd be happy to do the same for you. Maybe we can ask each other "Hey do you have the space for a vent/to support me in something difficult today?" I'm sorry if this is hurtful but I just need to be honest about my feelings and share that I have been feeling hurt by this dynamic. I hope we are able to work something out.

X: I am sorry. I hear you. Writing down that note (“hey do you have space today for a vent…”) before diving into a rant. I’ll do better going forward. Thank you for telling me, I appreciate this a lot. I didn’t know I was hurting you and I’m glad I know so I can not do that anymore

X:It sounds like it’s best for you that we not speak anymore. I’m so sorry I didn’t have any of the self awareness that would have been appropriate here. I’m looking at my past texts I get it. This is unhinged and I had no idea. Thank you for letting me know. Again, thank you for alerting me to the fact that I was hurting you. You def don’t deserve a friend like that, that’s not right. Sorry again. I wish you nothing but good things. You’re a really lovely person 💜💜💜

X: *I’m only blocking your number so I don’t get the urge to continue texting you and I don’t want to continue it—I’m pretty sure what I’ve been doing to you constitutes some form of emotional abuse and I want to nip it in the bud bc it’s alarming that I had no idea

(After X had texted me this message (which I had not read yet) she called me. I was on my way out the door to a prior obligation. I answered the phone and said "Hey, I'm on my way out the door can we talk later this evening. I should be home at around 6 or 6:30?" She replied "Sure." I replied "Great. I'll call you then". But then the texting continued)

X: Ok so not shipping your bday gift, I’m angry at me for working so hard on it. I tend to assume that if a person doesn’t have space for my problems, they ignore the text. Nice touch, doing this early morning, btw. You have sent many a message when I wasn’t ready to read about someone else’s stuff. I waited to read it till I had space for it.

X:I can’t address this stuff first thing in the morning, it messes up my whole day. Instead of getting out to walk Sonny at 10 I’m home crying. It seems like I’ve caused you a lot of upset without even realizing it and that doesn’t sound like a healthy friendship. I say we call it. I don’t particularly want to wait till 6 to hear about how shit I’ve been anyway. I can just stop. Easy.

X: I’m not going to speak to you later. It’s creating too much anxiety. I need to get out and walk my dog. I am sorry I have been more unhinged and unaware of boundaries while I’ve been malnourished. I promise I won’t text you with negative rants again. It’s rough to get a text like that and then hear that you can’t talk till tonight, that’s a lot to have hanging over my head all day because the conversation is naturally going to be centered around how my behavior has been bad. It sounds like this friendship has been torturous for you, feeling like nothing more than a “venting station”. I had gotten the wrong idea, I didn’t know my text vents were upsetting you. It sounds like it’s healthiest to cut me off, in my opinion. I’m not sure what else to say. I don’t want to be unknowingly torturing you, over here making silly presents thinking I’m being your good friend when I’m actually just being one more thing on an already too long list of unfair shit in your life.

Me: Good call. After reading your texts I don't want to speak with you either. Nothing I asked for was unreasonable. I didn't end our friends hip. I never said you were emotionally abusive. But everything you are saying to me; ending our friendship, guilting me over a birthday present, is incredibly emotionally abusive. Nothing I asked for was unreasonable. And if this is how you are going to respond over it than I have nothing more to say to you.

Me: I never wanted to cut you off. I wanted to be honest with you because our friendship meant a lot to me. And waiting until I was free to talk and give you my undivided attention is not unreasonable. I'll stop engaging now but remember this: You're the one who cut things off. Not me

It's been ten years since I have spoken or seen my abusive primary care givers. I just realized the month.

Those people did everything to set me up for failure for life as a kid. They sabotoged any attempts at independence. They damaged my self esteem. I was barely allowed out of the house. I got in trouble for using the stove. I was 17. I had to google "how to do laundry" and I still don't know how to drive. After an attempt on my own life when I was 18 one of them said to me "It's sad what you've become"

One of the abusers favorite thing to say to me everyday throughout my childhood was "you are nothing". As much as they despised me.....they made sure to make me feel like I needed them. Like I was inherently broken and couldn't survive on my own.

