r/ShiaMuslimMarriage

Assalamualaikum

Me and my husband have been fighting quite often recently. Its just fights almost every week and i know for a fact now that I am the issue. My husband is very patient, very caring and loving. When we fight he tries to understand me and my position. I on the other hand think I’m right, hes wrong. Anything he says to me i shun and dismiss. After an hour or 30 minutes i calm down and realise and understand his point of view. I fight to win, understand later that who I’m fighting with is the love of my life and feel bad and apologise profusely.

Im tired of hurting him, i want to improve, do better. I get upset over something small and then i dont listen to his side and just keep arguing about it. We dont stay mad, our fights never last more than 3 or 4 hours and we always apologise and understand each other in the end. It’s still hurtful, it’s still painful fighting with him, it’s draining. I love him and i want to stop. I have decided to take a little space and pray or say some duas to calm down and think more calmly. That way i wont jump on blaming him and proving I’m right and hes wrong. Any other advice would be appreciated.

I met a girl almost two years ago that blocks me everytime I spend time with her. I am interested in getting to know her for marriage. When I see her it’s fine we have a great time and then she blocks me because she’s mad and I don’t know why. A couple of months later she unblocks me and we go through it again. Why?

Salam brothers and sisters, I have seen many posts regarding their duas . I have a hajjat that I've been waiting for so longgggg!!!
Please say 40 Ameens for my hajat
I have been waiting for so long, May my Hajat be accepted soon ❤️

JazakAllah.

السلام عليكم

I am family and religion oriented young man. Ambitious about my career. Looking for a someone who is kind, emotionally intelligent and a good communicator. Someone who is religious, and I can build a fun, peaceful and nurturing household with. Lebanese only please.

Salam everyone, hope you’ve all been well.

I’ve been on this forum for a while now and have connected with some really lovely people, but nothing has ever really gone further than a few days of conversation. Just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat?

If there’s anyone new here from Sydney, feel free to comment or reach out :)

Hi, I already know what the responses will be and that this won't work and that I should give up because i've heard that 100 times and though I understand why people say that, I really believe he's the only one for me.

I honestly don't know how to feel, I've been inlove with the same man for 3 years and we had a phase of no contact because his family was worried about me being both non-arab and sunni, and though I haven't told my parents yet, I know my dad and some family would also be unhappy. (despite the many sunni and shia marriages on my mum's side)

I want to say this without sounding delusional but i've never felt this way for someone before and to the point I started practicing my deen better and felt a really good influence from him so I want things halal, but recently his brother who also has a sunni wife is getting potentially getting a divorce because of dispute on if their future children would be sunni or shia as she wants to teach the kids both. Me personally, I'm completely fine with my children being shia, I've never had anything against the shia belief or community, It wouldn't bother me. But i'm just scared now because after all this, it's going to be 10x harder to marry him and his mother already is against it more as she thinks I could have ill intent and also have sect related disputes. I just feel lost because it's like I don't have a chance according to everyone. I just want advice on how to make sure I don't become like every other story sunni shia couples have. جزاك الله خيرا

Hi guys hope you’re doing well. Anyone here from vancouver/BC. How’s everything going? I think we have really small community here bcz never heard from anyone about vancouver.

Fell free to DM or reply. I would love to chat/meet with u. Btw I’m 25M

Might as well eh?

Al-salam alaikum, I am a young Muslim shia a girl and need some urgent advice on a very sensitive topic. Please refrain from judging me I am already under a lot of stress and punishing myself as is. I only need advice maybe from someone older who knows how to react in this situation.

I got to know a man approximately my age from a different country. He convinced me to agree to a mutah marriage as to avoid haram and that his intention in the end will be marriage so its not haram. I unfortunately agreed because I believed him and did not know better. And so things happened between us

He tried asking for my hand and my mother refused, he told me to wait and that he was coming and that he will convince my mother so I believed him. My mother called his father and told him she refused. I didnt know until around a week later. A few days after he told me I woke up blocked everywhere and anytime I try to speak to him his excuse changes.

