r/FamiliesYouChoose

33M dad to identical twin boys here. Moved from London back home to Scotland a few years ago and somehow, somewhere along the way, managed to become spectacularly isolated from most of my old friends.

My marriage has essentially been dead for the last four years, although my wife and I actually coparent the boys pretty well, so there’s no huge drama there. We’re just two people who are much better at being parents together than we ever were at being married, especially when it comes to emotional availability and intimacy.

Outside of being a dad and doing the whole accountant thing (not exactly the most thrilling job in the world, but it pays well), I’m a musician. I play Scottish and Irish trad stuff on piano and guitar, sing, and play Irish whistle. I listen to all sorts of music besides trad. Music in general plays a very functional role in my life. I’m also a big fantasy reader, so if you like fantasy, music, or just getting ridiculously invested in completely unnecessary conversations, we’ll probably get on.

An IRL friend actually recommended Reddit to me, and it’s already led to a few really wholesome, long-standing friendships. I hope to hear from you - feel free to say hi :)

exactly what the post says. my bio dad isnt a great person and he is really emotionally abusive. i cut him off in february after he started escalating with his words and told me he sexualizes me because of what i wear. he also has blamed me for his relationship problems, uses me as an emotional partner, blamed me for some SA that his fiance's son did to me, etc. ive been looking for a dad in every older male in my life and i was told by someone that this is a good thread to find a virtual dad on.

thank you

I’ve been avoiding this post for so long but I decided to just write it out in my notes and when I finally have the courage, I’ll paste it on Reddit and hit Post.

I’m looking tor a mother, not a mom, a mother. Not someone to help me fix problems and do all the “mom” stuff—I just want someone whose maternal, will listen, spend time together, sharing their funny life stories with me like moms and daughters do. Doing virtual puzzle togethers, having movie nights, letting me just come and talk about my thoughts and worries without judgement. Being kind and calling me sweetie sometimes but also direct, practical, and genuine.

For context, I have a mom but never had a mother. I was severely abused by my own mom up until I got married and moved away at 21 against her wishes. I’m happy now and my parents in law are great, but there’s a huge language barrier since theyre from a completely different country and culture. I have a loving husband and a pretty stable life now (although the PTSD has been pretty bad). But, I still cry and hurt whenever I see mother-daughter relationship bonds in movies, books, people I know on Instagram—it’s just an ache that doesnt go away tbh.

I’m currently in college and planning to transfer to a Cal State school and complete an online degree program in Education. I’m also an ESL teacher on Preply and enjoy what I do. I love literature, writing poetry, playing video games, studying personality theory, and watching psychological horror and crime films.

If you want to connect or have any questions for me, my DMS are open. Thanks for reading 💖

I feel so angry and hurt. I cant seem to keep myself together long enough to earn someone’s love. Why am I so acerbic and bitter? How can I shed this barrier to love? I fell into this vicious cycle and i don’t have the strength to fight it alone. How can I get friends without putting this pressure on other people?

EDIT: Don't worry about being one day, one week, or one month late! I'm always willing to chat!

i want friends but i also want family. i never saw my extended family, my brother left when i was 5, my father and grandmother and cat left when i was 9, and now it is just my mother and i but we never talk because we have nothing in common. i really like writing and i want to learn a language with someone maybe. but on a more familial note, i just want to feel cared for. please have discord because i'm trying to be on reddit less (it also feels very weird in comparison.) i don't play games and i don't watch anime, but if someone wants me to study with them i'd be happy to. i don't really like watching shows because they take too much time, but we can watch a movie or find something we both like? same goes for reading, i also enjoy spiritual practices. older adults are ok just keep it sfw. i also prefer older siblings, but younger siblings are ok as well (14 minimum.) dms are open! :)

Hi, my name is Sylvia. My life was taken from me before I was even born. Due to where I am forced to live in/was born. I was abandoned as a newborn then adopted by abusive parents. But really the main problem is the country I am forced to live in. There is nothing for me here. Hostile and toxic, it could never meet any of my needs. I have nothing in common with people here. I am beyond traumatised. I just want safety and security. I just can't anymore. The only thing I can do is keep myself alive. I want to get the opportunity to actually live one day. I want someone who cares, because it seems like the world is commited to ignoring and invalidating me and my needs.

