r/directsupport

Hi everyone,

I'm in the process of onboarding to work my very first (professional) DSP role. It's on weekends, 5.5 hours each, both Saturday and Sunday. I met the dad (LRP) via video call last week and am meeting the client (male, late 30s) tomorrow in person. Here's a summary of what I've gathered from both the agency and the LRP:

* The client is nonverbal and is mobile

* The client displays no aggressive behaviors

* client is 6'4 (I'm 5'5 for reference)

* client needs assistance with toileting (family uses wipes) and showering, needs assistance with hand washing

* client enjoys watching cartoons and looking at books

* client has no sensory issues as it relates to auditory stimulus and does not wear headphones

* client enjoys a car ride to get lunch (fast food) and comes home to eat it (per LRP, does not indicate when he is done eating, simply stops eating)

* DSP should hold client's hand when walking to and from the car, but LRP states that client does not elope

* current DSP takes client to Five Below to window shop

As this is my first professional experience as a DSP (I have a teen with profound level 3 autism that I provide ADL assistance with, so I'm familiar with some aspects), I'm nervous. It sounds similar to my son, but I don't want to go in under the assumption that this client is like my son. What advice can you share with me?

My last post in this sub was probably not even two months ago. I've applied everywhere looking for new jobs. I've been trying to wait it out and bide my time, but today has been my absolute last straw. The same client I have told my supervisor I am uncomfortable being left alone with has pointed a knife and waved it at me today. He has had multiple violent outbursts this past month and nothing gets done about it. I tell my supervisor that I'm not comfortable being left alone with him and I get "we don't have the staff to cover". So I get left alone today and got threatened with a knife. I am at my limit with all of this. And now I'm kicking myself because I didn't call the police on him, but he wasn't an active threat and I feel like it would have escalated the situation further. I spoke to both my site manager and the program director. The program director tells me I shouldn't have asked him where he got a Dr pepper from 😐 okay, so because I ask a question in a neutral tone, that excuses THREATENING MY LIFE????

I started orientation today, and there was a training video that just didn't sit right with me...

It showed a worker that felt uncomfortable with bathing a MtF transgender client, and when she told her coworker about it, he kind of just kept telling her why she should do it, since it would make the client feel more "welcome" in her home? Because I guess staff now just have no right to feel uncomfortable anymore?

Like, if the staff doesn't typically bathe male clients out of discomfort, why should this be any different? Sure, the client is a woman, but she still has male genitalia, and that's still enough to make the staff feel uncomfortable.

I guess what's especially gross about this is just that this is just another way of a direct support job pushing people's boundaries. Except this time, it's disguised as inclusivity. They want to make it look like people are "in the wrong" for sticking to their already established boundaries, just to get more work done.

Trans women don't need other women to bathe them in order to validate their identity. I'm sure many trans people would agree with me on that. Even if they don't agree with me on that though, there's still just the fact that nobody's gonna want to be bathed by someone who feels too uncomfortable for the assignment anyway, and if someone does want that, then they're a creep.

Edit: I didn't make the training video. I didn't choose for them to make it so that the staff in the video didn't have to bathe male clients. So you guys can stop going around acting like the context here came from me specifically.

I need to vent because I’m genuinely starting to think I’m the crazy one.
On of my coworkers suck.. she’s okay housekeeping—laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. But when it comes to actually supporting the people we’re there for… it’s exhausting.
I work in a high needs/highly restrictive house. She regularly leaves people with other staff without communicating, which can leave us scrambling to maintain required supervision ratios. She gets into unnecessary power struggles with residents over things that don’t need to become arguments. She’ll tell someone “no” to food, snacks, or drinks even when they have no restrictions. I’ve watched her ignore someone engaging in self-injurious behavior while sitting on her phone instead of providing the supports they’re trained to receive. If another staff member tries to coach or correct her, she either argues or completely shuts down and refuses to speak.
This isn’t a one-time thing. It’s been going on for months.
I’ve documented concerns. I’ve talked to supervisors. I’ve submitted written reports. Nothing changed.
Today my supervisor basically told me to stop bringing up concerns about her. He said she’s not going anywhere, that I need to build a better relationship with her, and that instead of expecting her to change, the rest of us need to accommodate how she works.
I’m sorry… what?
If this was just a personality conflict, I’d get it. I don’t have to like my coworkers. But when I feel like someone’s actions are contributing to behavioral escalations or creating safety concerns, I don’t think the answer is, “Well, everyone else should just work around it.”
At this point I’m honestly updating my résumé and applying elsewhere because I feel completely unheard. Has anyone else worked somewhere that basically said, “We know there’s a problem, but staffing is hard, so deal with it”?
I love being a DSP. I just don’t know how much longer I can keep doing it here.

