u/xopearl_rosebudxox

My(21f) sister (23f) does this to me at times.

She will just not hear me, she will take over what I said and kind of almost purposely misunderstand me (I don't believe she's doing it on purpose tho, which makes it even more lonely)

Or she will just not truly see me you know? Or acts like my feelings are abnormal, as if I'm a robot who has to be calm all the time.

For example, we had a heated argument, she called me selfish and claimed I've been selfish for years.

No.i.have.not...!

She may view it that way because a couple of years ago, I started saying no more, I stopped over giving, I used to constantly say yes to looking after peoples children which drained me.

You know what's funny? Back then not one of my siblings cared that I was always the only one being asked,

Even when our own siblings needed childcare it was ME asked (and I bet expected) to care for them.

This burnt me out and nobody cared or sees that.

Every time I'd see those people they would ask and I felt severe dread and like my life was being taken over, all the while being a teenager who struggled with boundaries and saying no.

I started choosing myself more and avoiding them, I think they picked up on the hint and stopped asking as much.

\-

After this, I have been helping to care for my mother, who has mental and some physical issues,

I already on my own struggle sometimes with my own self care and responsibilities because living here is just so damn stressful for me.

So at times, I struggle with the caring, I become resentful and sometimes lack patience with mom or I say things in anger - yes it is wrong, I can see that, but I also know my reaction is common for people in this position and I also feel like I don't really blame myself however I still try to stop that.

I've tried enough,

But I recently realised I can't do this anymore and have to leave, after months and years of stress (even before the caring part, I struggled with feeling burnt out with the housework and resentment towards my mother because despite her issues I still feel she could have been better as a parent)

Anyway, today my sister got mad at me and argued with me because I have been grumpy in general, and arguing with mom.

I understand her.

It ended up with me in tears saying how I can not do this anymore, while she was understanding, she was also still angry at me and

\*\*she basically said my reaction to all of this is NOT normal, claiming one minute I am crying then grumpy then happy, she clearly doesn't understand me which infuriates me because all of this has been so hard\*\*

I don't see it that way, she once even said she thinks I have bipolar which I think she was getting at.

I'm just so tired of being unseen, being here has been killing me and so of course I've burnt out but all anybody sees is "oh she's grumpy/angry" and then thinking my reaction is an overreaction when I actually don't think it is, most people would respond this way to all of this especially if they ALSO had to face near poverty (I could barely eat nor afford shampoo during it all)

I have been having to go to appointments and so on , all by foot, which started actually getting calouses and sores, while also managing my own life, and other family members sometimes wanting me to take care of their kids - I've had a LOT on my plate for a while now.

Which meant I was too busy and drained to focus on housework.

I have burnt out, yes it's wrong that I started being grumpy etc etc, but I think it's so damn obvious I could have used a bit of help (sister lives here but a few months ago she said she will not help as much so I can learn to care for our mother on my own because soon she won't be here for a while)

The thing is, even before she told me that I was already doing a lot myself. 🙄

It is the same last year, I was doing so much and burnt out but nobody truly sees that🤷🏼

And while I understand her point, she could still help atleast once damn.

Even when she was being a carer she didn't do as much as I have been.

She sometimes makes it into a competition and claims she has and has it harder even though it's not a competition but I can 100% say I've been having a harder time for a long time now than she did.

I'm just tired and decided I'll leave because while they can sit and say they understand me , it's so obvious they don't and don't see my struggles 🤷🏼

If my sister did, she wouldn't be saying my life isn't that hard nor calling me selfish (I think she says that because she wants more from me even though I've given enough and lost myself in the process, she wants me to be calmer and said I'm doing a bad job because I haven't done a perfect job but I HAVE damn been trying)

Now today, when she called me selfish, I told her I am not, \*\*and I stated how if I WAS selfish, I wouldnt have given ALL of my money to her for us all the past few months, I would have kept it for just myself\*\* I could have said more..

She took this as I was throwing it in my face even after I explained I said it because it's not nice for me that I did that just to get called selfish in the end.

Guys, I suffered for SO long financially, I'm talking I could barely afford shampoo, when I started getting more money I was so happy - but because we all live together I basically let it go towards us all and despite that I've still suffered at times.

It infuriates me when my sister says my life isn't that hard and that I act like only me is stressed because I have actually been dealing with more than her but nobody frigging sees it 🤷🏼

I can also see and know everyone is stressed, forgive me for reacting to my OWN personal hell.

And, there was a time I couldn't get ANY sleep because a poorly pet - ONCE I asked her in the midst of all the stress I was already dealing with, if she could watch the pet, she didn't have any empathy and said no.

It's fine but it hurt. It also made me realise how they don't see my hardwork.

Similarly, today I asked if she could do ONE thing with our mother for me, because it would take a lot of stress of me, (I've been so busy and only today I get to be free after a while but I have to do some things + mothers things)

(it WOULD) she said no, and claimed that its not going to help (🙄) I kind of feel like that was just her excuse, and that if she really cared and saw how much I have been dealing with she wouldn't have said no 🙄 if my plate was empty and hers wasn't and she asked me for one thing I'd have said yes especiallyyyy if she was breaking down crying over the stress.

Look they can say allll they want that they understand me, but when I've been going through hell and doing way too many things I can handle, even when sick, and nobody offers to help me or do something that could make it easier for me, ALL they can focus on is my REACTION to it all

\*\*and THEN claims my reaction (burnout and frustration) is abnormal, and claims I'm selfish even though if I WAS selfish I wouldn't have done all this\*\*

Yes, it infuriates me and also makes me feel/realise how alone I really am and how they don't \*truly\* see me.

Which is leaving me with so much resentment that I just want to leave (can't yet) and have my own lide because truly I am ALL I have in my corner on a deep level.

I don't blame myself at all for my reaction or anger, yeah yeah, it's wrong, trust me I agree, I try to be calmer but what the f\*.

My mother takes me for granted, there are times I am clearly so stressed and she doesn't care nor be more considerate.

I feel like my whole life people just take and take and take and don't even bother to truly see my side.

I am done, I am going to start holding my own salary and saving up so I can have some damn stability and peace of mind AND so I can make a plan to basically escape (find my own home and make my own life, may be hard at times but wont be as hard as THIS has all been for me!)

My sister is now mad at me because she believes I was "throwing it in her face" about the money when \*\*no\*\* I was clearly making a point that I'm NOT selfish else I wouldn't have done that (or anything I have done for the family)

I'm done.

And incase anyone says it, I do understand her feelings I really do, but I explained to her my reasoning for saying it and how it was not nice of her, her reaction was getting frustrated at me and still taking it that way and claiming I expect people to react a certain way , because she said if the roles were flipped I'd feel the same, to which I told her no, I'd understand you, she disagreed and got mad, I just shut down, I can't do anything to make someone hear me and I'm honestly done trying.

I do understand her side but if iiiiiiiii called her selfish and then she brought up all the things she did, I'd understand she's just mad/hurt that I'm calling her selfish after everything she did.

I am so unseen in my family and I'm done trying to live around it, it's too hard and lonely, and in the end I'm the one who suffers and is burnt out.

Edit

It may seem like it but my sister is not selfish, nor is my mother, it's a complex situation, I understand her side but I feel like she doesn't mine NOR see how MUCH I have tried .

She feels like I do not take her advice and told me I'm doing a bad job with all this, tells me to just get a routine, as if it's all THAT simple when I've barely had time to pour into myself properly because eventually something drains me anyway.

I understand her but I'm angry at them all. For all the times I clearly needed a helping hand and nobody cared. For the way it was clear I was suffering but all they can focus on is how I'm being grumpy.

I genuinely sometimes feel like an exhausted housewife and where her husband is mad at her for being drained and low vibed when she clearly has been carrying too much.

My sister told me to get help that it's okay yada yada (I agree) **but I actually think I will struggle this much for as long as I'm here** I don't think I just need some help, I feel like this is a very normal reaction and that the only way for me to thrive is to leave.

I am making plans to make that come true.

To add more frustration she claimed I haven't been that busy, yes I have , for a while now I feel I can't catch a break I've had to keep running errands and appointments and walking far with shoes not made for walking has hurt my feet and my body, I can understand her view as there were times I had free days but so? I took those as days to do something for ME like a damn shower and laundry, or to just relax finally.

This is all part of why I feel so unseen. I'm sick of it all and in the end being painted the bad guy for my "grumpiness".

I'm done giving my energy to others and finally going to focus on me more. The way I view people and life has changed so much, I used to feel rly lonely in these situations and fly rly want to be heard and understood even tho it was obvious some people jusr didnt care to, but now I love myself more and I've truly found peace in MY self, other people/things TOOK my peace, but I can now cope on my own even when people aren't hearing me because iiiiii hear MYSELF.

My(21f) sister (23f) does this to me at times.

She will just not hear me, she will take over what I said and kind of almost purposely misunderstand me (I don't believe she's doing it on purpose tho, which makes it even more lonely)

Or she will just not truly see me you know? Or acts like my feelings are abnormal, as if I'm a robot who has to be calm all the time.

For example, we had a heated argument, she called me selfish and claimed I've been selfish for years.

No.i.have.not...!

She may view it that way because a couple of years ago, I started saying no more, I stopped over giving, I used to constantly say yes to looking after peoples children which drained me.

You know what's funny? Back then not one of my siblings cared that I was always the only one being asked,

Even when our own siblings needed childcare it was ME asked (and I bet expected) to care for them.

This burnt me out and nobody cared or sees that.

Every time I'd see those people they would ask and I felt severe dread and like my life was being taken over, all the while being a teenager who struggled with boundaries and saying no.