Well. I lived in New York City for 8 years on my own. I got a job on my own. I navigated abusive landlords on my own. I changed careers on my own and landed a job with health insurance and a 401k on my own. I survived healthscares and the loss of friends on my own. I survived and I'm still surviving a pandemic on my own. When I needed a change I moved 300 miles to a different city in my 30s on my own.

Things are hard right now. There is a lot I still need to heal from and I don't know if I'll ever have the resources to do so. My job can be challenging. I am now dealing with a chronic illness. Sometimes the PTSD just flattens me.

One time 5 years ago one of my abusers sent me a card saying "I don't understand why you won't talk to me. Whatever it is I did I'm sorry. If you have any compassion for me please be in touch"

I think right now it's time to have compassion for myself. Despite how hard things are for me....how shaky and precarious my life can feel at times....it's a life I built for myself. Away from the people who nearly took it away. And that is definitely worth recognizing.

So happy ten year anniversary to me. I hope I have many more

I hope the fellow estranged adult kids reading this have many more too.

I've had my stuffed gorilla since I was 11. I want to know if there is a fireproof bag or box that could fit him. It's 14 inches long, 10 inches wide and when I fold in the legs it's around 7 inches high.

I work from home for a healthcare call center. It's one line of business of several in a large national healthcare company. (I think there official corporate office is in Minnesota) My LOB has been really difficult lately. I got put on a corrective action plan for asking a caller to please not scream at me and disconnecting the line when they refused. During my evaluation I asked my supervisor and then later on HIS supervisor "Do we have a written abusive caller policy?" Both of them said they would "Get back to me on that". I followed up with the supervisor's supervisor via email a month later and I haven't received a response. I got another call from someone who proceeded to scream and curse at me...thankfully he ended the call so I wouldn't get in trouble. I talked to other people who work for different LOBs and they all have abusive caller policies. I was really hurt and stressed out. I put in a complaint to the company's HR, explaining what had happened and how not having a policy can leave agents open to harrassment, verbal abuse etc. But hearing everywhere "HR is not your friend" is making me nervous.

Is it worth pursuing this complaint? Or is it just going to blow up in my face and eventually get me "managed out"?

Got a job offer from this start up healthcare company that assists patients in getting lower cost surgery if their PPO won't pay for it. My job duties would essentially be me initiaing prior authorizations.

WHy in the FUCK did they ask me to sign a non compete? What propiertary information could I be taking to another company? Are they scared that they have some cool secret special way of collecting CPT codes that I could share with another company? I don't work in sales. I don't have the ability to work independently and suddenly start my own business of assisting patients with getting surgeries and take their clients from them.

This non compete is one big run on sentence full of a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo. They say for 12 months after resignation or termination with them I can't work anywhere "they could reasonably compete". They list two companies but say "this list is not exclusive" they also say I can't work within 50 miles of any physical location I did work for them. It's a work from home job....so I can't work within 50 miles of where I live?

People say get a lawyer to look at it.......I barely make 40k a year and with what this job pays I wouldn't exactly be swimming in money either. Most employment lawyers ask me to shell out 500-700 dollars to review the contract. This one lawyer talked to me for 5 minutes before asking for money and he said that unfortunately non competes are generally enforcable...it just depends...he would have to look at the contract........for 700 dollars. And no pro bono center will touch it. The closest I got was a friend who has a background in employment law giving me non legal advice. She said that the non compete clause was weird and very broad. She said the biggest concern is not whether it's enforcable in court..it's whether or not any future employer is willing to hire you looking at that non compete. Most companies would not want to risk it no matter what any courts say.

I emailed them and asked them if the scope of the non compete could be adjusted for my role since I am essentially just a call center worker and at most a care manager....and they didn't get back to me.

I just feel really hurt and sad because i was excited about this opportunity and it's a bit more money than what I make now....and my current job is toxic. I guess they bank on people being desperate enough to just suck it up and sign the non compete

I'm 220 lbs. I've been mostly looking to do dead hangs for decompression on my back. Can anyone recommend anything that would support my weight?

