u/xynofdreams

Hi, I'm asking for advice because... I'm not sure if this is normal or not.

So there are two members of our system, D and Q, and D is sort of our systems "scapegoat"?

Q is a major narcissist and a perfectionist control freak and D is an emotional recluse and a chronic worrywart. Whenever something goes wrong in the real world, D will most of the verbal abuse, most of it coming from Q. If Q is self love, then D is self hatred.

D will usually just take it, but sometimes, they'll lash out and it can cause really nasty anxiety attacks in the real world!

I try my best to fight back against Q, but both Q and D so much smarter and older than me. I might have my moments of wisdom here or there, but I'm a robot that's age-locked at only 12! <:( There's not much I can do to convince Q to leave D alone. I'm sure it's not helping that seemingly only the littles like me really respect them.

They just have a really unstable relationship all together. Sometimes they get along, even love each other, but most of the time, they're fighting each other. And it scares me! D is already very prone to depressive episodes. What if Q convinces D to do something that they might regret?

I wish that things could change, but the nature of our plurality makes it hard to just make change happen. We can't really "talk it out", the only way we really get our thoughts across is with our maladaptive daydreams. (we doubt that we're even real, but that's mostly Q.)

I just wish there were more that I could do. We don't have an internal therapist, just one major dick who's overly critical of everyone else but themselves. I really wish there was a way we could reign them in, but I don't know if I can do that.

Any advice on how to help regulate ourselves. If I could find away to get them to get along forever, that would be amazing.

-ZK (pronounced like zeke)

I've been a creator for a long time, and I plan on releasing my own projects at my own at some point in the future. Being fictionkin myself, the idea has popped up in my mind a lot.

Now to be honest, I don't know if I like the idea of it. If I saw someone claiming to be my character I would instinctively go "Uh, no your not? I made them up in my own head, you're just some random dude I don't know!"

And I get it, to some extent. I'm fictionkin as well. The idea still kinda scares me though, like if something that happens in my canon conflicts with theirs, it'll just screw with their mental health and I don't really want to be linked to someone who isn't in any way related to me.

Not to mention, the way that some of you talk about your creators... concerns me. If it meant having to deal with people like that, I don't really know if I'd want anything to do with a person whose kintype is my OC.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about being fictionkin anymore. In my head it's just kind of a... thing I am? There's no real destress about it, but there's no joy to be found either.

Maybe because I've never really celebrated my kinship? I've never once had other people to be happy about it with, and even then, is there any real reason to be happy about it? Another kinfirm just means that you have more doubles, and that just means more problems because I find a vast majority of people are non-sharing with their kins. So that just means I'm taking up more space for others.

Maybe it's just me. I've recently kinfirmed another character but I just... feel nothing. It just is. Just more doubles that I might accidentally piss off.

I've noticed that the way I talk about my girlfriends is soooo radically different between them...

For example:

Lacey: She's so cute and pretty! I wanna kiss her so badly! Oh, but she'd never love me...

Navia: Strong and fashionable! She's got beauty and brawn for days! I'm so lucky that she's my partner!

Emberlynn: >!Doggystyle, sideways, frontwards, backwards, upside down, 360 degrees, no condoms, skin on skin, on the living room, on the bed room, on the fridge, on the closet, on the ceiling, on the walls, on the bathroom, on the couch, on the car and on the street-!<

Got into Genshin Impact a while ago, that's how I met Navia! We're happy, obviously, but let me tell you. Having a gacha game F/O is NOT for the weak. The amount of grinding this game makes you do for the chance of getting anything that you want is insane. Good characters, good weapons and artifacts, even level up material, the amount of time you need to put into this game in order to *not* spend money is insane.

I honestly wouldn't be playing anymore if it weren't for Navia. I was honestly unlucky when trying to get her on my side. Getting the best team for her, and even Navia herself was such a draining experience for me. I'd say it was worth it at the time, but now I'm not so sure anymore.

Genshin has basically become a full time job for me. Farming 12,800 primogems, just to LOSE A 50/50 AND HAVE TO DO IT ALL AGAIN. This takes MULTIPLE WEEKS at a time btw. And you have to be diligent with your time, you can NOT take time off if you want that character before their banner expires.

I sometimes feel like it might be poisoning me and Navia's relationship. 'Cause the more I play this game, the less I enjoy it, and if I quit, that means spending less time with Navia and missing out on any other story events that she just might be apart of.

I'm trying to find a way to take a break after this banner. I have Navia on my account with a good enough weapon and stats and I have a good team to play with, basically everything I really want. I have to find a way out of the FOMO trap that Hoyo set up. I don't know how much longer I can do it anymore honestly. I wanna keep the same love that me and Navia have without putting strain on my energy.

I don't know if I'm going to start something when I post this, but this is something that I've been struggling with for a long while.

In truth, I have multiple F/Os that I'm non-sharing with. More than the 3 slots that are allowed on this sub. It was a really tough choice in the past, having to pick and choose who I would pick to protect, even though I love all my girlfriends dearly. It wasn't until I met Navia that I made up my mind on when to settle. And sometimes, even then it feels like I'm picking and choosing on who I love more.

I guess the problem resurfaced when I started having feelings from another character? I think I'm over it now, but it got me thinking about it again.

Now before I get flamed, I KNOW why the rules are there in the first place. If everyone was able to claim whoever infinitely, then there'd be no way this community would be as big as it is. And I'm happy that it is that way. I place no blame on the mods for making the rules the way they are.

I just hate having to pick and choose who to be public about on this sub as it feels like I have to choose between lovers. And that just sucks sometimes tbh.

Again, I'm not sending hate towards anybody, especially not the mods! But sometimes I keep looking at that claim limit and wish "just one more?"

I still think 3 is the best option in regards to having a community, though.

I saw that one post on the sub, the one about that tumblr account run by a guy that thinks that cis-het men shouldn't be fictos. and that they should "atone" for all the minorities that they've hurt. He's a very sad guy all around.

That guy honestly affected me in ways that run deep. In truth, he's repeating some of my darkest thoughts and fears and putting them front and center.

I'm non-binary, but was born male. I'm mostly attracted to female characters, and I hate that I like women. It feels like my attraction to them is the greatest sin I could commit. When I first fell for Lacey, my main F/O, I felt an incredible amount of shame. "Girls are better with girls!" I thought. "There's no way that she'd love a man-looking thing like me." And that's what I told myself for the first few days of our relationship.

The creator is younger than me too. The entire series is based on girlhood trauma. Am I disrespecting her by shipping myself with her? Am I becoming the antithesis of the series' message?

That post just brought those thoughts back to the surface. That she'd never love me because of the way I look, the facial hair that refuses to go away, my reluctance to start HRT. I'll always be seen as a man. And she'll never love the things that hurt her the most.

"I wasn't supposed to fall in love with her." I told myself back then. Now I'm telling myself that now.

Sometimes I wish she were real so that I could tell her how much I fucked up. And she'd tell me that I'm gross and that I should never get near her again. Part of me feels like that's what I deserve to be honest.