u/pastel_kiddo

Hi, I'm early 20s and really into quite a few Aussie 80s band. I have been to see 2 bands live in the past that fit this category, and both were not super popular but had a decent fan base, however I was legitimately the only fan under around 60 attending so a few people often get curious as to how I've become a fan.

My favourite band that I will be seeing in a few months will most likely be the same deal, however with this band I actually became a fan after I worked as the singer/songwriter/guitarist's cleaner one time years ago. I'm wondering if it would be inappropriate to tell the truth in the likely event that people will ask how I became a fan? Or am I overthinking this? Thanks.

The past year or two I've come across a growing amount of autistic people (how many of them actually are I don't know, some really are I think but trying to be more "severe" it seems) claiming that in their adult years they become minimally speaking or non speaking. I'm not talking about verbal shutdowns, I'm talking about them claiming to supposedly lose the ability to speak permanently. Often they seem to describe it as a result of (autistic) burnout from memory. As far as I am aware, if you lose the ability to speak as an adult, it is not autism related... (I am saying this in a snarky/cynical way)

But yeah, I haven't seen as many this year as I haven't really been in online autism communities so much for various reasons, but I got a reel on insta a few days ago claiming this shit and it reminded me of all the other similar people like them. A lot of them also seem to really forcefully stim in stereotypical ways on camera (really forced rocking and hand flapping) and love to go on about how super stereotypical their traits are. Honestly in general it seems a growing amount of people want to be more severely disabled by their autism than they really are + more stereotypical (or maybe I just found myself into weird corners of the internet).

You might be wondering why this has anything to do with autism but I think this fear sprung up/worsened maybe a year or two ago, with (I think) the root cause being worried of being perceived as cringe due to being autistic (because its unfortunately a common reaction to autistics- think back on all the cringe compilations from like a decade ago which was largely people who likely had some kind of developmental disability)- which I absolutely have been in the past. Not only do I view legitimately everything I say or do as "cringe" (I hate the word), but I cant stop viewing basically anyone else or things other people like/other things in general as all cringe. doesnt just have to be interest related things, literally anything and everything ever I often find cringe. It makes me dislike others so quickly and not being able to stand them. Its a big problem. Has anyone gotten rid of this problem??

Hello- I'm just wondering, I submitted my first assessment for Tafe however I couldn't end up working out what exactly some of the questions were asking for. I have not missed any classes and have read the materials provided by the teacher incase people think I do not. Am I still able to ask the teacher for clarification on the questions or do I just wait until they mark it and that will give enough? Just not sure what to do. Thanks.

Me and my dad live togther (along with my mother and brother) and we honestly just don't talk a lot. We are extremely different in terms of views and beliefs, and I find our personalities can kind of clash in general. I feel bad became I feel like I should really be spending quality time with him however often a lot of his attempts to interact with me involve him just trying to get on my nerves, proselytise, or he often says really judgemental or awful things things (judging/making fun of disabled people, saying he wished he was a cop and could beat up "druggies"(as he says it)etc) and so I just feel like my skin crawls around him. He's also just kinda homophobic which is a problem when I'm a lesbian. In general I just feel I can't really be authentically me or I worry about him then trying to debate me even if I don't want to, becoming preachy, there being tension between us etc, since this has been a problem, and either way like I said our views and things don't at all match up so it's just difficult. Even if I come home and he just asks how my day has been I feel like I just shut down and all I really say is "good" especially since I'm already tired. I really feel bad especially because lately it sometimes looks like he's been crying and I don't know if it's because I'm just sort of distant from him.

I currently have a friend who is not a good person. I had been trying to justify staying friends with her for so long because I know I'll only have even less of a social circle (I only have one other friend), and at one point was able to go (I think) over a month without messaging her but regrettably I felt so alone especially since I was going through a hard time, and felt so bad that maybe what if I was upsetting her (which I know I shouldn't care about but I cant stand upsetting others). It makes it even more difficult since the other friend I have we don't really have the sort of connection where I could feel I could share really personal things with, nor would I want to. Staying friends with her is eating me alive and I need to cut her off but like I don't know what a message for that sort of thing would look like. I don't think I could just block her. I'm really worried that knowing me she will say something that will sway me in wanting to end things with us.

I started doing Tafe and realised that I really am lonely in a general sense in my life. I don't really feel it when I'm on my own anymore but if I am around others, seeing others connect with each other I then do feel it. I know this is something that basically everyone autistic experiences but I wanted to talk about it anyway. The concept of closeness to others feel alien as is, and its so hard to understand as the first step "where you are at" with someone. Whenever I look back at times in my life, I its something I seem to misjudge often. But even at the times I've been able to make friends, there always just feels like there is a wall there and you can't really connect. For some people there have been ways we have been able to get along pretty well and have a good time and I cherish those past moments but there is that sense of something being a block that's invisible so you have no idea how to tackle it. It's a haunting feeling that often makes you feel much worse in the company of others than in the company of yourself.