Okay guys. So after 9-10 months of this shit show, I’m done. I’ve had you guys following along the past few weeks so here’s a final update…

My last weekend will be tomorrow. I asked if I could stay over for the 3-11 so I can make extra holiday money before I leave. I was told by my house manager (mind you I had to chase her for a damn answer) that management is refusing to approve the shift due to my complaints about the staffing. Like ok so if I did stay, I would’ve been punished forever??? Now you guys have to find someone to work the holiday.

In that same conversation, she asked why I didn’t just talk to her first before escalating…..I literally did?? She was included in my initial email and I was told they would work on things. Now she’s telling me they will not give her an extra staff member…but someone is a documented 1:1??? I brought that up and she just repeated herself.

She told me we could’ve worked something out. She pointed out that she plans outings that she will be involved in (but she’s not clocked in). Except that doesn’t help bc I’m still loading the car up, walking them to the event, and then going home by myself. Plus she works full time + helps out with other outings during the week. How sustainable is that long term?? And even then, I’m still going on outings sometimes by myself.

I told her I would revoke the resignation. But after orientating at my new job…I don’t want to revoke it. I want a fresh start. And I don’t want to “thug it out” with her because it’s honestly just ridiculous. I’m close to calling state on them at this point because no fucking way they’re choosing to ignore someone who’s a 1:1 FOR SEXUAL BEHAVIORS. With school and my internship coming up, I’m choosing to protect my peace and sanity. Thank you everyone for your support throughout this

my client, middle aged man with FAS, IDD, and schizophrenia, is going into a job interview at a restaurant today. he typically has social anxiety as it takes him a very long time to process words and do critical thinking. there have been times where i can tell people get frustrated at him for not being able to “keep up”

i’ve been thinking about going to the restaurant beforehand to let the interviewer know of his situation and social issues. my goal in this is to ease any stress on my client’s part and hopefully facilitate communication. but would that be overstepping or infringing on his autonomy?

Hi all, I’ve been working at a teen boys group home since April 15th of this year. I absolutely love the job and I’d like to think I’m improving and building connections with the kids more and more each day.

First a little background, we haven’t had a PM since the first of this month (June), the second in command quit that same week, and our APM stepped down so now it’s just us DSPs running the show.

I’ve been working as hard as I can, covering shifts left and right, lots of overtime, doing everything I can to be the best I can be at this job. I cook, clean, pass meds, tend to the needs of the kids, hang out with them all shift, take them on little outings outside, do all the logging on therap, etc etc,

And I truly love it all!

But the thing is, we have this other DSP that’s been here a few months longer than me and she honestly just sucks at the job. She has no initiative, makes zero attempt to do anything with the kids or get to know them, struggles with simple tasks, and pretty much just sits in a room alone on her phone the whole shift.

The senior DSPs talk shit about her, I hear it. And while I hear their frustrations I also feel for this girl, I’ve been in her shoes before.

So this gets to the root of my post

Because of how I hear the other DSPs talk about this coworker, I’m terrified of being seen like her, so every little mistake I make I feel really bad about. Like today my coworker asked me to roll up the windows in the van (first time in the van, I haven’t had a chance to take the driver test yet) and it had a key fob that I’ve never used before and was sorta confused about it. So I asked a client for help because they’ve ridden in that van many times, and he laughed at me for how simple it was. I know he’s gonna tell the other DSPs that I had to ask for help and I’m just terrified of being seen as incompetent by them.

As much as I enjoy the job, each day feels like humiliation ritual. I’ve never experienced this type of desire for perfectionism or this sort of pressure before, so I’m just asking for some guidance from elder DSPs.

