r/R4R40Plus

Maybe you’re in the same boat?

I long for and welcome a real connection in my life. Someone to be curious with. Someone with whom to laugh at the absurdity of this world we live in, or to lament the darkness that also exists.

I love nature, swimming, travel, most creatures, touching plants, and finding out how things work.

If you’re ready to be curious about each other’s minds, come say hello!

Hi there, hows your day going? Good i hope! I dont have much going on today and would love to meet someone to chat with!

Big on books and would love to chat them! Ive read a few this year and working on another big book currently.

Horror movies are my jam.

I live to bake and cook. If you like food we will get along.

Im a big fan of good music. That means not country, sorry country folks. Its not a deal breaker but im not a fan..

If you are curvy/alt/nerdy please move to the front of the line. Also know effort you put in is effort you will get back.

Send me a message and lets chat!

Hi, I could really use some support in getting me disciplined with a routine. 6 am wake ups and 10 pm sleeps on voice calls. Stretches both times and getting organised for the day. Our time zones would work best if they were the opposite so we could help each other. Not sure if someone else needs something like this , I had it for a bit and it helped.

I find myself at a strange turning point in my life, and I’d like to meet someone I can talk to while I navigate it.

I’m 48, a writer by temperament, a book designer by profession, a historian by education, and probably an anachronism by nature. I live in St. Louis, a city to which I have extraordinarily deep roots, but I’ve reached the point where I need to leave. I’m planning to relocate to the Pacific Northwest—probably western Washington—and build a much smaller, quieter life there.

I’m doing this because somewhere along the way my life became something I was merely maintaining rather than inhabiting. Too much work, too much expense, too much noise, too many obligations, and too much history hanging over everything. I’ve spent years trying to make the existing structure work better. I’ve finally realized that I don’t particularly want to make it work better. I want a different structure.

So I’m downsizing. Dramatically.

I work independently through Reedsy, designing and typesetting books for authors. It’s skilled, solitary work that I genuinely like. I’ve worked on hundreds of books, and I can do it from almost anywhere. I also have a side gig that helps pay the bills. My goal is to arrange my life so that work supports living instead of consuming it.

What I want is surprisingly modest. A small apartment. My books. My music. My cat. A desk where I can work. A comfortable chair. Maybe an old television and a shelf of DVDs. Rain against the windows. Coffee. Cooking simple food. Long stretches of quiet. Enough money to live without needing very much money in the first place.

I have almost no interest in keeping up with contemporary consumer life. I don't need a bigger house, a newer car, better gadgets, fashionable restaurants, or an impressive collection of things. Increasingly, freedom to me means needing less.

And yes, I specifically want the rain.

I know that sounds ridiculous to some people, but I love gray skies, cold weather, wet streets, evergreens, fog, and the feeling of being indoors while weather is happening outside. Some people dream about escaping to perpetual sunshine. Apparently my version of paradise requires waterproof shoes.

Personality-wise, I’m deeply introverted. Cerebral. Dry sense of humor. Intensely curious. Independent to a fault. I can happily spend an entire evening talking about history, philosophy, music, human behavior, old cities, books, death, cemeteries, why people become who they become, or some absurdly specific subject neither of us expected to care about two hours earlier.

I have a historian’s relationship with the world. Places matter to me. The past matters. Memory matters. I notice old buildings and forgotten graves and neighborhoods that contain traces of lives nobody remembers anymore. I spent years volunteering in old cemeteries, documenting nineteenth-century graves before weather erased what remained of them. That probably tells you more about me than a list of adjectives could.

Music is another enormous part of my life. My tastes wander from Bach and Mozart to hard bop jazz, the Grateful Dead, Elliott Smith, Radiohead, old blues, folk, and whatever else catches my ear. I’m much more likely to become excited about an obscure recording than whatever everyone is currently watching on Netflix.

I’m also someone who has been through some things. The last several years changed me considerably. A long marriage ended, parts of the life I thought were permanent disappeared, family circumstances changed, and I eventually found myself working an absurd number of hours simply to maintain a life I no longer even wanted.

I don’t want to spend the next twenty years doing that.

So this move isn’t really about Washington. Washington is where I’m going, but the larger project is recovery: recovering time, autonomy, curiosity, peace, and hopefully some sense that my own life belongs to me again.

I’m not expecting geography to magically fix me. I’m taking myself with me, after all. I know how that works. But I do believe we can sometimes change the conditions under which we live, and that those conditions matter.

That’s what I’m trying to do.

And that’s really why I’m posting.

I’d like someone to talk to.

