Hi everyone! I am hoping to get a critique on the first chapter of my latest WIP. A literary psychological thriller, working title B.R.i.D.G.E. Trigger warning, this novel does deal with domestic violence abuse.

I’d love to hear any feedback you have, some things I would love feedback on are:

Is the first-person PoV working? I know it’s not for everyone, and want to see if I am pulling it off or not.

At any point were you confused in a non-intriguing way?

Did you find yourself skimming at any point?

What emotion (hopefully some emotion) did the ending leave you with?

Would you continue on to chapter 2?

Thanks in advance!

P.S. sorry if there are any issues with the formatting, I copied it from my scrivener doc to Google Docs in order to share it, I gave it my best shot to clean it up but there is a chance I missed something in the formatting in Google Docs.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1VIAlcxKPbnmzer1wH3FKb7hhJ8L9u\_4QmtHp4FKlZ1Q/edit?usp=drivesdk

On submittable, there's a magazine that's offering fiction feedback for $60. Is that normal? Is it worth it?

I started working on a short story as a way to infuse some creativity into my life. It has been so so fun and difficult! It's made me feel like a real person who does more than just stare at spreadsheets and slack messages for 8 hrs a day. Now that I'm nearing the finish line, I kinda want to submit it for feedback... I don't even really know why. But I would love to hear from anyone who has done this before.

Specifically you get "a few paragraphs (about half a single-spaced page) of comments intended to strengthen your work"

I've noticed, fairly regularly now, that authors freely admit to using self-inserts for main characters.

As you likely know already, this is where the author writes themselves into a story, either directly or through the perspective of a fictional character.

I've always associated this with wish-fulfilment, and for a long time dismissed it as lazy. But, maybe that view is oversimplified?

After all, it's not exactly anything new. Writers like Kurt Vonnegut and Agatha Christie have used self-inserts to good effect. Stephen King, God love him, perhaps less so - not every protagonist needs to be a fucking author (don’t lynch me in the comments for that). And really, isn't "write what you know" tried-and-tested advice?

Personally, I tend to scatter my own beliefs and experiences into characters who are clearly not me, but might reflect certain facets of who I am, or who I'm trying to be. Still, I make a conscious effort to keep them distinct. My characters are not me.

I’m still not entirely sure where I land on self-insertion. I suspect it's more common than I've realised.

So where do you stand on this?

Self-inserts; good, bad, or inherently neither? Another tool in the box, or self-indulgent shorthand?

I'd love to be a wider reader. Hell, just having more time to read anything would be appreciated.

But, one of the hurdles in expanding my book collection is one of tense. I seriously struggle to read, or write, novels in anything other than past tense. Bizarrely, I feel this way even though most of my own experience is in screenwriting, which is present tense.

I do wish I could shake this.

I know there're some brilliant novels written outside of the past tense. I haven't read The Hunger Games, but I understand it's first-person present. Wolf Hall, American Psycho, and The Night Circus, all doing interesting things with tense and perspective, come highly recommended by friends. Haven't read those, either. Black House has sat on my shelf for years, still unfinished.

I realise this is a failing on my part.

That said, I have a real soft spot for first-person narration, especially in noir. But even then, I still tend to prefer events being recounted in the past tense, even when they're being told in the present.

I'm curious where everyone else sits on this.

What do you enjoy reading, and how do you write? Do you mix it up? And for anyone tired of vanilla past tense, what novels would you recommend?  

For me, it’s accurate representation of injuries/medical injuries etc.
I don’t want to see a character who’s taken a bullet, go back to normal in two days…that’s not how things work.
I try to write as accurately as I can, annoying my friends in the medical field to no end sometimes.
Also men who are allowed to show emotions. You can be the toughest man on the planet, but that doesn’t mean emotions will never be shown.

What is something you want to see more of in books?
Is there something that you try to do justice by in your writing?

That's it. Just spreading the good news. This time last week we'd just broke 500.

Thank you for being a part of this community.

Keep writing :)

Pretty much exactly what the title suggests. Do you think the subsequent details do their job effectively? Does the title work? Does the logline make you curious? Does the blurb make you interested? I'd be happy to hear any of your thoughts/recommendations on any of the details!

I've put the details of each as spoilers because I encourage you to make guesses and share assumptions based on isolated information. For example, you may reveal the title, comment about your assumptions, and then circle back to reveal other details to see if your guesses were validated.