Thanks for reading!

Two years ago, I was down in the slumps. No job, living back with my parents. It was awful. Then I was referred to the DSP company I now work at. At first, it was great. I loved helping people, seeing their faces light up, bonding with them over mutual interests, going home knowing that I made a difference no matter how small it was. The mental satisfaction of helping people like I've always wanted made the pay and hard labor seem like it wasn't so bad.

I loved the people I worked with, loved the variety of people I met... Well... Now it's been two years.

A lot of the people I used to work with are gone. Some fired due to drugs, some quit to persue better things, and I'm still here. We don't have half the staff we used to. Everyone calls in or leaves early. Ive missed... two? weekend shifts over two years of working here. Once because I had pneumonia, another because I had to rehome my rescue dog to prevent him getting put down.

I've taken one vacation, for my 21st birthday. Which I didn't even get to enjoy as I had to drive my ex 20+ hours back home because god forbid I expect an adult to be capable of adult tasks...

Yet; here we are, watching staff after staff call in, leave early, or no call/no show. "Im so sick, even though i was just fine the 8 hours before..." "Ohh my... my kid is barfing... i have to go home." "Oh my mom is in the hospital, but ill be back for tomorrows shift cause she'll be home watching my twin newborns."

Management is horrid. My shift gets treated like shit. Our shift lead isn't "good enough" to be management, but shes good enough to keep everything together weekend after weekend. She's not "management" but she handles the schedule, every call in, every sickness, every bump for the whole weekend without complaint or help from the "actual managers".

SHE is the one getting staff help when theyre crying because theyre overwhelmed. SHE is the one taking call after call after call for every emergency. SHE is the one stepping up when nobody else does.

But she doesnt get recognized for any of it...

We are so short staffed, people aren't getting the care they deserve or need. We tried going to the board. We tried to say something. and we got shot down...

I feel like im sitting here, watching a company that started as families of people with disabilities who wanted a community and better care for their loved ones, turn into a high-school levels of drama filled cesspool... Im watching people being neglected, abused, being treated like they're lesser, like they're not even there. And, it feels like there's nothing I can do about it.

I can't go on strike, because the people I serve need me. I can't strike, because I have bills to pay. I feel like I'm part of the problem... I don't know what to do. I feel selfish. I can't leave to try and make something change for the better. I cant leave for them as much as I cant leave for me. I need this job, the income, the insurance, the financial security. Im so tired of being so poor and living in deplorable conditions. I want better, I need better.

But... I feel so bad. I know this isnt my forever job. Im going to go to college and persue other fields. I feel bad because i can leave, but my client's can't. They'll most likely always be in services in one way or another. With how America is going, im so terrified for what that means for them.