I started choosing myself more and avoiding them, I think they picked up on the hint and stopped asking as much.

\-

After this, I have been helping to care for my mother, who has mental and some physical issues,

I already on my own struggle sometimes with my own self care and responsibilities because living here is just so damn stressful for me.

So at times, I struggle with the caring, I become resentful and sometimes lack patience with mom or I say things in anger - yes it is wrong, I can see that, but I also know my reaction is common for people in this position and I also feel like I don't really blame myself however I still try to stop that.

I've tried enough,

But I recently realised I can't do this anymore and have to leave, after months and years of stress (even before the caring part, I struggled with feeling burnt out with the housework and resentment towards my mother because despite her issues I still feel she could have been better as a parent)

Anyway, today my sister got mad at me and argued with me because I have been grumpy in general, and arguing with mom.

I understand her.

It ended up with me in tears saying how I can not do this anymore, while she was understanding, she was also still angry at me and

\*\*she basically said my reaction to all of this is NOT normal, claiming one minute I am crying then grumpy then happy, she clearly doesn't understand me which infuriates me because all of this has been so hard\*\*

I don't see it that way, she once even said she thinks I have bipolar which I think she was getting at.

I'm just so tired of being unseen, being here has been killing me and so of course I've burnt out but all anybody sees is "oh she's grumpy/angry" and then thinking my reaction is an overreaction when I actually don't think it is, most people would respond this way to all of this especially if they ALSO had to face near poverty (I could barely eat nor afford shampoo during it all)

I have been having to go to appointments and so on , all by foot, which started actually getting calouses and sores, while also managing my own life, and other family members sometimes wanting me to take care of their kids - I've had a LOT on my plate for a while now.

Which meant I was too busy and drained to focus on housework.

I have burnt out, yes it's wrong that I started being grumpy etc etc, but I think it's so damn obvious I could have used a bit of help (sister lives here but a few months ago she said she will not help as much so I can learn to care for our mother on my own because soon she won't be here for a while)

The thing is, even before she told me that I was already doing a lot myself. 🙄

It is the same last year, I was doing so much and burnt out but nobody truly sees that🤷🏼

And while I understand her point, she could still help atleast once damn.

Even when she was being a carer she didn't do as much as I have been.

She sometimes makes it into a competition and claims she has and has it harder even though it's not a competition but I can 100% say I've been having a harder time for a long time now than she did.

I'm just tired and decided I'll leave because while they can sit and say they understand me , it's so obvious they don't and don't see my struggles 🤷🏼

If my sister did, she wouldn't be saying my life isn't that hard nor calling me selfish (I think she says that because she wants more from me even though I've given enough and lost myself in the process, she wants me to be calmer and said I'm doing a bad job because I haven't done a perfect job but I HAVE damn been trying)

Now today, when she called me selfish, I told her I am not, \*\*and I stated how if I WAS selfish, I wouldnt have given ALL of my money to her for us all the past few months, I would have kept it for just myself\*\* I could have said more..

She took this as I was throwing it in my face even after I explained I said it because it's not nice for me that I did that just to get called selfish in the end.

Guys, I suffered for SO long financially, I'm talking I could barely afford shampoo, when I started getting more money I was so happy - but because we all live together I basically let it go towards us all and despite that I've still suffered at times.

It infuriates me when my sister says my life isn't that hard and that I act like only me is stressed because I have actually been dealing with more than her but nobody frigging sees it 🤷🏼

I can also see and know everyone is stressed, forgive me for reacting to my OWN personal hell.

And, there was a time I couldn't get ANY sleep because a poorly pet - ONCE I asked her in the midst of all the stress I was already dealing with, if she could watch the pet, she didn't have any empathy and said no.

It's fine but it hurt. It also made me realise how they don't see my hardwork.

Similarly, today I asked if she could do ONE thing with our mother for me, because it would take a lot of stress of me, (I've been so busy and only today I get to be free after a while but I have to do some things + mothers things)

(it WOULD) she said no, and claimed that its not going to help (🙄) I kind of feel like that was just her excuse, and that if she really cared and saw how much I have been dealing with she wouldn't have said no 🙄 if my plate was empty and hers wasn't and she asked me for one thing I'd have said yes especiallyyyy if she was breaking down crying over the stress.

Look they can say allll they want that they understand me, but when I've been going through hell and doing way too many things I can handle, even when sick, and nobody offers to help me or do something that could make it easier for me, ALL they can focus on is my REACTION to it all

\*\*and THEN claims my reaction (burnout and frustration) is abnormal, and claims I'm selfish even though if I WAS selfish I wouldn't have done all this\*\*

Yes, it infuriates me and also makes me feel/realise how alone I really am and how they don't \*truly\* see me.

Which is leaving me with so much resentment that I just want to leave (can't yet) and have my own lide because truly I am ALL I have in my corner on a deep level.

I don't blame myself at all for my reaction or anger, yeah yeah, it's wrong, trust me I agree, I try to be calmer but what the f\*.

My mother takes me for granted, there are times I am clearly so stressed and she doesn't care nor be more considerate.

I feel like my whole life people just take and take and take and don't even bother to truly see my side.

I am done, I am going to start holding my own salary and saving up so I can have some damn stability and peace of mind AND so I can make a plan to basically escape (find my own home and make my own life, may be hard at times but wont be as hard as THIS has all been for me!)

My sister is now mad at me because she believes I was "throwing it in her face" about the money when \*\*no\*\* I was clearly making a point that I'm NOT selfish else I wouldn't have done that (or anything I have done for the family)

I'm done.

And incase anyone says it, I do understand her feelings I really do, but I explained to her my reasoning for saying it and how it was not nice of her, her reaction was getting frustrated at me and still taking it that way and claiming I expect people to react a certain way , because she said if the roles were flipped I'd feel the same, to which I told her no, I'd understand you, she disagreed and got mad, I just shut down, I can't do anything to make someone hear me and I'm honestly done trying.

I do understand her side but if iiiiiiiii called her selfish and then she brought up all the things she did, I'd understand she's just mad/hurt that I'm calling her selfish after everything she did.

I am so unseen in my family and I'm done trying to live around it, it's too hard and lonely, and in the end I'm the one who suffers and is burnt out.

Edit

It may seem like it but my sister is not selfish, nor is my mother, it's a complex situation, I understand her side but I feel like she doesn't mine NOR see how MUCH I have tried .

She feels like I do not take her advice and told me I'm doing a bad job with all this, tells me to just get a routine, as if it's all THAT simple when I've barely had time to pour into myself properly because eventually something drains me anyway.

I understand her but I'm angry at them all. For all the times I clearly needed a helping hand and nobody cared. For the way it was clear I was suffering but all they can focus on is how I'm being grumpy.

I genuinely sometimes feel like an exhausted housewife and where her husband is mad at her for being drained and low vibed when she clearly has been carrying too much.

My sister told me to get help that it's okay yada yada (I agree) **but I actually think I will struggle this much for as long as I'm here** I don't think I just need some help, I feel like this is a very normal reaction and that the only way for me to thrive is to leave.

I am making plans to make that come true.

To add more frustration she claimed I haven't been that busy, yes I have , for a while now I feel I can't catch a break I've had to keep running errands and appointments and walking far with shoes not made for walking has hurt my feet and my body, I can understand her view as there were times I had free days but so? I took those as days to do something for ME like a damn shower and laundry, or to just relax finally.

This is all part of why I feel so unseen. I'm sick of it all and in the end being painted the bad guy for my "grumpiness".

I'm done giving my energy to others and finally going to focus on me more. The way I view people and life has changed so much, I used to feel rly lonely in these situations and fly rly want to be heard and understood even tho it was obvious some people jusr didnt care to, but now I love myself more and I've truly found peace in MY self, other people/things TOOK my peace, but I can now cope on my own even when people aren't hearing me because iiiiii hear MYSELF.

My(21f) sister (23f) does this to me at times.

She will just not hear me, she will take over what I said and kind of almost purposely misunderstand me (I don't believe she's doing it on purpose tho, which makes it even more lonely)

Or she will just not truly see me you know? Or acts like my feelings are abnormal, as if I'm a robot who has to be calm all the time.

For example, we had a heated argument, she called me selfish and claimed I've been selfish for years.

No.i.have.not...!

She may view it that way because a couple of years ago, I started saying no more, I stopped over giving, I used to constantly say yes to looking after peoples children which drained me.

You know what's funny? Back then not one of my siblings cared that I was always the only one being asked,

Even when our own siblings needed childcare it was ME asked (and I bet expected) to care for them.

This burnt me out and nobody cared or sees that.

Every time I'd see those people they would ask and I felt severe dread and like my life was being taken over, all the while being a teenager who struggled with boundaries and saying no.

I started choosing myself more and avoiding them, I think they picked up on the hint and stopped asking as much.

\-

After this, I have been helping to care for my mother, who has mental and some physical issues,

I already on my own struggle sometimes with my own self care and responsibilities because living here is just so damn stressful for me.

So at times, I struggle with the caring, I become resentful and sometimes lack patience with mom or I say things in anger - yes it is wrong, I can see that, but I also know my reaction is common for people in this position and I also feel like I don't really blame myself however I still try to stop that.

I've tried enough,

But I recently realised I can't do this anymore and have to leave, after months and years of stress (even before the caring part, I struggled with feeling burnt out with the housework and resentment towards my mother because despite her issues I still feel she could have been better as a parent)

Anyway, today my sister got mad at me and argued with me because I have been grumpy in general, and arguing with mom.

I understand her.