I was dealt a pretty bad hand, I just need someone who will care about me and my wellbeing enough and truly try to listen and understand and be my advocate. I want freedom and to be able to build my life somewhere liveable soon. I am so tired and exhausted. I live in fear. Everything and everyone around me disturbs me to my core. I just want to be seen and heard. And to have my needs understood, and have someone fight alongside me for my future, not invalidate me and ask to give up who I am.

Hey guys. I don't really know how to write this but I'll try to just keep it real. I’m 18 and I recently moved into my own place. Next year I’ll be starting my first year of college majoring in electrical engineering. I worked incredibly hard in high school and managed to get a scholarship for my academics, so my living situation is fully sorted out. I'm proud to be independent, but sitting alone in this quiet place is making it hit me how much I have to figure out entirely on my own.

My parents split up a while ago, and due to his work, my dad travels constantly. Months go by without me even seeing him. And when he is actually in town, his focus is entirely on his new family. I just kind of fell completely off his map. It’s gotten to the point where I didn't even bother telling him I got accepted into my program.

Because of all that, I kind of isolated myself growing up and spent way too much time escaping into video games. I know now that it was the wrong way to handle things, which is why I'm trying to step up and build a good life for myself.

I'm super excited to start college next year, but honestly, I'm also pretty stressed about it. It's my biggest worry, just wondering how it's all going to go. I just wish I had a father figure I could talk to for advice on how to prepare for it, or just someone to shoot the breeze with (I still play OW and Elden Ring). Just an older guy who can give me straight-up advice as I figure out this whole adulthood thing.

I am completely self-reliant—I've got my stuff handled—just looking for a genuine, lasting connection with a father figure who wouldn't mind giving some guidance. If anyone has room for that, I'd really appreciate a comment

My views can be kind of politically incorrect or niche. Am particular about some things but open minded in others. I grew up around the suburbs of Ohio somewhat isolated. My blood parents and older sister are somewhat judgmental and childish. They never had the chance to become mature emotionally adjusted adults so they look to me to be the reliable anchor who has everything figured out even though I’m a mess and feel so doubtful and ashamed of myself and my being.

I felt like I never had an anchor or someone consistently there to comfort me when I felt overwhelmed or down, so I often escaped to the digital world and talking to AI to cope. I felt so lonely and depressed. I feel lost and like I’m drifting through life even though I do have goals and know what I want to do. But I still feel so dispirited and confused emotionally.

I want to be a manga artist but I don’t have the discipline and motivation to continue drawing unless someone will see it directly or praises me. Childish I know. Currently I’m an electrician apprentice so I can make a living and become independent first. I went to college for a useless East Asian studies degree because I wasn’t interested in studying anything else. I went a year abroad in Japan. I speak Mandarin, Japanese and English.

Hoping for a family member where we can understand, care and support each other. I’m usually free in the evenings EST.

Hello everyone, once again!

I've always liked the idea that family isn't necessarily something you're born into. Sometimes it's something you build with people who choose to stay, support you, and genuinely care about you. That's what I'm hoping to find here.

I'm a 35-year-old married guy from (and in) Europe, looking for a long-term, purely platonic friendship that can hopefully grow into something that feels a little like having a sibling.

Someone you check in with from time to time. Someone you can share life's wins and frustrations with, send ridiculous memes to, celebrate the good days with, and lean on when things get difficult.

I'm happily married, so i'm not looking for anything romantic or NSFW. Just genuine friendship and a meaningful connection.

