u/yashila07

Yes and no are both a part of life.

People often say we should learn to say "no." Others say we should say "yes" to life. I don't think it's that simple.

Sometimes the problem isn't saying yes. It's forgetting whether that yes was ever really ours.

When I got married, I was expected to quit my well-paying job and stay home. After a lot of persuasion from my in-laws, I agreed. At the time, I convinced myself it was the right thing to do.

Then came what many would call a dream life - good restaurants, shopping malls, weekend resorts. Everything looked perfect from the outside.

But I slowly realised something was missing.

I wasn't choosing that life. I was simply living the life that had been chosen for me.

It felt like a very comfortable form of slavery. Not because I was overworked, but because I was slowly losing the ability to make my own choices.

A few months later, I was expected to have a child. I was never against becoming a mother. I wasn't even trying to delay it. But when every conversation becomes a reminder, every family gathering becomes a question, and every month felt like an expectation, it started to suffocate me.

My daughter was born three years after our marriage, and I wouldn't change that for anything. She is one of the greatest blessings of my life.

But those three years changed me in another way.

They made me question every "yes" I had said.

Would life have been different if I had continued working? Maybe.

The bigger question is this: when did I stop making my own decisions?

Looking back, I don't think giving up my salary was the biggest sacrifice. Giving up my independence was.

Whether a woman works after marriage or chooses to stay home isn't the real issue. Both are beautiful choices if, and only if - it's truly her choice.

The day you stop choosing for yourself, even a comfortable life can begin to feel like a prison.

"If your happiness, your choices, and your life are determined by someone else, you are a slave - no matter how comfortable your prison is."

Yes and no are both a part of life.

People often say we should learn to say "no." Others say we should say "yes" to life. I don't think it's that simple.

Sometimes the problem isn't saying yes. It's forgetting whether that yes was ever really ours.

When I got married, I was expected to quit my well-paying job and stay home. After a lot of persuasion from my in-laws, I agreed. At the time, I convinced myself it was the right thing to do.

Then came what many would call a dream life - good restaurants, shopping malls, weekend resorts. Everything looked perfect from the outside.

But I slowly realised something was missing.

I wasn't choosing that life. I was simply living the life that had been chosen for me.

It felt like a very comfortable form of slavery. Not because I was overworked, but because I was slowly losing the ability to make my own choices.

A few months later, I was expected to have a child. I was never against becoming a mother. I wasn't even trying to delay it. But when every conversation becomes a reminder, every family gathering becomes a question, and every month felt like an expectation, it started to suffocate me.

My daughter was born three years after our marriage, and I wouldn't change that for anything. She is one of the greatest blessings of my life.

But those three years changed me in another way.

They made me question every "yes" I had said.

Would life have been different if I had continued working? Maybe.

The bigger question is this: when did I stop making my own decisions?

Looking back, I don't think giving up my salary was the biggest sacrifice. Giving up my independence was.

Whether a woman works after marriage or chooses to stay home isn't the real issue. Both are beautiful choices if, and only if - it's truly her choice.

The day you stop choosing for yourself, even a comfortable life can begin to feel like a prison.

"If your happiness, your choices, and your life are determined by someone else, you are a slave - no matter how comfortable your prison is."

When you lose someone dear to you, is it an unexpected or unforeseen!

Thats a question I have been looking forward to ask or may be answer! Not too sure.

Recebtly i lost my mother, although I idealised her but she was quite a dynamic person, full of life and loud.

Loud to such an extent, that she would not hear the other person's agony, agony that could have instigated because of her.

Still she lived a very joyful and happy life.

Her presence was very strong, so strong that her absence makes most of sad.

But the question, I often ask those who keep mourning over the demise of their loved ones.

Are we not born with the certainty of suffering the pain of losing our parents.

The day we take our first breathe in this world, this pain of losing our parents becomes a living reality, the only question is that if the time. How sooner or later we will be subjected to it.

Unless we choose to go against the law of nature of leaving before our parents.

Hope this gives someone the strength to overcome the pain that I went through.