It ended up with me in tears saying how I can not do this anymore, while she was understanding, she was also still angry at me and

\*\*she basically said my reaction to all of this is NOT normal, claiming one minute I am crying then grumpy then happy, she clearly doesn't understand me which infuriates me because all of this has been so hard\*\*

I don't see it that way, she once even said she thinks I have bipolar which I think she was getting at.

I'm just so tired of being unseen, being here has been killing me and so of course I've burnt out but all anybody sees is "oh she's grumpy/angry" and then thinking my reaction is an overreaction when I actually don't think it is, most people would respond this way to all of this especially if they ALSO had to face near poverty (I could barely eat nor afford shampoo during it all)

I have been having to go to appointments and so on , all by foot, which started actually getting calouses and sores, while also managing my own life, and other family members sometimes wanting me to take care of their kids - I've had a LOT on my plate for a while now.

Which meant I was too busy and drained to focus on housework.

I have burnt out, yes it's wrong that I started being grumpy etc etc, but I think it's so damn obvious I could have used a bit of help (sister lives here but a few months ago she said she will not help as much so I can learn to care for our mother on my own because soon she won't be here for a while)

The thing is, even before she told me that I was already doing a lot myself. 🙄

It is the same last year, I was doing so much and burnt out but nobody truly sees that🤷🏼

And while I understand her point, she could still help atleast once damn.

Even when she was being a carer she didn't do as much as I have been.

She sometimes makes it into a competition and claims she has and has it harder even though it's not a competition but I can 100% say I've been having a harder time for a long time now than she did.

I'm just tired and decided I'll leave because while they can sit and say they understand me , it's so obvious they don't and don't see my struggles 🤷🏼

If my sister did, she wouldn't be saying my life isn't that hard nor calling me selfish (I think she says that because she wants more from me even though I've given enough and lost myself in the process, she wants me to be calmer and said I'm doing a bad job because I haven't done a perfect job but I HAVE damn been trying)

Now today, when she called me selfish, I told her I am not, \*\*and I stated how if I WAS selfish, I wouldnt have given ALL of my money to her for us all the past few months, I would have kept it for just myself\*\* I could have said more..

She took this as I was throwing it in my face even after I explained I said it because it's not nice for me that I did that just to get called selfish in the end.

Guys, I suffered for SO long financially, I'm talking I could barely afford shampoo, when I started getting more money I was so happy - but because we all live together I basically let it go towards us all and despite that I've still suffered at times.

It infuriates me when my sister says my life isn't that hard and that I act like only me is stressed because I have actually been dealing with more than her but nobody frigging sees it 🤷🏼

I can also see and know everyone is stressed, forgive me for reacting to my OWN personal hell.

And, there was a time I couldn't get ANY sleep because a poorly pet - ONCE I asked her in the midst of all the stress I was already dealing with, if she could watch the pet, she didn't have any empathy and said no.

It's fine but it hurt. It also made me realise how they don't see my hardwork.

Similarly, today I asked if she could do ONE thing with our mother for me, because it would take a lot of stress of me, (I've been so busy and only today I get to be free after a while but I have to do some things + mothers things)

(it WOULD) she said no, and claimed that its not going to help (🙄) I kind of feel like that was just her excuse, and that if she really cared and saw how much I have been dealing with she wouldn't have said no 🙄 if my plate was empty and hers wasn't and she asked me for one thing I'd have said yes especiallyyyy if she was breaking down crying over the stress.

Look they can say allll they want that they understand me, but when I've been going through hell and doing way too many things I can handle, even when sick, and nobody offers to help me or do something that could make it easier for me, ALL they can focus on is my REACTION to it all

\*\*and THEN claims my reaction (burnout and frustration) is abnormal, and claims I'm selfish even though if I WAS selfish I wouldn't have done all this\*\*

Yes, it infuriates me and also makes me feel/realise how alone I really am and how they don't \*truly\* see me.

Which is leaving me with so much resentment that I just want to leave (can't yet) and have my own lide because truly I am ALL I have in my corner on a deep level.

I don't blame myself at all for my reaction or anger, yeah yeah, it's wrong, trust me I agree, I try to be calmer but what the f\*.

My mother takes me for granted, there are times I am clearly so stressed and she doesn't care nor be more considerate.

I feel like my whole life people just take and take and take and don't even bother to truly see my side.

I am done, I am going to start holding my own salary and saving up so I can have some damn stability and peace of mind AND so I can make a plan to basically escape (find my own home and make my own life, may be hard at times but wont be as hard as THIS has all been for me!)

My sister is now mad at me because she believes I was "throwing it in her face" about the money when \*\*no\*\* I was clearly making a point that I'm NOT selfish else I wouldn't have done that (or anything I have done for the family)

I'm done.

And incase anyone says it, I do understand her feelings I really do, but I explained to her my reasoning for saying it and how it was not nice of her, her reaction was getting frustrated at me and still taking it that way and claiming I expect people to react a certain way , because she said if the roles were flipped I'd feel the same, to which I told her no, I'd understand you, she disagreed and got mad, I just shut down, I can't do anything to make someone hear me and I'm honestly done trying.

I do understand her side but if iiiiiiiii called her selfish and then she brought up all the things she did, I'd understand she's just mad/hurt that I'm calling her selfish after everything she did.

I am so unseen in my family and I'm done trying to live around it, it's too hard and lonely, and in the end I'm the one who suffers and is burnt out.

Edit

It may seem like it but my sister is not selfish, nor is my mother, it's a complex situation, I understand her side but I feel like she doesn't mine NOR see how MUCH I have tried .

She feels like I do not take her advice and told me I'm doing a bad job with all this, tells me to just get a routine, as if it's all THAT simple when I've barely had time to pour into myself properly because eventually something drains me anyway.

I understand her but I'm angry at them all. For all the times I clearly needed a helping hand and nobody cared. For the way it was clear I was suffering but all they can focus on is how I'm being grumpy.

I genuinely sometimes feel like an exhausted housewife and where her husband is mad at her for being drained and low vibed when she clearly has been carrying too much.

My sister told me to get help that it's okay yada yada (I agree) **but I actually think I will struggle this much for as long as I'm here** I don't think I just need some help, I feel like this is a very normal reaction and that the only way for me to thrive is to leave.

I am making plans to make that come true.

To add more frustration she claimed I haven't been that busy, yes I have , for a while now I feel I can't catch a break I've had to keep running errands and appointments and walking far with shoes not made for walking has hurt my feet and my body, I can understand her view as there were times I had free days but so? I took those as days to do something for ME like a damn shower and laundry, or to just relax finally.

This is all part of why I feel so unseen. I'm sick of it all and in the end being painted the bad guy for my "grumpiness".

I'm done giving my energy to others and finally going to focus on me more. The way I view people and life has changed so much, I used to feel rly lonely in these situations and fly rly want to be heard and understood even tho it was obvious some people jusr didnt care to, but now I love myself more and I've truly found peace in MY self, other people/things TOOK my peace, but I can now cope on my own even when people aren't hearing me because iiiiii hear MYSELF.

My(21f) sister (23f) does this to me at times.

She will just not hear me, she will take over what I said and kind of almost purposely misunderstand me (I don't believe she's doing it on purpose tho, which makes it even more lonely)

Or she will just not truly see me you know? Or acts like my feelings are abnormal, as if I'm a robot who has to be calm all the time.

For example, we had a heated argument, she called me selfish and claimed I've been selfish for years.

No.i.have.not...!

She may view it that way because a couple of years ago, I started saying no more, I stopped over giving, I used to constantly say yes to looking after peoples children which drained me.

You know what's funny? Back then not one of my siblings cared that I was always the only one being asked,

Even when our own siblings needed childcare it was ME asked (and I bet expected) to care for them.

This burnt me out and nobody cared or sees that.

Every time I'd see those people they would ask and I felt severe dread and like my life was being taken over, all the while being a teenager who struggled with boundaries and saying no.

I started choosing myself more and avoiding them, I think they picked up on the hint and stopped asking as much.

\-

After this, I have been helping to care for my mother, who has mental and some physical issues,

I already on my own struggle sometimes with my own self care and responsibilities because living here is just so damn stressful for me.

So at times, I struggle with the caring, I become resentful and sometimes lack patience with mom or I say things in anger - yes it is wrong, I can see that, but I also know my reaction is common for people in this position and I also feel like I don't really blame myself however I still try to stop that.

I've tried enough,

But I recently realised I can't do this anymore and have to leave, after months and years of stress (even before the caring part, I struggled with feeling burnt out with the housework and resentment towards my mother because despite her issues I still feel she could have been better as a parent)

Anyway, today my sister got mad at me and argued with me because I have been grumpy in general, and arguing with mom.

I understand her.

It ended up with me in tears saying how I can not do this anymore, while she was understanding, she was also still angry at me and

\*\*she basically said my reaction to all of this is NOT normal, claiming one minute I am crying then grumpy then happy, she clearly doesn't understand me which infuriates me because all of this has been so hard\*\*

I don't see it that way, she once even said she thinks I have bipolar which I think she was getting at.

I'm just so tired of being unseen, being here has been killing me and so of course I've burnt out but all anybody sees is "oh she's grumpy/angry" and then thinking my reaction is an overreaction when I actually don't think it is, most people would respond this way to all of this especially if they ALSO had to face near poverty (I could barely eat nor afford shampoo during it all)

I have been having to go to appointments and so on , all by foot, which started actually getting calouses and sores, while also managing my own life, and other family members sometimes wanting me to take care of their kids - I've had a LOT on my plate for a while now.

Which meant I was too busy and drained to focus on housework.