I think one barrier to that is being able to get my thoughts out in real time, online I seem much different in how I communicate, I think its just so much easier to gather my thoughts and make sense of things this way. Seeing/reading others experiences and thoughts online can really just help give me the explanation and words and understanding to my own sometimes too, and feels comforting.

Another aspect is really struggling to know what people mean and further more, what they want from me. There can be an assumption of knowledge of unspoken context that can show up in so many ways.

I really also have a difficult time with being misinterpreted and misunderstood. I don't know how many times both online and offline I've had frustrating experiences to do with this. As an example, sometimes I will be trying to make a point and people can think my view or intentions are the complete opposite of how I feel or what I am trying to portray ,and its frustrating not knowing where I am going wrong.

In the end, trying to connect with others just often seems to result in frustration and sadness because it feels like in those moments I am unable to ignore the mis-match between us.

I started doing Tafe and realised that I really am lonely. I don't really feel it when I'm on my own anymore but if I am around others, seeing others connect with each other I then do feel it. I know this is something that basically everyone autistic experiences but I wanted to talk about it anyway. The concept of closeness to others feel alien as is, and its so hard to understand as the first step "where you are at" with someone. Whenever I look back at times in my life, I its something I seem to misjudge often. But even at the times I've been able to make friends, there always just feels like there is a wall there and you can't really connect. For some people there have been ways we have been able to get along pretty well and have a good time and I cherish those past moments but there is that sense of something being a block that's invisible so you have no idea how to tackle it. It's a haunting feeling that often makes you feel much worse in the company of others than in the company of yourself.

I think one barrier to that is being able to get my thoughts out in real time, online I seem much different in how I communicate, I think its just so much easier to gather my thoughts and make sense of things this way. Seeing/reading others experiences and thoughts online can really just help give me the explanation and words and understanding to my own sometimes too, and feels comforting.

Another aspect is really struggling to know what people mean and further more, what they want from me. There can be an assumption of knowledge of unspoken context that can show up in so many ways.

I really also have a difficult time with being misinterpreted and misunderstood. I don't know how many times both online and offline I've had frustrating experiences to do with this. As an example, sometimes I will be trying to make a point and people can think my view or intentions are the complete opposite of how I feel or what I am trying to portray ,and its frustrating not knowing where I am going wrong.

In the end, trying to connect with others just often seems to result in frustration and sadness because it feels like in those moments I am unable to ignore the mis-match between us.

especially to my psychologist, in the past I've admitted to doing things like trying to isolate others that I never really did, and I have no idea how to take it back without seeming like I really did but just trying to get out of it. How have others navigated this? I have a lying problem in general so I worry especially then it will be difficult for others to believe.

Especially like their songs "higher love" and "get right with me". I'd prefer if it was from the 80s or 90s. Most of the genres I listen to fall under: new wave, synthpop, new romantic, post punk, electronic industrial and sometimes art rock, avantgarde, and two tone (if any of that's relevant/helps)

I see a therapist and honestly I can sort of avoid talking about suicidality/deny any desires or thoughts surrounding it as I worry he will just think I'm lying, or I'm being ungrateful for my life because I'm not being abused or homeless or something, or thinking I don't really mean it etc.

Sometimes though I must also admit, I don't know at what point I'm supposed to share? Like if it only was 1 day in a month I considered suicide, is that really a point at which I should mention it or am I more just supposed to if it's constant?

I watched the movie Leviticus today and afterwards was thinking about conversion practices and got me wondering about when it was banned here in Australia. I ended up just reading about it in general. One thing I was surprised by was what counted as illegal- I always just thought it was more conversion specifically that was banned, and didn't even realise suppression came under the ban also. I always thought conversion therapy was just camps and group therapies etc too. I thought it was more severe things like torture, being screamed at, and being forced to marry the opposite gender as part of the program. Shock treatments, other terrible things. And I didn't realise it could be 1 on 1 with a pastor of some sort of other mentoring from someone in the church.

So now I've been wondering... Was what I experienced at the beginning of my teens in 2018 now considered conversion/suppression practices?

What happened, was my parents accidentally found out I was into girls, and became so upset. They took me to the Christian book store near us and bought me a book on what the Bible says on the topic, and arranged for me to meet weekly with a woman from our church to discuss homosexuality/my attraction, as well as to talk about my parents reactions, as that was hard for me. Was much more "hate the sin, love the sinner", then straight up "you are disgusting for being attracted to the same gender". I honestly don't remember a ton of it because my memory in general sucks and I was just quite upset. Of course though, I remember being very upset going and refusing to want to meet with her at first as I felt so ashamed of people knowing, since my mum told so many people, and would just sob going there and even sometimes while I was there.