I messaged his mother and she said she has no idea about what happened only that following the phone call from my mother his father told him to back away. I recently searched and found out that a mutah marriage is not permissible for me since I am a virgin girl and would require a mahrams permission. I have completely broken down and I feel as though my life is ruined. This is a problem of honor and I feel like my honor is lost and I feel so broken.

I need urgent advice on what to do. I am afraid to tell my mother and what she will do. I have told his mother and she has not yet replied. My options are:

1. I speak to his mother once again and find a solution and see if his parents hold him accountable for his actions

2. Own up and tell my mother the truth but I have no idea how she will react, what will happen to me and what she will do.

3. I am at a point where I am so distraught and he is so concerned about his reputation I am willing to ruin his reputation in front of his friends but my only fear is that if he decided to unblock me he has all the proof and he will ruin me too.

Please brothers and sisters I dont want judgement I want solutions I am crying everyday and begging allah to bring him back or fix the situation. I keep doing tawassul through ahlulbayt.

Salaam everyone! I am a 36 year old guy located in Toronto looking for my partner!

Your Essential Information:

Age: 36

Origin/Ethnicity: Pakistani, raised in Toronto.

Languages spoken (with proficiency levels): English, Urdu

Level of religious practice: 7/10

Current residence (city, country): Toronto, Canada

Willing to relocate (if yes, please specify or 'anywhere'): Not at the moment

Siblings (number and older/younger): 1 younger

Previously married/Kids: Married once, no kids.

Occupation: Software Engineer, financially stable.

Education: Bachelors

Height (cm), weight (kg): 5"9 (180cm), 160lbs

Physical appearance (specifics you think are important): Fit, regularly go to the gym, good head of hair, take care of my body.

Smokes/Vapes/Hookah (Yes/No): No.

Leisure activities: Gym, being outdoors, swimming, fishing, camping, going to the movie theatre, video games, lounging at home watching shows, hanging out with the family.

Your Preferences in a Partner:

Age range: 27-32

Origin/Ethnicity: No preference

Languages: No preference, I will learn your language if it's not one that I currently know.

Level of religious practice: 7/10, practicing would be nice.

Education: No preference.

Deal breakers: Non-practicing Muslim.

Other preferences (appearance, family situation, etc.): Prefer not previously married and without kids. I’m also attracted to someone who takes care of themselves and values a healthy lifestyle — whether that’s going to the gym, staying active, hiking, sports, or just generally being health conscious.

Additional Information you like to add: Additional Information you like to add: Would prefer a Shia girl that’s been raised in Canada/USA, ideally living in the GTA, and serious about marriage and starting a family. I’m a very caring, affectionate, and loyal person who values communication, honesty, and mutual respect. I enjoy both going out and staying in — whether that’s spontaneous road trips, camping, trying new restaurants, or just relaxing together watching movies/shows at home. I’m at a point in my life where I’m looking for a genuine connection with someone I can grow with, support, and build a peaceful life together with, InshAllah.

We planned a life together now I am blocked

I was speaking to a potentially with intention of marriage for about a month. He planned to talk to my family before the summer and ask for my. hand once my dad is out of the hospital.

Things went south. I honestly had a major crashout. We had a small argument and he shut down and ignored me for 30 hours. I confonted him about his change and ignoring me all day and said there's something wrong and i made dua if hes speaking with anyone else may allah deal with him. He ignored. I sent to him saying he's still hung up on his ex who he dated for 6 years and then her family rejected him. I told him his attachment style and shutting down and being fine with losing me and ignoring me in arguments for days isn't normal and then he blocked me on every single thing. He couldn't stand that I spoke about her.

I then reached out to him saying im shocked and why were u playing me and saying I love you and planning a life and planning to speak with my dad in two days once he leaves the hospital and u won't even talk and u block me???? He blocked me again. I called him. He said he never wants to see or hear from me again and blocked me.

I am coping with his loss. I wish I could go back in time and control myself from talking. I wish I didn't feel so deeply. I know he was my person. I blew it.