I have burnt out, yes it's wrong that I started being grumpy etc etc, but I think it's so damn obvious I could have used a bit of help (sister lives here but a few months ago she said she will not help as much so I can learn to care for our mother on my own because soon she won't be here for a while)

The thing is, even before she told me that I was already doing a lot myself. 🙄

It is the same last year, I was doing so much and burnt out but nobody truly sees that🤷🏼

And while I understand her point, she could still help atleast once damn.

Even when she was being a carer she didn't do as much as I have been.

She sometimes makes it into a competition and claims she has and has it harder even though it's not a competition but I can 100% say I've been having a harder time for a long time now than she did.

I'm just tired and decided I'll leave because while they can sit and say they understand me , it's so obvious they don't and don't see my struggles 🤷🏼

If my sister did, she wouldn't be saying my life isn't that hard nor calling me selfish (I think she says that because she wants more from me even though I've given enough and lost myself in the process, she wants me to be calmer and said I'm doing a bad job because I haven't done a perfect job but I HAVE damn been trying)

Now today, when she called me selfish, I told her I am not, \*\*and I stated how if I WAS selfish, I wouldnt have given ALL of my money to her for us all the past few months, I would have kept it for just myself\*\* I could have said more..

She took this as I was throwing it in my face even after I explained I said it because it's not nice for me that I did that just to get called selfish in the end.

Guys, I suffered for SO long financially, I'm talking I could barely afford shampoo, when I started getting more money I was so happy - but because we all live together I basically let it go towards us all and despite that I've still suffered at times.

It infuriates me when my sister says my life isn't that hard and that I act like only me is stressed because I have actually been dealing with more than her but nobody frigging sees it 🤷🏼

I can also see and know everyone is stressed, forgive me for reacting to my OWN personal hell.

And, there was a time I couldn't get ANY sleep because a poorly pet - ONCE I asked her in the midst of all the stress I was already dealing with, if she could watch the pet, she didn't have any empathy and said no.

It's fine but it hurt. It also made me realise how they don't see my hardwork.

Similarly, today I asked if she could do ONE thing with our mother for me, because it would take a lot of stress of me, (I've been so busy and only today I get to be free after a while but I have to do some things + mothers things)

(it WOULD) she said no, and claimed that its not going to help (🙄) I kind of feel like that was just her excuse, and that if she really cared and saw how much I have been dealing with she wouldn't have said no 🙄 if my plate was empty and hers wasn't and she asked me for one thing I'd have said yes especiallyyyy if she was breaking down crying over the stress.

Look they can say allll they want that they understand me, but when I've been going through hell and doing way too many things I can handle, even when sick, and nobody offers to help me or do something that could make it easier for me, ALL they can focus on is my REACTION to it all

\*\*and THEN claims my reaction (burnout and frustration) is abnormal, and claims I'm selfish even though if I WAS selfish I wouldn't have done all this\*\*

Yes, it infuriates me and also makes me feel/realise how alone I really am and how they don't \*truly\* see me.

Which is leaving me with so much resentment that I just want to leave (can't yet) and have my own lide because truly I am ALL I have in my corner on a deep level.

I don't blame myself at all for my reaction or anger, yeah yeah, it's wrong, trust me I agree, I try to be calmer but what the f\*.

My mother takes me for granted, there are times I am clearly so stressed and she doesn't care nor be more considerate.

I feel like my whole life people just take and take and take and don't even bother to truly see my side.

I am done, I am going to start holding my own salary and saving up so I can have some damn stability and peace of mind AND so I can make a plan to basically escape (find my own home and make my own life, may be hard at times but wont be as hard as THIS has all been for me!)

My sister is now mad at me because she believes I was "throwing it in her face" about the money when \*\*no\*\* I was clearly making a point that I'm NOT selfish else I wouldn't have done that (or anything I have done for the family)

I'm done.

And incase anyone says it, I do understand her feelings I really do, but I explained to her my reasoning for saying it and how it was not nice of her, her reaction was getting frustrated at me and still taking it that way and claiming I expect people to react a certain way , because she said if the roles were flipped I'd feel the same, to which I told her no, I'd understand you, she disagreed and got mad, I just shut down, I can't do anything to make someone hear me and I'm honestly done trying.

I do understand her side but if iiiiiiiii called her selfish and then she brought up all the things she did, I'd understand she's just mad/hurt that I'm calling her selfish after everything she did.

I am so unseen in my family and I'm done trying to live around it, it's too hard and lonely, and in the end I'm the one who suffers and is burnt out.

Edit

It may seem like it but my sister is not selfish, nor is my mother, it's a complex situation, I understand her side but I feel like she doesn't mine NOR see how MUCH I have tried .

She feels like I do not take her advice and told me I'm doing a bad job with all this, tells me to just get a routine, as if it's all THAT simple when I've barely had time to pour into myself properly because eventually something drains me anyway.

I understand her but I'm angry at them all. For all the times I clearly needed a helping hand and nobody cared. For the way it was clear I was suffering but all they can focus on is how I'm being grumpy.

I genuinely sometimes feel like an exhausted housewife and where her husband is mad at her for being drained and low vibed when she clearly has been carrying too much.

My sister told me to get help that it's okay yada yada (I agree) **but I actually think I will struggle this much for as long as I'm here** I don't think I just need some help, I feel like this is a very normal reaction and that the only way for me to thrive is to leave.

I am making plans to make that come true.

To add more frustration she claimed I haven't been that busy, yes I have , for a while now I feel I can't catch a break I've had to keep running errands and appointments and walking far with shoes not made for walking has hurt my feet and my body, I can understand her view as there were times I had free days but so? I took those as days to do something for ME like a damn shower and laundry, or to just relax finally.

This is all part of why I feel so unseen. I'm sick of it all and in the end being painted the bad guy for my "grumpiness".

I'm done giving my energy to others and finally going to focus on me more. The way I view people and life has changed so much, I used to feel rly lonely in these situations and fly rly want to be heard and understood even tho it was obvious some people jusr didnt care to, but now I love myself more and I've truly found peace in MY self, other people/things TOOK my peace, but I can now cope on my own even when people aren't hearing me because iiiiii hear MYSELF.

Has anyone here dealt with this please?

I will share my story, currently I am fuming because I had a BIG realisation towards the end of last year how little people actually try to put themselves in my shoes despite how obvious it was that I was carrying so much so of course I eventually started to lack patience and become a bit grumpy, I also feel like I got no help when I deserved it and would have given it the other way around but I was just left to it because I'm just seen as dramatic. 🙄

I have been the main carer for my uncle, my sibling( sister) helps but I have been doing most for a while now.

On top of that, I was also having to fully look after two adult dogs AND I was carrying the workload of housework myself.

Yes, I became burnt out, but I kept trying.

Now as of recently, things have gotten easier as I am no longer looking after the pets , however I still deal with burnout because of the housework.

Due to feeling like I'd have to do it all myself in the end anyway, I sometimes would add small messes on to it - my sister sometimes brings this up during disagreements and while I understand her, I can tell nobody actually sees how damn hard it all was for me last year and this, and how the whole reason I even got to that point (being a bit messy) WAS AS A RESULT of how much I'd been dealing with.

Sometimes with housework, my sister would handle most and then it'd be me, there wasn't really a set structure. Sometimes we'd both make plans to set a routine but didn't always stick to it, often times I was beyond burnt out when she was motivated so I struggled to handle properly everything I needed to do, I apologised and see how I failed there.

It's okay if she has resentment for that *but I also have resentment for the times I was close to CRISIS and I was so clearly struggling and burnt out, so clearly needed a helping hand, and nobody cared, my uncle took me for granted too I believe so I no longer want to stay here and live this life and care for him because it is causing me too much struggle, just for me to be viewed as the bad guy and told to "just calm down" or having my sister compare us as if she has it harder when it's not a competition and I can openly say I have actually been dealing with more stress than she has been for a long time now*

I have resentment at it all, I just want to move out and finally have my own damn life and be able to be a normal person without constantlyyyy struggling with depression or burnout, I genuinely worry if I stay here I may end my own life at some point.

I feel so resentful now at my family for how they clearly don't see my struggles truly, like yeah they can acknowledge it but im viewed as dramatic and I'm expected to always be the bigger person when it comes to my reaction to caring for the uncle AND other things, and I get it , but I damn can't.

I CAN'T be happy and calm here, I lost myself multiple times just this past two years.

I also remember a time when I couldn't get rest as I had to keep a pretty much 24 hour eye on my pets, I asked my sibling if for ONE night they could watch them and there was no care given to my situation and struggle and I was just told Jo.

The crazy thing is, the other way around I would have agreed and tried to make it work (which would have been easy considering we were in the same house) - And I know we are all entitled to say no or yes, but it's the fact that I was going through so much CLEARLY and clearly needed a little hand but nobody cared.

My uncle definitely uses weaoponised incompetence at times , he has become very lazy when it comes to some things because he knows I'll end up having to do it, when I try teach him some things he doesn't even truly hear me I feel, however maybe he genuinely can't learn that thing (I try to teach him how to use the TV remote, because I need a break sometimes from being called multiple times a day)

In the past, my sibling was our uncles main carer, however back then he was more independent, she did not have to walk multiple times to manage his appointments and so on the way I keep having to.

Even when it's clear I'm burnt out I can tell nobody gives a damn, I'm just seen as "grumpy" oh "needs to calm down" lmfao almost anyone in this situation would respond the same..

I was such a sweet person, truly, but having this lifestyle has broken me and I'm full of resentment and anger now,

I do feel like I am unappreciated and so I AM going to leave (when I have the funds ): )

I know if I stay here it'll be the same forever, there are some things I have to just put up with and along with it all, I'm expected to be calm and happy, if I get tired of something and thus become a little grumpy I'm the bad guy yada yada, I also understand I should not take my anger out on others, I do not, its just that at times I get resentful or I'm in a bad mood because of all of this so I can be grumpy in general but it's not personal.