Maybe you’ve reinvented your own life at some point. Maybe you walked away from a career, marriage, city, lifestyle, or identity that no longer fit you. Maybe you moved somewhere knowing almost nobody. Maybe you downsized and discovered that having less gave you something back. Maybe you live in the PNW and understand why a person might deliberately cross half a continent looking for rain. Maybe you have the spirit of adventure and you want to come with?

Or maybe none of that applies and you simply like thoughtful, slightly strange conversations with people who are willing to talk about things that actually matter to them.

I just wouldn’t mind having a fellow traveler for part of the road.

If any of this resonates with you, tell me something real. Tell me what you walked away from. Tell me what you’re trying to build. Tell me about the life you secretly suspect you’d rather be living.

Or just tell me why you like the rain.

1986 model with an odometer that just rolled over the 40 years/100,000 mile mark with the following features:

- Cooks/bakes, cleans, and does laundry (should be standard on all models but is shockingly rare).
- High emotional intelligence and great communicator.
- Funny, witty, intelligent, creative, and is bold enough to intend all of his puns.
- Solid career, numerous hobbies, lover of adventure and travel - enjoys life and wants to add to it.
- Drinks only socially and never to excess, occasional 420 use (edibles) to destress/sleep.
- Beautiful blue eyes, handsome face, but like many older models a little bulky and could use some body work.
- Great in bed, with a bonus vasectomy and clear STI panel.

To be fully transparent, here are some items to note before you come check this model out!

- ADHD light is on - incredibly creative, often forgets where he has put something down. Great with making and following through on plans and dates, but will use a calendar for everything.
- *Very* left leaning - trans rights are human rights, no person is illegal, love is love, etc. No storage for red baseball hats with nationalist slogans on this model.
- Limited passenger space - this model carries 2 passengers 80% of the time, which may not be for everyone! They are well-mannered, funny, and kind - and will come up in conversation often.
- Plenty of space in the trunk for your baggage, but does come with baggage of it's own; has shed a lot of it in the past few years through therapy and tune-ups, but still has a bag or two packed in the trunk. Room for yours, but only if you've worked on reducing to a personal-sized item and carry-on.
- Is very chatty - with being a great communicator, this model communicates often and texts quite a bit, especially with potential buyers. Set up expectations before you drive off the lot as to your preferences here!

This model is well-built for fun dates or quiet nights in on the couch, and is happiest to see you happy. Would be best suited for someone looking for long-term ownership, but it open to short-term lease options to decide if it's the right model for you. Buyers should be local (within a few hour drive) as delivery is not included, and this model has been hurt a few times by long-distance potential buyers that have fallen through.

Message now before this model is taking off the lot for good!

42 year old fun, happy,
Positive, always laughing female from Vancouver, Canada. Seeking a real connection with someone that turns romantic. Someone who is READY to be a teammate for life, through the good and the bad.
Someone who is ready and willing to put the effort into building something real. Not someone who is fake, unsure of what they want. Just looking to meet new people if anyone is from this area or anywhere really. Distance doesn’t bother me as long as both make the effort:. There are planes LOL You never know in life where your person is!! I often feel so alone and so left out. I have a couple close friends who I talk to daily and have a good job. I love traveling, being outdoors, watching sports and going to games. Going to restaurants and walks, dinners and drinks. Coffee, Cooking, baking and just laughing and having fun. Im caring, selfless, and a giver. I like to show my affection in many ways.
Just wanting to talk and meet new people and get to know, hang out if close. Looking for something romantic that leads to long term. Someone who wants to talk daily and not vanish after a day! Looking for someone who will make effort and get to know me! Not disappear after a day of talking!!
Gotta be someone out there! Maybe we can become friends, share a few laughs or fall In love.

I’m 5’10” blonde, plus-size, looking for ‘human teddy bear’ energy: warm, emotionally mature but still looks at Lego sets with childlike wonder, and loves some good word play. Or a puzzle game. Escape room. Escaping rooms filled with word puzzles.

I’m fiercely independent; I’m not looking for someone to complete me. I’m looking for someone who’s fun to talk to, enjoys making each other laugh, and believes kindness is one of the most attractive qualities a person can have (but can also get fully on board the snark train).

I love music, reading, and theatre. I’m a teacher, gamer, mediocre musician, solid mom, long-divorced, and excellent cook.

I’d love to hear about your passions and hobbies!

Chemistry>geography.

That’s really the simplest way to explain what I’m looking for.

I want to know what you actually think about things. I want the story you don’t usually tell until you’ve known someone for a while. I want to know what you’ve changed your mind about and what you’re still trying to understand about yourself.