To be clear, this isn't so much about you proving yourself right or wrong so much as it is about my ability to effectively convey story through partial information. If you're able to gather something about the plot/genre from the title alone, that means that I'm doing something right!

I look forward to whatever you might share.

So, here's the details:

Title

>!Butterfly Wakes!<

Logline

>!A shadow organization spurns a growing rebellion. A cataclysmic dragon awakens with an ultimatum. As a corrupt city, the rebellion, and the dragon converge, Star stands at their confluence—a young woman who will need to decide which fight is hers alone.!<

Blurb

>!Sometimes, a consequence is so grand that everyone loses site of its cause—too distracted by picking up the pieces of what little remains.!<

>!“A freak accident,” some might say.!<

>!Only, it was Star who felt like the accident in question. She was the anomaly. The girl who survived.!<

>!Iskyros was a new city. A chance to start over. An opportunity to leave her past behind—a past that didn’t seem keen on dying.!<

>!After a cosmic dragon has awakens, she soon finds herself at the center of someone else’s game. Caught between the forces of a corrupt city and the rebellion rising against them, she’ll soon discover a fight that she can’t walk away from.!<

>!In order for her to understand the stakes and truly grasp the weight of the world poised to come crashing down, she’ll have to discover an answer…!<

>!But before she can even seek such an answer, she’ll have to find the proper question…!<

>!What was Project Atlas?!<

>!The die is cast and the dominoes are already falling. Soon, she’ll discover what butterflies are responsible for which hurricanes.!<

Genre

>!Sci-fi/Fantasy blend with Romance beats!<

Thanks in advance!

As you guys read. I am writing something where the main character has been dead all along but still wanna write it in first person and I just don't know how to get it done. It is a very normal story of a student, so no supernatural logic. This is the only problem that is keeping me from starting work on this project.

Thanks in advance!!!

I want to preface this by clarifying that I'm not a native speaker, so there are some gaps in my English literary education.

Now, onto the meat of the subject. While researching, I found multiple sources indicating that we should avoid using participle phrases as much as possible. I understand that this is not meant to be taken as an absolute, rigid rule, but I still found myself using them a lot – perhaps even too much for some people's taste.

I find that participles add another layer to the sentence, allowing me to stack multiple actions/reactions together. Whereas when I try to replace every participle with a more active past tense, it makes my sentences feel clunkier. It also feels like the actions are happening in succession rather than simultaneously. However, I don't write to read it myself, which is why I wanted a second opinion on this. Again, this might also be a difference from how I learnt English.

Here are a few examples of what I mean:

> Shifting her attention down below, she watched the grey wave start to climb the slope toward her.

Or

> She shifted her attention down below and watched the grey wave start to climb the slope toward her.

///

> Flowing easier than she ever had, she spun the other way, kicking a small wave of sand in her wake.

Or

> She flowed easier than she ever had, spun the other way, and kicked a small wave of sand in her wake.

///

> As she attempted the same manoeuvre, the bull veered inward, clipping her left shoulder with its horn just as it was getting slit in half.

Or

> As she attempted the same manoeuvre, the bull veered inward and clipped her left shoulder with its horn just as it got slit in half.

///

> Gritting her teeth to stifle a cry of agony, she dashed backwards into the gap between the two piles of steaming meat. With the pain and adrenaline coursing through her body in full force, she couldn't enter a mental state to even think about...

Or

> She gritted her teeth to stifle a cry of agony and dashed backwards into the gap between the two piles of steaming meat. Pain and adrenaline coursed through her body in full force, she couldn't enter a mental state to even think about...

///

> Forcing her leaden limbs to obey, she hauled herself upright on the camel's back.

Or

> She forced her leaden limbs to obey and hauled herself upright on the camel's back.

Some of us were talking about potentially starting up a writing challenge. Basically we would come up with a prompt, give everyone that's interested a short amount of time to write a short story, and then have submissions posted to the subreddit throughout the amount of time. I don't think there would really be any winners or losers, but it could be a fun way to engage with the community, flex our creative muscles, and get some good practice/critique/advice on our writing. So with all that said, would anyone be interested?

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What's your favorite genre to write? Why do you love writing it? Mine is horror/thriller. I enjoy reading/watching both genres, so it ends up being what most of my writing is.

Just curious, what's everyone's thoughts on Purple Prose? Do you try to avoid it? Do you lean into it?