r/AutisticPeeps

First of all, IQ tests measure all kinds of different things, but they are blown out of proportion as predictive metrics because they don't and can't account for the infinitude of formative engagements over the course of a lifetime. They are great for identifying people who are gifted in areas that require processing and reasoning and working memory and so on. It's super awesome if your brain is an exceptionally powerful thing that can process and manage a lot of information in a way that makes it easy for you to pick things up and work things out and so on. But IQ is overly identified by society as a personal value signifier. In the end, we are what we do. Who we are and what we're capable of is defined by how we interact with the molecules and atoms that surround us. Remember why we're all here. This is a community designed around supporting one another because our disorder is one that has caused and will always cause us to struggle to manage things to the degree that the ability to reach our full potentials is impaired. The last thing that should happen here is for folks to feel like that potential is defined relative to somebody else's number.

My ex is constantly bringing up her alleged IQ in random conversations about unrelated topics. We’re both doing medical school. One of the first conversations we had (as total strangers) was about her IQ. I remember saying that I struggled as a child due to my autism and she immediately said that she struggled too but due to her giftedness. Fast forward a couple of months and she self-diagnosed autism + ADHD. She mirrored my behavior and it looked fake as hell. 

In each conversation she just has to mention she has a very high IQ of 138. To this day almost everyone in our generation knows her IQ. I’m not denying giftedness exists and it has its own set of challenges. I myself have been identified as gifted with an IQ of 145. It’s the way she says it. Kind of like she’s a better person for being intellectually gifted. When we dated she even admitted she thinks she’s superior to others that don’t have her cognitive abilities. 

I’ve never seen the actual papers and I thought it rude at the moment to ask about it but I highly doubt her giftedness. She intensely lied about having autism and ADHD so why would her giftedness be true?

It just rubs me the wrong way. I feel like she definitely has something going on, it’s not autism or ADHD though. And it’s probably not giftedness either.

I work part time at a job that I really enjoy. I've always had a consistent schedule, working the same three days every week because those are the days I'm needed and because my supervisor is great. We recently got a newer higher up manager who is very by the book. Technically my position is supposed to be scheduled as needed for business needs. It's always been a weird gray area thing. These are the days I'm needed but not always and I'm not supposed to be scheduled like that consistently and in advance. It's been 2 years and no one has every said anything. However, new manager coming in has started making comments and might make an executive decision that my scheduling is not okay anymore.

Would asking for an accomodation to have a consistent schedule based on having autism and having a really hard time with inconsistent schedules and unplanned changes be reasonable?

Important note: I am not in retail or any other fast paced quickly changing job that requires schedule flexibility. I work in a lab like setting where everything is pretty routine and scheduling needs are easily planned for, the rule is more for other areas of the place I work where things are more volatile and part time employees are just kind of there in an as needed basis.

It's almost like a physical struggle to get the words out, and even more so as I'm fighting my tears over how frustrating it is. I hate it so much.

I have been thinking about my difficulty with words. I have had words coming out wrong or not at all and it drives me so crazy. I've always been better at writing than speaking out loud, but it seems to be even worse lately.
Like at this Juneteenth celebration my church did, I was wearing a tank top, and in the evening it got cold. There were two issues. One, I had a sweater in my car, actually, but I was too anxious to get up and get it. It was like I was frozen in my seat. Which is not a speaking problem but something I can't seem to fix either. Then, one of the families asked if I wanted a blanket. I wanted to say yes, but before I could think, a “no” came out. Like I don’t want to be a bother, even though they weren’t using the blanket and logically it wouldn’t be an issue. And the thing is, not being able to get words out is a big part of the problem, because my mouth won’t let me later correct myself and say I actually do want the blanket. 
Then another day I met with a couple of people to talk about the book we’re reading. I had pre-written some things during the journaling time so that I had some words to work with, because I knew it would be a struggle, but when I got there I just felt very frozen and awkward. They tried to ask me if I had any thoughts, because I also struggle with inserting my voice in group conversations, but I couldn’t get the words I had written down to come out of my mouth. And the thing was, I knew the solution, which was to text what I had written to them, but I couldn’t get myself to suggest that. Luckily, one of my friends suggested it, and I was able to say yes to it and it was fine, but I feel like this is why I struggle to make friends. Most people think I just don’t have anything to say, but I have so much to say; I just can’t get it to come out of my mouth, and it’s so frustrating. And I can’t even always say that I want to send it via text or some kind of writing, so I can’t always get the accommodations I need. 