I replied calmly offering her to come to me the same day at 6p.m when I finish work to fix the 3 chipped nails, she said she can’t make that and said she’ll come Monday.
I replied saying I’m sorry but I’m away for the weekend( I work Monday-Thursday) and Monday Tuesday I’m completely full as on Tuesday I’m flying immediately after work for a holiday, but if I get any cancelations i will let her know.
She sent me a voice message saying what the hell why would you say you won’t fix them are you joking.
I replied with this: we are not friends, so you cannot speak to me like this. I offered to fix them yesterday immediately after you messaged me. I don’t normally have these kinds of problems with clients and I don’t know what happened with the nails, especially because a sharp square shape is easier to damage. Since this happened after two days, it is unusual, and I would have fixed them for free. But the fact that the time offered after my 10-hour workday didn’t work for you is unfortunate. I never said I wouldn’t fix them — I’m just going on holiday and my schedule is very full right now, so I can’t offer another time at the moment.
This weekend I won’t even be in Tipperary. As I said before, if someone cancels and a space becomes available, I will message you, but right now I cannot offer anything else.
She replied with:
I’m not calling you my friend, what does that have to do with anything? When did I insult you? I booked an appointment with you to get my nails done, so why weren’t they done properly so that they would last as they should? Why did the nails come off after two days?
So what, am I supposed to leave work and run to you because you didn’t complete your job properly during the appointment? Am I the one at fault because the technician did a bad job? 🤔🤔
I just see that we won’t come to an agreement, so refund me the money and that’s it. I work — I don’t tell my employer “wait, I did something wrong today, I’ll fix it next week or after my holiday.”
I already told you, before this I didn’t say anything because the sides came off after a week. But for them to come off after two days… I’ve had my nails done many times and this has never happened before. Maybe I’m stupid and don’t understand these new things, sorry 🙄
We could have solved this nicely without arguments. I thought we would have a long-term relationship (I mean regarding nails). When you go for a procedure and pay money, you expect it to be done properly. €50 is not €20.
If I offended you somewhere, I apologise. I work Monday and Tuesday and can only do evenings. If you can’t do that, then refund my deposit of €20 and another €25 from the €50 so it’s not like the nails were done for free. I didn’t think it would turn out like this, I really didn’t mean anything bad.
I replied:
I understand that you are disappointed, and I’m truly sorry that it turned out this way. I really didn’t want you to leave the appointment feeling this way.
When you messaged me about the problem, I immediately offered to fix it for free, because after two days this is not a situation I would ignore. Unfortunately, the time I offered did not work for you, and at the moment I no longer have any availability before my holiday.
My approach to my work is to first give the opportunity to correct the problem rather than immediately refunding money, because I have not been able to assess the nails and carry out the correction.
I wish you find a technician you feel comfortable with. I’m sorry that this time we weren’t able to resolve it nicely.
She replied:
I understand everything. But at that time I was working, I couldn’t leave work and run to get my nails fixed. I wanted quality during the appointment — that’s why we book appointments and message in advance. I didn’t expect this to happen.
I replied:
Egle, I understand what you’re saying. I also expected everything to hold well, so it was unpleasant for me to hear that this happened after two days. I really didn’t mean to say that you had to leave work or rush somewhere — I simply offered the earliest time I could because I wanted to resolve the situation as quickly as possible.
It’s a shame that our availability didn’t match this time. I wish you all the best and I hope you find a technician you will be happy with.
As I already said, if a free appointment had become available on Monday, I would have taken you and fixed the nails for free. Since at the moment I don’t have the possibility to offer another time before my holiday, I cannot offer any other solution from my side. I understand that you have decided not to come back to me, but that does not mean that a refund is automatically given, because I offered the opportunity to correct the situation.
She replied:
So basically you’re saying you won’t refund me the money. I understand everything, but I do my work properly until the end. So you expect me to leave work and come to you because you only had one available time. Okay, don’t refund me, I won’t go broke. Please return my deposit, but I won’t leave it like this. Keep the €50 for two days of nail wear.
On Monday morning, when I’m working, I personally offered you my time and to sacrifice my own schedule because of the mistakes you made — to fix the nails and so that the client comes back. But no, you offered one time and you’re trying to justify yourself as if everything is fine.
Please refund me all the money, thank you. I’ll wait to hear from you by Monday. If you can’t fix my nails Monday evening, then please refund the money.
Also, I didn’t ask you to redo all the nails. I asked you to fix only 5 nails where the corners came off, that’s all.
Also she had only broken one nail the last time she came back which had clear aggressive damage on it. Also she’s only free in the evenings and I have space at 8 a.m both Monday and Tuesday which I haven’t offered cause it won’t suit her. What do I do?
Location: Ireland

Exactly what the title says. I’ve been a DSP for about 6 months and I’m so tired. I’m only part time but I work 5 days a week and a few of my clients are so ungrateful. All they do is demand, demand, demand. I’ll be doing their dishes or folding their laundry or something and they’ll be like “fill my water bottle” or “come here and get this for me”. They don’t even thank me after and are like “I needed it this way”. With that being said, these two in particular do not need 24/7 assistance, they are very independent and high functioning (I’m so sorry if my wording is wrong or offensive).

My other clients are in chairs and are the sweetest people ever, they are so thankful for everything I do for even if it is simply bringing their mail in. They thank me for everything and understand if I’m preoccupied with something. They don’t demand and don’t treat me like I’m a personal slave.

My company just expects me to bend over backwards and take this. I explain and ask my clients if they can ask and not demand, and they act as if they’re doing nothing wrong. I’m there to support them, not be their personal maid or be treated like a slave.