I want the conversation that starts with a movie and somehow ends three hours later with us talking about God or our childhood or whether people can ever really know each other.

I like flirting. I like attraction. I very much like kissing. But the thing that really gets me is feeling like somebody has opened a door and let me see inside who they are.

And yes, I know intimacy takes time. I’m not asking you to hand me your entire psyche in the first message or let me manufacture a relationship with a version of you I’ve invented in my head. I just want someone who is clearly interested in going there, who wants to know me that way too, and most especially puts in the work to get there by asking a curious question and then finding 10 follow up questions in the answer.

The thing is I’m just not great at endless “How was your day?” conversation. I care so much about your day. I’ll remember the name of the coworker who keeps making it worse. But I also want to know what your day made you think about. I want a conversation that keeps unfolding instead of becoming a daily exchange of status reports.

I’m also not great at endless “get to know you” questions that don’t lead to deeper conversations either. I don’t want to interview each other for days or take turns exchanging facts.

See, I don’t just want to know what your favorite movie is. I want to know why it matters to you. I want to understand how your mind works and how you became the person you are. I want to know what it made you feel and why.

Practical stuff: I prefer someone close-ish geography wise but I'd be open to long distance for the right person. If we can keep each other up too late talking and still want more the next day, geography feels like something we can figure out. But I’d eventually want a real life together, because I’m not looking for a permanent pen pal. I’m looking for a life partner.

I’m (nearly) divorced after a long marriage and have two nearly grown kids. My life is changing, but I’m not looking for someone to rescue me from it. I’m looking for the person I want to build the next part with.

Physical attraction matters, so going in you should know I'm 6'0" -- bearded, a few tattoos, I work out a decent amount but have a perpetual dad bod. Not the most handsome. Not the ugliest.

I do best with direct communication. If you like me but want to move slowly, say that. If you’re unsure but want to keep finding out, say that. If I make your heart flutter when you see a notification from me, I want to hear that.

I don’t need constant reassurance. I just appreciate people who are willing to consistently tell the truth about where they are instead of assuming the other person knows. Or even worse, someone who just slowly disappears.

And since this post is about wanting someone I can talk openly with, that includes sex too.

I want a relationship where sex isn’t something we can do together but somehow can’t talk about afterward. I want to be able to say what felt good, ask what you liked and laugh together when something absolutely did not work. I want us to be able to keep learning each other instead of expecting sexual compatibility to happen automatically and then never discussing it.

That doesn’t mean I want to turn our first conversation into sexting. Please don’t interpret this as an elaborate request for spicy time the first time we connect, and I promise not to introduce myself with an explicit photo of myself.

I’m bringing it up because being able to talk about sex is a huge part of emotional intimacy for me. I want someone who can be playful and honest about it once we’ve built that kind of trust. Someone who wants sex to be an open, fun part of the relationship instead of a taboo.

So.........as I was saying.

Ah yes, emotional slut. Completely fascinated by what goes on inside other people and hoping to find one particular person I never get tired of discovering and who never gets tired of my curiosity.

If you're interested and actually made it to the end, reach out and tell me something you often feel misunderstood about.

Working from home is nice and all and sure has its perks but it can be a bit isolating sometimes with no coworkers around to banter with. I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling that way so it'd be nice to link up with some people to maybe get some longterm chats going. Topic wise I'm not particularly picky so anything from casual to private is game with me as long I don't have to feel like I'm carrying the conversation.

I mean I'm by now means prude and could probably easily outweird you but even I have to draw a line somewhere. And since a lot of people ask for pics immediately, I have one of what I look like on my profile if you really need to know to ahve a conversation.Other than that, shoot me your age, location and something interesting and we can get the conversation going, I don't bite:)

So if you're reading this and you're conservative, lol we ain't gonna get along. And if you're moderate, what the fuck are you even doing because you're clearly not paying attention. And if you're apolitical, I kind of honestly envy your ignorance about the world.

Okay now that they all downvoted this post and are gone, where the leftist cuties at?? Let's get some pizza and eat the rich for dessert.

I'm a progressive guy looking what's out there on reddit in between making dumb (but relevant) memes as a way to poorly cope with all this bullshit. Go ahead and check my history although if you don't like I Think You Should Leave you'll just mostly be really fucking confused. An honest connection is always neat. And I'm single so I won't have to hide from my wife in the bathroom for us to talk.

*Somerset in England, and not the many Somersets in America.

Hello! Hope your week is going very well! I'm so glad its Wednesday, finally! Feels like this week is dragging...