I understand it's wrong but I also feel it's dehumanising how I'm expected to always stay calm when really I am crumbling and my resentment is because NOBODY CARES and I get viewed as just dramatic.

So I end up having resentment at them for having resentment at me, logically I can fix this but at this point I'm just so done.

I am only 21 , I thought I'd stay and care for my uncle for life and do it while living my own life but I am left with little energy or drive to even do my own things 🤷🏼

I would be more willing to do it **If I wasn't so damn unappreciated** -

Just today, I voiced how I am tired of all of this to my sister, her response was "yeah, SO AM I" in an annoyed tone, like she instantly made it a competition AND she had that invalidating tone where it was obvious she was hinting that she has this stress too, **but she's not the one who has kept having to run errands and damn appointments and do almost everything for the uncle even when sick even when tired**

I see we both get affected by this but I've definitely been dealing with more and nobody sees that so I feel sick and alone and ANGRY.

What makes this worse is I agreed to my sibling that I'd take care of our uncle a couple of months ago, for a few years or so so they could pursue something in their life (it's a maybe if they will)

I did this even though what I TRULY wanted is to move out and live my own life , yes it may be hard at times but I won't have to deal with the things I have to now. I want to literally just be on my own because I need it.

I don't think anyone knows how big of a sacrifice I made just to keep her happy, and unfortunately I may have to let her down but I can't do this anymore and I don't want to waste years of my life down the drain suffering either .

I also mentally decided I am ready to put my uncle into an assisted living/carehome so I can do my own life, as this is all way too hard for me and I'm experiencing a lot of anger because of how nobody seems to truly see how hard it is for me nor appreciate me.

I'm tired of being looked at as some bad grumpy person when it's clear this has all broken me and I'm burnt out, but hey, "just calm down"

It is the same when I have to nag my uncle to do something small like drink his water or eat for his health, and he just treats me like I am nagging.

It is infuriating.

I am done.

I understand everyones point of view but I don't think they do the same for mine, or perhaps I just CAN'T do this, and that's all it is. Yep I should be calmer but it's near impossible and I think it's even affecting my physical health I feel older and keep being tired + I am struggling a lot with depression which worries me.

Does anyone relate?

I am very close to 100% deciding YEP I'm moving out, I'm 80-90% there now, I feel bad to have my uncle in a carehome BUT I feel he doesn't meet me halfway and there is too much pressure being put onto me. 🤷🏼 As a result he's aging faster (he's only 56 but seems older sometimes)

Which is only causing ME more stress and giving me more responsibilities.

My sibling may get mad at me and feel like I am leaving it all to them, but that's not the case, I hope they choose themselves too, I simply can't do this and I should not have agreed to do it for longer , why sacrifice my own life when it doesn't even get truly appreciated and I'm losing my damn self.

I know we'll probably have some different traits but do you think your personality and ESSENCE is still similar?

I think I had past life dreams, I remember having a very realistic dream but oddly I didn't feel like my current self, I felt like a past life me? Like iiii was the woman in the dream, it was ME, but not actually my current body etc, also a bit different personality perhaps but not much because I still felt very me and I still had that fear that I still have.

I never forgot that dream and I strongly felt it was a past life, felt so familiar,I almost miss it but I remember being afraid or hiding from something.

I'm asking not because I'm insecure (I actually feel I'm pretty) but because I'm feeling sad at how vain the world is after reading some things

Basically, I read of how women and men experienced being treated rudely, mean, etc, BEFORE their looks got better.

Now, it makes me feel sad and wonder if the kindness I'm experiencing sometimes from strangers is even genuine 🤷🏼

I know it is natural though for us to experience attraction AND I CAN understand treating a crush a litttle bit better than we do for a non crush, (just being extra kind and maybe more attentive but we should also give everyone general kindness and respect I feel)

**I can also understand if someone looks polished and like they RESPECT themselves it can cause us to treat them better too because in a way they demand respect**

What upsets me though is people just being plain mean and rude to "ugly" people, I'm sorry but that disgusts me so much, what about you?

I know those people are usually immature, and that many people are kind and care,

All of this then got me thinking about possible men I will date in the future...

I was thinking how one day, me and a man could be deeply in love, but **if I wasn't pretty, he probably would have never got with me in the first place**

It just saddens my heart?

**But I also understand the whole looks thing, I myself as a woman GET CRUSHES on men JUST by his looks**

However, what actually gets me truly interested is *who he actually IS*

So despite this all making me feel a bit empty, I also understand it...

It's definitely easier for me to fall and get a crush on a man if I find him attractive, but I could also fall for an "ugly" beast if I knew him and liked him as a person and how he treated me!

Not every woman or man can say that, and sadly I feel like men care more about looks than women but I do not know.. Women can be superficial too at times.

Anyway, these realisations have truly changed the way I viee life as a 21 year old woman -

I used to enjoy being seen as beautiful by people,

But now I have realised how empty it is 🤷🏼 when people are being extra nice to me, I used to think it's me as a soul and person, that they probably like my look too and find me adorable (I can have a cute / sweet personality lol) But I thought it was about my essence and not just looks :/

At the same time my looks also ARE me, We all express ourselves through our looks, the way we dress and style ourselves shows how WE want to show up, what we like etc, this makes me feel a LOT better.

I know there are men who would probably try to be with me only due to him liking my looks but that relationship would fail anyway, I know a good man or woman would want to truly get to know you as a person which does make me feel better.

Also, as much as I am not very vain, **I can only feel attracted to a man if he looks like he looks after himself like basic hygiene and dresses tidily** but his actual physical looks like his features, I don't really care.

It also helps me to remember how I myself get crushes and STILL get crushes on men just via looks EVEN after this realisation! It musr be human nature after all --- It was just making me sad that there are men who will love me one day but if I didn't look how I look, maybe he never would.

Sorry to repeat myself but then again my looks are also a part of me so 🥲😭

I'm asking not because I'm insecure (I actually feel I'm pretty) but because I'm feeling sad at how vain the world is after reading some things

Basically, I read of how women and men experienced being treated rudely, mean, etc, BEFORE their looks got better.

Now, it makes me feel sad and wonder if the kindness I'm experiencing sometimes from strangers is even genuine 🤷🏼

I know it is natural though for us to experience attraction AND I CAN understand treating a crush a litttle bit better than we do for a non crush, (just being extra kind and maybe more attentive but we should also give everyone general kindness and respect I feel)

**I can also understand if someone looks polished and like they RESPECT themselves it can cause us to treat them better too because in a way they demand respect**

What upsets me though is people just being plain mean and rude to "ugly" people, I'm sorry but that disgusts me so much, what about you?

I know those people are usually immature, and that many people are kind and care,

All of this then got me thinking about possible men I will date in the future...

I was thinking how one day, me and a man could be deeply in love, but **if I wasn't pretty, he probably would have never got with me in the first place**

It just saddens my heart?

**But I also understand the whole looks thing, I myself as a woman GET CRUSHES on men JUST by his looks**

However, what actually gets me truly interested is *who he actually IS*

So despite this all making me feel a bit empty, I also understand it...

It's definitely easier for me to fall and get a crush on a man if I find him attractive, but I could also fall for an "ugly" beast if I knew him and liked him as a person and how he treated me!

Not every woman or man can say that, and sadly I feel like men care more about looks than women but I do not know.. Women can be superficial too at times.

Anyway, these realisations have truly changed the way I viee life as a 21 year old woman -

I used to enjoy being seen as beautiful by people,

But now I have realised how empty it is 🤷🏼 when people are being extra nice to me, I used to think it's me as a soul and person, that they probably like my look too and find me adorable (I can have a cute / sweet personality lol) But I thought it was about my essence and not just looks :/

At the same time my looks also ARE me, We all express ourselves through our looks, the way we dress and style ourselves shows how WE want to show up, what we like etc, this makes me feel a LOT better.

I know there are men who would probably try to be with me only due to him liking my looks but that relationship would fail anyway, I know a good man or woman would want to truly get to know you as a person which does make me feel better.

Also, as much as I am not very vain, **I can only feel attracted to a man if he looks like he looks after himself like basic hygiene and dresses tidily** but his actual physical looks like his features, I don't really care.

It also helps me to remember how I myself get crushes and STILL get crushes on men just via looks EVEN after this realisation! It musr be human nature after all --- It was just making me sad that there are men who will love me one day but if I didn't look how I look, maybe he never would.

Sorry to repeat myself but then again my looks are also a part of me so 🥲😭

I understand attraction is normal, **I MYSELF get crushes on men JUST by seeing them** So in a way I can understand the vain-ness(?)

Although, I am also VERY interested in his personality too and actually getting to know him .

I'm not just going to be obsessed with a man just by seeing him (yes I may create fantasies in my mind, which is more the idea of him, but to actually FALL I need to get to know the actual him of course)

And I know the same goes for most people.

However... I am a woman, and there are literally men who will only like a woman because of her looks, and it is sad.

All the talk about "men are visual"

But I want to be loved beyond my looks.

I used to ENJOY people looking at me and finding me pretty, but the last few days I have had some realisations **after reading of peoples experiences where they were treated absolutely horribly/worse before they glowed up**

It has just genuinely disgusted me so much and makes me feel quite empty!

When I'm in public, I want peoples kindness to be genuine, not just because I look good.

Iiii am kind to everyone , I have basic manners , not only when I like a person!