I love what I do, it is such a rewarding job. Especially considering the fact I grew up with a sibling with a disability, I enjoy my job I just wish my company would defend/help me :/

My company has also already said that once I graduate, they’ll offer me a full time job in the office with better pay. In my city, it’s so hard to land a job post grad so I really want to stick with this company until I at least get my Master’s.

My individual is the only person in my entire organization who is a 2:1 (two staff for the one individual). Although my individual is very challenging at times, my coworker honestly pisses me off even more somehow.

But that’s not really my topic for this post. Basically, my coworker this morning told me I need to not be “so afraid” of the individual I work with. This individual can be very intense and aggressive. I do not believe the individual is super dangerous, but given I get hurt easily because of a disability I myself have, I tend to try to be as cautious as I can (as in I will walk away or sometimes run away a short distance, if needed, so as not to leave my individual unattended but also to keep myself safe). I am not very physically strong and as already stated I get hurt really easily.

After switching to another client after being done with getting hit or grabbed every shift for next to zero discernible reason, the other staff for the 2:1 is pretty obviously angry about the change. He regularly sleeps while I do the vast majority of the work so it makes sense.

My coworker went so far this morning to tell me not just that I should essentially “take it” and not walk away whatever, but that I could also consider “shaking” the individual or even hitting/kicking him a little to show “who’s in charge.” He also admitted to hitting and kicking one of his individuals he worked with in the group home who he insists is much better behaved now as a result, presumably as evidence to how his approach works. This was all very concerning to me, and obviously something I’d never do, and so I reported to my supervisor.

Unfortunately, I doubt my staff will do anything because she said she “can’t” because it was at a residential agency. I’m sure she could but I think she really just doesn’t want the headache.

Stuff like this has been beginning to really demoralize me. This staff moreover is not an isolated case-nearly all the staff have fairly rough backgrounds. Why is it that this field in particular attracts so many people who should absolutely not be around such vulnerable people?? Is it a funding issue? Ableism?

Idk. I’d appreciate any thoughts/advice on what to do about my coworker’s statements. Thanks!

UPDATE: I reported the colleague last night. I know I shouldn’t have hesitated, it is just a mind fuck when your supervisor acts like it is out of your hands. It makes you doubt yourself. Thank you everyone for your support and information!

I've been looking thru a lot of posts on here taking about feeling burnt out from working as DSP. Initially, I did feel it the first month after working in the group home, but now they've pushed me to my limit. This company is work for is so shitty and they just did me dirty.

Let me start by saying there are 4 women in the house, 2 of them have the worst behavior issues. The house manager told me that they essentially had the minds of 4 year old children and they wanted attention. I've only worked there for 4 months on the weekends, and every time I would come in, one woman would be up and the behavior would be crying, screaming, throwing things, trying to rip things out of the wall because "she's afraid of hell" and scared of graveyards. The other woman is rude and says things that make no sense, like "I'm glad my baby died cause I don't like when babies cry". That sort of stuff. The other two aren't as bad, but they're can be very rude at times.

All of the women have bad habits of not respecting the rules when it's my shift. They're good for the house manger and evening/night staff when they come in, but on the weekends they "forget" that they're not supposed to do something. We have rules for them not go into the fridge, or the office without staff, they do it anyway. They aren't supposed to get more than one soda a day, I didn't know that it included Gatorade and Capri suns, so I got reprimanded for it.

They're all rude and have no spatial awareness. They will just burp and fart loudly next to people and laugh about it.

Speaking of the no spatial awareness. Recently, we had an outing going to a dollar store. One of the women tried to skip the line of two people who were waiting on line. I apologized to the people in line and brought her to the back of the line where the other women were. The other women were standing SO close to the other person that was waiting on line, and surrounding them. I noticed her inching away from them, and told them " hey, girl, let's back up some. We have to give people some space when we're in line and be polite." They said ok, and stood back. I didn't say it in a malicious or rude way, just stating that we needed to give someone space. Then we got into the van and I basically reiterated that we needed to be polite to people in line by giving them space, and that the other woman shouldn't skip the line when other people are waiting. Mind you, the van has cameras (as well as the house). I say this because the women have lied to management and told them I was mean to them and said they all skipped the line. I was shocked and confused because that same day before I clocked out, they were telling me they loved me and that they were glad to have me at the house. So you can imagine my shock.

