After years of learning Finnish, I still can't get the R right and it's starting to really frustrate me
Sorry if this post is too negative. I just need to vent.
I simply can't pronounce the Finnish R. It's not just that I can't roll it, I apparently can't even pronounce the letter at all.
The R of my native language sounds very different and is almost a vowel compared to the Finnish one. To put it into perspective: the Finnish "aa" sounds like "ar" to me. That's how different of a sound I'm used to.
This makes several Finnish words impossible for me to pronounce. I've been told that when I try to say for example "paras", it sounds more like "paa'as" or even "pahas".
There are even names I avoid to say. I have coworkers whose names are Miro and Taru, and the times I've tried to say their names, my Finnish coworkers have just stared at me in silence followed by a "... w-w-who?"
And don't get me wrong, it's not their fault and my frustration is not aimed at them, but at myself. I've spent years of effort (and money) on learning Finnish, several courses and hours at home spent learning, I have a private tutor who has taught me a lot about puhekieli. I even have classes focusing on pronounciation, particularly the R, but it still feels impossible to me. I understand what people around me are saying and I can write more or less fluently, but speaking feels impossible solely because of the R and it's starting to get to me.
Some recent experiences that have made this worse:
I tried to say the word "karhu" and a Finn starting laughing out loud at my pronounciation and even repeated how I said it while laughing. Yes I know it must sound weird and I should just get over it, but it honestly really got to me that she was just so openly laughing at it.
Last night I was at my Finnish course doing group work. The others had trouble understanding me when I tried saying words like "ura" and "arva", and I eventually told about how I struggle with the R. They kinda just stared awkwardly at me in silence, and went "That's difficult to you...?". Look, I didn't expect them to cry for me or anything like that and I know we all struggle with different things, but I almost felt a bit looked down at, and it was honestly kinda disheartening how other learners seemed to have no understanding of my problem. Maybe this is just a testament to how sensitive I've gotten about it.
I've just tried so hard for so long, and I still have the feeling I will never fit in, at least languagewise, because of this.
Sorry, I just had to get this out of my system