Salaam,

I never thought I’d be making a post like this but I’m struggling with physical needs and trying to navigate them in a halal way rather than risking haram.

I’m seeking a respectful and consistent temporary marriage arrangement built on mutual understanding, absolute discretion, and clear intentions. I’m also open to it naturally growing into something permanent if there’s genuine compatibility.

Please only message if you are serious and intentional.

Looking for:
- Middle Eastern men only
- Unmarried
- Emotionally mature and intentional
- Ages 24–35

I’m a pretty young guy and I’ve wanted to get married for some time. As with half the ummah, this urge has come about too prematurely as I’ve yet to finish my studies. That being said my parents said that as a person they think ready (maturity and what not) but they say that I need to be in a better position I.e finish my studies and land a firm job as a healthcare professional which I 10000% agree with but I just can’t help it I can’t make time go any quicker and I’ve still got a few years ahead of me.

Also, when it comes to arrange marriages I just can’t see myself doing that. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to say I’d like to get to know someone more than what’s basically a controlled lab environment before I spend the rest of my life with her. It’s not an issue for me in terms of actual capability when I was younger I did speak to the odd girl here and there and I was fine (didn’t go too far allhamdulilah stayed away from anything crazy) . I’m good with my words- I can talk for England as u can tell by the length of this post that’s not the issue. Issue is how do I do that in a halal way.

There was this one girl who’s a couple years older than me I started speaking to after a long time of not speaking to one in that way. Around January times and we spoke for a couple of months. She was maybe one the sweetest people I’d ever spoke to and she expressed so much positivity towards me aswell, we had lots of deep convos and had so much in common even childhood tv shows for example . We were both really feeling it (so I thought) and then there was a day I was genuinely about to let her know I wanted to take things further, and then just before I typed that message out she comes on chat and says so randomly that she has a lot on her plate rn and she just can’t give any sort of of relationshipy type thing any more thought or attention. I don’t think I did anything I just think she wasn’t feeling it anymore from her end. Can’t complain though I’m wasn’t gonna try negotiating I just told her that’s ok and I wished her the best even though I won’t lie it did blindside me a little bit like why so suddenly when things where so good between us for a good couple of months before.

Salam everyone,

I’m posting here because I genuinely want honest and blunt opinions, especially from people who understand Shia marriage, family dynamics, culture, religion, psychology, and real life beyond just idealistic answers.

I’m 24 years old, Shia Muslim, currently living in Australia.
I was born and raised in Saudi Arabia most of my life. My father has a successful business there and Alhamdulillah my family is financially stable and well respected socially. My background is mixed Iranian and Indian culturally, and I grew up around strong family values, deen, and a very traditional Shia environment.

I’ve completed my Master’s degree as well, and from the outside, most people would probably say my life looks “good.”

But internally, my life has been extremely conflicted.
My parents want me to get married now, and honestly I also want marriage deeply. I genuinely want companionship, loyalty, peace, emotional safety, family, children, and a relationship that helps both people build dunya and akhirah together.
But at the same time, I feel extremely scared and lost.

Because I feel like I’ve lived two completely different lives inside one body.
One side of me was always deeply connected to religion:
namaz, majalis, azaadari, love for Ahlulbayt (as), guilt after sins, respect for parents, wanting halal love, wanting a pure marriage, wanting to become a better Muslim.

The other side of me got exposed to extremely bad environments and worldly lifestyles:
partying, drugs, alcohol, reckless company, self-destructive phases, and periods where I spiritually became very weak.

But I think what hurts me is that people often judge humans too simply.
People assume:
“If someone did bad things, then they must be a bad person.”
And honestly, I don’t think that’s true.
Even during my worst phases, there were certain lines I never crossed.
I never got into relationships with girls.
Never slept around.
Never emotionally played with women.
Never became someone who used girls for attention or pleasure.
Never wanted hookup culture.

In fact, one thing I was extremely stubborn about was this:
If I ever marry someone, I wanted to belong fully to my wife emotionally and physically.
I always believed if I expect loyalty, honesty, modesty, sincerity, and purity from a woman, then I should try to preserve those things within myself too.