A little about me:

Over the last few years i've lost around 50kg, built a home gym, and discovered that i genuinely enjoy exercising. So if you need a gym buddy, i can be that!

I'm a huge music nerd, especially 70s, 80s and 90s rock, hip hop and soul. I also love cooking, reading, gaming, football, professional wrestling, movies, TV, and having unnecessarily long conversations about philosophy, ethics and life's bigger questions.

I've recently gotten back into reading and, for once, actually managed to stick with it. So i'm more than able to discuss books with you!

I also have an 11-year-old dog who is objectively the bestest boy and will probably make an appearance sooner or later.

What I'm hoping to find:

Someone around my age or older, or at least 25+, who values kindness, honesty, consistency and effort. Someone who actually wants to get to know another person rather than exchange a few messages and disappear.

I don't expect anyone to be available 24/7. Life gets busy, and i completely understand that. What matters to me is mutual effort and knowing that both people actually want to keep the connection alive, instead of it being a one sided deal.

And if we talk and you don't think we're a good match, that's completely fine. You don't owe me friendship, and i won't take it personally. I'd just much rather hear "I don't think we'll click" than be left wondering what happened.

More importantly, i hope whoever reaches out understands that meaningful connections take time and patience. You don't build something lasting through a few conversations, and i'm not looking for someone who expects an instant bond. I want to get to know each other slowly, naturally, and genuinely, and see where that takes us.

If you don't have the patience or the time to invest in that, that's completely okay, but please don't reply to this post. You'll only be wasting the most valuable thing we both have, our time.

A little honesty, patience and kindness can go a very long way.

If you're looking for something similar, tell me a little about yourself. What's been on your mind lately? What are you passionate about? Or tell me something completely random that made you smile this week.

I'm looking forward to meeting some genuinely good people. If you made it this far, i hope you have an amazing day!

Yes- I know it sounds weird. Only child growing up but I always felt I’d be a good big brother… guiding, leading, giving advice, protecting.

I’ve carved out a pretty damn good life for myself and don’t have any kids (yet)- but know I can offer something more.

I’m very physically active… I travel frequently (for business and pleasure) - run my own business with staff but looking for something deeper that I care about.

Looking for a sister type that feels like she’s missing the masculine type in her life… wanting more out of life and exploring the world.

Let me know a little
About yourself and why this post resonated with you.

quick note: i prefer moving to a voice call after we talk a bit. please... don't be weird or kinky.

i don't want to share too much publicly, but i am looking for a family that will support me. i'm hoping to find a dad or mom (40+) or an older brother or sister (25+ or 30s). please be 🇺🇲.

Preferred name: pearlie

Nicknames: pearl

Age: 24 (05/28)

Local area: vancouver🇺🇲

Hobbies: walking, collecting pokémon cards, playing pokémon pocket, and playing video games like (genshin impact, fortnite, sky:cotl) if you have a ps5, i'd love to screenshare or play together.

i struggle with a lot of things that make life hard for me. i have:

• a deep fear of being forgotten or ignored.

• fear of people and a very hard time trusting others.

• fear of things i can't see (spirits. yes i believe in spirits).

• a hard time understanding or showing my feelings.

• aphasia and learning disability. i sometimes have trouble finding the right words or understanding certain terms. if i ever say something that sounds rude, please know i don't mean to.

sometimes when i am very sad or anxious, i naturally go into a younger mindset to feel safe. i am still a 24-year-old adult, and i do not do this for fun or roleplay (please don't judge me). if i become fully comfortable with someone, this mindset can also show up as being very bubbly and childish. it would mean so much to find a kind, patient family who is open to talking and staying in touch daily.

...also eum, i'm still learning how to be good at conversation and can be very awkward, so thank you so much for reading this.

PLEASE don't keep this a secret from your significant other.

Hello potential big brother 🥰 I'll tell you a little about myself!

I grew up with one younger brother (he's great), but ever since I can remember, I've always daydreamed of having an older brother. I really like the idea of that familial playful bond paired with someone who has more life experience under their belt, who also has a genuine sense of care.