I can totally understand someone being a littleeee extra nice if they have a crush on you, that's quite normal I feel,

**I can also understand people treating you better when you look more polished, because it shows you respect yourself so you will then be GIVEN respect more**

What upsets me is people who ONLY be nice if they perceive you as beautiful..!

**It is also affecting my view on relationships and love**

Look I know attraction is natural, human nature etc, and most relationships start by attraction (or is it that attraction is needed in a relationship)

There are even people who aren't attracted at first UNTIL they get to know the person, which I find beautiful.

But it just makes my heart sad that there will probably be men who I will truly love, and he could truly love me too **but if I wasn't pretty, he probably never would have loved me**

I understand that looks are the first thing we see, and again, I too get crushes on men by their looks (I even have a "type")

**It just makes me feel a bit empty that some relationships never would have happened if the man/woman didnt perceive the other as good looking** I'm sorry but it just feels a bit empty although I do understand it.

I just want someone to truly love my soul, but I do enjoy beauty, looking after my looks etc and space, I've always been interested in beautiful things in general.

But I no longer really care about being perceived as beautiful by the world because it's just so empty? I am more than my looks, I want someone who falls for my whole self too.

Does anyone else feel the same ??? This has been affecting me a lot.

**What most affects me** isn't so much random people, it's the facts that there are men who will love me and I love him, but if he didn't like my looks at first meeting, we probably wouldn't have became anything.

I personally don't care about mens looks like honestly, but I do want someone who takes care of themselves and I very much desire it when he looks polished (dresses well etc)

But all in all it's who he is as a person that matters to me most, I could actually fall in love with a man if he was a BEAST if he treated me well genuinely!

-

**But most men couldn't say the same**

Right? I'm a woman so I already know this is very true, when I look better I get more attention, it's just sad that if I was an ugly beast I would probably get 0 men crushing on me which is just so superficial to me.

I myself can truly love a man despite his looks, hell, when I LIKE a man I fall in love with absolutely everything about his looks (seriously) - I know some men may relate but many don't.

I didnt mean to turn this into a men situation as men also experience being treated worse if they aren't viewed as attractive, it's all just very sad in general.

I want someone who will truly love ME - it's complicated because I also get it because I get crushes on men via their looks too 😅

Now I will stop to avoid repeating myself again.. -

How can I stop spiraling on all of this?

Also, perhaps this is just human nature? Is there possibly a scientific reason for this? But people who try to be kind will be kind regardless right?

I know good people do exist (I'm one of them! Hence why this bothered me so much! I gave myself hope)

And I know it's most important that I love myself and not want external validation (being desperate for people to accept me or find me beautiful etc like I used to do)

Now, I think I've "cracked the code" lol, I no longer care so much about how I'm viewed and INSTEAD, I want to "be the love" I will give out my real kindness out simply because I genuinely care about everyone.. 🤷🏼

Yes, it feels nice to think I'm being admired for my beauty or something else, but I'm realising how little it all actually matters now? If the people are genuinely kind then nice, but I don't want it from people who will only be kind if they like how I look that's so empty!?

I also just don't care as much anymore, my looks are me but I'm also my personality and soul , I will continue enjoying beautifying myself etc, but I'm starting to now look deeper at myself and life 😅😊

Has anyone else gone through this? It feels like a special awakening that people talk about. 😂

As a woman (21) who spent so much time (my whole life) wanting to be beautiful, wanting to be VIEWED as beautiful too,

Feeling like my looks are 80% of my worth (!!!) This is freeing, but all in all I'm disappointed at how fickle humanity can be. But I know good people exist too so that comforts me! 😊

I really yapped, I do apologise I am super tired lol.

I guess the answer is to love myself as I am , where as before I would want to change myself more (improve my looks) for me YES but also because I was excited about being perceived as even more beautiful by the world and men.

Weirdly, I struggled my whole life with lack of self love and the past year I kept trying to work on it and fix it, I think I even asked spirit or something to pls help me to love myself, as gut wrenching as this has all been for me, I think I finally now truly love myself ?

I'm no longer hyperfocused on the external validation and I do truly love myself as a person and I'm being kinder to myself regarding my looks because I wanted to embrace my natural looks more AND because I deserve kindness.

I'm looking for something where I won't have to worry about patchiness OR transfer

Do tanning moisturisers usually transfer?

Is there also a face safe one?

I plan to try self tanning but this scares me and almost makes me want to but out of it LOL.

Thanks!! I want to try it out, for a little confidence boost, I figure I won't mind maintaining it especially if I start "small" and I can of course always go darker if I feel it's not enough.

Okay so, I don't usually self tan although at times I do have an interest in it.

I did it a few years ago when I was 14 or 15, and my god..

So first off, I want to say, I do think I'm naturally pretty but not "super" like with some enhancements (makeup and hair tidy) it can really improve my look. I also feel like some days I do look ugly, I don't KNOW if I'm perceived as pretty most of the time and some days I look very average, (this is kind of important to the story lol)

However, with a tan, it really ENHANCED my eyes and beauty, I just looked prettier the one time I tried it, I remember just looking a lot prettier.

I started having more people notice me too, I remember food was delivered and I opened the door, the way the man treated me?? Very smiley, couldn't seem to take his eyes off me , and he also came back after either he forgot something or whatever but I could tell he was GLAD to have another chance to speak to me.

And sadly, my own aunt started treating me better, smiling at me more and complimenting me, I think people see me as if I don't take much care of myself looks wise (I even found out someone in the family said it) **because I don't do intense makeup or beauty treatments, I'm very natural**

But I DO take care of my appearance I literally do my (light) makeup everyday and make sure I'm always presentable.

Anyway.... Did anyone else have a similar experience?

This all wasn't much, but I could tell I was being treated differently and tbh it makes me a bit sad but I also get it, I can choose to be invisible if I just wear a hoodie lol and have closed body language but of course when you're looking pretty you're going to have more people crushing on you..

I always find this so vain (how people treat you better sometimes when you look "better")

But I don't think it's always that everyone is just vain, I think we carry ourselves happier and more confidently when we feel prettier which obviously gives people a different vibe of us and thus they may be more likely to speak to us etc.

I actually recently tested this , I was being more open and confident, and while I was walking home I noticed a girl seemed to he admiring me or just observing me but she was a little smiley 🤔

When I'm in a rush or looking stressed people look more concerned etc.

It is sad that some men will only be nice to you when they find you attractive, and men who only treat people with basic manners only if they like them dosgust me anyway, but I realised it's not so vain when a man is being extra nice to us if he just has a crush on you because that's actually quite normal, it only irks me if I can sense he's ONLY viewing me for my appearance or only being nice to me because of that.

Sorry this turned a bit long lmao but I think I do sometimes experience "pretty privalage" but most of the time I feel invisible so I genuinely don't know if I'm viewed as attractive.

Anyway did any of you have these realisations or experiences and such?

Sometimes if inconveniences happen, I can get a bit frustrated but I'm not shouting or screaming, often I just don't say anything and try to move on, it happened tonight - but my sister got mad at me she asked me "why are you getting annoyed"

The inconvenience was that I wanted to dry some of my laundry, but it is near her room so it was making her too hot, so I had to dry them on a cold one. This took SO, long.

When it was almost done, I asked my sister if I could put the heat on for just ten minutes so that it can be done and I can sleep (by now it was almost 1am!)

She got a bit puffy and said no.

I didn't say anything, and I later walked out to go back to my own room. During she asked me why I am mad (I wasn't even super mad, I didn't say anything or argue, I was just a little irritated because it's an inconvenience and yes, I felt like she could have let me dry the laundry on a warm setting for just ten minutes especially considering the TIME so I'm not stuck waiting for ages)

So my face was a little frustrated but I didn't argue or anything.

She uses these times to create arguments with me and it is draining.

I feel like I cant be human, I am not allowed to get mad even when it's valid, there are situations where I'm stressed and she tells me to calm down or stop being frustrated when almost anyone would respond the same.

Yes, I can definitely get irritated easily sometimes but there are also times it is valid and I'm not "allowed" .

I also just feel extra defensive around her due to this, I also grew up with my other sister constantly doing this to me, I just feel I can't be human, I struggle to know if maybe I really am a problem every time or if they're being too critical. I do feel somerimes I can deffo lack patience, and at times I was wrong for getting frustrated, but again there are times it is a normal response and I am critiqued.

I also sometimes feel like If the roles were reversed they'd be "allowed" to respond or react a certain way but when it is me it's wrong.

Same as some situations where I knew if things were flipped, **I'd still be the bad one**

I actually feel like the whole reason I can be so defensive around them is because of how the oldest one treated me when I was growing up, she would always pick on me, making comments about me or just being hypercritical and treating me a lot harsher than she did our other sibling . I felt targeted and it messed with my self perception :/

To this day she can behave the same way, being overly critical of any small mistake I do (like if I brush the floor wrong) silly small things, oh, and heavens help me if I do anything bigger because I feel like she almost takes enjoyment out of doing this to me.

I actually attribute my defensiveness at times (like where I struggle to speak up (I get shut down a lot or DEBATED if I talk about my side of things at times so it's genuinely scary)

so I will put on an irritated face or just shut down.

I almost feel like I have to protect myself around them. I can't just be.

They comment on any minor flaw I feel, it becomes draining. Yes I definitely have to work on being more patient but I'm often in stressful environments so how can I be expected to just be happy and calm ?

Does anyone at all relate? It also infuriates me, I feel picked on because of it.