So here's the deal. Ever since I got my autism diagnosis (and a bit before that) I felt estranged of my friends. The differences keep getting bigger and I feel more lonely when I am with them.

I don't know how to connect anymore... because I am tired of the mask. And also noticing how hard I'm working (and they're not). I feel lonely and sad :(

How do you navigate this???

(please don't give me advice like ''did you tell them this'' because yes, and no they still don't understand me, which is the reason of this post.)

Hi! I’m Jordan, 23F, and I live in Ohio! I struggle to connect with people, but I have been super lonely lately. I’d love to have some friends who maybe share one or more of my passions!

I love Jesus, Star Wars, languages (I speak French and am learning ASL), singing, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, ballet, animals/dogs (I have a mini poodle).

If you’d like to be friends please let me know!

I know this isn't an autism exclusive issue and not all autistic people are bothered by it but for me this is an autism issue (or at least amplify by it). Apologies for the doomer sounding post but I'm sure other people here will relate.

I live with my family and the only way I could potentially move out one day is if cost of living was cheaper and I had a partner. But the thing is I don't think I even want a partner as I don't think I could cope living with anyone in my space at all. And if I had one it would be hard to keep up with/manage if I was even able to find someone and hard to be in a relationship while I'm at home since my family are unsupportive of me being a lesbian (unless they have changed how they view it and maybe could respect it at least and say nothing but not taking my chances). The feeling of living somewhere and constantly hearing others walking around the house and past my room, hearing others watch tv, use the kitchen, literally anything (small house and it's elevated on wood floorings so you can hear everything), people coming to talk to me, others being in rooms I want to use, feeling like someone released bugs and worms under my skin and I want to rip it off and tear out my hair.

Having other people watch me or comment on what I'm doing, or try talk to me while I am attempting to do something drives me nuts because having to switch my attention between all of those just feels horrible and unbearable and makes me lose momentum on tasks.

I can't really go out as I don't really have much in the friend department (I have one but he lives over an hour from me and it's not super enjoyable seeing him anyway) and it's extremely exhausting and taxing and there isn't a lot to do where I live. I feel like if I lived on my own I'd feel happy and would maybe actually persue a hobby, being in my room all the time drives me crazy and it's overwhelming in here because of how much I own but honestly I can not bring myself to get rid of anything...

I can't even use my headphones in the house if others are awake because as soon as I do that someone always wants something from me and I get so startled easily while wearing them it sometimes just worsens the problems or adds to them. Everyone who lives here is always home most of the time, my dad is finally starting to work one day a week not at home, my mum is permanently at home until recovered from surgery and then will work a few days a week, and my brother is always home doing online study for uni or other stuff. Nobody ever really goes out and does things. I feel miserable.

This is a weird situation that has me freaked beyond belief. I don't have much in life. If I lose my ebt then I lose my livelihood since culinary stuff is the only interest that the anhedonia hasn't swallowed. I'll try to make this as succint as possible. Looking for people who can help someone living in California on ebt BenefitsCal. My interview was on June 25th and I am terrified things have gone wrong.

My situation:

● I don't really have an official home. I go between living at my friend J's house and my gf's house.

● I go between because my friend J is diagnosed as severe ADHD, autism, and ARFID. He qualifies for disabilities but is too disabled to jump through the hoops on his own. He's waiting for appointments to possibly get the process started. I help out around the house and be sure he's eating.

● At my gf's, I do what I believe would qualify as "in-kind work". That includes daily cleaning, cooking, miscellaneous errands. We did the math and it does rack up to over 20hrs a week easily.

●My therapist says she believes I qualify for disabilities and I do have some pretty debilitating agoraphobia, along with difficulties getting jobs. She said she could try to write a note if needed explaining what I'm dealing with and the job hardships.