According to my brother they apparently wanted to send me to something more "serious"/"professional"/organised than this but not sure how true that is. I remember feeling so upset by it all and telling my parents that, and they would then just make it about them, and how hard it was for them, and I felt like there was supposed to be nothing wrong with it all and I was just overreacting. I felt silly because I thought- I should be fine and grateful since they didn't beat me, disown me, right?

Whether or not the person I had to meet with falls under illegal practises... I don't know, and it still upsets me to think of all the people like me who ended up in similar situations or even worse and felt so horrible. I developed depression, largely from that, and other mental health difficulties from that period of my life (as well as from other situations that were happening that were surrounding my sexuality).

I'm glad I left Christianity, that definitely wasn't the only experience of homophobia I have had. Once I could let go over the years of feeling afraid of hell for being with women, it has been so freeing.

(please read the entire thing!!!)

edit: I was more concerned about if she's even attracted to women in general, it would make no difference to me if she was sapphic but not specifically a lesbian

I've been dating a woman for about 7 weeks, official for a month. I found out we were official after she posted pictures of me on her social media (without consent) calling me her girlfriend, without ever even discussing anything with wanting to be exclusive with me. It wasn't until after the last time I saw her it's really started bothering me, as I had felt so swept up by things and since now it's been over a week since I last saw her, I've really been thinking about things more. I mention how we became official because it feels like the extent of when she wants to be affectionate and loving with me is almost always when it's something she can show off to others/showing me off to people in her life/in public... Whenever I've tried expressing that I like her in some sort of way she just sort of seems to make fun of me or dismiss my feelings in private, prefers to shop on her phone or go on tiktok etc at times if we are on dates, and only really likes engaging with friend level discussions with me. She also just doesn't really seem interested in asking about my life much or anything of the sort. She does buy me gifts though.

Another reason I'm starting to feel cautious is because there was a guy she was friends with, and as soon as he told her he's thinking he might honestly be gay after breaking up with his gf, and she's suddenly calling him her bestie and posting him all over her social media and has been just spending time with him constantly and ignoring me and being cold to me. I mention this because I'm feeling like she fetishizes gay men and uses being a "lesbian" to gain proximity to gay men, as basically a very large amount of her posts on social medias are various gay ships (only gay men) or men in general. And her last bestie was a gay man also from memory.

She seems to make being a lesbian a big part of her personality by having it mentioned all over her social medias etc but it feels kinda fake. Usually I don't like questioning others sexualities but feel like maybe it's warrented since we are in a relationship. I'm feeling uneasy about it but don't know if I'm being a jerk here... I just don't think she's even attracted to women in general. I would make no difference to me if she was bisexual or lesbian etc specifically, but I feel like she's just using me and not at all attracted to women which is what is bothering me.

I'm sure many people here can agree that people are taking the concept of masking (specifically autistic masking, which is what I am referring to in this post) wayyy to far. Even in adults, I get a little irritated when I see people insist that they didn't get diagnosed when they went for an assessment later in life because they "masked too well that the assessor couldn't see past it".

Lately though, and maybe it's just me seeing this, but I've been seeing a lot of parents ask for recommendations for places for assessment for their extremely young children who they insist on masking so well that professionals don't see that they are autistic. Even in adults years, for those who can mask, it is never enough to make someone seem "normal". So the fact they parents are thinking someone so little can have amazing masking skill so early in life is even more baffling...

Seriously, I hate all these weird beliefs and things around autism that only increase and get more ridiculous over the years...

I'm 22 and i've been in a relationship for not very long (only known her about 6 weeks, official for maybe 3?), and I've really been struggling with going out as I don't cope well with going out much at all, I find it quite stressful and mentally tires me quickly and I start to shut down. We tend to hang out at the shopping centre she works at or in my car, which the first I'm finding hard to keep doing for obvious reasons, and also spending time in my car feels like we are social distancing and sort of awkward since she doesn't want to go in the back seat or it "looks suspicious".

I really want to spend more time in more chill environments like nature, which I'm going to talk to her about, but I'd also prefer if she came over a lot more for when we see each other, however my girlfriend says she is quite anxious to interact with my parents and it feels awkward and isn't good with conversations etc. I tried to assure her that 3/4 of my family are diagnosed with anxiety disorders so we are quite understanding as well as a large amount of extended family and immediate family is diagnosed with autism (including me of course) and heavily suspected in others, so poorer social skills aren't seen as so much of a problem and there aren't really expectations there like other peoples families may have. But she still seemed not keen on the idea. I'm realising more and more though that she's going to need to be ok with it soon though because of my own personal needs, just unsure how to make the process easier for her, so if people have suggestions that would help, and if people need more information in happy to add.

I should also note I can't go to her house, as she has problems with her family unfortunately.