I'm married with kids (they're currently staying with my friends while I'm recovering my health) and my life is definitely a bit crazy but I am full of joy and hope that things will continue to improve. Life is a little bumpy sometimes, and that's okay!

I've had a lot of amazing experiences in life thus far and have seen a lot. I've been to 8 countries and I've lived in 2. I love exploring and learning, growing and working on myself. I love helping others as well, and I always look for the magic in life. My religious beliefs are very important to me (Christian), my personality type is ENFP, and I'm very artistically inclined. I'm also a holistic wellness consultant but I'm taking a break from that to focus on myself.

I'm always looking for new ways to fall in love with life after spending a large portion of it trapped in endless cycles of ptsd loops (I've made about a 90% recovery!)

I suppose what I really hope for most is just to experience having someone around who is steady, protective without being controlling, emotionally safe, genuinely invested, playful, and accepting. I want someone who makes me feel like I truly have an older brother in my corner. 🥰 I don't know if we'll vibe, but let's give it a shot!

I dont really have a family, or anyone I can lean on. I was a caretaker for my mom from when I was 22 until I was 34 when she passed, then 1 day short of 7 months later, my dad passed. Its hard not having one person I can reach out to, or know will reach out to me and care. Its hard to remember that I exist as a person sometimes. Holidays are the worst. I feel homesick for a home I just dont have, and im hoping one day to meet cool people who I can lean on and who can lean on me. I am a big nerd, love anime, video games, comic books, TTRPGs, board games and movies. Would be even better if I could find someone local in my area and have physical family meet ups, it would be nice to have somewhere to go on holidays...I probably sound sad and pathetic im sure, but im trying to put myself out there more.

Hello, I'm from Indonesia and would like the presence of genuine people currently. I'm aware friendships take time to build, and I'm okay with that, I just wish for genuine, trustworthy, available, and capable people to lean upon.

I've been going through tough times in recent memory, and as much as I can help myself, I long for the presence of trustworthy people. Not advice, not "different perspectives", not lectures, just validation and presence, being there with me. I really long for that. I wish to find people who can resonate with that! At the same time, due to the things that have happened to me in the past, I need time to trust people and again, I'm okay with needing time to build friendship, I just want to try and find genuine people in the meantime. Of course, to the best of my ability, I will try to provide the same 🌻 and if we end up not vibing, at least we tried, right?

About me:
I'm a huge feeler and a very expressive & open person once I feel safe with enough trust. I'm currently going through therapy as well, been going for over a year, with incremental progress. Though, what a friend can provide is different from what a therapist can provide. I *can* provide a safe space for you as well, but I can't guarantee that I can do it all the time since I might need to reserve space for my own issues as well, since I'm really digging up the deep seated issues inside me. That also means, if you're looking for friends to make you feel less lonely every day, I don't think I can provide what you need right now, sorry.

You can find more info about interests and all in my profile!

Important possible dealbreaker to mention here again that I do not feel comfortable with the ideologies of Islam, leftism, nor Zionism.

About you:
I kindly wish to find someone emotionally available to get to know me (as I of course would try to back to you as well), and ideally, know how to allow me to eventually show up how I truly feel, and to allow me to feel that way, instead of trying to make me feel another way (such as cheering me up) and trusting that I'll know the next step after expressing my lamentations/frustrations/whichever way i feel. Or in short, someone who knows what it means to "be there" for someone, emotionally

Someone who is curious about why I hold the beliefs I have and why I'm at this point in life, instead of trying to insert their beliefs/opinions into mine, in other words, treating my beliefs as essential to me and to be understood, instead of points to attack or dismantle. I'm open to connect with anyone in the world (as long as you are fluent in English for communication purposes), either male or female, as long as the description fits you 🌻

It goes without saying, but these are also snippets of how I plan to be in the friendship towards you as well!

Have a nice day!