■ During the interview:

● The caseworker called in advanced, about an hour before the interview was scheduled and asked me to fill out my SARS 7 form that should have been mailed to me. The physical form was at J's house and I am awhile aways so was not able to get to it. Nobody told me it was there though I asker. She asked I do it online while she conducts a different interview. She says it'll be about an hour so to "hurry".

● I already have panic attacks during any interview in general and the aspect of limited time and having to hurry had me freaking the hell out.

● As said, this interview means the world to me. I feel like I'm scrambling at straws, desperate to find any way to keep my benefits. I end up clicking all the boxes; □one that I can't work due to mental/physical health, □I take care of someone who is disabled, and □I do in-kind work for now. The idea was to show them how hard I was trying given my situation. I wanted to show them my worth and how much I needed these stamps.

● I realize what I had done was so stupid. The case worker did warn that the auditor who has the final say won't know my situation and will only see the papers. I felt like such an idiot, of course they don't have time to hear everyone out or understand unique situations.

● She informed me my answers were ultimatelty contradictory and I had to do something about it. I cannot edit my answers online but have to write a written note. I don't know how to even go about this without format or template or any guidance at all..

● She explained I also have to ask my gf to write a written statement detailing the in-kind work I provide.

● I asked her isn't that the "MC 210 form" the one to fill in for in-kind work and she says that is not the right form. What I can find online, it's called the "MC 210 S-I" form, *not* the Medi-cal form with a similar name. It would be *so* incredibly helpful to have a format to fill out this info. If we really have to write it all down free hand, how would we go about that?

I apologize for the lack of info. The interview was long, arduous, confusing, frustrating, with constant repetitive loops of no answers to my questions. The case worker was old, hard to understand, even said herself she hasn't really been trained much on the new trump policy. I'm not kidding. I also can't make any helpful phone calls as the robots send you through a loop of menu options and/or will hang up on you. I had to take a week to calm my explosive nerves on this but need to focus now but I'm freaking out again. Can't afford to put it off.

If anyone can help, I'd be forever grateful.

Please.

I have ASD Level 1, so I'm relatively low support needs. That said, the combo of my autism and ADHD results in a lot of executive dysfunction. I'm able to take care of myself and do household tasks, but it's like living life on hard mode. It's like I was born with way less common sense than your average person. And my mind drifts halfway through a task. Constant mistakes: doing laundry, but overloading the machine so it breaks. Doing dishes, but ripping my gloves with a fork prong. Sweeping, but struggling to hold the broom properly and doing a terrible job. Making a birthday cake and ruining it with an embarrassingly messy attempt at decoration. I can drive, but it's so overwhelming that I'm wiped out for days afterward, with stress through the roof. My spouse is a huge, huge support, but I'm so hard on myself for all my little failures. It feels like I'm less of an adult than my peers. Wondering if anyone can relate, and has tips for being easier on oneself-- or even just tips on workarounds to make tasks easier

I've seen that he talks about having Asperger Syndrome, but I've also seen people saying he was self diagnosed. To me he seems like someone putting on a show to seem like a quirky genius, but I might be wrong bc I don't have autism.

Or vice versa where you talk to people and they would talk to your "representative" instead.

For example:

I say something to Person A,

Then Person A, instead of asking me directly, would ask Person B instead, "What did she say?"

So Person B acts like a middle man.

Or the reverse, where Person B would talk for you when you can't communicate properly what you want but Person B kind of understands, so they're trying to "translate" for you. Kind of like when kids are still learning how to talk so only the parent kind of understands their words, and they would translate that for strangers.

Does the same still happen to you even after you've grown?

I’ve always gotten shit from my family for being a “picky eater”. It definitely wasn’t cared about that I had to spend extra time my whole life picking things out of my food, to the point I was never even told that you could special order things at restaurants and didn’t realize until I heard a friend do it. It was always seen as me being “difficult” about food.

The thing that really gets me, is something I found out as an adult is when talking about my aversion to milk. My mom mentions that as a literal infant, I refused milk and had health problems due to it. She literally had to take me to the doctor for choosing death over milk and still thought anything else I couldn’t eat was just a choice. She gave up (mostly) on me having milk, but nothing else.