I work in a call center. There have often been times when people call me "sweetheart" or "honey" as a way of talking down to me and putting me in my place when they are annoyed by a policy or are angry about something. In the past when I have asked callers not to address me like that my supervisor was supportive when I brought this up to him. There was this one woman who called today who was a bit in distress. I asked her to verify her address and she responded "I'll get to that, sweetheart" I said "I'm going to respectfully ask that you do not call me sweetheart. Again my name is _______. I'll address you by your name and ask that you adress me by mine" She said sorry and that she didn't mean it like that and she's old school and that when someone calls her sweetheart she thinks it's a compliment. Throughout this phone call I realized this woman is elderly and a lot more in distress than I realized. The next time a "sweetheart" slipped out she apologized and again said she didn't mean it and again she is old school. I didn't say anything and then when it happened again and I realized that it's practically a reflex for her and she got anxious and apologized I said "Okay. I understand it's not intentional" I ended up being able to help her with her problem and stay on the line with her through some difficult emotions. Our protocols are already really complicated and it's extra complicated for folks who are elderly and may be in the beginnings of dementia.

I feel a bit guilty now. This job is really hard sometimes and when people are routinely nasty and abusive to you it wears at you. I guess sometimes it's hard to tell whether someone is being intentionally condescending or is just being friendly..

I'm trying to get out of my toxic call center job. I got a job offer that is 4 dollars more an hour than what i currently make and is not as much on the phones in the healthcare side of things.

The offer letter stresses me out. First it says "while this job usually is 32-40 hours a week we can't guarantee a minimum amount of hours. it fluctuates depending on business needs"

Okay. I guess if this job doesn't work out I could always get something else

But then there is a non compete clause that has all of this legal mumbo jumbo. It's very confusing and anyone who has read it who has a legal background says that it is broad. It says that for 12 months after either termination or resignation I can't work where this company "could reasonably have competitors" "Our competitors our _______ and _______but this list is not exclusive" So does this mean I can't work in healthcare for 12 months? I also can't work within 50 miles of where i performed work for this job. Um....it's a work from home job....so I can't work within 50 miles of my home?

I genuinely don't feel comfortable accepting this job. But I also think I would be foolish not to because I'm trying to get out of my current toxic job.

I'm 35 years old and this has started happening in the last year. I already struggle with migraines but I've noticed that sometimes during my follicular phase a week after my period has ended I will be spotting lightly to moderately and shedding some tissue. While that happens I get these dull sometimes stabbing headaches. I don't know if that's part of my migraine disorder or if it's related to the spotting. This has happened twice so far. I did a hormone panel and everything looks normal.

I purchased almost a handle of Stoggles throughout the last year. Every Covid safe person I know who uses them loves them and I feel crazy because I'm not having a good experience. The hinge keeps breaking. Twice I had to get them to replace the hinge for free. I just got my replacement a few weeks ago and today the hinge came off.

Can anyone give me a good alternative for eye protection? My friend gave me a pair of safety glasses but the lenses on them have a weird split in the middle that gives me headaches.

I read this in the early 2000s and I think it was published in the 80s. Only some details of this book stick out to me.
It involves a young girl who sister recently passed away. She takes some of her ashes and buries them in the front yard. She keeps talking about Willow Street and wanting to go back there. Her best friend (who I think is named Chloe but I could be really wrong) is starting to become too cool for her and more obsessed with her boyfriend. Her grandmother has a small dog named Porky. There is a scene in which the best friend calls the grandmother racist. On the cover it shows the protagonist confused looking at the best friend who is in kind of a dream like state.

I'm not actively suicidal. I don't have a plan to kill myself. But I struggle with hopelessness and passive suicidal feelings. I don't feel safe calling a hotline that is going to get police involved and force me into a psych ward. I wish there was a place I can express these feelings and get support for them without someone telling me to call 988 every five minutes. I'm never going to call 988. 988 is nothing but a bunch of burnt out, underpaid, highly monitored and limited in what they can say call center workers. They are not going to help me. It just feels insulting everytime it says "there are people that can help" or "you are not alone" and then recommends 988. Or that dialogue box pops up.