And at times they speak as if they're all correct and I need to do serious inner work yada yada when really I'm already very self aware and them always criticizing me is a big reason as to why I'm like this around them. 🤷🏼

Not to mention the almost constant stress of having to care for an unwell uncle along with juggling housework and my own life, yes, sometimes I am going to be feeling down/frustrated and I'm tired of being expected to just be happy.

Yes, I'm going to lack patience sometimes if inconveniences happen because I'm damn tired of my life being a constant wheel of stress.

I can already see the times that I am in the wrong, I know I'm not perfect, but I can't help but feel in my gut that they treat me unfairly and don't truly see me nor care to as much as they could.

All the times I have to shut down and let them speak their view as if it's the most correct, because I know if I even try to state my side I'll be shut down or debated, as if it's a competition.

Dealing with this behaviour has messed with my psyche.

I genuinely feel like when I'm around them I act in unhealthy ways (like the putting on an irritated face vs just talking about my feelings) And I feel like it happens because of said behaviour, but it's also my own issues too of course so it is complicated.

When I'm alone or with friends, I'm so happy and peaceful and mature? But around them I can behave in ways that truly do make me look unhealthy or immature but I think I just feel so picked on by them at times that I become super defensive as a mechanism.

Does anyone relate?????

I have nephews, if they get a little frustrated at something, I calmly speak to them and try to help them process it OR if I feel its valid I just smile and say I understand, but for me I am always treated like I'm wrong for it even when it's a normal response. I can't just be some perfect calm unhuman all the time?!

I swear I was such a sweet girl as a child, and the real me is sweet, but being around my family brings out the worst in me I feel, and I don't think I can heal while around all of this especially due to the stress I deal with here, Nor do I feel I can truly speak up about my feelings in some situations because of how in the past I just got debated and treated like I'm WRONG and I even noticed my other siblings do this to their children as they did to me, unfortunately I think it's a pattern in how they treat people younger/weaker than them

I know at times I was wrong for just getting frustrated too easily and then being a little grumpy, but god damn I'm human and sometimes I think it's okay for absolutely anyone to react to bad circumstances or issues, whenever I do I'm treated like the above** I'm not saying it's okay for me to get mad if I "don't get my way"! Either. Tonight was just an inconvenience and not nice for me as I had to stay up extra late (I had to start laundry late due to the laundry room only being opened later in the day)

So yes, I did get a bit frustrated but I did NOT argue or anything I just accepted that I can't use a hot setting and went on my way? My sibling was the one who wanted to make comments about why am I mad yada yada , I told them calmly that I'm just a bit frustrated at the situation and that that's normal as it's an inconvenience - of course they just started arguing at me, told me I need to accept being told no (I am able to and I DID and if the situation was reversed I bet I'd be called selfish for not allowing her to use the hot setting)

Also, the reason why she's in charge is because it is just the dynamic here as she is older .

I have seen some (or one or two) people say how it's not that hard to maintain and apply it, basically it's no bother to them and is quick .

But most people find it stressful which makes sense, although I do understand that after you create a routine that works for you that can make it a ton easier.

I also see some people say how they only do it due to being insecure without, but that they'd prefer it if they could embrace their natural skin.

I am personally iffy, see I'd like a tan I know I'd look prettier, it'd definitely enhance my eyes and beauty, **but I also don't want to end up insecure of my natural pale skin etc** at the same time I dont mind self tanning FOREVER **if it's something that truly makes me feel better** the same way I do my makeup most days because I feel better when I do.

**A big reason I want to tan too is** in the summer, I can get very hot, this causes my face to become red which I HATE, it makes me feel so ugly, times like this make me want a tan as it'd hide this 😂

But it's mostly because I know I'd feel prettier and I do want a glow up.

I have seen some (or one or two) people say how it's not that hard to maintain and apply it, basically it's no bother to them and is quick .

But most people find it stressful which makes sense, although I do understand that after you create a routine that works for you that can make it a ton easier.

I also see some people say how they only do it due to being insecure without, but that they'd prefer it if they could embrace their natural skin.

I am personally iffy, see I'd like a tan I know I'd look prettier, it'd definitely enhance my eyes and beauty, **but I also don't want to end up insecure of my natural pale skin etc** at the same time I dont mind self tanning FOREVER **if it's something that truly makes me feel better** the same way I do my makeup most days because I feel better when I do.

**A big reason I want to tan too is** in the summer, I can get very hot, this causes my face to become red which I HATE, it makes me feel so ugly, times like this make me want a tan as it'd hide this 😂

But it's mostly because I know I'd feel prettier and I do want a glow up.

**it was not meant to get this long, but to anybody who does read it and takes the time to respond, I truly appreciate you, I feel like this is the only place I can find people who will ACTUALLY understand**

The title isn't as it seems, this story has more to it - I'm not saying I was bad to others and now am mad at them for being upset at me, I'm bitter because they don't truly see me and at how much grace I gave them and how much I tried and yet they don't seem to truly see it.

THEY are mad at me for things iiii could also be mad at them for but instead I was overly kind and kept trying to do everything myself which obviously led to burn out and caused me to become grumpy/agitated at times.

I will try to keep this short. - Me and my sibling (a year older than me) lived together with our uncle who took care of us, however he also had mental problems and as he got older physical ones too so he needed us to also care for him at times, of course this weighed us both down at times.

Along with this, sometimes we would slack on the housework, or, I would be doing it most of the time, OR , my sibling would be doing it most of the time.

At times, we'd both work together but we didn't keep up with it and I honestly don't hold judgement towards them or even me, it was HARD having to 1 balance your own life and self care, having to care for another adult, and then manage housework, it gets a lot. It probably doesn't sound like much but for people here who have ever had to manage most of the houses chores, you'll understand more.

There would also be clutter from my uncles old things that I/we would have to manage.

Anyway, -

I DID try, I really did, I tried with the home, I did, I remember all those times I spent burnt the hell out because I was so overwhelmed and mentally drained at how MUCH I'd be having to do

And during these times, my sister would also not rly be doing much housework but I didn't resent her for it.

However, she has now basically switched on me it feels, as I thought she also understood me the way I have her,

she told our other sibling how she feels, and I understand, but it infuriates me because it is being viewed as if I didn't try/enough, my other sibling who seems to LOVE critisicing me, takes whatever my sister told her and I can just tell she's not even thinking about MY side, never did she ask me about mine, she speaks to me in a "down" tone like as if I'm the bad one here, so does my sister who lived with me.

I feel like I have to fight to be heard, I am immediately viewed as wrong or as if my opinion is less correct, **they are just so strong in their views, but it gets to a point where they are looking down on me or something, not even considering MY view or side as important. **It makes me feel so alone, and as a result I have basically shut down around them when it comes to my feelings, we keep a connection but I have let go of the idea of them ever truly hearing me out and understanding my side TRULY with some things** I don't want to try to speak up ever again to them because it usually just makes me feel SICK and WORSE and even more invalidated (my sister can also become very debateful!)

**Here is a flaw of mine from back then** because I felt like I was carrying most of the house cleaning, I would sometimes add to it in little ways, why? Because I knew I'd be fixing it all later on anyways** however, because I was so burnt out ALL. THE. TIME. Sometimes, it took me weeks to months to finally start!

Another one is, because of how damn burnt out I was, yes, I could sometimes speak in a slightly annoyed tone, it wasn't constant but it happened sometimes, usually I'd apologise and I know it was wrong but I also feel like of course that would happen to me with the things I was dealing with (at these times, my sibling was dealing with less usually, I was trying extra hard to fix everything)

Her resentment at that is valid but I already apologised and explained the cause. So when she keeps bringing it up it does get irritating especially because she could do the same to me but she's allowed to have reasons for it, I am not so much.

Now, my sister sometimes brings up these times, the times I was also messy, and she speaks about her resentment of it and how I didn't need to do that, etc, she understands I was burnt out and such, AND, I understand HER,

But she has made me feel like she doesn't truly understand and see my side, she has resentment about how I didnt maintain the housework etc etc, and I get it, **but why didn't I** WHY was it so hard for me to?

And what about all the times I did?

She says she understands that I was stressing and drained, yet still she brings up those times, still she talks to our other sibling about how the housework would be and they basically both treat me like I didn't try enough or something.

It is now infuriating me, I feel like I'm starting to not shut down anymore, for so long I would just go quiet and barely speak my true side because the times I DID I get debated or brushed off or I can tell they don't clearly understand nor care to.

I now have so much resentment towards THEM for treating me this way, for how they refuse to truly acknowledge my suffering and side, they literally behaved the same at times? THEY were not always being tidy, there were even **times I cleaned and they just made mess right after with no care** yet that seems to go unacknowledged and I struggle to even speak up of these times (I explain why later)

I plan to leave and move out, live alone etc, but I am stuck financially right now and I feel guilty to not continue living with my uncle to care for him, especially as this will leave him all to my sister rather than BOTH of us helping him, but I can't do this all anymore.

I'll probably be viewed as selfish but I don't want to waste my 20s stressed all the time - nor do I want that for my sibling, I view it as "hopefully they will choose themselves too" I'm not just basically going away and leaving them with lots of stress.

I can't continue being a carer for my uncle, I can't continue staying here or around people that make me feel lonely at times, me and this sibling can get along, and I do believe she truly does see my side when it comes to my burn out, but the way she sometimes speaks about back then, how I didn't really clean the home much, my being untidy at times, I already told her WHY it happened to me,

**I can't continue it all AND build my own life, finish my education, I CAN'T manage it all I really can't** !!

**And most of all I tried a LOT, there were times I was doing it all by myself and nobody noticed or seemed to care how stressed I was or how hard that was** and I get it sometimes people dont notice but that's why all of this angers me so much now.