Why was I always seen as trying to make things difficult when this problem started in infancy? It’s just so frustrating that it was made to seem like a choice I was making when it was just who I always was. I do wonder if the correct diagnosis when I was young would have helped and made them kinder or not

Disclaimer: This is not a denial of the DSM-5 or of dangerous behaviors that harm others. This is a complaint about misinformation about mental health.

I’m tired of seeing certain social media platforms where everything is labeled as narcissism. Here are a few examples:

A woman has a difficult pregnancy and regrets becoming a mother after giving birth: narcissism.

An elderly woman who was neglectful toward her daughter. That elderly woman died as a result of untreated bipolar disorder: narcissism.

Parents who abuse their children as a way of practicing “responsible parenting”: narcissism.

Someone who doesn’t want to have children, even though he/she/they lack the health or financial means to raise him/her/them: narcissism.

A young woman who suffered parental neglect. She has autism and lacks the independence to work on her own: irresponsible and narcissistic.

Someone who did a successful scam: narcissism.

I find it very strange that so many people claim to have complex trauma and that everyone else is a narcissist. All of the above is based on videos posted on YouTube or TikTok.

I criticize the overuse of the word narcissist because we have plenty of words, whether in Spanish or English. But people prefer to lump everything into a single word. That prevents people from learning about very complex issues, such as domestic violence, child abuse, workplace negligence, MLM scams, and more.

Girl I don’t know very well but have chatted with a few times messaged me on Facebook wanting to vent. We talk for a week and I ask if she wants to hang out and talk about it in person. She says maybe in a few weeks because she is very busy (this was a lie). I spend nearly a month listening to her talk about how she is afraid I will ghost her and she has such a big heart and gets taken advantage of a lot because of it and her compulsive need to do the right thing for people. She says how much she appreciates me listening to her. She would even flirt occasionally and then pull back.

Then last night, kind of out of nowhere, she started sending one word messages. Then ghosted me. It’s been nearly 24 hours and she usually will message me within an hour. She’s been posting on social media.

Not so much like zoning out, more like being in a daze. Like when someone asks me a question. I can answer but I'm not fully "there", if that makes sense. Like I'm buffering, but I understand what they're saying, but like I never fully absorb what's happening. Does that make sense?

Is this common? Is this my depression? Or could it be something else?

For context, Carl the Collector is an animated show about an autistic raccoon who collects things

Hi, I'm fairly new here and don't have autism myself, but wanted to ask people who understood for advice. My brother in law has autism. He is 25 and his autism is fairly mild in the sense that he is verbal, went to university, could live independently etc. He struggles a lot socially and making conversation with new people. He has expressed that he is interested in dating but doesn't have much of a social circle - he has struggled to find a job and currently lives with his parents and is sort of happy just chilling, helping the around the house etc. I recently watched 'Love on the Spectrum' on Netflix and was trying to find a similar matchmaking service based in the UK. There doesn't seem to be much out there except for some local neurodivergent events that happen in the UK but we can't travel there easily. I want to try and build a community for him and others in a similar situation but don't know where to start. I know in-person events may not be the best for people who struggle socially but equally I feel online company only may not help him feel less lonely.

I guess what I'm looking for is any practical advice how I can help him meet more people - whether that is for dating or friendship purposes. I am also happy to organise events but not sure how to go about building a community to advertise these events to neurodivergent individuals.

Thanks in advance

I was originally diagnosed with Asperger's (it has since been updated to ASD) but my doctor who is an autism specialist told me I am "level two."

Would it be wrong to go with my old diagnosis and tell people I have high functioning Asperger's?? I feel like it better represents my issues. I can dress and toilet myself, have a conversation most of the time, and talk about things other than my interests with people. I even have three friends.

I am concerned since I have heard a lot about diagnoses being inflated, and I am against it and really don't want to contribute to that. I was diagnosed on the late side and relate more to stuff about Asperger's than for autism, and I don't want to be disrespectful to those who are actually autistic with high needs.

I know people get mad at people who don't listen to professionals. But I would honestly feel better I think calling myself an aspie than autistic, even though that diagnosis isn't currently up to date. What do you all think?? Do any of you avoid calling yourself autistic??