Recently diagnosed and still reckoning with everything
I was diagnosed about four months ago now I think, and I still can’t wrap my head around it. It’s like I can’t even think about it in any detail. I only half-remember therapy but I got referred to one of the foremost DID psychologists in the country and I thought she’d say to just try better to ground, but now I’m doing parts work and it’s terrifying.
I feel like I’m going insane constantly. I feel like I’m a shattered fragment of something with no continuity and no personhood. If every time I “switch” I black out and don’t remember anything, then what’s the point of therapy? I don’t even remember the majority of my own days.
Does it ever get better? Is parts work even the right thing to be doing? I’ve been in therapy since I was 14, over a decade now, I’ve tried pretty much every modality. I briefly did IFS and I absolutely hated it. So how is this different than any other type of therapy? All it does leads to is me panicking and blacking out.
I need help with the flashbacks and the losing time and unreality and all the other weird awful stuff, not to be indulging this awful nonsense. If we treat PTSD and dissociation, fine, but I absolutely hate the parts stuff.