"The natural order of life involves parents passing away before their children. If somebody dear to you passes away, it's your choice that you make them the source of misery in your life, or you make them the source of joy. If you value that life, you must cherish them for what beautiful things they were, what they brought to your life.”

I have noticed that many a times when we do things that are against the socially accepted norms, the entire world seems to turn against you. Everyone, no matter how significant or insignificant the life is to you, wants to tell you what to do.

​

But if you are determined in what you want to do, and do not get succumbed to the pressure, you succeed. And then those who were opposing you and were trying to deter you from the process, would come and encourage you.

​

Most of the times we dont even succumb the pressure, we just take peer pressure and jump on the bandwagon.

​

So the secret to this is, never given in and just do what you really want to do and make it happen.

Most of us take decisions where the centre point is anything but one's mental peace. However, when I give priority to my mental peace. Most of the times everyone feels I do things to stand out different from the rest of the world.

​

However, how I feel within myself should be determined by me and not by anybody else. If this doesn't happen, if i get affected by the outside situation and feel miserable just because some people feels what I'm doing is to garner attention and feel miserabke, that means my Sadhana is not working for me.

​

Although sometimes I don't get much affected by external situation, and can hold back my reaction to respond consciously. However, this, at times haunts me as much as for weeks or months together.

​

My Sadhana, in fact, empowers me take decisions that may appear erratic to most and in turn I may look like eccentric, but that keeps me sane even when the whole world turns against me. Most of us actually don't really understand the value of what it is to have peace of mind. Most of us wants to fit-in and wants to seek validations from outside even if it comes at the cost of their mental peace.

​

I simply can't relate to this. And many people around find this intimidating and end up getting defensive and say / do things that they may regret later. But I know for sure that my Sadhana is worthwhile and i must keep investing myself into it.

When I was growing up, I was told to follow certain rules even before i got out of the bed. To list a few -

1. Rubbing my hands and placing them on eyes before leaving the bed.

2. Taking only as much food as I can eat and not wasting it.

3. Eating chocolate/junk (chocolate was the only junk available then) in moderation.

4. Saying thank you to the divine after finishing a meal for providing us with food.

5. Not to talk while eating.

All these were treated as tools to live better.

Nowadays, however, I don't find anyone sharing these wisdom - based practices with the current generation.

In fact, when I try to share these thoughts with my child, people around me question my parenting skills. They often say, 'For how long can you control your child? Eventually she will go her own way'

Rather these wisdom-based practices are often looked down upon, and those who follow them are considered losers.

Is this true, share your thoughts.

Do you always take a command the way it is, or have you tried questioning why!

Often, we are expected to follow instructions without questioning and we never think differently. Not always out of conviction or respect but out of simplifying our life and avoiding conflict.

I grew up in fairly traditional setup, where good kids don't question they just obey.

I was'nt a rebellious kind and would not ask questions, but I did not even obey blindly, whenever any command would disrupt my peace, I would act dumb.

I had a couple of friends and amongst them was Rinku, fairly a rebel, mischievous and stubborn. Who would never obey any instruction, also was a bit destructive. My mother quiet, didn't like her being my friend and instructed me to not to play with her. We got along well, and I somehow was impressed the way she would deny following command.

I once tried to imitate her behavior, and that was a nightmare for my mother. She sternly instructed, "never talk to her or play with her". Although I was expecting this but I did not know how to keep my friend away.

One afternoon, the intercom rang, it was Rinku, asking me to come over and play. I denied. A little later, the doorbell rang. My mother was sleeping in her room. My elder brother peeped through the keyhole, it was Rinku standing outside. Bhaiya, generally, wouldn't open the door for my friends, instead he would call me. He told me that Rinku has come over and reminded me, 'don't entertain her for too long, mommy doesn't like when you play with her." He added." I opened the door and told her, "my mother doesn't like when I play with you, please go away."

Rinku, being Rinku, tried to walkin anyway. She forced herself with all her might to enter the door.

And said, "aye mujhe ander aane de na (please let me in). " I pushed her away and literally throw her out of our house and sbut the door. At first, she banged at the door and screamed, "let me in". I shouted back, "chali ja" (just go away). Listening to this, my brother, who was in the adjacent room, came out running. In the meantime, Rinku who couldn't bare the insult, started crying out aloud, " ab main tumse kabhi baat nayi karungi" (I'll never talk to you again ".) and went back to her house.