Which is why my own contradictions confuse me so much.

Because how can someone love religion and still fall into sins?

How can someone want purity while also destroying parts of themselves?

How can someone genuinely have good intentions while living in bad environments?
That’s the battle I’ve been living for years.

Alhamdulillah, despite everything, people around me still praise me a lot for my character, communication, kindness, loyalty, emotional depth, family values, and the way I treat others.
But internally I constantly question myself.
Physically, I’m around 5’10 and currently overweight (around 120kg), and I’m actively trying to improve myself and become healthier as well. Sometimes I feel hypocritical wanting a beautiful spouse while still trying to fully fix myself physically and mentally, even though I’m genuinely putting effort into changing.

Career-wise, I’m still building myself. I live in Australia currently, but I don’t even fully know where life is heading:
whether I’ll settle here permanently,
whether I’ll get PR,
whether I’ll move back home,
whether my career will stabilize properly,
whether I’m actually ready to lead a family emotionally and financially.

And maybe the biggest thing:
I’m the only son in my family with two sisters as well, so responsibility feels extremely heavy on me.
Another thing that scares me deeply:
I have promised myself that I will never build a marriage on lies.

If I speak to a girl in an arranged marriage setting and things become serious, eventually difficult conversations about past, character, and life experiences will happen.
And honestly this terrifies me.

Because I don’t know:
how much should actually be disclosed Islamically,
whether honesty helps or destroys marriages,
whether people truly accept changed people,
or whether everyone says “Allah forgives” until the reality becomes personal.

One of my biggest fears is this:
If I tell a girl honestly about my past mistakes, maybe she understands my intentions, sees my heart, sees my struggle, sees who I’m trying to become, and accepts me despite everything.
Or maybe she gets scared, rejects me, exposes me, tells families, and destroys my parents emotionally and socially.

And wallah, the thought of disappointing my parents hurts me more than rejection itself.
I would rather suffer silently than let my parents feel ashamed because of my past.
At the same time, I also don’t want to deceive someone’s daughter either.

So I feel trapped between:
truth,
guilt,
growth,
fear,
deen,
family expectations,
responsibility,
marriage,
self-worth,
and my past.

And I know some people might read this and think:
“Bro just move on, Allah forgives.”

But psychologically it’s not that simple when you actually have self-awareness and understand responsibility deeply.
Especially when you genuinely want to become a good husband one day.

So I genuinely want blunt answers:
Would you genuinely let your daughter/sister marry someone with a background like this if his intentions and character were real?

Can a man with a darker past actually become a genuinely good husband long term?

Does a person deserve to be judged by who they were or who they’re trying to become?

How much should actually be disclosed Islamically and morally before marriage?

Is my fear wisdom… or self-hatred?

Do women actually care more about a man’s current character and intentions, or do past mistakes permanently change how they see him?

Am I overthinking marriage because I understand responsibility deeply, or am I simply not ready?

Please don’t sugarcoat answers.
I genuinely want reality, especially from married people and sisters as well.

JazakAllah.

Salam,

Nice to meet you all and hope you're all doing very well inshallah. Here is my profile down below! I appreciate these templates aren't enough to get know someone, so if you have any questions big or small or even to have a chat let me know!

I can appreciate we're all practically internet strangers here and it can be scary reaching out (especially if you're a naturally introverted person, took me ages to even send my profile). But i wanted to say I'll try my best to be as honest and authentic as possible to make things easier and comfortable for us all
---

Place of Birth/Residence: United Kingdom

Nationality: British

Marital Status: Single, Never married

Education: Medical Science (BSc Hons)

Height: 6ft 2

Partner Preferences: Warm hearted Muslim girl who is in love with our deen as well. Preferably wears Hijab.

Preferably Pakistani so we can relate but open to learning about new cultures. Who lives in the UK or nearby.

Additional info:

“Honestly I am not a perfect person, not by any means. But I try my best to be the best Muslim I can and to emulate Imam Ali (as) and the AhlulBayt (as) as best as I can. 