I was also having to look after two pets and I remember when one was unwell, I couldn't get any sleep because I had to keep an eye on him else he could have actually died, I asked this sibling if she could watch the pet ONCE or for a night and she said no, which is fine, but that made me rly realise/feel how people didn't truly see how much I was carrying and how stressful it was .

It was damn obvious but I'm clearly viewed as dramatic by my family and I get it I don't deal with stress well (I can become stressed easily but that's usually if I'm dealing with too much , so I can pack patience, become irritable etc) But I still feel I deserved better treatment than all of that.

In my life, I struggle to say no to people, yet this sibling has called me "selfish" at times which also infuriates me.

Also, because I know she would only get mad at me at times because SHE didn't want to do said things but she wanted ME to do it and because I didn't, she would "have" to so she'd get mad at me, **this was about looking after our siblings kids whenever they'd ask, I was learning to say NO after years of being USED with no true appreciation and I was so so SO drained so I literally had to say no for my own sanity**

This causes me resentment too.

And, because she is being all resentful at me, its making me stop giving her so much grace, I'm now starting to remember the times I was so forgiving and kind to her and let things slide, the same kind of things she now brings up despite me already explaining what happened, and I already apologised for.

**She is resentful at me because I can be a bit snappy, how sometimes I was messy, although I am being better now and I only became that way because I was overwhelmed with carrying ALL the mess myself**

I understand, but sometimes, I also feel like "of course id become like this??!?!!" genuinely, I sometimes feel like a single mother.

I look in the mirror, at 20 years old I realised I lost myself because of all the stress I had here, later on I realised I HAVE to leave, I'm now 21 and I agreed months ago when I was 20 that I'd stay to help with the uncle but I am betraying myself at the same time.. It also crushes my soul how alone I feel due to all this.

In the end, I feel like my burn out and behaviours CAUSED by it was sort of inevitable, almost anyone put into the situations that I was would have responded the same. I can and could see how the life I had was negatively affecting me, how it was making me behave in ways that were negative and not ME, and I tried to fix it but the truth is I don't think I can be a happy, calm person here, BEING EXPECTED to be calm, happy, while dealing with this is making me resentful.

I almost feel like a wife who is carrying the world and her husband is mad because she's becoming resentful and bitter and not happy and cheerful anymore.

I'm almost constantly drained, oh and, whenever an inconvenience happens in the family, they come to me or my sibling for childcare and often times I'm the one that agrees because my sister doesn't want to do it and I'm being kind but why am I letting myself down so much?

It's just time I truly choose myself, I understand it is normal for my sister to have some resentment, especially about the times I could be a bit grumpy (I wouldn't say mean things but my tone of voice could be a bit rude, this only started happening in my pov, the last 2 years a few times (which makes sense because that's when I started having ENOUGH) but my sister claims I did it more , yet I remember being normal and being ACCUSED of being rude when actually SHE was rude to me)

Also, I can't talk to her about that, the times a few years ago when she kept speaking rudely to me, she has blamed it all on me, either I was rude to her first (had another sibling do this to me too🙄) OR its because she was mad at me because she felt I wasn't trying with housework (I could have said the same about her, but I saw how she did try at times, how come she can't do the same for me?)

I just feel done, being around this has ruined my mental health, I have this big feeling that "I'm the problem" even if I have PROOF that I'm not the overall problem , it's like I can't trust my own perception anymore, and it's seriously taking a toll on me because sometimes I literally feel crazy because of it.

I am done with all of this, I have already given up on trying to truly heal things with this sibling because of how they make it into a debate as if it's a competition or something, or how they speak to me in a down tone as if I'm wrong or dumb.

I will continue talking to her because we can get along but unfortunately I have to live with this.

Does anyone here have any similar experience? How did you feel?

How did you overcome it?

I have had to learn MANY times to just validate my self, be there for myself and try not to care about being wrongly viewed and judged but it IS hard, SO damn hard sometimes.

Edit

I plan to cut contact with most of my siblings because they can be toxic but in a way where they won't admit or try to hear me out.. + some racist views that I don't want to be around, I feel empty around them sometimes due to how different I am from them and how I know they don't truly appreciate my existence & mostly want to use me for convenience.

But the one I made this post about, no, because we have always been close otherwise, and I think we can overcome this with time but right now I can't deal with it all, I don't want to try to speak up more of my side because they literally DO shut me down because of how strong they are of their views.

Edit The complicated thing is, of course my sister also felt how I felt and feel, I already knew that, but I don't think it's nice how she has acted as if she suffered more, or tried more yada yada when I did too and I could even say there were times I probably tried more? I just didn't tell anyone, I'd literally just make a plan and get things done myself I didn't ask for help or tell amyone usually. I do truly understand her feelings and side but I'm bitter because my side isnt being truly seen too.

Does anyone do this anymore? I only rly see people contouring their face with self tan not actually tanning the whole face.

Thanks!

SO basically I am 21 and I have to be a carer at times for my mother too, I feel like she does not try to make it less hard for me, nor really appreciate me or how big of a deal this is, when she was my age she was free and could do anything without having to worry about her parents or if they'll be okay or tag them along with her all the time.

I also live with a sibling who I feel at times doesn't truly see me and it causes resentment. + If I speak up about my true side and feelings she can be very debate'y (she's not bad, just very strong in her views) but it causes me to just have to shut down and feel very alone and misunderstood which later causes resentment.

I remember once I was trying to make her understand a situation between me and our other sibling because I was being put as crazy when I wasn't I had valid reasons for feeling a little upset and uncomfortable by this sibling (they were potentially gaslighting me and just treating me worse than the others, being very hyper critical of me too commenting on any minor mistake)

She did not want to hear me, and only made me feel worse. She told me there is something wrong with me and that I need help and therapy. Just very dismissive but the hard part is that she genuinely believed that but if she just took a moment to actually try to hear me instead of debating me / talking over me, she would have got me.

Now I have a lot of resentment towards her at times, I have mentally detached from that other sibling too because I know it'll all happen again and there were signs they were actually gaslighting me and using me later on.

Also, we often get burnt out, me and the sibling I live with, this causes us both to slack on housework

Sometimes, I carried most of it and sometimes her.

There was a time where I kept doing so much myself along with having to take care of two dogs, I was severely burnt out, nobody seemed to care and this causes me resentment, it especially causes me resentment when this sister speaks as if I didn't rly try/help her when I felt the exact same at times but I don't rly speak up about that (**because she can become very debate'y or get mad and argue, she will make me feel like I'm wrong in the end which can happen a lot & it's rly not nice so I avoid speaking about my feelings/side sometimes as it feels pointless)

I saw it as we both could relate to this story, and in theory she does too and has said it, but at times she acts as if she had to suffer more and I didn't try enough when I did but got so drained many times that I literally could not continue with housework and gave up at times.

It's okay if this causes her resentment that's normal, but it also irritates me because I was trying and I feel nobody sees how much just because I gave up at times.

Anyway,

On to the next part, I can't just move out and travel if I wanted to, I can't live across the globe, **because I have to think about my mother** we both care for her but my sister is very .. not demanding but she talks rly enthusiastically about how I should stay here etc and I can tell if I ever do decide to leave she won't like that, she may also not always be available to care for our mother because she is in a long distance relationship so sometimes will be all the way in another country, **but I don't want to give up my youth and whole life to be stuck here when I'm unhappy most of the time or with that fate**

I know I'll probably be told I am selfish if I just leave (which wouldnt be until a few years) or she'd have a very strong opinion that I shouldn't, but I genuinely feel I lost myself here at times.

Sometimes I'm fine, but my mother can be a lot and uses weaoponised incompetence when she can do or learn how to do something, but because I'm here she puts it on me a lot. I've talked about my feelings but she doesn't work on that.

So ultimately I end up very very drained.!

I can't even focus on school and havent been able to for years because I've just been extremely depressed and burnt out, I got better at times but it's hard to not get drained or depressed when in this environment :(

My own life has been neglected and I don't feel like I can truly thrive or study if I'm here .

But I HAVE to get my education, for me it's a must, and I refuse to stay here if it means I'll be miserable, drained and broke all the time.

Has anyone been in a similar situation??? What happened next?

It's not even that I'm caring about opinions, I just feel bad to leave and let them down, me and my sister would feel bad to have our parent in a care home, and my sister would want me to care for our mother if she's not available to, she could also end up getting mad at me, but I'm at that stage where I don't care anymore about what people feel about my life decisions because I want to live for ME.

if I continue the way I have, I will waste my whole 20's and feel lost especially at 30, I'll regret it, so I'm trying to balance living for me and also being considerate but to be "considerate" often means letting my own self and life down.

I love them but I refuse to do it. 🤷🏼 (Let myself down) So I am going to most likely end up leaving in the future, I am going to be more "selfish" **I have had so much pain and stress already and I'm still so young**

I want my life to feel like my OWN. I will still help care for my parent but I don't think I'll decide to do it forever (which was my old plan) because I realised it'll only get harder and she isn't making it easier on me and I feel unappreciated a lot, **I will end up angry and resentful and then I'LL be the "bad one"** Why do it to myself for what ? I don't even get full appreciation from my mother and I just feel it's so wrong to let myself down .

What are some thing/s that made you believe in the existence of something more ?

I am too drained to name my experiences right now, but I've had many and yet I still doubt sometimes.

I am asking this post because I'm 21 and starting adult hood and I am scared and drained, I have some documents I must do that is stressing me out because it turns out I need to order another one to complete it which if not done soon could cause them all to basically be too late.

I just want to know that I'm not alone, I want to know there really is something more, I want to know I have support, and I just find comfort and intrigue in things related to spirits existing.