I moved to Somerset a few years ago and its starting to become apparent I've lost who I was before the move and I'm just plodding along with life. So, here I am looking for a pal I can natter with outside of my small bubble.

The last time I posted something to this effect I received a lot of messages from men saying 'don't be so down on yourself!' and 'your lack of confidence isn't attractive!'. To avoid that happening again I'm going to hit you with some cold, hard facts.

I'm 43 years old, but have been dealing with worsening health and disabilities following an accident I had back in 2015. I was 33 when it happened and my life essentially stopped there and then. At this point I live with my elderly mother and am almost entirely housebound, mostly because of physical limitations but also because I have no incentive to even try anymore. I live in a shitty area that depresses the hell out of me, cannot drive, and have no friends, so have long since surrendered myself to the idea of just rotting in bed for the foreseeable future.

I am, by pretty much anybody's standards, deeply unattractive. Being in constant pain leads to a sedentary lifestyle, which leads to weight gain. I'm 5'4" and about 275lbs, so very fat. That alone is considered a dealbreaker by most.

On top of that I have a newly shaved head, lousy teeth, and those weird toe thumbs that people seem utterly repulsed by. I managed in my twenties when I was a lot slimmer and had nice hair/a distant spark of life in my eyes, but nowadays I'm an absolute shitshow. I'm well aware that the majority of people would never in a million years consider me as a prospect for a relationship.

I've been by myself for so long that I'm almost entirely resigned to it. My last relationship was 15 years ago. The last time I slept with someone was 9 years ago. Since then I haven't been kissed, or hugged, or so much as touched platonically. Literally no physical contact of any kind with another human being. No emotional or intimate connections online, even. The only person I have any interaction with is my mother, and she isn't the maternal type. I am so isolated and so lonely that it's difficult to even remember what life was like before all of this happened.

I suppose I'm posting this as a final hail mary. One last ditch effort to potentially connect with someone, romantically or otherwise. I'm autistic and an introvert so I don't often struggle with only having myself for company, but when the loneliness hits it hits SO hard. I miss simple companionship. I miss fresh air. I miss feeling like I have something to live for.

Perhaps some part of this resonates with you? Perhaps you're dealing with chronic illness yourself, or have found yourself single for what feels like an eternity? Maybe you're ugly as sin, too? Maybe we can be sad sack uggos together?

I'm a good person. I'm kind, and empathetic, and fiercely loyal. I give great gifts and pay my own way. I have nice handwriting and can articulate myself well and will always be mindful of your feelings. I am good at curating collections and can make a hell of a playlist. There's still some life left in me. I'm still filled with untold joy. It's just buried under 11 years of shitty circumstances and I need help to dig it out again.

I don't care where you are (I would jump at an opportunity to relocate) and I don't care what you look like. I'm pan and would especially welcome a connection with another woman, but I know I'm in no position to be choosy. Literally the only hard requirement is that you're left-leaning.

So, yeah. I don't have high hopes, but I'm trying it regardless. My DMs are wide, wiiiiide open.

Hello 👋🏻

During my summer festival adventures I have begun to realise I want someone to share stupid stuff with again. Someone to tell about my day and hear about theirs. I want to feel that little spark of excitement when my phone makes a sound. I want someone who I want to give their own notification sound so I don't get disappointed when it's not them. And I want to know they are experiencing the exact same thing.

I believe every good relationship is built on a foundation of friendship. I would like to find (flirty) friends first, and then see if that spark is there. My ideal relationship right now would be one where we can spend time together every once in a while, have fun and be happy while also maintaining our own separate lives, while still talking all the time when we're not together. I love sharing bits and pieces of my day and getting the same in return. Obviously, being in the same physical place would be wonderful, but I'm very happy for that connection to start and grow (and, if necessary, stay) online. Long distance can be great too.

My favourite traits in a relationship are playfulness, sweetness, and kindness. Especially playfulness is so important to me. My ideal Saturday night has us in bed watching TV and cuddling, with a chance of tickle attacks or spontaneous pillow fights. Or exhausted but happy at a festival!

I really like having an ongoing slowchat, and to me, sharing is connecting. I'm rarely as happy as when My Person sends me a pic of really crappy coffee telling me they're having really crappy coffee.

I don't need constant attention or someone to become my entire life. I want someone who has their own stuff going on and I want to become the person you want to tell about it.

I want friendship, flirting, affection, and that little feeling of being chosen by each other. If it eventually turns into something more, I'd love that. If it doesn't, I'd still like to have found someone who makes me look at my phone and think, "yay, it's you".

Have a great day! ❤️