I would love to find someone who shares this love in their heart. Where we can follow them and improve together realistically and authentically. To build a relationship with mutual respect and shared laughs.

This dunya is important to me but is by no means my no 1 priority. I would love to live this life with humility, avoiding extravagance and excess. I try my best to walk the straight path even if it’s a bit lonely and unconventional. I would love to find someone who shares this value too.

Not looking for an Imam Ali and Syeda Fatimah love story — those standards are above and beyond this dunya’s capabilities. But if we can spend our lives trying to emulate even 1% of their mercy, loyalty, patience, and love for Allah together, that’s the kind of marriage I'm aiming for.

Hobbies/interests: Annoying my brothers, (Winning at) Family trivia nights, Spending time with my loved ones, Gym wrestling, reading on my kindle and a little smidge of anime

Oath:

I testify in the name of Allah Almighty that all the information I have provided on this form.

PLEASE READ THE POST FIRST AND DON’T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS FIRST

Our families have a mehram na mehram POV so we cousins are not considered brothers and sisters to each other.

I’m stuck in this thinking. My mother told me that marrying my cousin will be a good idea. She is indeed a very good girl and ticks all of the boxes one would want. She’s attractive too but I don’t see her as my future wife rn but things may change in future?? My mother says I’ll regret not marrying her. I have other cousins too but she only chose her because she is indeed good.

How do you guys navigate the thought that your future spouse who’s not from your family has a good character and is chaste, is compatible and wants to put in effort into the relationship. I mean outsiders are mostly fake and no one shares their downsides. You know almost everything about your family.

Please help me navigate this. I want to marry outside of my cousin pool just to experience what I want to but I also don’t want to be stuck with someone fake.

Your experiences will also be a great help, Jazakallah

26 | F | Islamabad

**Your Essential Information:**

Age: 26

Origin/Ethnicity: born and raised in UAE, currently residing in Islamabad.

Languages spoken (with proficiency levels): english (fluent), urdu (would say moderately fluent?)

Level of religious practice: actively participating, fulfilling all my wajibaats, committing to proper hijab no matter the circumstances, follows taqleed, still improving on my deen.

Current residence (city, country): Islamabad, pakistan

Willing to relocate (if yes, please specify or 'anywhere'): Yes, either Islamabad, karachi or lahore in pakistan or any GCC or European country.

Siblings (number and older/younger): 2 younger siblings

Previously married/Kids: No and no.

Occupation: Pastry chef.

Education: graduate diploma in culinary arts

Height (cm): 154cm (not so sure about specifics but around that figure)

Physical appearance (specifics you think are important): proper hijab with abaya, glasses, fair skin, not petite.

Smokes/Vapes/Hookah (Yes/No): No

Leisure activities: crocheting, hanging out with friends, going on nature walks, mobile gaming, cooking (the type to make biryani just to destress).

**Your Preferences in a Partner:**

Age range: 26—32

Origin/Ethnicity: pakistani but also open to other south asians in any gcc country.

Languages: English, Urdu/Hindi

Level of religious practice: actively practicing, mindful of religion and the very least striving to improve deen, follows taqleed.

Education: Any, as long as it provides the skills needed to sustain.

Deal breakers:

- Lack of faith, doesn't take religion seriously and is only cultural.

- Poor communication skills, beating around the Bush instead of being straightforward.

- more can be discussed as conversation progresses.

Additional Information you like to add: i am syed to those who look for that criteria but not a requirement from me, just looking for someone to share life's joys and sorrows together.

Let’s try one more time 😂

Salaam, I’m based in Canada — ethnically Indian, but I grew up in East Africa. I’m an engineer by profession and currently working here in Canada.

I’m fun, adventurous, and someone who appreciates the little moments in life. I love traveling and trying new experiences. I strive to maintain a healthy balance between Deen and Dunya, and I have an open mind when it comes to learning and growing.

I’m looking for a partner who is caring, family-oriented, and has a positive outlook on life. It would be wonderful to connect with someone who shares similar values, enjoys traveling, and has a genuine zest for life.