I tell management that I would never be mean to them and my intending were to help them and if they needed to, they could look at the cameras in the van. They said they would and basically told me but to come in for my shift. Today, management got back with me and told me that their only concern was that I looked sleepy and that I looked like I was dosing off and the clients didn't want me at the house anymore. It's disheartening because I've had them at my house, and they were saying how much they loved me, then to turn around and do this. Like was i supposed to just let them stand super close the people in line or skip people and just brush it off??

I work in a short term stay crisis facility where all of our clients are admitted on the basis of being a harm to themselves or others.

I have no issues with most of the clients I have worked with beyond what is expected based on their behavior analyses.

I have one specific client who has been attacking me specifically, and no one else, for the past month. He is non verbal so there’s no verbal communication during the incidents but he kicks me, bites me, pushes me into corners, and has pulled my hair out in chunks.

Coworkers theorized it was because I had pink hair. I changed it back to blonde, same issue.

I’m not afraid of being attacked by other clients. My issue with him is that i KNOW he is going to attack me at least once during the shift.

He has 1:1 care with someone who walks around with him due to patterns of self injury. Is it crazy to say that I shouldn’t be assigned to his 1:1s considering he seems to be triggered by my existence and I don’t feel comfortable being alone with him? I mentioned this to my coworkers and they kind of reacted like i was just being lazy.

So.

I made some mistakes, texted the head of a care facility and sort of casually mentioned that I wanted a job, and was referred to him by a family we know.

His reply "hey, here's a place to fill out the application, we'll need to go through a background check so you'll be getting an offer letter for that."

Cool. Fill out the job app, put in relevant ish info, but I'm not super exact.

Get the -letter- email for the background check the next morning, accept. Background check goes through.

"Hey, so the next phase in your onboarding is to put in all of this information and take these classes, don't worry, they're paid."

"What?"

"Yeah, next time you drive up to town you'll meet the team"

I have not even found a place to live in the city I'm moving to.

So my job (insofar as I understand it) is to go to an assigned client (disabled customer) and assist with their daily life, or just help them get out of the house and do stuff.

They have a pool of clients that they serve, and I'll just be added into the rotation.

I have no idea what I'm going to do, other than a lot of learning about the lives of disabled people, or really anything else that has to do with.... This...

My thought is to start with "what do you want to do? What are your interests? Let's go do something active!"

And then have a few things to do in my back pocket. Fishing (we live in fly fishing country, I can make a very simple rod, and fishing licenses are free for those on disability.)

For those that would obviously not be a good idea with, I've got books, a public park, and like.... A pool. I have no idea.

I also have enough patience to teach people how to shoot archery, slingshot, I think there's an axe throwing place.

I feel like I've thought this out about as well as my employer has, and I'm scared I'm not prepared for this.

One of the first trainings was about how loose items in the back of the car can be used as weapons, immediately followed by a waiver that says "I agree to not hold my employer liable for damages to my vehicle."

I actually laughed out loud at that.

So like, if you have a job similar, what do you like... Do.. with clients.

I'm absolutely incredibly lost, but I'm determined to do this.

I work in a day program as an instructor who teaches classes.

This client is essentially starting to develop memory problems and forgetting what actually happened, among other things. They're autistic and absolutely HATE when things don't go exactly their way. In this case, they thought I had lost some papers they were working on last week, but in reality, they were using a notebook that I was going to give to them again today. But this client wouldn't hear any of it and accused me of stealing her stuff. When another client tried to ask me a question about something else, the main client of this post called her a bitch and told her to shut up, which of course made her really upset.

It all spiraled until we were somehow able to get the original client back to baseline and convincing them to just use what they had been using before. Despite apologizing and explaining that they were in a bit of a rough spot mentally, and me knowing I shouldn't take anything negative they say personally, I'm still mad about it and want nothing to do with them. But that's impossible since I have this client in other classes too.

Idk, just…ugh. I'm only gonna be in this field until the semester ends in late August, but that feels so far away when I have to deal with bs like this.