As the title says, my previous relationship I had that lasted a few months, it felt like I was always walking on eggshells and she would respond poorly to everything and constantly not be honest with me, ignore me for days at a time or even an entire week, felt like everything was a guessing game and everything I tried was received poorly. I just always felt in the dark and didn't know what I was doing wrong most of the time and what was going on in her life.

I'm in a new one now, I've known her maybe almost 6 weeks and official for I think 3? We met on a dating app and so part of the problem was I had no idea how fast things are supposed to progress, and so things have been all over the place and felt confusing. After the advice of some people I texted her and said that it'd be really nice if the next time we went out, we had a conversation about what we want and need in a relationship (since people said that's better as an irl conversation and not texting), as since we both have autism and ADHD and problems with anxiety we can get side tracked maybe talking about more interests and random things, even if I had planned to bring up certain things next time we see each other (I can be quite forgetful in the moment). I thought that way we can both try think about it before we see each other, and go into our next date expecting it to happen and so then also between the two of us we would surely remember to.

I'm going to apologise to get for not talking about it sooner, as I guess both I wasn't sure how to approach the topic, and how soon, and obviously would get swept up talking about other things.

I'm just wondering how much we should communicate about our feelings too? I struggle to know when something falls in the category of something I should just be taking care of myself, or if it's something for someone else to know about, at what point is something perhaps "over communicating" (if that is a thing?)? I see people say you should be open about things but not be "trauma dumpy" and Ive tried to get a grasp on at what point something tips over into that category but I feel so lost about all these "rules".

And also just communication about literally everything else ever. I tend to be told I either over share or under share and it's hard to know at what point of knowing someone is it appropriate to talk about what, if ever.

So for context I am 21f and my gf is also 21f, both of us are autistic. I have ADHD also, unsure about her but wouldn't be surprised. We've been dating a little less than a month and a half and official for maybe 3 weeks? I'm just sort of wondering how intimacy in a relationship works? Like does emotional intimacy build up over time or is it supposed to already have an intense connection?

Does anyone have tips for building emotional intimacy and intimacy in general, we have kissed but not like making out with her, and we haven't had sex, it feels like there is not any appropriate times for it so far? I think it's also hard because I can't go to her house because of her parents and there is always people home at my house to it feels like we only can stick to more wholesome things and it's making me confused... I'm not sure. I'm unsure if I'm just feeling worried about this for no reason, but also it feels like something is missing and I'm not sure if it's something on my end?

She keeps shopping on her phone also when we are out, not like all the time throughout the dates, but definitely happens and I kind of want to ask if we could not go on our phones much while out but unsure if that's an unreasonable ask/rude? If it's ok to ask about it, how can I do it in a respectful way? While we were watching a movie and it was the ads she was online shopping and I said "can't you do that later?" (Or something along those lines) and it seemed like she just thought I was joking, and so then I had no idea what to say and just felt sad instead, which didn't help since when I am feeling upset or down it can be harder to find he words for things.

So for context I am 21f and my gf is also 21f, both autistic. We've been dating a little less than a month and a half and official for maybe 3 weeks? I'm just sort of wondering how intimacy in a relationship works? Like does emotional intimacy build up over time or is it supposed to already have an intense connection?

Does anyone have tips for building emotional intimacy and intimacy in general, we have kissed but not like making out with her, and we haven't had sex, it feels like there is not any appropriate times for it so far? I think it's also hard because I can't go to her house because of her parents and there is always people home at my house to it feels like we only can stick to more wholesome things and it's making me confused... I'm not sure. I'm unsure if I'm just feeling worried about this for no reason, but also it feels like something is missing and I'm not sure if it's something on my end?

She keeps shopping on her phone also when we are out, not like all the time throughout the dates, but definitely happens and I kind of want to ask if we could not go on our phones much while out but unsure if that's an unreasonable ask/rude? If it's ok to ask about it, how can I do it in a respectful way? While we were watching a movie and it was the ads she was online shopping and I said "can't you do that later?" (Or something along those lines) and it seemed like she just thought I was joking, and so then I had no idea what to say and just felt sad instead, which didn't help since when I am feeling upset or down it can be harder to find he words for things.

I've struggled with depression on and off since probably he beginning of my teens, majority of it to varying degrees. I'm about to turn 22 soon and I feel like I've lost how invested I would be in things, how everything would revolve around something. I can occasionally get hyperfixations, or and interest in something to a degree, but it doesn't last long, and when it's quickly gone I feel really empty again... And have to hope I find something that sparks a bit of drive in me again even for a little.

I know having special interests could negatively impact me but I really miss the experience still regardless, as it feels like a piece of me missing now and I find myself honestly grieving it 😥

I'm unsure if the various treatments I've had for mental illnesses played at least a role in this happening, but I don't know, I guess I kind of wanted to vent about it, and if be interested in knowing if anyone else has experienced similar.