My brother stood shocked and dismayed, he couldn't believe that I could be this rude to my friend.

He tried to explain me, "when we say don't play with her does not mean that you push her and throw her out of the house." He added, "you could have told her, mommy is sleeping she may get disturbed.". I said, "oh ok", as if I didn't understand a thing. I said, " I thought I was supposed to be obedient." I added, "I obeyed it perfectly".

My brother said, "did you, you messed up totally." I innocently asked, "How?" At this point he gave up.

And smiled to myself, "my plan worked."

Looking back, that was my first lesson in something, I understood much later.

“The sign of intelligence is that you are constantly wondering. Idiots are always dead sure about every damn thing they are doing in their life.”

After that day, my family became very careful with how they worded instructions around me.

A relative of mine has a young daughter, around the same age as mine. They have a wide social circle - people from different cultures, backgrounds, and ideologies.

However, I tend to think if such an environment is perfect for the growing child!

Most of the children are in a haste of growing up quickly and indulgence is one naive indicator of grown-ups.

Because giving into temptations can be seen as act of courage and audacity. However, if we wish that the child must realise his full potential, giving in to the temptations doesn't really work well, instead resisting it does.

But when everyone around is in sync with the similar goals, standing out and restraining, leads to be non-conformist.

What I have noticed is, that many a times parents encourage indulgence over restraint not because they have a conviction but just to avoid conflict.

But I find it questionable -

But when we come across someone who is not ready to give in and chooses discipline, we often feel insecure.

However, this certainly does not mean that kids must be grown in isolation, but the indulgence should be self invoked and not out of peer pressure.

But how do we access what is self-induced choice or where is the pressure taking control of our choices!

If you want to have deep insights into life, other people's opinion of you should not mean anything to you.

TL;DR - Should we give in to the indulgence to fit-in sue to FOMO.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.

A relative of mine has a young daughter, around the same age as mine. Like many of us in metro cities, they have a wide social circle - people from different cultures, backgrounds, and ideologies. Most of them are working professionals, doing well, raising kids in similar environments.

On the surface, it all looks great. Exposure, diversity, opportunities.

But I’ve started noticing something beneath that.

When children grow up in these circles, they’re not just influenced by their parents - they’re constantly shaped by their peers and the lifestyle around them. And naturally, with more exposure comes more temptation.

That’s where it gets tricky.

Because helping children grow into their full potential doesn’t just happen on its own. It needs a certain level of discipline - boundaries, consistency, and sometimes the ability to say *no*, even when it’s uncomfortable.

But when everyone around you is more relaxed or indulgent, holding that line can feel isolating.

I’ve noticed that many parents don’t necessarily agree with everything around them - but still go along with it. Not out of conviction, but to avoid friction, to not make their child feel “left out,” or simply to fit into the social fabric.

And I get it. No one wants their child - or themselves - to feel excluded.

But it raises a question I can’t shake off:

Are we making these choices because we truly believe in them, or because it’s easier than standing apart?

Because over time, these small adjustments don’t stay small. They slowly redefine what feels “normal.”

And when someone does choose differently, it often feels uncomfortable - not just for others, but even for ourselves.

I’m not saying the answer is to isolate or control everything. Kids need exposure to the real world.

But where do we draw the line between healthy exposure and quiet compromise?

How do you balance belonging with staying true to what you believe is right for your child?

Curious to hear how others think about this.

If you want to have deep insights into life, other people's opinion of you should not mean anything to you. - SG

Life is full of beautiful happenings, to enjoy it to the core, we must be silent to listen to the music of life, the music of the natue, the music of the Divine!!

Silence has its own rhythm, if we are in sync with this rhythm, life becomes effortlessly beautiful.

On the International Dance Day 29th April, let's celebrate- life the way it is, the beauty of the sound through which most living being communicate.

The less we use words, the more we listen to the music of the aliveness! The music that keeps us going through thick and thin of life.

Let's Dance to the tunes of Mother Nature and nurture all life around us without discrimination!